


With Seams of Gold

by crazyinjune, maroonpantaloons



Series: With Seams of Gold [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 95,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2690675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyinjune/pseuds/crazyinjune, https://archiveofourown.org/users/maroonpantaloons/pseuds/maroonpantaloons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin Matsuoka has always wanted to fight the world's monsters. He just has to get rid of his own first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "I cannot believe this fandom does't have more Pacific Rim AUs do I have to write one myself"  
> "Yes"  
> "Okay."
> 
> So we did.

_Haruka freezes in place after toppling Rin for the the third time, looking at him flat on his back, arms splayed out and eyes closed. Rin’s grinning maniacally and he opens one eye to stare at Haru, smiling wider and wider. Haruka can’t bring himself to help Rin up, so Makoto does it for him._

_“Um,” Makoto says to break the silence, letting go of Rin’s hand. “That was great, should we try—?”_

_“No,” Rin says, out of breath. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of Haruka. “No, this is it. Didn’t you **feel**_ _that?” He puts a hand on Haru’s shoulder, and Haru still feels frozen. He can’t move, blink, do anything. Rin’s teeth glint sharply at him. “We’re drift compatible.”_

 

* * *

 

“Goodbye Samezuka, shatterdome, here we come, huh?” Rin stretches his arms over his head and smiles at Sousuke, buzzing with energy as they walk along the fence down the road. “All that training, god, I’m so ready for us to kick ass.”

Sousuke makes a noncommittal grunt of agreement. He looks at the graduation medal bouncing on Rin’s chest and flashing every which way in the sun as they walk. His own medal is deadweight in his pocket, stuffed out of sight. Briefly, he wonders if that’s what’s making his stomach feel the same way.

“Hey,” Rin nudges Sousuke in the back of the leg with his knee. “You’re kind of off, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” Sousuke tries and fails for a smile. “Don’t worry about me Rin, you’ve got your dreams in the bag.”

Rin stops walking and narrows his eyes at Sousuke. “ _I_ have? Like you haven’t?”

“I uh,” Sousuke’s mouth is dry and he runs his fingers over the links of the fence just to give his fingers something to do. “I’m not going. ”

Rin’s eyebrows furrow even more. “Come again?”

“I’m going to Chiba next week.”

“Chiba—” Rin cuts himself off in disbelief. “What the hell is in _Chiba_? The only shatterdome in Japan is in Tokyo, Sousuke.”

Sousuke takes a deep breath. “Chiba is where they’ve situated headquarters for the wall.”

“The _wall?_ ” Anger is beginning to seep into Rin’s voice, and Sousuke wants to close his eyes and brace for impact. “We literally just graduated from the best pilot training program in the country and you’re going to the _wall?_ What the hell, Sousuke, talk about _useless—”_

“Being a ranger is what’s useless!” Sousuke snaps, if only to get Rin to _shut up shut up shut up_. “It’s just you and your romantic hero complex Rin, you can fight those kaijus all you want but they’ll keep coming and the jaegers won’t _work._ ”

Rin has gone pale. He’s shaking, fists clenched, mouth curling into a snarl. “Don’t.”

“They won’t and you know it,” Sousuke continues relentlessly. The lies make his mouth taste like acid, and the look on Rin’s face makes it worse. He keeps talking anyways. “You _would_ know that, anyways, if you spent one minute thinking it through instead of blindly following your father’s footsteps—”

Rin lunges at him to grab the collar of his shirt and Sousuke gives an involuntary wince of pain as Rin slams him against the fence. “Don’t you _dare,_ ” Rin hisses through his teeth. “Don’t you _dare_ , Sousuke.” Their faces are close enough that Sousuke can see Rin’s tears threatening to fall . _I knew you would cry_ , says Sousuke’s treacherous brain, and he almost laughs before Rin, infuriated at his silence, pushes him against the fence even harder with a yell. Sousuke turns his face, refusing to meet Rin’s eyes anymore.

“I’m going, Rin.” He’s trying his hardest to keep his voice flat and colorless. He takes the graduation medal out of his pocket and presses into Rin’s free hand, the one that isn’t fisted into his shirt. “I’m going, and you can’t stop me.”

Rin abruptly lets go of him and backs away. Sousuke musters the strength to look at him, and Rin burns. Rin always burns, really, all fire and bluster, romance and bravado, but now he burns so cold it sends a chill down Sousuke’s bones. Rin’s face is all harsh lines, teeth bared, eyes empty.

“Fine,” Rin says, breaking Sousuke’s thoughts. Sousuke watches as Rin looks straight at him, dropping the medal and letting it tumble to the ground. “Fine. Go, Sousuke.” His voice grows even colder. “See if I fucking _care._ ”

And he walks away, leaving Sousuke’s medal, and his heart, in the dirt.

 

* * *

 

“You’d think our _bedroom_ would be a more comfortable place for a nap, Haru-chan.” Haruka can hear the smile in Makoto’s voice as a pair of hands gently take off his helmet.

“Drop the -chan,” is Haru’s automatic response. He yawns and stretches, and lets Makoto pull him up off the floor of the jaeger into a sitting position. “I like sleeping here. It makes me feel free.”

Makoto looks around at the tiny confines of the jaeger. It couldn’t be more than ten feet across. “In here?” Haruka nods. “..wearing your full battle suit?” Another nod. Makoto sighs the sigh of the eternally suffering. “I will never understand you, Haru.”

 _Then how come you can you always read my mind?_ Haru thinks.

“I just can,” Makoto’s smile is serene and he and rests a palm on his chin, predictably having guessed exactly what Haru was thinking. Haruka makes a noise of irritation in the back of his throat. “One day you’re going to get in trouble for this with the marshall, you know.”

Haruka snorts. “Mikoshiba’s like a jolly red giant, he’d never yell at me.” Makoto bites back a laugh. “Why’d you wake me? I’ve only been here for an hour.”

“Three.” Makoto corrects him, looking at his watch. “And I just got a bunch of files on the new recruits we’re starting with tomorrow, I wanted your help looking at them.”

“Too much trouble.”

“Haru! Please?” Haru remains impassive, and Makoto lets out a long, exaggerated sigh and stands up. “I guess it’s just me and Kisumi, then. He’d be better anyways, it’s part of his job.”

“No. I’ll help.” There’s a slight edge to Haru’s voice now and Makoto grins.

“I knew that would get you to do it! Why don’t you like him, Haru?”

Haruka frowns, unable to articulate his distaste. “He smiles too much.”

Makoto hides his laugh under his palm. “Don’t you say _I_ smile too much?”

“You’re different,” Haru shoots back, more than a little petulant.

Makoto tilts his head at him with that fond, soft, inexplicable smile. Makoto’s always smiling, but this smile of his spreads slowly across his face, softening every single one of his features until it reaches his eyes, crinkling them with a tiny laugh. He only ever gives this smile to Haru, and despite spending so much time in Makoto’s head, Haruka for the life of him can’t figure out what it means.

“Come on,” Makoto says. “Let’s go.”

He holds out his hand. Haruka takes it.

 

* * *

 

All his superior officers at Samezuka were rigid, strict, and big on discipline, so Rin is more than shocked when the marshall meeting him at the entrance the Tokyo shatterdome reminds him irresistibly of a jolly red giant.

“Matsuoka!” The marshal booms at him, clapping a large  hand on Rin’s shoulder. Rin stares at him in disbelief. “Matsuoka Rin, I’m Marshall Mikoshiba Seijuuro!”

He’s big and towering and loud and makes Rin’s head spin. “It’s good to meet you, Marshall,” he says, holding out his hand for a handshake. “I’m incredibly excited to join the jaeger program.”

The words would have been true a week ago, but now they feel hollow coming out of Rin’s mouth. He hadn’t been counting on joining the program alone, nothing but his ratty duffle bag for company.

“The Matsuoka name already has made a splash around han exaggerated wink. “We’re looking forward to see what you can do.” So either Mikoshiba knew about Rin’s father, or had seen his exemplary scores from Samezuka. Probably both, Rin figures, but neither explained the bizarre wink. It must all be in his file. “I’ll get someone to ere,” Mikoshiba says with show you around, you should get to know the place and rest up before your first training tomorrow. Oi! Shigino!”

A handsome young man strolls up to them and flashes a smile. He’s maybe a couple years older than Rin, pink haired and bright eyed. “Need me, Marshall?”

“Yeah, can you show Matsuoka here to his room? I think Momo is terrorizing the scientists again, I need to take care of it.” Shigino nods and Mikoshiba claps his shoulder in the same way he did to Rin earlier. He turns to Rin. “I hope you do well for us, Matsuoka. I’ve got a feeling about you.” Rin salutes, and Mikoshiba strides off.

“Kisumi,” Shigino says pleasantly, extending a hand to Rin. “Shigino Kisumi, I’m Chief LOCENT Officer around here, and I oversee some new recruits as well. Come on, your room is this way.”  He begins to lead Rin past the doors to main command and though some narrow hallways. Rin looks back at the doors—they’re open, with all the jaegers Rin has ever wanted to see and probably all the people he’s ever wanted to meet but it’s difficult to enjoy with _I’m going Rin, and you can’t stop me_ echoing around in his head. He keeps following Shigino instead.

“Um, Shigino—”

“Kisumi, please.” Shigino flashes another smile at him.

“Uh. Kisumi, then. Are you not a ranger?”

“Nah.” Kisumi tosses his hair out of his eyes. “I’ve demonstrated drift compatibility with a couple people fine, but I’m more suited where I am. More need for me there. I think you’re training in my group, actually. Me and Tachibana Makoto.”

Rin stops short in the middle of the hallway and almost drops his bag. “ _Tachibana Makoto_? Not _the_ Tachibana Makoto?”

Kisumi laughs as he rounds a corner, forcing Rin to unfreeze and jog a little to catch up. “I’m guessing you’re a fan of Ever Blue?”

“Ever Blue’s taken down more kaijus than anyone else in this shatterdome, of course I am.” Rin’s heart is thudding. _If Tachibana is here, that means—_ “Does this mean Nanase Haruka is training us too?”

“Oh, don’t get your hopes up,” Kisumi says lightly. A smirk flits across his face. “Haru only comes when he feels like it.”

 _Haru._ Rin sounds it out in his mouth silently, wondering how close you had to be with Nanase Haruka to be able to call him just _Haru._

“Oh, _shit_ ,” Rin hears next to him. Kisumi’s looking at his watch. “I’m actually late for a meeting with Makoto right now, I’m going to have to leave you here.” Kisumi begins to sprint the other way down the hall. “Your room’s just on the end, it’s got a nameplate on the door,” he calls back. “Get some rest, I’ll see  you tomorrow in training!”

Then he’s gone and Rin feels his whole body sag as he goes boneless and slides down the wall to sit in the middle of the hallway, bags at his feet, head in his hands. He’s trying desperately to summon the euphoria he wants to be feeling but can only find the churning sort of rage that’s been festering at the bottom of his stomach since the day he graduated Samezuka. He drags his hands down his face, breathing long and deep. _You and me, Sousuke, we’re gonna save the fucking world_ , he had said their last night in the dorms, after making sure Sousuke was asleep. Had Sousuke actually heard, he would be making fun of Rin for weeks. But there wasn’t a _you and me_ anymore. Just Rin.

After a few minutes, he pulls himself up and starts down the hall looking for his room. Noting that all the doors have two names on them, he curses silently. The only roommate he would have wanted had to go off to _Chiba_ , leaving Rin with nothing but bitter tasting anger. Thankfully, the only name on the last door is “Matsuoka”, printed in neat block script. Rin pushes the door open, fully intending to collapse on the bed until training the next day. There’s just one problem.

There is already someone sitting on the bottom bunk.

“I hope you don’t mind, I’ve started putting up my photos.”

Rin stands there, gaping like a fish. “ _Gou?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our personal blogs are [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/) . Come say hello! Or yell at us for making Sourin sad. Or whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Gou have a much needed talk, and run into a couple of utterly bizarre scientists.

His little sister is sitting on the bed, prim as you please, when by all accounts she really should be hundreds of miles away in her bunk at Samezuka, and not in _Rin’s_ bunk at the freaking _shatterdome._ Rin is hallucinating, probably, from lack of sleep and a heavy heart. He manages to choke out an incoherent splutter.

 “I figured you’d get here before me,” Gou says conversationally, as if the situation is in any way normal. “You did disappear on us, I assumed this is where you were headed.”

“What—what are you _doing_ here?”

“Well,” Her voice is delicate. “When one is accepted into the jaeger program, the best course of action is to proceed to the nearest shatterdome as soon as possible.”

“Accepted…” still slightly stunned, Rin walks into the room and sits on the bed in half a daze. “You don’t even graduate from Samezuka for a year.”

Gou shrugs, pulling a stack of photos from under Rin’s knee and tacking them above the desk next to the bed. “They let you out if you pass their tests. No one’s gutsy enough to take them early but I gave it a try. And I passed.”

She hasn’t hugged him, Rin realizes. Gou loves pouncing on him and latching her arms around his neck, even when they’d pass each other in the halls of Samezuka less than an hour after eating lunch together, but she still hasn’t hugged him.

“That’s dangerous, Gou.” He tugs on the end of her ponytail. It’s the only part of her he can reach from the bed, and he’s too tired to move.

“I’m just as qualified as you are,” she challenges, stabbing a pin into a photo particularly viciously.

“You are _not_ ,” Rin snaps. “Don’t be naive. I’ve had a year of training on you, and there are things you missed that could get you killed in combat. You shouldn’t _be_ here.” Gou says nothing and stalks away, arms folded tight, leaving the photos on the bed. Rin tries for a different strategy. “Why didn’t you tell me this is what you were planning?’

Gou wheels around. “Because you _left._ ”

“What?”

“I was going to surprise you,” Gou says quietly. “Me and Mama, we decided not to tell you until after your graduation party. I thought you’d be proud that we’d end up going together. You, me, and Sousuke.” Rin bristles at the mention of Sousuke, but Gou pays it no attention and her face hardens. “But then you just packed your bags straight from the dorms and _left_.”

“I did explain—”

“A text half an hour before your party that just says _I’m leaving_ doesn’t count as an explanation.”

“I just had to go, okay?”

“No.” She points her chin up, lower lip jutted out in defiance. “Not okay.” Before Rin can get a word in edgewise, she raises a hand to cut him off. “So three things. You’re going to tell me what happened, you’re going to tell me where you went, and you’re going to tell me where the hell Sousuke is because _I’m_ not the one who should be rooming with you.”

The side of Rin’s mouth twists into a grimace. “Sousuke’s gone,” he spits out. The rage is back, bubbling hot and angry and ugly in his throat. Part of him knows he shouldn’t be snarling at Gou like this, but part of him doesn’t care. “He threw away everything we’ve ever worked for, _god,_ I hope he goes to Chiba and _rots._ ”

“That’s funny.” Gou’s face softens, but she doesn’t unfold her arms as she sits in the desk chair. “He said he hopes you save the fucking world.”

“You _spoke_ to him?”

She rolls her eyes. “Who do you think would be the first person I called when you disappeared? He told me everything, and frankly, I don’t think you should be mad at him. He hopes the best for you.”

“If he hopes the best for me, he should _be here._ ” Rin curls his hands into the bedsheet and digs his nails into his palms, crumpling some of Gou’s photos in the process. “Hold on—if he told you everything, why are you asking _me_?”

“Onii-chan,” It’s the first time she’s used the honorific since Rin walked in, and he softens a little as she comes to sit next to him and uncurls his hands. “You never tell me _anything._ ” She smooths out one of the photos he’s crumpled with one hand, keeping the other resting on top of one of Rin’s. “I just wanted to hearyou tell me and not find out anywhere else.” She fixes her eyes on him. “Like I always do.”

Rin sighs and puts an arm around her, resting his chin on her head as she curls into him. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain. I was just...mad.”

“Are you still?”

One of the photos on the bed used to be his favorite—him and Sousuke as kids, each with an arm slung around a very tiny Gou. The three of them are grinning wildly, sunlight catching on Sousuke’s hair and Rin’s smile. He takes the photo and tears it in half. “Yeah. I am.”

Gou sighs. “I liked that picture.” She watches Rin set his jaw and toss the pieces into the trash can. “Where did you go, onii-chan? When you left.”

Rin shrugs. “I just got on the first train I saw. Ended up in Kyoto.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You were in Kyoto all week?”

He ducks his head. “Maybe.”

“I don’t suppose you got my any souvenirs because you were too busy sulking.”

Rin flushes. “Maybe.”

“You totally owe me then,” she says, _finally_ hugging him tight. “Let’s go explore the shatterdome.”

“Gou, I’m really tired—”

“ _Onii-chan..._ I hear Ever Blue’s stationed in Central right now.” Rin’s up in a flash, and Gou giggles. “You’re so predictable.” She tosses a ring of keys to him and heads out the door.

“Hey, Gou?”

“Yeah?”

Rin scratches the back of his neck. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She smiles and comes back into the room to link an arm through his own. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

They’re just about to walk into Central when something very loud, very fast, and incredibly orange comes barreling into them with a cry of “IMPORTANT SCIENCE COMING THROUGH.”

“What the _hell_ ,” Rin growls, helping Gou off the floor. She smooths her skirt as they stare at the kid balancing two huge jars in his hands, while trying to scramble into a standing position. ‘Watch where you’re going, kid.”

“Sorry, sorry!” The kid manages to stand up and gives Rin an outrageous salute, puffing his chest. “Momotarou Mikoshiba, kaiju expert extraordinaire!” One of his jars slip out of his free arm and he screeches as he breaks the salute and catches it before it hits the ground.

“Mikoshiba, huh? You related to the marshall?” It would explain the shock of orange hair and the slightly terrifying personality.

Momotarou nods so rapidly Rin’s afraid he’ll snap his neck. “He’s my older brother! But _I’m_ the kaiju guy around here, I know everything about everything there is to know about them, so far, I’ve done _loads and loads_ of research! I have a collection in my room and I’m building a scale model, I’ve named it Pyunsuke, and I really really really want to see how their _brains_ work you know? That’s what I have in these jars, it’s _so cool_ , I went and salvaged little pieces from a dead one and I’m gonna look at them under a microscope and it’s gonna be _awesome_.”

Rin can only stare at him with a stunned sort of disbelief. “That’s pretty cool,” Gou says cheerfully, because she is a better person than Rin will ever be.

Momotarou’s neck whips around again to stare at Gou and his eyes widen. “Hang on,” he whispers. The change in volume of his voice is jarring. “You’re… cute….”

“OI,” Rin’s back to growling now, but the kid pays him no heed, dropping his jars and clasping one of Gou’s hands in both of his.

“You can call me Momo! Are you going to be a pilot? I can teach you all about fighting kaijus, I told you _I’m an expert_ , I can show you the shatterdome too! Let’s—”

Before Gou can extract herself and Rin goes off and puts this kid into a headlock and drags him away from his sister for all eternity, they are interrupted by another voice.

“Momotarou,” a man in a lab coat says stiffly, “What did I tell you about bringing specimens straight to the lab?”

Momo spins around and cringes. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll go right away.” He grabs his jars and runs off. “I’LL SEE YOU LATER,” he bellows down the hall, waving at Gou as he goes.

Their rescuer holds out his hand. “I’m very sorry for Momotarou’s negligence. Ryuugazaki Rei, science and engineering division. It’s very nice to meet you.” Rin shakes his hand and Ryuugazaki pushes his glasses up his nose and scribbles on his clipboard.

“Matsuoka Gou and Rin, we’re starting ranger pilot training tomorrow,” Gou introduces them, shaking Ryuugazaki’s hand herself.

“You’re pilots?” Ryuugazaki’s eyes light up, and Rin swears he sees them go slightly misty. “Being a jaeger pilot is one of the most beautiful professions in the world.”

Rin raises an eyebrow. “Beautiful?”

Ryuugazaki looks almost offended. “Of course! The beauty of the jaegers, the beauty of the symmetry between pilots, the synchrony of the fighting style—of course it’s beautiful! I myself have helped design Tokyo’s most beautiful jaegers.”  His chest puffs up and Rin tries not to laugh.

“Have you worked on Ever Blue?” Gou asks nonchalantly. Rin elbows her in the ribs and she doesn’t even flinch.

Ryuugazaki leans closer to them. “The color scheme is some of my best work,” he confides in almost a whisper. “Truly resplendent.”

“We were just on our way to see her now, right onii-chan?” Rin nods, and Gou begins pulling Rin towards the massive double doors.

“See you later, Ryuugazaki,” He raises a hand in farewell, and Ryuugazaki nods in return and goes back to scribbling furiously on his clipboard.

Inside, Ever Blue is stationed in the very first holding section and it takes Rin’s breath away.

“Gou…” he breathes, feeling his face split into a smile that hasn’t graced his face since the day Sousuke left. “Gou, _look._ ”

He’s had the specs on Ever Blue memorized for years—two hundred sixty-five feet tall, twenty-four drops and twenty-four kills to date, chrome alloy finishing over hard steel, hosting Japan’s star pilots Tachibana Makoto and Nanase Haruka, but he was never prepared for just how awestruck this thing makes him. All he can even see of it without craning his neck all the way back is it’s legs hulking over him and he’s still having trouble breathing. He has to give props to Ryuugazaki on the color scheme—the television doesn’t do it a bit of justice. True to it’s name, the jaeger is painted a deep, glossy, ocean blue and accented with green around the joints and flashier bits of armor. Rin wants to touch the wicked blade over it’s right arm, feel how sharp it is with his fingertips. The blade alone is twice his height but he wants to touch it anyways. _I want this,_ he thinks. _I want it all._ His head is spinning, and he’s biting his lip, hand clapped over his mouth because suddenly—

“Onii-chan, are you crying?” Sousuke would have mocked him, but Gou only gives an affectionate sort of chuckle.

“I’m not crying,” Rin snaps, albeit halfheartedly as he wipes an errant tear from his eye.

“Don’t be mean.” She backs up a little to get a better view of the top of the jaeger. “ _Onii-chan._ ”

“What—?” Rin’s nonplussed, but Gou grabs his hand and drags him twenty feet backwards, so they have a view of the top of the colossal jaeger. She points to the cockpit. “Oh my god.”

Someone is climbing out of the cockpit and swinging their legs one at a time over the scaffolding to land hard on the platform with both feet. The man straightens up, brushing his hair back with one hand, placing the other on a hip as he turns to face the jaeger again, seemingly waiting for something.

Rin’s mouth goes dry. “That’s—”

“Tachibana Makoto,” Gou supplies helpfully, as if Rin hadn’t kept at least three posters of him in his Samezuka dorm. “I met him yesterday, he’s so _sweet,_ and frankly, kind of adorable. Great back muscles too, I mean. Wow.”

Rin wheels on her. “Was he with—”

Gou just gently turns him back around and points to the jaeger again. Someone else is climbing out, smaller and decidedly more graceful than Tachibana, even while completely suited for battle. Once he gets on the scaffolding, Tachibana reaches out a hand for his helmet, and Nanase Haruka hands it to him and lands lightly on the platform, staring out at the hustle and bustle of Central. Rin immediately turns around and starts towards the door.

“Onii-chan!” Gou runs to catch up with him. “You don’t want to meet him?”

“Not yet,” Rin puts his arms behind his head as he walks, whistling some nonsensical cheery tune.

“You’ve been waiting to meet Nanase for two years, come on.”

“Exactly.” Rin grins wide, flashing his teeth at her. “We start training tomorrow. When I meet freaking _Nanase Haruka,_ it’s going to be so I can show him what I can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever Blue looks [like this](http://postimg.org/image/mvwmromlf/) and you know Rin owns five copies of that poster. 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cadets begin their first day of training, with formal introductions, some friendly competition, and shatterdome cafeteria food.

“Combat room, let’s go.” Rin’s bouncing on the balls of his feet at 6 a.m. the next morning, and Gou is sitting up in bed glaring daggers at him.

“Onii-chan. What does my _flawless_ training regimen say?” She’s always prided herself on writing optimally scheduled, color coded regimens. Their Samezuka classmates would actually pay her to write theirs, which probably explains how she owns so many designer handbags. Rin checks the one taped neatly to her desk.

“Uh. Morning alarm, six-fifteen.”

“Exactly. So talk to me again in fourteen and a half minutes.” She throws one of her pillows at him and flops back down on her stomach, covering her half her head with the other one.

Rin sighs and bounces on his feet some more, trying to shake off the extra energy in his limbs. He may as well head to the combat room early, get familiar with the space and what weapons they have. He pats Gou’s hair, and she tries to bite him before rolling over and pulling the blankets over her head entirely. “See you in a bit,” comes her muffled voice as Rin’s about to slip out the door.

Rin smiles at the Gou-shaped lump under the covers. “See you.” He heads straight to the combat room, swinging his arms in stretches as he goes. The shatterdome is oddly quiet—he only passes a couple people in the halls, and none of them pay him any attention. As he gets closer to the combat room’s doors, he’s greeted by the familiar _clack clack_ sound of staffs hitting each other and he grins. There’s where the party is.

A quick glance through the window, however, has him whipping out of sight and he braces himself against the wall, praying that no one saw him. There’s no party—just Tachibana Makoto and Nanase Haruka sparring in the center of the room. Rin curses, puffs up his cheeks and slowly blows through them to calm himself down. _Don’t be an idiot, Rin_ , the voice in his head that sounds oddly like Sousuke’s chides him. _Just watch them, you could learn a thing or two_. He tells the voice to shut up, and looks through the window again.

Three years at Samezuka learning martial arts from the best of the best, and Rin’s _still_ never seen anyone this good. Tachibana’s bigger, but Nanase makes up for it with speed and agility as Rin watches him somersault away from Tachibana’s strike, staff still in hand. He launches himself back up and goes for Tachibana, who blocks easily and dodges as Nanase spins his staff around to strike again. They keep at it, neither one managing to land a blow on the other for as long as Rin watches. _Two Bodies in Perfect Harmony_ had been their tagline when they were featured in _Time_ Magazine’s jaeger pilot edition, Rin remembers. And they are, it looks almost as if they’re dancing together, not _fighting_. Fighting implies they’re at odds, and from they way these two are sparring, they would never be at odds their entire lives.

At least, until Tachibana stops for breath and Nanase takes the opportunity to land a blow neatly on his ass.

“ _Haru_!” Tachibana drops his staff and yelps. Even through the window, Rin can see the tips of his ears turning pink.

“You let your guard down,” Nanase says, raising an eyebrow.

Tachibana sighs. “We should raise the doors,” He turns around and Rin ducks out of sight again. “Kisumi’s going to think you locked him out again,” Rin hears Tachibana’s voice coming closer. “Haru, no, we can’t _actually_ lock him out, it’s not very nice.”

When are the cadets supposed to be here?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

Rin hears the chains on the door rattle, and he jogs back down the hall. He’s got fifteen minutes—some food might help ease the sudden fluttering of his stomach.

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto’s stretching with Haru when the cadets start filing in.  There’s only a handful of them, selected from incoming recruits by himself, Haru, and Kisumi. The Matsuoka girl who had blown Samezuka’s tests out of the water a year early, the older brother she mentioned when introducing herself to Makoto the other day, the marshall’s younger sister, and four or five others that Kisumi said needed “the Ever Blue treatment.” Haruka had glared at him.

Haruka is still glaring at Kisumi now. Kisumi only bounces over and ruffles his hair. “You’re so cold, Haru, have you tried using that glare on a kaiju?”

“Kisumi—” Makoto tries a little helplessly. “Some professionalism?” He jerks his head over to where cadets are stripping off their jackets and lining up at the edge of the combat floor. 

Kisumi raises his hands and grins. “Floor’s yours, Makoto.”

But it’s Haru who gets up and stands in the middle of the room, waiting until he has all the cadets’ attention. Makoto takes his place next to him, and Kisumi stands next to Makoto. “Welcome to the Jaeger Program, cadets.” Haru says.  The air in front of them crackles as the cadets stare at him in awe. Haru just looks at Makoto. _That’s all I’m saying. Your turn._

“Hi, everyone,” Makoto begins warmly. The cadets loosen up a little, shaken out of their _my god, Nanase Haruka just welcomed us to the jaeger program_ trance. “I’m Tachibana Makoto, training head for this group.” He gestures to Haru, who inclines his head in acknowledgement. “For those of you that don’t already know, Nanase Haruka and I pilot the jaeger Ever Blue.”

“I think everybody in the world knows that, Makoto.” Kisumi winks, drawing a handful of snickers from the group. He turns to face the cadets with a sunny smile. “Shigino Kisumi, chief LOCCENT officer. Eyes and ears of your missions while you’re in the jaeger. Also, I get to name the kaijus.”

There’s a murmured “Nice,” from the line of cadets. Makoto sees Haruka roll his eyes at Kisumi ever so slightly, but he’s also biting his lip to keep from smiling.

"All right!" Makoto claps his hands together and moves slightly forward. "You all came in at a lucky time. Kaiju attacks have been slowing down, so we feel pretty good about having the time and security to train you intensively."

The cadet next to Gou Matsuoka grins. Makoto had run into Gou the other day, and liked her almost instantly. It occurs to him that this must be her brother Rin—they have the same deep burgundy hair. The siblings look very much alike, but where Makoto found Gou charming and cheerful, all he could think when he looked at her brother was _sharp._ Sharp eyes, sharp jaw. Sharp _teeth_. He’s staring at Haru with that sharp smile. Haruka’s staring back, eyes slightly narrowing. Makoto makes a mental note to keep an eye on Rin Matsuoka.

“Not all of you are on the same page with combat skills here.” Makoto continues. “Some of you are from special academies, the rest of you tested in independently. We have the time to gauge where you all are at today, so let’s start with some basic jodo staff technique. Once we can see that, we’ll start integrating psychological aspects of the drift. So, partner up and grab a staff that feels right. You can wrap your hands if you want to as well, we have gauze and cloth over in that corner. Any questions?”

Rin Matsouka raises a hand. “When will we start actual jaeger combat simulators?”

“Ah.” Makoto gives him an apologetic smile. “That’s jumping the gun a bit.”

“Let’s see if you can fight first,” says Haruka quietly, looking at Rin. Makoto can’t read his expression, but the air seems to tense a little.

Rin breaks into a smile. It’s not the sharp one he gave Haru earlier, but something bigger, almost childlike in its enthusiasm. “I can.”

“Good.” It’s Haruka who finally breaks eye contact and walks away as Makoto watches them both. Part of Makoto senses that something enormously significant has just happened-he just can’t figure out what the hell it is.

Kisumi takes charge of the cadets sorting out their partners, so Haru beckons Makoto over to a corner and takes one of his hands. “You need to be better about wrapping your hands.” He rubs his thumb in circles over the cuts and scabs on Makoto’s knuckles. “It’s no good if you’re injured.”

Makoto ducks his head sheepishly. “Sorry, Haru.” Haru just sighs and begins to wrap gauze around Makoto’s knuckles. “I should watch—”

“We’re watching them from here,” Haru cuts in “Look, Kisumi’s hands on right now, you don’t need to be in there too just yet.” Sure enough, Kisumi’s rotating around the paired up cadets, fixing stance here, grip there. Makoto lets his eyes drift over to where the Matsuokas are sparring each other in the opposite corner.

“Haru. Look. He fights like you.”

Haru clicks his tongue dismissively. “No, he doesn’t.”

“He does, _look_.” They watch as Gou aims a strike at her brother. Rin somersaults backward to avoid it, ends up crouching with a leg thrust out for balance and launches himself upward for an attack. “You used that move on me an hour ago.”

“I—” Haruka stops himself before he says anything and turns his face away from Makoto. “I guess.”

“You should keep an eye on him, it might do him some good.” Makoto prompts gently. “He looks like a firecracker.”

They watch as Rin scores a point on his sister and lets out a whooping laugh. “ _Hell_ yes. Four-three,” he’s breathless, eyes shining. “You’re putting up one hell of a fight, Gou.” Gou beams.

“Yeah,” says Haru. He doesn’t look at Makoto, keeping his eyes trained on Rin. “I guess he might be.”

 

* * *

 

Rin has officially spoken to both Nanase and Tachibana _and_ won all his sparring matches, but by the time they break for lunch, it’s Gou who has come out on top, because she has already found a friend.

“Mikoshiba Nariko,” The girl had introduced herself after Rin’s third spar with Gou. “Can I spar with you? Your moves are killer.”

Gou blushed. Never in his life has Rin seen his little sister blush, but she did then. “Thank you. I’d love to.” She glanced back at Rin and mouthed _will you be fine?_

Rin laughed. “Sparring with one person isn’t exactly the greatest training, you know?” Gou grinned and then she was gone, leaving Rin to try his hand with some guy named Nakagawa. Gou’s at least five times better than Nakagawa, leaving Rin the headspace to wonder just exactly how many Mikoshibas are in this place. He positioned himself so he could watch Nanase and Tachibana as he fought Nakagawa—they’re in the back of the room observing, Tachibana making the occasional comment to a very silent Nanase. Distracted, Rin ended up hitting Nakagawa with a particularly hard _thwack_ on the shoulder. Kisumi took pity on them both and gave Rin a new partner.

He still has no one to eat lunch with, though. Gou is chatting away at a table in the mess hall with NarikoMikoshiba, and Rin doesn’t want to interrupt them, especially not when he sees Momo Mikoshiba at the other end of the hall making a beeline for their table. Rin stands there, tray in hand and almost turns around to yell at Sousuke to _hurry the hell up and save some tonkatsu for the rest of us_ , but he bites his lip hard just in time. He slams his tray down at the nearest empty table with a rattle and throws himself in the seat. Way to ruin a good morning.

Nanase and Tachibana are only a couple tables away, seated with the marshall and Ryuugazaki the scientist. Rin watches as Nanase slides a piece of fish off of Tachibana’s plate and puts it on his own, replacing it with his pudding cup. Tachibana laughs and shakes his head. Rin can’t make out what he’s saying, but feels something in his heart twinge all the same.

“You’re good.” Someone slides on the bench next to Rin and he jumps.

“ _Shit_ —oh. Shigino. Hi.”

“We’ve gone over this. Ki-su-mi.” Kisumi sounds out, smiling all the same. “We’re saving the world together, I don’t feel the need to be big on formality here.”

Rin smiles back. He can’t help but like this guy. “Kisumi.”

“Anyways,” Kisumi continues. “You’re good. _Really_ good, I was very impressed this morning. You’ve got talent, Rin.”

“Thank you.” Rin’s glad at least _someone_ he’s training under has noticed. “But I mean, there’s no amount of talent that can’t be beat with hard work. So I need both.”

Kisumi tilts his head at him. “That’s a really good way of looking at it. Oh, you should get to eating, the food here is actually great, but only when it’s still warm.”

They eat in silence for a couple minutes before Rin speaks up. “You said you’re drift compatible with some people here?”

“Oh.” Kisumi puts down his chopsticksand leans back in his chair a little. “I’m able to make a weak connection with a couple of the rangers, but uh. Makoto. I’m completely drift compatible with Makoto.”

“Tachibana?” Rin swivels to face their table again. Tachibana’s talking with Ryuugazaki, watching him gesticulate so wildly he almost knocks his glasses off. Nanase’s got a palm under his chin, watching them both with a small smile on his face. Rin hasn’t seen Nanase actually smile all day, but there it is. “So how come—”

“Because he’s got Haru.” Kisumi says simply, picking up his chopsticks again. “It would take a lot more than a kaiju invasion to tear those two apart. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Rin, but they’re kind of the dream team.”

Rin snorts. “I think I have that on a poster.”

Kisumi’s eyes widen. “You didn’t bring it here, did you?”

 _“Abosulutely not._ ”

Kisumi shrugs. “Too bad. Haru would have drawn a mustache on it, it’s kind of hilarious.” He picks up his tray. “Well, I’ve got LOCCENT duties to take care of, charts and graphs and things, so I’ll be seeing you later?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” The heavy feeling in his chest is almost gone, and Rin’s grateful to Kisumi for it.

Kisumi’s a couple steps away, but he abruptly turns around and comes back, drumming his The fingers on the table next to Rin. “He picked you.”

Rin furrows his brows. “What?”

“Haru. The three of us chose this training group from all the files for new recruits. Makoto had already met your sister earlier that day, so he picked her. But _Haru_ picked you.” Kisumi smiles at him “Thought you’d like to know.”

Rin falls back in his chair, head buzzing. Holy _shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re: Cafeteria food. Makoto actually loves the pudding. Haru's was a completely fair trade for those concerned. 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training shifts towards neural tests, Rin can't catch a break, and the Ever Blue posters are put in a dangerous position.

Rin keeps losing.

Gou’s adjusting to the shatterdome far better than he expected. She’s a social butterfly, has made fast friends with all the Mikoshibas as well as everyone in their training group. As Tachibana scales up the difficulty of their training, she takes to it with ease, getting better and working with more people each day.

But Rin keeps losing. A week or two into training he starts losing, and doesn’t stop. Tachibana has them keeping on with combat, skills, but Gou beats him. Nariko Mikoshiba absolutely _thrashes_ him three rounds in a row a couple days later. The harder he tries, the worse he does and he can’t figure out _why_ it is left gnashing his teeth and fighting tears after every session. Eventually, he asks Tachibana for permission to practice after hours.

Tachibana tilts his head at Rin in concern. “Do you want me to practice with you? Or I could ask Haru if you’d rather work with him—” 

“ _No,_ ” Rin growls, and has to bite his lip to keep from flushing. Like hell he was going to let Nanase see how pathetic he had become. Top of his class at Samezuka to _this_. He was lucky that Nanase had only been at training once over the past week, and even then he had spent most of it sparring with Tachibana or soundly beating Kisumi. “I’ll be fine by myself.”

Tachibana’s eyes soften and he purses his lips. It’s an expression that Rin can’t feel comfortable with, like Tachibana can see right through him. “All right,” Tachibana smiles at him gently and Rin wants to sink into the ground. “Lock up when you leave, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

He doesn’t sleep that night. The combat room feels like a tomb this late, still air and shadows playing on the walls. Rin ignores the chill in his skin through his thin shirt and picks up a staff, testing it for balance, and knocks a practice dummy to the ground with it. The dummy stares up at him, and Rin hits it.

 _You’re not as good as you think you are_. He hits it again.

 _Nanase’s never going to be impressed with you._ He hits it again.

 _You’re just naive_. Another hit. _Too romantic_. Another hit. _Sousuke was right._

He roars and kicks the stupid dummy out of his way. Flipping his staff, he sends the next one flying into a rack of weights. It does nothing to cool the heat blooming in his chest and he swings the staff around. Yet another dummy hits the ground and Rin’s breathing hard and ragged, furious at himself for only being able to beat an enemy that can’t even fight back.

He drops the staff and kicks it, watching it roll pathetically to a corner of the room. When it stills, he heads to the closet and pulls out a punching bag. If anything, he can look at his bleeding knuckles and pretend he’s actually capable of something.

“It’s a dialogue, not a fight,” Nanase says the next morning, eyeing Rin critically after even _Nakagawa_ manages to score a hit on him. “Matsuoka, stop trying to _win_.”

Rin grits his teeth and snarls, throwing his staff down. “It seems like a fight to me, what should I be _trying_ to do?” The cadets sparring next to him jump, skittering away from his staff. Rin resolves to tear all his Ever Blue posters to shreds because Nanase Haruka is getting his last nerve.

Nanase himself is impassive. "We're starting neural tests tomorrow. I don't care about winning or losing in here and neither should you. It's all about the connection"

Rin folds his arms across chest and raises his chin.  "Then fight me. If you don't care about winning or losing, then fight me, Nanase."

He's louder than means to be. Across the room, all the other pairs look up from their matches, and Kisumi and Tachibana have stopped talking as well.  Tachibana's frowning, and Kisumi looks uncharacteristically somber.  Gou crosses her arms over her chest.

Nanase only raises an eyebrow. "Hold your own against Nakagawa and I might consider it." Nakagawa cowers. Rin stalks out of the room.

Tachibana finds him in the hall a couple minutes later, sitting on a bench with his fingers curled, nails biting into his palms. Tachibana takes a seat next to him, looking carefully at Rin to gauge his reaction. Rin stares straight ahead, teeth clenched.

“This happens, sometimes,” Tachibana’s being gentle again, and Rin wishes he wouldn’t be. “The mental aspect of it all is the hardest.”

“Are you saying I’m unbalanced?”

“I’m _saying_ you can’t bring that much emotion into the drift. I designed our combat training to  reflect that. Straight combat first, then integrate more and more of the psychological stuff. Didn’t I say that on day one? It’s why you’re having so much trouble right now.”

Rin wants to kick something, but he can’t very well kick Tachibana. “Is that why Nanase’s so good at it? He’s like a freaking robot.”

Tachibana sighs. “I’m good at it too, Rin. Do I come across as robotic?”

Rin bites his lip and looks at Tachibana out of the corner of his eye. “Nurture-Bot 2000, maybe.”

Tachibana’s laugh is hiccupy and sweet. It’s a nice laugh, and Rin wouldn’t have expected it to come out of someone with Tachibana’s broad build. “I can’t deny that one, can I?” Rin shakes his head in response. “Look, Rin. I’m not going to ask you what’s holding you back, I think you know what it is already. But we’re doing neural tests tomorrow, and it’s probably going to be pretty rough on you. If it doesn’t go well, I’m going to schedule you for some one on one sessions with me in the psych center.” Rin doesn’t respond, staring at his shoes. Tachibana’s tone changes then, from tender to authoritarian. “Understood?”

Rin snaps to attention. “Understood, sir.”

The smile is back. “Makoto,” Tachibana says. “I think Kisumi’s rubbing off on me, but. Call me Makoto. Go ahead and sit out the rest of today if you need to, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He slips back inside, and Rin decides not to tear up his Ever Blue posters after all. Tachibana, at least, doesn’t deserve it.

 

* * *

 

They’re all rounded up and sent to LOCCENT the next morning for neural tests to find Momo Mikoshiba sitting in Kisumi’s command chair, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. Kisumi sighs and opts to lean against a control panel, watching Momo with interest.

“Momo…” Nariko puts a hand on her hip and looks at him in exasperation. “What are you doing?”

“Naming kaijus!” Everything this kid says is punctuated by an exclamation point, Rin thinks.

“Naming—”

“Here!” Momo thrusts his paper at Kisumi with glee. “That should keep you covered for the next fifteen kaijus! How soon do you think we’ll get _fifteen_ more attacks though, wouldn’t it be cool if they all came in like a month? Imagine the kinds of research I could do with _fifteen kaijus_ , oh man—”

“MOMO,” a voice booms. Everyone wheels around as the marshall strides into the room. Tachibana salutes. Everyone else save Momo follows his lead, but Mikoshiba pays them no attention and instead heads straight to his brother and puts him in a headlock. Momo, for some reason, is grinning wildly despite the fact that he can barely move. “Ryuugazaki is trying to confiscate your kaiju leg cross section again,” the marshall says, loosening his hold.

Momo almost trips over Kisumi’s chair in haste, and runs halfway out of the room before stopping in his tracks and walking straight to Gou.

“Um,” Gou says. Next to her, Nariko’s eyebrows are disappearing into her hairline.

Momo blushes. “Hi. Gou-san.”

Gou stares at him. “...Gou...san?”

Momo thrusts something into her palm. “This is for you! From my collection. I have to go—uh. Kaiju leg! Bye!” He speeds away, leaving Gou with a tiny kaiju figurine in her hand.

Nariko takes one look at it and bursts out laughing.

 _“Nariko!_ ’

“I’m sorry,” Nariko wipes a tear from her eyes. “It’s just—He’s so _predictable,_ Momo’s given a kaiju figurine to everyone  he’s had a crush on for the past _three years_.” Gou buries her face in her hands.

“My brother’s good taste aside, let’s start your neural tests, everybody.” says the marshall, clapping his hands together.

Rin starts. “Wait, what, _good taste_ —”

Tachibana—no, _Makoto_ comes to the rescue. “Well! We’ve put you in potential pairs based on the past few weeks of training to test for a neural connection. Pairs are listed on the charts over there,” he indicated to where Kisumi is pulling up charts on the hologram screen. “Feel free to leave after you’ve gone through all your pairs, these are only some basic tests. We’ll try you with more people later if we need to.”

“Uozumi and Minamiare up first,” Nanase calls. He’s standing next to two large harnesses, each with a helmet and a thick metal spine. Spinal cord, Rin realizes. It’s meant to emulate a brain and a spinal cord. Makoto and Nanase strap Uozumi and Minamiin, with Kisumi at the controls. Everyone else in the group is left to their own devices.

“Preparing neural sync,” Rin’s never seen Kisumi so focused and serious. He’s moving around in his chair, switching control after control and pressing button after button. Rin goes nearly dizzy trying to follow along. Eventually he gives up and goes to check who he’s being tested with. He skims the list for his name and creases his eyebrows in confusion.

“Is this a mistake?” He’s only partnered up with Gou. Gou herself is also being tested with Nariko. Nariko’s doing three tests and he’s only got one. He scans the rest of the list. Everyone else has at least two tests as well. The sudden and desperate urge to kick something is back, and Rin can only lean against a wall and brood. _You’re just going to sulk? You’re a caricature of yourself_ , Sousuke’s voice in his head taunts him, and Rin draws a sharp hiss through his teeth, straightening abruptly with his fists clenched.

“Onii-chan.” Gou is looking at him, her expression unreadable. Rin shakes himself out of his reverie. “We’re up.”

Nanase straps him into the harness silently, making no mention of Rin’s outburst from the previous day. Tachibana gives him a quick, reassuring smile over his shoulder as he lines up the metal with Gou’s spine. Rin’s back arches as Nanase fits each little section of his own cord over his bones.

“You fine?” Nanase steps back and assesses.

The spine is a foreign kind of weight on his back, and the helmet sends a steady buzzing through his head. “I think so,” Rin says cautiously.

Nanase nods in approval. “It’s uncomfortable, at first. You’ll get used to it soon enough.”

“Um. Thanks.”

“Preparing neural sync!” Kisumi chirrups from his control panel. “Right brain?”

Nanase nods to Rin again. “Ready.” Rin says. Energy flutters through him and he can’t help but grin, despite all that’s weighing him down.

“Left brain?”

“Ready!” Gou’s smiling too, and they take a moment to grasp each other’s hands briefly.

“Let’s go,” Rin whispers to her.

“Initiating neural sync,” Kisumi calls, and presses a button.

Rin’s head is jerked backwards, and he feels his brain rip out of his skull.

 

* * *

 

_Rin is five, and Gou is in his lap while they watch Papa take down monsters on tv._

_Rin and Sousuke run around the yard playing  “Kaijus and Jaegers” to the sound of Gou’s laughter._

_Rin and Sousuke play Rock Paper Scissors over an ice pop, give it to Gou instead._

_Gou and Rin bounce on their parents’ bed, wearing matching jaeger pilot pajamas._

_Gou squeals as Papa throws her in the air and catches her, keeping Rin on his shoulders._

_Mama can’t stop Gou’s crying._

_Sousuke can’t stop Rin’s crying._

_Papa won’t move. He’s in the ground and he won’t move anymore._

_Sousuke and Rin hang the “Samezuka’s finest” certificate between their desks and bump their fists._

_“If you didn’t just blindly follow in your dad’s footsteps—”_

_“I’m going, Rin, and you can’t stop me.”_

 

* * *

_“Onii-chan!_ ”

Rin gasps for breath as someone yanks his helmet off, and he falls to his knees. Nanase holds the spinal cord as Makoto and Gou help him up, wearing identical expressions of worry. Kisumi rushes up to join them.

“What—” Rin tries for deep breaths, head spinning. “What happened?”

“You latched onto a memory. You can’t chase your memories.” Nanase’s lips are thin.

“Are you okay?” Makoto sounds on the verge of panic, which only makes Rin feel worse.

“I’m—I’m fine.” He feels numb. “Can I just—”

Makoto nods. “Go ahead and lie down. I’ll check up on you later.”

“Onii-chan, let me go with you,” Gou puts a hand on his arm, but Rin only shrugs her off.

“No,” his voice is thick and unrecognizable. “No, you have another test. I’ll be fine.” He trudges to his room, heavy all over, and only just manages to even get the door open.

A _Samezuka’s Finest_ certificate is hanging over his desk. With a strangled cry in the back of his throat, he rips it off the wall and tears in if half. Tears it again and again, leaving the pieces scattered on the floor. Hot tears run down his cheeks and he pushes everything off his desk in one sweep and kicks it. He keeps kicking until his foot feels numb and the only sound in the room is his gasping sobs.

Eventually he just leaves the mess on the floor and crawls into bed, pulling the covers over his head. His tears turn to hiccups and finally run dry, leaving a hole in his chest where his heart should be.

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but he’s woken up by Gou’s footsteps as she walks in. The mattress dips as she sits at the foot of his bed with a sigh.

“Onii-chan,” She can probably guess he’s awake. “I can’t clean up this mess for you.”

Rin falls back asleep to the sound of her soft humming and the methodical flip of magazine pages.

He’s jolted awake some hours later by Gou’s frantic shaking.

“ _Gou_ —what—?” He shakes his head, hoping it’ll clear the fog in his head. Only then does he notice the alarm blaring and winces at the noise, clapping his hands over his ears to block it out.

“Onii-chan,” She’s white as a sheet, gripping Rin’s arms. “Listen.” Rin lowers his hands and tries not to flinch.

 _Ever Blue to Holding Five._ It’s Kisumi’s voice over the intercom. _Ever Blue, to Holding Five._

“Is it—”

Gou nods. “Kaiju.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Nakagawa. 
> 
> Also! Schedule update. The two of us are moving to biweekly chapters; putting one of these out every week was getting a bit too much, and we're in this for the long haul. 
> 
> Soooo, This wasn't technically supposed to come out until next Saturday. But, there's no better Christmas Present than crying Rin.  
> You can expect the next update on January 10th, and regular updates every other week after that!  
> Merry Christmas Eve, and/or Happy Wednesday!
> 
>  
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Haru punch a kaiju in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New year, new summary! Enjoy, folks.

_Makoto’s hand is trembling._

_Haruka curls his own fingers in towards his palm, resisting the urge to place them over Makoto’s. He does Makoto the favor of pretending not to notice the shaking as Makoto signs his name one last time and lets out an equally shaky laugh, folding the papers into an envelope marked with the official logo of the Tokyo shatterdome._

_“Done.” Even Makoto’s voice trembles. “Thank you for being here while I do this, Haru.”_

_Haru stares at the envelope. “You’re sure?”_

_Makoto looks at him. “More than anything.”_

_“Makoto.” Haru tightens his fingers in frustration. They’ve had this conversation a thousand times since Makoto brought home those first brochures in his backpack. A thousand times and still Makoto signed those papers. “You’re afraid of the ocean.”_

_“I don’t want to be,” Makoto says quietly. He runs his fingers over the embossing on the jaeger program brochure lying on Haru’s living room table. “I told you already, I don’t want to be scared anymore, I’m sick of being afraid of everything. I want to help people.” He looks at Haru. “I can't fight monsters if I keep being scared all the time.”_

_Haru sighs, not in irritation but acceptance. “Do what you want, Makoto.”_

_Makoto shakes his head with a_   _little laugh. “I’ll miss you, Haru._ _”_

_Haruka can feel his heartbeat pick up a little and he wishes that it would be a little less dramatic. “Why?”_

_Makoto looks at him in confusion. “Ah—_ _I’ll be leaving and everything…Haru?_ _”_

 _Haru_ _ignores him_ _, crossing the room to his bag and pulling out an identical envelope and pressing it into Makoto’s hands. Makoto looks at the seal and his jaw drops._

_“This is—”_

_“I can drop them both in the post when I get dinner groceries so you don’t have to make the trip.” Haru says nonchalantly, despite the fact that his ears are roaring with the frantic beating in his chest._

_Makoto looks up at him, eyes wide. “Haru, I thought you didn’t want to—”_

_"I changed my mind._ _”_

 _“Haru!” The sound Makoto makes i_ _s almost a wail_ _as he throws his arms around Haruka._

 _Haruka lets his body relax into Makoto’s hug and hides a smile in his shoulder. "_ _It’s not a big deal,_ _” he mutters. “You shouldn’t go off to fight kaijus alone.”_

_Makoto gives him one last squeeze and pulls away, eyes shining. “Thank you, Haru.”_

 

 

* * *

 “Category 3, two seventy kilometers off the coast and heading in from the north,” Kisumi rattles off through his headset in LOCCENT as Makoto and Haru pull their armor on. “What are we naming this thing, Momo?’

“Drakon!” They hear Momo shout back. “Oh my _god,_ because it has _wings_ , please please please get me a sample I have to reconstruct that—”

“This is a relatively easy job, boys, it’s small and not much danger of coming inland yet I’m counting on it to be a breeze for you two,” Marshall Mikoshiba says, ignoring Momo’s voice still shouting through their comms units. “Does anything look like an issue for you?” 

“No, sir!” Makoto gives Mikoshiba a smile and a salute. Haruka opts for just the salute. “Haru, your helmet.”

“Thanks.” Haru rolls his neck in a circle then his shoulders, anticipating the stiffness that the jaeger harness going to give him.

“I’m heading down to LOCCENT, you ready to go?” Mikoshiba says, already halfway out of the room.

“Just about,” Makoto stretches out his lower back and Mikoshiba closes the door, leaving them alone in companionable silence.

“Makoto.”

“Hmmm?”

Haruka grips his fingers around his helmet and watches them turn white. “Two seventy kilometers in is pretty deep ocean.”

Makoto stops stretching to look at him. _“_ Haru.”

“We haven’t been out that deep before,” Haru insists. “I need to know that you’ll be okay, we still have time to ask another team to do this one, you heard Mikoshiba, it’s easy—”

 _“Haru_.” Makoto comes over to him and gently prys the helmet out of his hands, putting it down and rubbing circles into Haru’s palms. “Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to  be scared?”

Haruka doesn’t meet his eyes. “I’m doing it for you.”

Makoto laughs and gently bumps his forehead against Haru’s. “It doesn’t matter how deep in the ocean we go, Haru. We’ve been doing this for years now. I don’t have to be scared, not with you.”

Haru purses his lips, separating his forehead from Makoto’s to get a good look at him. “I don’t like it.”

“Don’t bring negativity into the drift,” Makoto chides.

Haruka rolls his eyes. “Don’t talk to me like I’m Matsuoka.”

“He just needs some help, you know.” Makoto hums, picking up his own helmet and twirling it in his hands. “He’s got so much potential Haru, it really does remind me of you.”

“Then why is he doing so terribly?”

“I guess…” Makoto stops twirling the helmet and frowns. “I know his sister is here, but he’s not connecting with anyone, I can’t figure out why. It could just be he needs a specific person to help him, considering his success at Samezuka. Lord knows I’m _trying,_ but I can’t bring him out.”

Haru’s about to say that Makoto’s blaming himself unnecessarily, but before he can, Mikoshiba’s voice comes blaring through comms.

“ _Are we going to fight this kaiju anytime TODAY, boys_?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Makoto cringes and dashes over to give Haru’s hand a quick squeeze before putting on his helmet and pulling the harness over his head. “Left hemisphere, prepped for neural handshakes!”

Haru pulls on his own gear. “Right brain, prepped.”

 _Alrighty then!”_ Haruka finds Kisumi’s voice especially annoying through comms. “ _Preparing neural handshake!”_

Makoto’s harness locks over him, gears whirring as his maps, stats, and video feed flashes into view. “Left hemisphere calibrated!”

Haru feels his own harness lock, closing his eyes and breathing in at what has now become a familiar comforting weight on his shoulders. He opens his eyes to check that all his screens are in working order. “Right brain calibrated.’

“ _Initiating neural handshake!”_

They hardly run through their memories anymore when they drift. Makoto and Haru have been drifting so much for so long that their memories might as well be the same ones— _are_ the same ones. But this time Haru sees his memories. Makoto, six years old and pushing him on the swing. Makoto, running with him on the beach. Makoto, falling asleep in front of his algebra homework with his glasses making a dent in his face. Makoto, his tiny hand scrabbling onto the back of Haruka’s trying to get out, _get out_ of the water—

_“Initiating jaeger drop in 30 seconds!”_

Haru is jerked back into awareness with a gasp and he looks at Makoto. Makoto is gasping too, hand on his chest, but he flashes Haruka a quick smile though the visor of his helmet. “I’m fine. You _know_ I’m fine,” Makoto says.

And it’s true. All the tension Haru feels he can feel coming from himself. All he feels from his link with Makoto is a calm serenity, determination rippling under the surface.

 _“Initiating jaeger drop!”_ There is a _thud_ as the cockpit pod goes hurtling towards the heart of Ever Blue, and every time this happens Haruka sends up a silent thank you prayer that Makoto got over his fear of roller coasters in the eighth grade. The pod locks into the jaeger and Makoto and Haru do whatever last minute stretches they can.

“ _Ever Blue! Ready to take a field trip?_ ” It’s Mikoshiba’s voice through comms now.

“Ready to go!” Makoto’s determination is infectious. Haruka breathes in and narrows his eyes, focusing in on drawing his fists back in perfect synchronization with Makoto to test their motion. He feels the helicarriers lift up Ever Blue and fly it out of the shatterdome. They never talk when they’re heading to combat points—they never need to. Makoto can read Haru’s mind even when they _aren’t_ drifting, now Haru can return the favor and there aren’t many words at that point that actually _need_ to be said.

He can feel his teeth rattle as the helicarriers drop Ever Blue into the water, and they begin a slow walk The ocean is black and vicious and churning, and Haruka tries to keep his nervous thoughts at bay so Makoto won’t be able to feel them. It won’t work, obviously, but he tries anyways. e frowns at the waves. They’re not normal, rippling in odd ways. Then he realizes what’s under them.

It’s not an especially _big_ kaiju that rises out of the water, only about fifty meters tall, but the wings might be a problem. They’re not sizeable wings at all, and Haru would bet on his life that the thing can’t actually fly, but Makoto is going to inist they bring back a sample for Momo to make him happy anyways. Which is really going to be a pain, but if they didn’t, Momo wound hound them work weeks and that would be an even bigger pain and an upset Momotarou Mikoshiba is just not something Haru wants to be dealing with after the exhaustion of annihilating this kaiju.

The kaiju roars at them and lunges, the tip one of the wings slamming into Makoto’s side of the jaeger, not enough to cause much damage. Makoto only laughs in exhilaration. “Rei’s not going to like supervising a new paint job!”

Haru grins, all nervousness gone. _This_ feels right.

“Ready, Haru?” Makoto has to shout to be heard over the roaring of the kaiju, of the ocean. He doesn’t even need to ask, but he always does.

“Ready!”

At the same time, they slowly draw back their right fists. Outside the cockpit, Ever Blue cocks it’s massive right fist, the one with the wicked ten meter blade attached.

The kaiju roars again. They throw the punch.

 

* * *

 

_"What are you doing in my bed?"_

_Sousuke opens one eye and takes an earbud out of his ear to look at Rin, who is trying his best to loom over him and look menacing. "Napping." He sprawls out on the bed further to illustrate his point._

_Rin huffs. It's hard for Sousuke take him seriously when half his hair is falling out of the stubby little ponytail he insists on wearing during his evening runs. "Nap in your own bed."_

_Sousuke considers the bunk above him, and_ _then the ladder_ _._ _"Too far," he decides, rolling his head to one side so he can properly enjoy the look indignation on Rin's face._

 _"Get_ off _, Sousuke."_

_Sousuke sighs. "Whiny."_

_"Grumpy."_

_"Jerk."_

_"At least move over, asshole." Rin succeeds in pushing Sousuke's knees to the side to give himself room at the foot of the bed. Nevertheless, it’s still cramped and Sousuke is gracious enough to sit up, but not before stealing Rin’s pillow. Drawing his knees up, Rin accepts Sousuke's proffered earbud and tips his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. The sound of Sousuke’s music pounds through one ear, his even breathing through another._

_"Oi." Rin opens his eyes. "Sousuke."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you ever think..." Rin tightens his arms around his knees and bites his lip, making Sousuke frown in concern. "Do you ever wish we learned more than combat here?"_

_Sousuke frowns. "I haven't really thought about it, no."_

_Rin's restless now, and he shifts around to face Sousuke and grab his knees. "I mean, there's more to being a pilot than combat skills, right? All the…” He tsks in irritation, trying to find the words. “Brain stuff."_

_Sousuke raises an eyebrow. "Brain stuff?"_

_"You know what I mean," Rin snaps. "I just...worry that it's something we should be focusing on. Making connections or whatever, preparing our minds for the actual drift. And we're not."_

_Sousuke considers his words carefully. "The way I see it," he says slowly, "we have to be combat ready to fight kaijus. And that's the bottom line."_

_He flinches at the disappointment he sees flash across Rin's face. "Yeah," Rin murmurs, almost to himself. "I guess it is."_

 

* * *

 

The first thing Rin thinks when he hurtles into LOCCENT at top speed is that Sousuke would laugh at him for being so eager.

“Did they already—”

“Ever Blue’s on the job!” Kisumi calls out cheerfully from his control panel. Above him, a massive video screen shows Ever Blue stomping through the black water towards the kaiju. “Ah, Rin, the thing is—”

“Authorized personnel only, Matsuoka.” Mikoshiba interrupts. It’s unnerving how stony his face is. “You can watch the feeds elsewhere.”

Rin flushes and shakes his hair out of his face, looking at who exactly Mikoshiba considers _authorized personnel_. Kisumi’s at the controls with two guys Rin doesn’t know. Ryuugazaki scanning the feeds and drawing huge complicated engineering diagrams in the corner and muttering to himself. Even Momo gets to be there, clinging onto the back of Kisumi’s chair. For once, he is silent.

“You’re far enough out that there aren’t any civilians to worry about guys, go all out,” Kisumi says into his headset.

“ _Thanks Kisumi!_ ” Makoto’s voice comes through the speakers on either side of Kisumi’s panel. “ _We’ll be home soon!”_

 _“Tell the kitchens I want mackerel at lunch for this.”_ It’s unmistakably Nanase as they watch Ever Blue slam the kaiju into the water.

“Matsuoka,” the marshall says. “Authorized only. That’s an order.”

Lately, it seems the only thing Rin is good at is stomping away from other people.

“Onii-chan?” Gou frowns at him when he slams the door to their room and throws himself on his bunk. “Are you okay?”

“ _Authorized personnel only_ ,” Rin bites out. “How are we supposed to know what’s going on if LOCCENT is just _authorized personnel only?_ ” His mouth is bitter and angry again, and he’s tired of the taste.

Gou holds up her tablet. “We do have the stream.” On her screen Rin can see a tiny Ever Blue fighting a tiny kaiju and he snarls.

“I’m not watching that.”

Gou sighs. “I’m going to watch with Nariko, then.” She gets up and slips her tablet into her bag. “I wish you would try to stop being so angry, onii-chan.”

Rin tries playing games on his own tablet when she’s gone, but there’s only so much tetris he can play before wanting to chuck it out the window, which is something frowned upon doing with a program issued device.

He leaves the tablet on the desk and starts doing sit-ups on the floor to pass the time. It doesn’t work. His toes keep curling up and he desperately wishes that Gou hadn’t left so she could sit on them to keep them down. Sousuke had almost broken Rin’s toes once, trying to do that their first year at Samezuka, both of them laughing as Rin had wheezed _get off get off you big lump are you trying to kill me just use your hands you idiot._

So sit-ups are a terrible idea. He grabs his tablet again and idly flicks though the news, tryin to find something to watch. Most stations are covering the kaiju—figures—but one looks like in depth news story with not a kaiju in sight. He might as well watch that.

_“Those working on the Wall of Life program are expressing disillusionment and dissatisfaction with its prospects of success, as yet another kaiju has just hit the Japanese coastline and working conditions are growing poor as the jaeger program gets more funding…”_

Something in Rin’s stomach jolts. He keeps watching anyways.

_“Many have reported an increasing number of accidents and worker injuries at the wall, with workers going on strike and leaving the program in search of greener pastures.”_

Rin wishes his stomach would stop churning like this. His mouth goes dry and he twists his fingers together, thinking about how he hasn’t spoken to Sousuke in over a month. Gou probably has, it occurs to him. Gou’s probably talked to him, he should talk to her about this—

Just as he’s about to open the door, Gou does it for him on the other side.

“They’re back,” she says quietly. “Ever Blue is flying in now, Nariko went to go meet them. I thought I’d check on you instead.”

“Gou, I need to talk to you about something—”

Something pings in Gou’s bag and she holds up a finger. “Hold that thought.” Pulling out her phone, she makes a few swipes to pull up a message and furrows her brows. “Huh. That’s interesting.”

Rin’s impatient. “What?”

“I mean, Ever Blue’s back, they’re getting debriefed, but Nariko says that when they opened the doors, someone else was waiting for them.”

Rin freezes. “ _What?_ ”

“Hold on, let me read it. Here, she wrote ‘Yeah, some guy just showed up with a bag over his shoulder and some totally killer test scores saying that it’s time he joined the jaeger program.”

Rin’s head is reeling. He looks back at his tablet on the bed, still playing the news story on the failure of the wall program.

  _I’m going Rin, and you can’t stop me._

He pushes past Gou and almost vaults out of the door, breaking into a run.

_Like hell I can’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, it's time to shake things up at the shatterdome. 
> 
> Hang out with us at our blogs[here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A challenger appears.

“Hazuki Nagisa.” The kid’s _tiny_ , barely coming up to the marshall’s shoulders. He’s got a giant bag that looks like it’ll tip him over any second, a sunny smile, and a sheaf of papers bound in a file that he thrusts at Marshall Mikoshiba with a determined sort of vigor that doesn’t match his cheerful expression. “I _told_ you, I’m here to join the jaeger program.”

In spite of himself, Seijuuro leafs through the file. Hazuki’s got test scores from the country-wide preliminary exam, the ones any normal person would submit to the program for screening. They’re _good_ , almost on par with the scores that came in with the Matsuokas a while back.

“You’re not going through official channels kid, I can’t do anything for you.” Seijuuro snaps the file shut with a considerable amount of regret and shoves his elbow back into Nariko’s ribs to stop her looking over his shoulder. She doesn’t even wince.

“Nii-chan—” Seijuuro glares at his little sister and she gives him a beatific smile. “Sorry, _marshall_ , he wouldn’t have to go through channels if he had someone official to vouch for him, right?”

Hazuki brightens. “I do!” Something about him reminds Seijuuro of Momo, but he’s never seen an expression that smug on Momo’s face.

“Who?” He’s very wary of the coming answer, considering Hazuki’s expression.

“Mako-chan and Haru-chan,” Hazuki says nonchalantly. Seijuuro’s mouth drops a little. “You know, Ever Blue!”

“Yes.” says Seijuuro. “I do know.” He presses his intercom. “Shigino? I know they just got back, but can you get them in here asap? Thanks.” He turns to his sister. “Private conversation, Nariko. Go help Momo with that kaiju wing sample or something.”

Nariko huffs and stalks out. In the meantime, Hazuki helps himself to the fizzy sherbet candies Seijuuro is partial to keeping on his desk.

“I can’t wait to get started here, I’ve been dreaming about this for _years_ ,” Hazuki scrunches his face in delight at the fizz, and something pangs in Seijuuro because there is no way this kid is older than Momo.

“Alright,” Seijuuro steeples his fingers in front of him on the desk. “How did you even get here?”

Hazuki shrugs. “I hopped on a plane to Tokyo. Oh, and then I convinced this helicopter guy at the airport to take a detour.”

Seijuuro shakes his head in disbelief, but before he can process, there’s a rapid knock at the door. “Come in!” He presses the button to activate the sliding doors.

“Sousu—” Matsuoka stops dead in the doorway, a look of horror on his face and jumps into a salute. “I’m sorry for interrupting, marshall,” he whispers, staring at Hazuki.

“Hi…” for the first time, Hazuki’s not smiling, head tilted in confusion at Matsuoka. “I’m Nagisa. Hazuki Nagisa. I just got here.”

“You’re not—” Matsuoka keeps the salute, but he’s trembling. “I thought—”

Seijuuro tries to keep his expression relatively neutral despite his concern . “At ease, Matsuoka. What did you think?”

Matsuoka drops the salute and Seijuuro watches his whole body sag. “Nothing,” he says hollowly. “Nothing, no one, I’ll just get out of your way.” He turns on his heel and goes, and the doors shut automatically behind him.

“He’s so sad,” Hazuki says, staring at the shut door and unwrapping another candy.

Seijuuro sighs and opens Hazuki’s file again. “Is there a reason you didn’t feel the need to submit this to the program officially?”

Hazuki gives a nervous titter of a laugh. “Ah—well you see—”

There’s another knock at the door. “It’s us!” Tachibana’s voice. Hazuki perks up at the sound.

The doors slide open and no sooner does Hazuki jump out of his seat running, with a cry of “Haru-chan! Mako-chan!”

Makoto and Haru are dumbfounded. Seijuuro notes their exhaustion immediately, quashing the tiny feeling of guilt he has for calling them in less than fifteen minutes after they returned from the kaiju attack. They’ve managed to get into civilian clothes, at least, but look to Seijuuro as if they’re ready to drop. Makoto is keeping himself upright with an arm around Haru’s shoulders, Haru leaning into him slightly for balance. Makoto shakes his head in confusion, as if trying to get water out of his ears. Haru just stares. They look at Hazuki. At each other. Back at Hazuki. Then, in unison—

“ _Nagisa?!”_

Hazuki beams, and for the second time in half an hour, Seijuuro’s mouth drops. “I’m so happy you’re here! Now you can vouch for me and we can be in the program together!”

“Hold on, Nagisa, slow down,” Makoto lets go of Haru’s shoulder. Haru sways a little, and sits on the couch while Makoto reaches a hand out to Hazuki as if it’ll stop the kid from bouncing on his heels. “Please catch us up here,” he pleads, glancing at Haru on the couch. “How did you even _get_ here, why not just come in with the next crop of recruits in two months?”

Hazuki takes a deep breath and screws his eyes shut. “It doesn’t matter,” he says fiercely. “I’m here now, isn’t that enough?”

Makoto frowns. “No, Nagisa. We have to at least know _something_.” Hazuki deflates.

“Nagisa,” Haruka speaks from the couch. “If you don’t tell us anything we can’t help you.”

Hazuki only stares at the floor. “My parents,” he says slowly. “I was supposed to get on a plane to some prep school in Nagoya, they wanted me to go for a better chance of getting into a _medical program_ in university.” Seijuuro didn’t think a kid with such a sunny smile could have such bitterness in his voice. Hazuki looks up at Makoto with pleading eyes and says the rest in a rush, not pausing for breath. “I took jaeger test months ago without telling them, the results were just sitting in my bag and I couldn’t _bear_ to go to Nagoya, I couldn’t, I got on the wrong plane this morning and came here instead, Mako-chan, Haru-chan, _please_ , you have to help me!” He’s clinging to the front of Makoto’s shirt, tears in his eyes.

“Nagisa…” Makoto hums and puts his arms around Hazuki, letting him shudder into his shirt.

Haruka gets up off the couch and touches a reassuring hand to Hazuki’s back. “This is a big decision Nagisa.”

Hazuki pulls away from Makoto and wipes his eyes. “I know. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, Haru-chan. Since you guys left Iwatobi, all I ever wanted was to go too.”

Makoto looks like he wants to pull him back into a hug again. “You’re still in high school,” Haru counters.

“So were you!” Hazuki gives them both an accusatory glare. “You guys were younger than I am now when you left, weren’t you?”

“Ah—” Makoto falters.

“How old are you, Hazuki?” Seijuuro interrupts. He could have looked it up in the file, but asks anyways.

“Seventeen.” So he _is_ older than Momo.

“Can’t argue with that one,” Seijuuro cracks his knuckles. “You two came here at sixteen.” Makoto and Haru have no response. “Alright, Hazuki, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re still a minor, so to complete your file I do actually need parental consent. I don’t suppose you want to wait it out here in Tokyo until you turn eighteen?” Hazuki shakes his head so rapidly Seijuuro is half afraid his neck will snap. “That’s what I thought,” he continues. “Okay then. If you get permission from your parents, I’m sure these two will vouch for your acceleration into the program.”

Hazuki lights up, and spins around to look at Haru and Makoto with those puppy eyes of his. They look at each other—Haru gives Makoto a small nod, and Makoto grins. “We’ll vouch for you, Nagisa.”

“Thank you thank you _thank you!_ ” Hazuki jumps and manages to hug both Haru and Makoto at the same time, which is the most impressive thing Seijuuro’s ever seen happen in his office.

He grins. At any rate, Hazuki looks like a good match for Momotarou. He’s excited to see how _that’s_ going to play out.

 

* * *

 

Makoto lets out a sigh of relief as the hot water hits his back and he can feel his muscles beginning to relax immediately. Both he and Haru agree on the best perk of being the shatterdome’s top pilots—having their own private bathroom. Haru will snip at him if he uses up all the hot water, but Makoto’s exhaustion wins over. Haru always lets his bathwater go cold when he soaks anyways.

Makoto tips his head back under the showerhead and breathes slowly, in and out, trying to process the day. It was only this morning that he was conducting neural tests with the cadets, and he doesn’t know which arrival drained more out of his system—the kaiju’s, or Nagisa’s.

He wants to think about what to do with Nagisa, he really does, but he finds his eyelids drooping even in the shower and decides the best course of action is to put off all logical forms of thought till the morning. He stumbles out of the shower and into some clothes and steps out of the bathroom, falling onto the lumpy bed next to the door with a _fwumph_.

Something pokes him in the stomach. “Makoto,” Haruka says quietly from under him, voice muffled from the blankets. “I can’t really breathe.”

“Ahhh!” Makoto rolls off the bed in panic and ends up on the floor. “Sorry, Haru, I didn’t see you!”

Haruka sits up in bed, curling the blankets around himself. “It’s okay, you’re tired. Can I take my bath now?” 

Makoto nods and Haru drops the blankets and slips out of bed with his usual grace, the kind that makes Makoto feel awkward and ungainly in comparison. “You should sleep, Makoto.” he says before closing the bathroom door. Makoto climbs back into Haru’s bed since his own seems too far away. He’s asleep within minutes, sinking into the pillows and the still warm blankets.

He thinks the slow _drip, drip, drip_ on his cheek might be part of a hazy dream and flinches, but nothing happens and he flutters his eyes open a while later to see Haruka standing over him, his wet hair dripping on Makoto’s face.

He blinks rapidly, struggling to stay awake. “Haruka…” Haru makes a face at the name and Makoto shakes his head a little, rubbing the grogginess out of his eyes and smiling. “ _Haru._ ”

“I forgot,” Haru says, a small frown on his face. He’s wearing Makoto’s orange and yellow shirt again, as if he didn’t have clothes of his own to wear folded neatly in his dresser.“You were sleeping, I forgot, I thought you’d come pull me out of the bath before I pruned.”

Makoto laughs softly, taking one of Haruka’s hands to look at his pruny fingers. “Your hair is still wet, come here.” He tugs the towel off of Haru’s shoulders and Haru obediently sits at the foot of the bed as Makoto begins to methodically towel off his hair. Haru’s just as drowsy as Makoto feels—Makoto watches him blink long and slow, and his head relaxes against Makoto’s knees.

They’re interrupted by a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” Makoto calls. “Maybe Nagisa...” he murmurs into Haru’s hair, still too tired to try and form coherent sentences.

The corner of Haruka’s mouth quirks up. “Wouldn’t knock.”

The door creaks open, and Rin’s standing there looking like a mess. It almost scares Makoto, what a month here has done to him. He can find no trace of the cocky, sharp smiled boy with fire in his eyes who showed up on the first day of training. Everything about Rin is limp—his hair, his dark, baggy clothes, the lines around his mouth, they all droop downwards.

Rin’s mouth parts slightly as he takes in Haruka leaning against Makoto’s knees with a towel on his head, Makoto in his flannel pants and giant t-shirt. “This was stupid, sorry, I’ll just ask tomorrow.” He turns around to leave.

“Rin,” Haru’s voice cuts through the silence and Rin turns back around in shock. “What did you want to ask?” He pushes himself off the floor and Makoto leaves the towel on the bed, watching Haruka stand up and fold his arms with caution.

“I…” Rin’s face twists into something between a scowl and looking like he’ll burst into tears at any second, and while Haru is staring at him, he won’t meet his eyes. “Today didn’t...go well.” He turns to Makoto, if only to avoid Haru’s gaze. “You said something about sessions in the psych center.”

“Oh…” Makoto sucks in a breath and pushes two fingers into his forehead. “Oh, Rin, I _forgot_ , I’m so sorry. The kaiju showed up so suddenly and then Nagisa…”He gets up, stretching out his arms in a silent yawn before going over to his desk. “I’m sorry, we can’t start any time this week, I’ll be dealing with the Nagisa situation, but let’s do twice a week starting next Monday. So you’ve got a couple days.” He tears a form off the pad on his desk and signs the bottom, holding it out to Rin. Rin bites his lip and takes it. “Just fill out the rest of that form and bring it at the first appointment, okay?”

Rin’s nod is almost imperceptible. “Thanks.”

“Get a good night’s sleep, okay?”

Rin nods again and he’s gone before Makoto can prod Haru into wishing him a good night.

Haru walks over to his bed and picks up the towel, halfheartedly trying to continue drying it in a futile attempt to avoid dandelion hair in the morning before he catches Makoto’s expression and frowns. “Why are you smiling?”

Makoto’s smile only grows bigger. “You called him _Rin_.”

Haruka flicks him with the towel. “Shut up.”

 

* * *

 

The cafeteria, Nagisa decides, is his favorite place in the shatterdome so far.

He’s shoveling the world’s best pudding in his mouth at breakfast the next morning, listening with rapt attention while Momotarou runs through his top ten favorite kaijus.

“Number six has to be Drakon—”

“Drakon?” Nagisa asks with his spoon still in his mouth.

Momo’s eyes widen. “That was the one from yesterday! I guess you showed up right after and didn’t see it. Did you know Ever Blue took it down in only seventy-six minutes?! That’s the fastest anyone in the _world_ has taken down a category three.”

“ _Seriously?_ ” The spoon falls out of his mouth.

 “ _And_ they got me a _wing sample_ , do you wanna see it—”

“Where are Mako-chan and Haru-chan anyways?” Nagisa interrupts, twisting around in his seat.

Momo shrugs. “Sleeping, probably. They always sleep in after a kaiju attack.”

Nagisa slumps in his chair a little. Makoto and Haru had come back to Iwatobi a couple times since they  left to visit Makoto’s family, but Nagisa never really seemed to find out they had been until they were gone. They had been so tired last night that Nagisa didn’t get a real chance just to _talk_ to them.

“Are you okay?” Momo tilts his head and looks at Nagisa with furrowed eyebrows.

Nagisa bounces up in his chair and plasters a smile on his face. “Yeah! I want to see your kaiju stuff, let’s go to the labs!”

“Yessssssss! You’re gonna love it it’s _so cool_.” Momo weaves his way through the tables at top speed and Nagisa almost trips in his haste to follow, but then Momo stops dead. “Gou—” whatever he was about to say dies in his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ah…” Momo scratches the back of his head. “I’ll just talk to her later.”

Nagisa follows his line of sight to a table in the corner. That Matsuoka guy who burst into the office last night is slumped on it, looking the picture of misery while a frowning girl who looks like him tries to push a plate of food at him. He raises his head and snarls at her, and she recoils for a second before slamming the plate down and stalking away. She breezes past Momo and Nagisa without sparing them a glance. Momo stares after her.

“So…” Nagisa tries to break the tension. Seeing Momo frowning and pensieve is already jarring despite the fact that they’ve known each other for a grand total of two hours. “Kaijus?”

“Oh yeah!”

Momo speeds through the rest of his top ten kaiju list as he leads Nagisa to the labs, but as soon as those doors open, Nagisa’s stopped listening. Everything _glitters_. Specimens of every size, shape, and color in sparkling jars line an entire wall. Some of the jars glow iridescent and Nagisa briefly considers stealing one to use as a nightlight.

“Wow…” Nagisa breaths, walking across the room in a trance. “So _pretty_.” Momo grins and dashes away to his specimens, leaving Nagisa to his own devices.

The back of the lab is full of what looks like engineering parts. There are a bunch of metal parts on a long table that hugs the back wall. They shimmer blue and green in the light as Nagisa gets closer and they’re so shiny that he can’t resist the urge to _touch._

“Please don’t ignore the sign,” the voice behind him sounds deeply offended. Only then does Nagisa notice the “DO NOT TOUCH” sign lettered in precise, elegant script.

“Oops!” He spins around and flashes a grin at the guy in a lab coat and glasses standing stiffly behind him. “Didn’t see it, sorry.”

Glasses guy looks pained. “May I ask who you are and your authorization level?”

Nagisa grins wider. “Nagisa. Hazuki Nagisa. Candidate for jaeger cadet! Also, Momo let me in here.”

The scientist lets out a deep sigh, pushing his glasses up his nose “I’m always _telling_ him to get _permission_ for these things.” He straightens up. “It would be terribly rude of me not to introduce myself. Ryuugazaki Rei, science and engineering division.”

He holds out his hand for a shake, and Nagisa takes it with enthusiasm. “Nice to meet you, Rei-chan!”

Rei splutters, extracting his hand from Nagisa’s grip. “I hardly think we’re acquainted enough for you to be calling me _Rei-chan_.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Nagisa says sweetly. He tilts his head at Rei. There’s something about this guy he just _likes_. “So did you _make_ these?”

Rei puffs up like a peacock and it pleases Nagisa immensely. “Why, yes. I’m _head engineer_ for Ever Blue, I must replace damaged parts from last night.”

Nagisa’s eyes glitter. “That’s so cool. Haru-chan and Mako-chan must _love_ you.”

Rei has the grace to look mollified. “Well, I think perhaps—”

 “You know what _I_ think, Rei-chan?”

“I don’t know _you_ , so the only logical answer to that is no.”

Nagisa hops up to sit on the table, swinging his legs. Rei visibly winces. “I think you and I are going to have _lots_ of fun together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands up if you thought it was Sousuke who showed up at the end of last chapter :D
> 
> ....sorry. BUT we gave you Makoto in the shower and the indomitable force that is Nagisa Hazuki, so I mean. Who's complaining. 
> 
> Hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin tries to get his shit together, Makoto has an idea, and Haru just wants Kisumi to go away. Also cookies.

Rin doesn’t know what he expects walking into his first session in the psych center, but it’s not Makoto sitting on a giant green beanbag.

“Um,” he says. “Do I have to sit on that?”

Makoto twists around to face him. “Oh, Rin! You’re early.”

“Should I—”

“No, no.” Makoto puts down his tablet and braces a hand on the floor to pull himself up. “Come in, I wasn’t doing anything important.” The tablet on the beanbag flashes merrily with what looks like a game involving kittens. Rin can’t pinpoint what’s different about Makoto until he realizes that he’s not wearing the workout clothes and green leather Ever Blue jacket he shows up wearing in training every day, instead opting for a striped shirt and cardigan.

Rin hovers in the doorway. “I didn’t know you had an office.”

Makoto smiles and pulls out a chair from the corner. “It’s still weird to me, and I’ve had it for almost two years now. Come, sit.” He glances downwards. “Unless you _want_ to sit on the beanbag, we can do that if it makes you more comfortable.”

“Ah, no, here’s fine.” Rin sits and drums his fingers absently on the desk while Makoto drags another chair and brings it to sit next to him. Makoto turns around in his chair so he can face Rin. Rin stays facing the desk, still drumming his fingers.

Makoto doesn’t say anything, seemingly waiting for Rin to speak. Rin doesn’t know what to say, so he lets his eyes wander around the tiny office. Makoto’s not _messy_ per say, but there are books and papers stacked haphazardly on the desk, pens scattered everywhere. He keeps framed pictures on one wall—there’s a painting of a dolphin and an orca swimming in a sunlit ocean, and a couple photos. Makoto and Nanase with their arms around two little kids that have Makoto’s smile, Ryuugazaki with a pair of goggles on his head wielding a blowtorch on what looks like part of Ever Blue, Makoto and Kisumi taking a selfie. The most entertaining one to Rin is the one of the marshall in full jaeger armor giving Momo a noogie while Nariko is doubled over in laughter.

“Nice pictures,” is all Rin can say.

Makoto brightens. “Thank you! Haru did the painting, the rest I’ve just been collecting.”

It’s a beautiful painting, all light and swirling colors, and briefly a bitter part of Rin wonders if there’s anything Nanase _isn’t_ good at. He decides it’s best not to vocalise this. “So is Nanase a therapist too?”

Makoto widens his eyes. “Oh, god no, _I’m_ not a therapist. Rin, Haru and I dropped out of high school, we’re not _nearly_ qualified to give actual therapy.” He smiles. “And somehow I don’t see being a therapist as Haru’s style, do you?”

Rin furrows his brows. “I’m confused, why am I here then?”

Makoto gives a little shrug. “To talk. Just talk.” Rin still looks nonplussed, so Makoto continues. “Okay, so when I started as a trainer, there were cadets that I liked to work more personally with when they had trouble with the drift. Miho, she runs the psych division, gave me a space to do that. If I feel like they need help that I can’t give, I refer cadets to Miho instead for actual psychiatric evaluations.”

“So I’m not just screwed up?” Rin’s voice twists and Makoto looks at him with horror.

“Oh, Rin, _no_.” Makoto leans forward in his chair, looking absolutely stricken. “There’s just something holding you back right now.”

Rin says nothing, electing to stare at his hands. His hair falls in front of his face, and part of him is glad that it’s long enough to hide his expression. He takes one shaky breath. Another, and another, and Makoto just lets him breathe.

“What makes you think you’re screwed up?” Makoto asks softly after a few minutes.

Rin lifts his head. “Because I keep _fucking up_.” He laughs, bitter and loathing. “I was _top in my class_ at Samezuka, did you know? Now I’m _this,_ I can’t do _anything,_ ”

“Do you think it might be that pressure? From Samezuka?”

Rin lifts his head slightly. “Pressure?”

Makoto gives a little half shrug. “Pressure...can be tough. I know how it feels, when Haru and I first came to the shatterdome…” His voice is slow and gentle, and he speaks almost as if he has a hard time saying what he needs to, looking not at Rin but the dolphin painting behind his head. “People found out that...that we were a good team, I guess. And I’d start hearing whispers, you know? That we were, ah...well, mostly that _Haru_ was the next um. The next Matsouka Toriachi.”

Rin’s head shoots up and his heart lodges somewhere in his throat.

The smile Makoto gives him is lopsided with pity. “Your dad, right?

Rin nods, mouth dry, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He swallows.

Makoto looks at him for half a beat. When Rin doesn’t do anything, he keeps talking.

“It was hard, on Haru. That pressure to be what...what your dad was to this program, everyone _expected_ him to. He almost...closed in on himself.” Makoto fingers the edge of his shirt. “What with the drift...I felt it too.”

Something like little pins are being pushed into the corners of Rin’s heart.

“If it was bad for us, I can’t imagine what it could be like for you.” Makoto pulls his legs in to sit cross legged on his chair. “Did you want to follow his legacy, coming here?”

_If you spent one minute thinking it through instead of blindly following your father’s footsteps—_

“No,” Rin snaps roughly. “No, I didn’t. I came here because I _wanted_ to.” He doesn’t remember standing up, but he’s towering over Makoto now, the bubbling anger back in his chest.

Makoto blinks rapidly in surprise. “Rin—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He stays seated, but doesn’t his eyes off of Rin’s. “We can change topics if that’s what you need.”

Rin curls his hands into fists in a desperate attempt to keep his body from shaking. The room seems smaller, almost claustrophobic and all he can think about is getting out of there. “I…” he swallows bile down in his throat. “I need to go.”

“Okay,” Makoto and looks at him. Rin can’t read the expression on his face, and it makes him a little sick. “Okay, if that’s what you want right now.”

Rin flees, slamming the door on his way out.

He’s so preoccupied with getting back to his room as fast as possible that he doesn’t notice the person walking the other way until they both go crashing to the floor. There is a squawking sound, and Rin is about ninety percent sure it didn’t come from him.

“ _Shit_ ,” Rin scrambles to his feet and holds out his hand to help the kid up. “Shit, _dammit_ , I’m sorry.”

“My fault!” The kid shoots up without taking his hand. “My fault, I’m sorry! I should have spotted where I was going.” To Rin’s astonishment, he bows, staring at the floor. “Please forgive me!”

“Hey.” Rin reaches out an awkward hand to touch his shoulder. “Hey, no need to apologize. I wasn’t looking either.”

“Thank you!” The kid straightens up quickly. He reminds Rin of a frightened little dove, the way he’s looking at him with such wide blue eyes.

“Are you uh—on your way to the psych center?” The urge to flee back to his room and hide under the covers is fading a little, and Rin wonders if trying to be social is helping.

The kid nods, flushing and casting his eyes back to the ground briefly. “I’m falling behind, I thought it might be a good idea to get some help.”

So maybe not a kid then, if he’s a cadet. One of the younger ones, maybe. “That takes initiative,” Rin says quietly. Hell, he had to be mandated to go and couldn’t get through a single session.

“I’m determined to work as hard as I can to be the best pilot I can!” Fierce little dove, Rin thinks. “Everyone else in my training unit might be better than me right now but...I have to believe that there’s no amount of talent that can’t be beat by hard work.”

“You’re right.”

The smile that spreads over the kid’s face is so bright it looks as if he’s blossoming under the compliment. “Thank you!”

Rin inclines his head towards the doors to the psych centre. “You’d better get going.”

“Ah! You’re right, thank you again!” With another quick bow, he’s gone.

Rin lets his mind wander as he heads back to his room, mulling over _there’s no amount of talent that can’t be beat by hard work_. He’s a lot more serene than he was half an hour ago, but the scream that comes from his room freezes his blood and has him sprinting down the hall and busting through the door.

 _“Gou—”_ He stops dead when he sees her curled up on her bunk safe and sound, screeching loudly into her phone. “ _Honestly_ , Gou, you scared the hell out of me—”

“Shhhhhhhhhhh!” Gou doesn’t even look at him as she shuts him up with the raise of a finger. “ _How_ many months you said? Oh my god. Oh my god, Hana, holy _shit_ I cannot believe this!” She glances at Rin. “Okay, okay, I have to go, I have to tell onii-chan, this is _wild_. I’ll talk to you later! I cannot _wait_ oh my god. Okay, seriously, bye!” She flings her phone down in ecstasy and looks at Rin with a wild grin on her face. “Hana’s coming.”

Rin furrows his brows. “What?”

Gou gives him a deep, long suffering sigh. “ _Hana_. Chigusa _Hana_ , Samezuka passed her. She’s coming in with the next rotation!”

Rini tries his best to smile for her, but even he can tell that the look on his face is forced and awkward. “You’ll be with your best friend again, huh?”

“ _Yes_.” Gou grabs her phone again and kicks up her feet in glee. “I mean, Nariko’s incredible, and I have you, onii-chan, but there’s just something really good about going through this with a best friend, you know?”

“Yeah.” Rin throws himself on his bunk. “I know.”

Gou falls silent as she realizes what she just said. “Onii-chan, I’m sorry—” she scrambles to the edge of the bed to climb down the ladder before Rin stops her.

“It’s fine Gou, don’t worry. I’ll get over it.” She stays hovering there for a minute, one foot on the bed and one foot on the ladder before quietly retreating as Rin crawls under his blankets.

It occurs to him that if he wants to get over it, running out of Makoto’s office again might be a bad idea.

 

* * *

 

“Rei-chaaaaaaan.”

“Hazuki-san, I asked if you could please not call me that.”

Nagisa ignores him. “ _Why_ won’t you let me help, Rei-chan?”

Rei straightens up from where he is bent over a piece of machinery and pushes up his glasses with in irritation. “Hazuki-san, you are hardly qualified to _be_ here, much less _help_ here, it takes years of training to understand this equipment so if you could _please_ step away from the blowtorch—”

“So _that’s_ what it is!” Nagisa’s eyes light up and he grabs the blowtorch, turning it around in his hands. Rei whimpers. “It’s so _cool_ Rei-chan, have you used it before?”

“Of course I have, what a preposterous question, I’ve used every piece of equipment in this lab.” He frowns at Nagisa. “Should you not be in cadet training anyways, what are you here for?”

Nagisa pouts and slinks back to the stool Rei had pulled out for him. “Not authorized. The marshall won’t let me anywhere _near_ cadet training until my parents consent, and _they_ won’t until they’ve flown out here to yell at me in person.” He kicks at the air, moody and brooding.

“Oh.” Rei puts his tools on the table. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands then, and just ends up picking them up again. “That’s. Unfortunate.”

“Yeah.” Nagisa slumps a little more. “Mako-chan and Haru-chan are too busy for me. I could hang out with them if I _trained_ but nooo.” He looks up at Rei. “But I like hanging out in here with you, Rei-chan.”

Rei sighs. “You’re welcome to stay, Hazuki-san. Just...please, _please_ don’t touch the blowtorch. Or anything that looks like a blowtorch. Or anything unless I tell you that you can.”

Nagisa leaps up and latches himself around Rei’s middle. “Thank you, Rei-chan!” Rei chokes.

“Be _careful_ Hazuki-san, there are a lot of volatile things in this lab.” he says, once he has peeled Nagisa off of him and regained his dignity.

Nagisa is already wandering to another table, having already moved on to his next distraction. “Wait what’s this?”

“ _No, don’t_ —” Rei manages to catch the vial before it hits the ground in a perfectly executed swan dive. “This is an _incredibly expensive_ experimental alloy I’m testing for jaeger parts, no one but me should be touching this.” He stands up and gingerly places the vial back on it’s stand.

Nagisa cocks his head to one side. “What about your superiors?”

“Well,” Rei relents. “Them too. Not you, you haven’t got the proper scientific training.”

“Nooo, not interested.” Nagisa stretches his arms out in front of him, nearly colliding with Rei’s back. “I’m gonna be a _jaeger pilot_.”

“A noble profession,” Rei acknowledges, watching Nagisa hop back onto his stool.

“I bet you’d be a _great_ pilot, Rei-chan.”

Rei colors and almost drops the probe he’s just picked up. “What a silly thing to say, Hazuki-san.”

“It is not!” Nagisa looks legitimately offended. “You’re super smart and you know _everything_ about jaegers, you’d be great _in_ one.”

“Those are two completely unrelated things, Hazuki-san, it’s completely illogical.”

Nagisa shrugs. “You never know for sure till you try it out, Rei-chan. Isn’t that a science thing?”

He has a point, Rei supposes. “Hazuki-san—”

Nagisa wrinkles his nose. “I wish you wouldn’t address me like I’m my father.”

“I wish you wouldn’t address me as Rei-chan.”

“Rei-chan is _affectionate_.”

Rei can’t help but smile. Nagisa smiles back.

 

* * *

 

 

“In a slump?”

Makoto is indeed slumped over his desk, toying with a pen, but he raises his head at the voice and smiles. “Miho, hi. Come in.”

She does, stepping her way around the beanbag and sitting primly in the seat Rin had jumped out of, she slides a plate of cookies on the desk.. “So, I suppose that didn’t go as well as you’d hoped?” Makoto thanks all the stars in the sky for the existence of Amakata Miho and her ridiculously good cookies.

“He ran out on me.” He frowns as he breaks off a bit of cookie and doesn’t eat it. “I said something, it set him off.”

“You’re still learning, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Miho leans her elbows on the desk. “It really wasn’t that long ago you were on the other side of this desk, Makoto.”

“I suppose,” Makoto eats the bit of cookie he’s been mangling. Crumbs litter the desk and he blows on them halfheartedly, scandalizing Miho. “I thought I could get through to Rin though, I haven’t trained anyone like him before.”

“It takes time,” Miho says simply. “Remember how long it took you?”

Makoto laughs. “Good thing that nightmare’s over, huh?”

“Careful, Makoto.” Miho says quietly. “It might not be a nightmare anymore but it’s still something you have to deal with.”

Makoto frowns. “Miho, it’s been _years_ , I really don’t think I’m afraid of the ocean anymore.”

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Makoto,” she trills.

“Miho, I don’t think that’s how you use that phrase....”

“ _Anyways_ ,” she continues as if he hadn’t spoken. “Don’t worry too much about Matsuoka just yet, you’ve only just started. And honestly, you’re not the only one running into some roadblocks. I’ve got someone I haven’t got a clue what to do with either.”

“Oh?” Makoto reaches for another cookie and leans back in his chair.

Miho sighs. “A cadet came in to see me. One of Sasabe’s, not yours. He’s falling behind in his training unit so he came voluntarily. He just…” She frowns, trying to think of a way to say the words. “I see so much drive and will in him, but the skill isn’t there.”

Makoto frowns. “He must have _some_ if he got into the program.”

Miho sighs. “I suppose you could say he hasn’t got the skill _yet_. He needs some kind of spark to pull it out, I think, I _know_ it’s in him.”

“Yeah?”

Miho nods. “Honestly it’s just tactical ability at this point, his mental fortitude is _astonishing_. You know what he said to me?” Makoto shakes his head, because obviously not. “He said that hard work is all he has going for him—he’s got to believe it matters more than talent.”

Makoto pauses to consider this. “That’s...huh. That might be something I could use… I think Rin’s got this idea that he’s supposed to be _talented,_ you know? Top at Samezuka, and his dad and all…”

“Makoto.” Miho rests a hand on her chin and taps at her cheek. “Two wrongs can make a right.”

“That’s not—wait, what are you saying?”

Miho smiles. “I have an idea.”

“Maybe…” Makoto hums. “I’d have to talk to Sasabe about it. Trade him Nakagawa or something. But Miho, it’s such a gamble.”

“Two birds with one stone, Makoto.” Miho says as she stands up and rummages through her bag.

“Are you sure?”

Miho puts a hand on her hip. “Try and take a chance, Makoto. Here’s his file” She puts it on his desk. “I’ve got an appointment now, so check in with me if you transfer him, okay?”

“Sure,” says Makoto, reaching for the file. He smiles at her. “Thank you for the cookies, Miho. And for uh...for everything.”

Miho pauses in the doorway and smiles. “My pleasure.” She closes the door softly as she leaves.

 Makoto settles to pore over the file and polish off the cookies, losing track of time and so engrossed that he doesn’t notice when Haruka slips in until the last cookie is lifted off the plate.

“Haru!”

“Miho never makes me cookies,” Haru defends, sitting on the desk as Makoto mourns his loss. “Are you done here? Come with me.”

“I was just about to leave—wait, where?” Makoto tries in vain to tug a stray paper out from under Haru, but Haruka’s loath to accommodate him.

Haru shows Makoto his phone screen in lieu of an explanation.

**_Messages_ **

**_14:56_ ** _**Rei:** Haruka-san, your friend is in my lab again._

 **_14:59 Rei:_ ** _He is TOUCHING my THINGS Haruka-san._

 **_15:03 Rei:_ ** _Help._

 **_15:18 Rei:_ ** _I think he is perhaps lonely, Haruka-san._

 **_15:23 Rei:_ ** _Some time with you and Makoto-san may be in order._

“I thought I’d take Nagisa to the pool out in the city,” Haruka says once Makoto’s read through.

Makoto smiles. “For old time’s sake, huh? I want to come.”

“That’s what I’m _asking_.”

Makoto flicks his fingers at Haru’s thigh. “Get off my papers and let’s go then. I don’t know how much more _Nagisa_ Rei can handle.”

Haruka gives a delicate snort as he slides off the desk and tugs Makoto towards the door.

“Oh, hold on—” Makoto turns around to grab the file Miho gave him. “Okay, now we can go.”

Haru spares the file a quizzical glance, but doesn’t ask about it. They weave their way through the shatterdome to the labs as Makoto chatters to fill in Haruka’s silence.

“Do you think we should invite Rei?” he asks. “I mean, I don’t think Rei actually knows how to swim, but it would only be _polite_ —”

“Makoto.” Haruka stops walking in the middle of the hall. Makoto stops too, almost tripping in his haste

“Haru?”

“You haven’t said how your session with Matsuoka went.”

“Ah—” Makoto closes his eyes and rubs the back of his neck. “You didn’t ask.”

“I’m asking now.”

Makoto sighs, running a hand through his hair. “He ran out.” Haruka frowns. “I might have a fix though, Miho suggested it, look.” He hands Haruka the file, but before Haru can take it, they are interrupted with an arm flung enthusiastically around Haru’s shoulders.

“Makoto! Haru!” Kisumi says, although it sounds more like “ _Mmktph”_ and “ _Hrrrrr”_ what with the fact that Kisumi currently has a bagel stuck in his mouth. Haruka’s expression turns sour as he shrugs Kisumi’s arm off of him.

“Hi, Kisumi,” Makoto says with a smile. “Whoops, careful with those.” Kisumi grins around the bagel. He’s got two mugs of coffee looped through the fingers of left hand, and deftly switches one to his right. “Where are you off to?”

Kisumi sets the bagel to balance on top of one of his mugs with his teeth. Haru looks disgusted. Makoto only laughs. “Coffee with the marshall in five. Come with? I can grab another mug or two—”

“We’re going swimming.” Haru interrupts him, casting Makoto a plaintive _make him go away_ glance. Makoto has to resist the urge to pinch him.

“Oooh,” Kisumi’s eyes sparkle and he winks. “Not my area.”

“No, it’s not,” Haruka mutters under his breath. This time, Makoto _does_ pinch him.

“Kisumi,” Makoto says as Haru glowers. “If you’re going that way, would you  make a copy of this and stick it with the rest of our training unit files? I want to go over it with you two later.”

“Oh sure,” Kisumi leans over to get a closer look. The coffee sloshes dangerously, and his bagel almost tips over. “Nitori Aiichiro? Isn’t he one of Sasabe’s?”

“Maybe not for long,” Makoto says lightly. He sticks the file in Kisumi’s back pocket, taking his full hands into account.

“Trade him for Nakagawa,” Haruka says, catching on.

“ _Mind_ reader,” Kisumi says, shaking his head at Haru. “Okay, Makoto, but what do you think this kid can do that Nakagawa can’t?”

Makoto smiles. “Tip the scales.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tip the scales indeed, what's our favorite little duckling going to do?
> 
> Fun fact, this fic now has two playlists! [This one](http://www.8tracks.com/crazyinjune/with-seams-of-gold) is by us, and [this one](http://www.8tracks.com/supercrunch/with-seams-of-gold) is by the fabulous [supercrunch](http://www.http://archiveofourown.org/users/supercrunch/works) whose fic you should read if you haven't already because it will make you laugh and cry like nothing else. We have worked very hard on these playlists, they are both delightful and come very handy while writing. Enjoy!
> 
> Hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nitori has a fresh start, and Rin gets to hit the reset button with him.

“I think I have a way to help you, Nitori,” Miss Amakata say, leaning forward with her elbows on the desk.

Nitori perks up. “Really?”

She smiles. “Oh, yes. I want you to go three doors down to room seven, they’ve got a proposition for you.”

“I—” Nitori pauses, confused. He folds his hands together in his lap, willing them not to tremble. “Who’s _they?_ ”

“Oh, you’ll see. Go, go now, you don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Nitori shoots out of his chair. “Yes, ma’am! I’ll go right away!”

“You don’t have to call me ma’am!” Miss Amakata laughs behind him as he speeds out the door.

Room seven is just down the hall, and Nitori’s just about to knock when he sees the nameplate on the door. His blood freezes. Either the universe is playing a massive joke on him, or Miss Amakata has sent Nitori to go see _Tachibana Makoto._

He blinks a couple times, just to make sure he’s not hallucinating. What Tachibana Makoto could _possibly_ want with someone like Nitori he has no idea, but he takes a deep breath and knocks  all the same.

“Hi,” Tachibana himself swings open the door with a wide smile. Nitori has to look up at him. He feels ever so slightly faint. “Come in, we were just waiting for you.”

Tachibana steps to the side and Nitori gingerly walks through the doorway and into the room, half afraid Tachibana is going to kick him out any second. He almost trips over the giant green beanbag on the floor, letting out a squawk that is most certainly not dignified enough for present company. Present company not only being Tachibana, Nitori notes. Nanase Haruka is perched on the desk, and Shigino Kisumi is peering curiously up at him from his seat on the beanbag.

Some part of Nitori wishes the ground would open up and swallow him to spare him the shame. The other, more rational part jumps into a salute. “Nitori Aiichiro!” He introduces himself, trying  to figure out which of them to look at. He chooses Tachibana, just to be safe. “It’s an honor to meet you!”

“Honor’s all ours,” Shigino says smoothly, getting up off the beanbag and flashing Nitori a grin. “We’re the ones who want you.”

“ _Kisumi,”_ Tachibana chides while Nitori tries to remember how to use his vocal chords. “Don’t put it like _that,_ you’ll only confuse him.” He turns to Nitori and smiles. “You can drop that salute now, you know.”

“Um.” Nitori drops the saute and flushes.

“Sit down,” Nanase says from his perch on the desk, inclining his head slightly towards a chair. “We just want to ask you something.”

Nitori takes the seat. Tachibana comes to sit on the other side of the desk, nudging Nanase in the ribs. Nanase slips off the desk and comes around to stand next to him, while Shigino bounds over to stand at Tachibana’s other side.

“Now.” Tachibana folds his hands and leans forward on the desk. It reminds Nitori of Miss Amakata. “Miho—Miss Amakata—she said you’re struggling to keep up in cadet training?”

Nitori’s stomach drops. “I’ll keep up!” he cries out in desperation. “I’ll keep up, I’ll work even harder, I’m sorry, please, don’t kick me out of the program—”

“Slow down” Shigino holds up a placating hand. “No one is talking about kicking you out of the program.”

“Actually,” says Tachibana, pulling a folder from underneath a stack of papers. “We’ve been reviewing your file and training stats, and we think it might be good for you if you train with _us_.”

Nitori’s dumbstruck. “ _What?_ But. But—”

“But what?” asks Nanase.

Nitori stares at his hands. “I’m _awful_ ,” he says softly. “I’m know I’m not good enough to train under such elite rangers.”

“You’re not awful,” Tachibana soothes. Nitori blinks in surprise. “You’re not, _everyone_ has their own roadblocks here. Maybe something as simple as a change in training units could help bring out what you don’t know how to use yet.”

“But—” Nitori wrings his hands. “But why me?”

“Miho sees something in you.” Tachibana glances at either side of him, at Nanase and Shigino. They both give him tiny nods. “After review, so do we. You have so much potential, Nitori. I’d hate for you to think you can’t make it as a ranger.”

“The offer’s on the table,” says Nanase quietly. His eyes seem to pierce Nitori and he quickly looks away. “Take it or leave it.”

Nitori takes a deep breath, stomach churning. “I’ll take it.” He stands up and salutes. “I won’t let you down! I promise!”

Tachibana smiles. “We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, then. Six a.m. sharp in the combat room.” Nitori nods. There’s knock on the door, and Tachibana starts.

“Oh,” he says. “That must be Rin. Kisumi, could you—?”

Kisumi opens the door and the guy Nitori went barrelling into last week walks in. He looks at Nitori and blinks “Hey, I know you.”

“Do you?” Tachibana seems pleased. “Well, that’s great then! Matsouka Rin, this is Nitori Aiichiro. He’ll be training with us from tomorrow.”

Matsouka folds his arms and looks at Nitori with a critical eye. Nitori thinks about crawling into the ground again. After couple seconds, Matsouka nods. “Nice. I look forward to it.” He grins. “Time to show off that hard work of yours, right?”

Nitori swallows and puts on his brave face. “Right!”

 

* * *

 

“We’ll be going back to basics today for the next week or two, which I’m sure will be a relief to you all,” says Makoto, one hand resting on his hip and the other on top of his staff as he stands in front of the line of cadets with Kisumi and Nanase. “This is partly to give most of you a refresher before we go into more neural tests, but also to help integrate our new cadets into this group.” He smiles, giving a nod somewhere to Rin’s left. “Do you want to introduce yourselves?”

Rin starts as two cadets step out of line and snap into salutes. He hadn’t even noticed anyone new in the lineup, but there Nitori was, with that kid who showed up the same day as the kaiju. He gives their trainers a blinding grin and practically vibrates with intensity. “Hazuki Nagisa,” he says cheerfully. “Day one, can’t wait!”

Nariko whispers something in Gou’s ear. Rin can’t catch what it is, all he can hear is the word _Momo_. Gou stifles a laugh as they all bow to Hazuki in greeting. 

“Nitori Aiichiro.” Rin wonders if there’s a slight waver in Nitori’s voice or if he’s just imagining things. “I look forward to training with you all!”

“Okay, split up,” says Nanase. He looks at Nitori and Hazuki. “You two, with each other.”

“Yes, sir, Haru-cha—” Nanase steps on Hazuki’s foot. “ _Nanase_ , sorry!” Hazuki puts his hands behind his back and smiles. Rin wonders if he’s been dropped into an alternate dimension, because for a split second it looks as if Nanase is smiling back.

“Um.” Nitori looks apprehensive.

“Nitori, you can give Nagisa a run down of the basic combat exercises, can’t you?” Makoto cuts in. “You know them already, right?”

Nitori straightens up and puffs out his chest a little. “I do!”

Makoto smiles. “Get to it, then. We’ll check in in a bit.” Nanase wanders away towards the weapons rack, and Makoto follows.

Rin realizes he’s still standing there without a partner, and he turns around to make a beeline for Gou. Nariko’s already there, staff in hand and Rin curses.

“Onii-chan, want to pair up?” Gou smiles at him, and Rin breathes a sigh of relief.

“You two aren’t—?”

“Nah,” Nariko says, twirling her staff idly. “I owe Kisumi a good fight.”

“Why?”

Nariko looks at him and smirks. “Valentine’s Day.” Rin understands immediately. She flashes a grin and takes her leave.

“Come on, Gou.” They claim their preferred corner of the room to get started.

Gou matches him easily strike for strike in the first few exercises, and Rin gets the feeling she’s just trying to indulge him, keep him from flying off the handle. He presses her harder, landing blows hard and fast until she can’t block all of them.

“Nice job, onii-chan. You haven’t beaten me this bad in a while!” She smiles at him, breathing hard and leaning over her staff when they take a break. “They’re watching you,” she whispers.

Rin whips his head around to see. She didn’t mean Makoto and Nanase—Hazuki and Nitori are not too far away, staring at them with staffs hanging limply in their hands. Rin raises his eyebrow at them. Nitori blushes and pokes Hazuki into getting back on task.

Rin and Gou spar three more times—every time, he beats her by a wide margin. That rush is back, the exhilarating shot of adrenaline that ran through his veins the very first day of training that made him go almost giddy. The third time he beats Gou, he’s laughing. So is she.

Makoto stops everyone after half an hour, giving Rin and Gou a quick smile. “Switch partners everyone!” Gou squeezes Rin around the middle then dashes off to team up with Nariko. Makoto beckons to Nitori and walks him over to where Rin is still standing. “Let’s try this team out, shall we?”

Rin smiles. “I’m game if you are.”

Nitori swallows, but looks determined nonetheless. “Okay.”

They start off slow, simple strikes and simple blocks. Nitori keeps up with him smoothly, and Rin remembers that he’s not a total beginner like Hazuki. He’d been training with another unit, obviously, he’d even _told_ Rin as much when they first met. He strikes faster, aiming a blow at Nitori’s neck.

“Ahh!” Nitori yelps and flails out of the way, thrusting out his staff. It’s probably the least graceful block Rin’s ever seen, but it’s a block nonetheless. He grins at Nitori, whipping his staff around his back to give a rapid strike on the other side. Nitori blocks again with a small squeak.

One, two, three more hard and fast strikes, the same kind he used on Gou earlier. She couldn’t block them, but however ungraceful he is, however scared he looks, Nitori can. 

Rin drops his staff and holds up his hands, breathing hard. “Incredible. That was great, wow.” Giving him a wary look, Nitori lowers his staff to the ground. Rin notices Makoto watching them out of the corner of his eye, and gives him a thumbs up. Makoto smiles and gives him a thumbs up back. Nitori gapes.

“What?”

“I didn’t—” Nitori stammers a bit. “I didn’t know you could be so _familiar_ with them…”

Rin chuckles. “Just Makoto. And Kisumi, well, he’s familiar with _everybody._ ” Indeed, Kisumi is chatting up a storm with Hazuki while Hazuki tries desperately to land a blow on him. “Come on, Back to it.”

They settle into a rhythm, quick and forceful but somehow no less comfortable than when they were doing the most basic of exercises. Nitori’s mostly blocking still, but he tries a wild strike or two, that Rin blocks with relative ease. All around him he hears the _clack clack_ of staff, of partners in perfect harmony. Nitori’s small but determined, and both their staffs become blurry with speed. Rin’s breathing hard, half laughing, half shouting in the midst of some giddy kind of combat high that he hasn’t felt the likes of since Samezuka, when it was him, Sousuke, Gou, on top of the _freaking world._ It feels like _home_ —familiar moves, familiar rush of adrenaline pounding through his veins, and next to Gou a familiar flash of dark hair and a sharp jaw that he catches in the corner of his eye. “Sousuke!”

Gou’s staff clatters to the ground. “Onii-chan—” She’s staring at him almost in horror, and room goes dead silent.

One by one, all eyes train in on Rin. His staff goes limp in his hands. Nitori grips his even tighter and takes a step back, staring just like everyone else.

Nanase narrows his eyes at him, and Rin feels hot tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Nanase, of course, it was _Nanase_ he saw, not—

“Rin, are you okay?” Kisumi speaks first. Hazuki stands next to him, eyes wide.

“No.” Rin doesn’t move. He drops his staff and Nitori catches it in a split second.  Nanase and Makoto are whispering. Makoto signals a hand to Kisumi, who claps his hands together far louder than necessary.

“Alright everyone!” He moves around the room, collecting weapons, strained smile on his face. “Take a look at the clock, we’re out of time, best we clear out!”

Rin is aware that everyone around him is leaving the room, but he stays still, staring at the floor. No one tells him to go. He stumbles over to the nearest wall and slides down it, hitting the ground with a thud.

He knocks his head back against the wall. He was silly to get his hopes up, after all.

 

* * *

 

“Haru—”

“Just go,” Haruka insists. “Makoto, go, you’ll only worry yourself. I want to talk to him.”

Makoto bites his lip and glances at Rin, slumped against the wall on the opposite side of the room and staring into space. Kisumi’s standing leaning in the doorway, arms folded, having gotten everyone out of the room but Nagisa.

“Don’t worry, Mako-chan,” Nagisa tugs Makoto’s sleeve. “Haru-chan can handle it. Right Haru-chan?”

Haru nods. Makoto gives them both a tight smile. “I know you can, Haru.”

“Let’s go see what Rei-chan’s up to,” Nagisa suggests softly. “I bet he’s only got a robotic arm to talk to right now.”

Makoto sighs. “Sure, Nagisa.” Nagisa grabs his hand and pulls him towards the door. Kisumi straightens up and gives them a nod before leaving. Makoto turns around to face Haruka.

 _Thank you,_ the look in his eyes says.

Haru gives him a soft nod as Nagisa gently pulls him out the door.

Rin has seemingly paid no attention to any of this going on. Haruka walks up to him and stands there, waiting for Rin to eventually look up. Haru takes another step forward, just enough for his shadow to drop over Rin’s face. Rin looks up.

“You’re upsetting Makoto,” Haru says simply.

Rin blinks, expression going from blank to confused for a split second. “I’m upsetting—” He leaps to his feet suddenly, throwing himself in Haruka’s face. Haru takes a couple steps back automatically. “ _T_ _hat’s_ what bothers you right now?” Rin hisses. “I’m _upsetting Makoto?”_

Haru tries to keep his face as impassive as possible. “He’s trying to _help_ you and it’s taking a toll on him.”

Rin lets out a strangled laugh. Haruka wishes he hadn’t stayed back, wishes he was in the lab with Rei and Nagisa and Makoto. “Well, at least he has _you_ to bear the load, right?”

Haruka furrows his eyebrows. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Rin snarls and throws his hands out, pushing Haru back. Haruka’s too shocked to do anything in retaliation. “What if you came here _alone_ , Nanase? What if you didn’t _have him_?”

“You have your sister—”

“ _Sousuke_.” Rin fists his hands in his hair, looking at Haruka with half deranged, wild eyes. “I was _supposed_ to have _Sousuke_.”

“I—” Haruka’s at a loss for what to say, what to do. Something in his stomach twists. “I don’t know who that is.”

“I wish I didn’t,” Rin whispers to the floor.

Haru bites his lip. Rin’s stopped moving, back to standing stock still in the middle of the combat floor. Haru walks silently to a closet and wheels out a punching bag. He unhooks a key from the ring in his pocket and sets it precariously on top of the bag.

“Lock up when you leave,” he says quietly.

Rin doesn’t answer. Haruka walks out and closes the door on him, pretending he didn’t see the tears running down Rin’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Rin hit that reset button a little too hard.
> 
> Kisumi, on the other hand, was up to some Valentine's Day shenanigans last week. [Catch that here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3352154) if you missed it!
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com)!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin takes baby steps. Everyone else takes much bigger ones.

“Yamazaki Sousuke.”

“What?”

“Yamazaki Sousuke,” the marshall repeats, pressing something on his glass tablet. A hologram springs to life on top of his desk. A thumbnail of Yamazaki Sousuke stares out at them, dark and brooding next to the statistics reports Samezuka routinely sends the Tokyo Shatterdome. “He’s the only Sousuke  in Samezuka’s database in the past two years. Graduated their program at the same time as Matsouka, top scores across the board, look. Ranked second in his class.”

“Rin ranked first...” Makoto muses. “Right?” Seijuuro nods, pulling up Rin’s profile next to Yamazaki’s. Makoto looks at his picture, blurred out from the hologram—even so he’s all sharp lines and that confident, wicked smile of his, so unlike the Rin that’s been walking around the shatterdome these days, haunted and hollow. “Haru, do you think this could be who Rin was talking about?”

Haruka frowns. “Probably. Rin said they were supposed to come here together.”

“He didn’t enroll in the jaeger program.” Seijuuro says. “I don’t even have record that he _applied_.”

“Maybe another shatterdome? Hong Kong?” Makoto’s grasping at straws, but he’s felt a pit in his stomach for days, ever since Haru told him about Rin’s breakdown in the combat room.

The marshall shakes his head. “The application goes to all operating shatterdomes, remember? I’d still have it if he was assigned to Sydney or San Francisco, much less Hong Kong.”

“If he and Rin were friends, it might explain his instability,” Makoto says quietly.

“We could ask his sister,” Seijuuro says. With a flick of his wrist, Gou’s profile pops up right next to Rin’s, her sunny smile beaming out at them. Haru nods in approval.

“I—” Makoto shifts in discomfort.

Seijuuro raises an eyebrow. “Problem, Tachibana?”

Makoto sighs. Haruka is looking at him, eyes narrowed, and Makoto already regrets what he want to say. “I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position.”

Seijuuro folds his arms. “Explain.”

“Whatever is happening with Rin is obviously deeply personal,” Makoto says, twisting his hands together. Despite it all, he keeps his chin raised to look the marshall straight in the eye. “With siblings, it’s...it’s a betrayal of trust, almost. We’re near strangers, spilling her brother’s deepest secrets, it may not sit right with her.” Seijuuro says nothing, but the corners of his mouth turn down as he thinks this over. Emboldened, Makoto continues. “Marshall, you should know that.”

“Makoto—”

“Look,” Makoto softens his voice. “I just think...if he was friends with Rin and made such a big impact on him, it’s likely that he was friends with her too. I don’t want to force her to talk about something that might bring her pain, the last thing we need is two unstable Matsoukas in this this place.”

“So we ask,” Haruka says. Makoto jumps a little, surprised that he’s speaking at all. “I don’t have siblings like you two, I don’t know, but if we just _ask_ she might tell us. She cares about him, she might want to help.”

“That’s part of the problem, isn’t it?” It seems obvious to Makoto, but apparently not everyone. “She’s being asked by _three_ of her superiors, even if _we_ give her a choice to talk, the power dynamic here doesn’t giver her a choice at all, really. That’s not fair to her.”

“But what she knows could help Rin,” Haruka counters.

“Yeah.” Makoto runs a hand through his hair. “It could help Rin.”

Seijuuro is frowning deeply, tapping one hand on his desk and giving a long look at the three holograms in front of him. “You have a point, Makoto, but so does Haru. Knowing exactly who this guy is could do a great deal in getting Matsouka on track.” He pauses, narrowing his eyes at them. “Unless you’re prepared for me to boot him from the program.”

Makoto shakes his head mutely. He might be imagining it, but he thinks he sees Haruka go a shade paler.

“I thought so. Here’s what we’re going to do,” Seijuuro slaps a hand onto his desk decisively, straightening in his chair and setting his jaw. He’s the very picture of authority, and Makoto’s reminded of how grateful that a man like Seijuuro is running this place. “We’ll call her in and ask, but make it clear that she doesn’t have to tell us anything. I know it’s not ideal, but given the nature of this program, but Matsouka is jeopardizing his place here, and if we have a potential way to stop that,  I feel obligated to pursue it. Is  that fine with you two?”

Haru nods, but Makoto retains a sense of apprehension. “I—” He sees a flicker of irritation in Haruka’s face and gives a weak smile. “I still think giving her a choice doesn’t make a difference, but I suppose it’s the best we can do.”

Seijururo nods in approval. “Well then.” He flicks off the three holograms and brings up a few more screens. “Let me just send her a message—”

“No,” says Haruka. They look at him in surprise.

“Haru—?”

“Rin will know, if you just message her out of the blue like that,” he clarifies. “Don’t let him know we’re talking to her.”

Makoto frowns, leaning back in his chair. “But how?”

“I know how.” Seijuuro presses his call button. “Nariko?”

Nariko’s voice comes crackling through his speakers. “ _Yeah? What’s up, nii-san?”_

“I need you to get your friend Gou into my office, asap.”

_“Don’t you usually just send a message youself?”_

Seijuuro sighs in irritation. “I’m trying to be discreet here. It’s about her brother.” There’s silence on the other end of the line. “Nariko?”

“ _Okay. Okay, I’m getting her, we’re coming now.”_

Seijuuro hangs up and puts his feet on his desk. “And now we wait.” He leans forward to push his candy dish towards Haru and Makoto. “Chocolate? Kisumi dumped these on me on Valentine’s Day.” Haruka wrinkles his nose in distaste, but Makoto takes one.

“I still think this might not be a good idea,” he says softly, unwrapping his chocolate and shredding the foil with his fingers. “It seems wrong to pry.”

“Makoto.” Haru uncurls the shreds of foil from Makoto’s fingers and tosses them into Seijuuro’s wastebasket. “It’ll help.”

Makoto’s not so sure. He regrets ever going to the marshall in the first place, wishing he had just waited until his next session with Rin to bring it up personally. He’s no therapist, not at all, but regardless the guilt of going behind Rin’s back this keeps gnawing at him. Not to mention that Miho would chew out even the marshall if she knew what they were up to.

There’s a knock at the door. Seijuuro presses another button on his desk and the doors slightly, revealing an uncharacteristically somber Nariko and a very confused Gou.

The girls salute. “Marshall Mikoshiba,” Gou says. Seijuuro nods to Nariko, and with slight nod back she turns on her heel and marches out the door. Gou looks even more confused. “What’s—”

“Sit down,” Seijuuro says, folding his hands on this desk. Haruka pulls up a chair between himself and Makoto, and Gou gives them both quick, nervous glances before sitting down. Her back is ramrod straight, and she puts her hands in her lap and looks at the marshall.

Seijuuro says nothing, simply brings up Yamazaki’s profile. His face flashes in front of them, and Gou’s eyes widen, and Makoto swears he hears a hitch in her breath.

“Your brother let his name slip,” Haruka says quietly.

“I know,” Gou says. She doesn’t take her eyes off of Yamazaki’s face. “We all know, I almost broke a staff, remember?” She shifts her gaze the marshall. “You want to know who he is, don’t you?”

Makoto’s not surprised that she’s caught on. “Gou,” he  interjects before she can say anything else. “Look, Gou, you don’t have to tell us anything about him or about Rin, we don’t want to put you in that position—”

Gou shakes her head. “If I can’t get onii-chan talk about this, maybe you can.” She bites her lip. “That was the first time he’s even said Sousuke’s _name_ since we got here.”

“ So what do you know about him?” Makoto winces. Seijuuro could stand to be a little less brusque given the situation, he thinks.

“Everything, really.” She looks down, giving her folded hands a sad smile. “Except why he’s not bunking with my brother right now.”

“They were friends?” Haru shifts around in his chair so he’s facing her, and Makoto raises an eyebrow at his interest. He hasn’t seen Haru this alert and engaged outside of a jaeger or combat practice in a very long while. For a moment, Makoto allows himself to entertain the idea that Haruka is just as invested in Rin Matsouka as he is.

Gou is shaking her head again. “More than that.” She wraps her fingers around the ends of her ponytail, twisting her hair absently. “I don’t actually remember a time when Sousuke _wasn’t_ in our lives. I haven’t grown up with one brother, I’ve grown up with _two_. They’ve been inseparable their whole lives, Sousuke and onii-chan.” She looks on either side of her. “Like you two. Just like you two.”

Haruka’s looking at him, but Makoto can’t read the expression on his face. It’s happening a lot more lately, him not being able to tell what Haru’s thinking, and it’s just another thing that’s been putting him ill at ease.

“So they decided to go to Samezuka together?” Seijuuro asks.

“Onii-chan’s figured they’d pilot together since they were kids, really. It’s all he’s ever dreamed about, even before—” Gou breaks off and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. “Even before Papa died.”

“Ah—” Makoto almost says something, try to be comforting, but changes his mind for fear of putting his foot in his mouth. Haruka frowns a little.

“Your dad was something else,” Seijuuro says quietly. “He was a superstar.”

Gou opens her eyes and raises her chin. “So is onii-chan. So am I, so is Sousuke.” Her voice rings with pride and defiance, and never more has she looked like her brother.

“Yamazaki’s not here though,” Seijuuro says, looking at Gou and narrowing his eyes. “He didn’t even apply to the program.”

“He’s in Chiba.” Gou gives them a helpless shrug.

“Wall of Life?” Haruka’s voice is sharp.

Gou nods. “He didn’t tell any of us until graduation day. Sprung it on onii-chan, they fought, onii-chan ran off to Kyoto of all places. I didn’t see him for _days_ , the next time I actually saw him was _here._ ”

Makoto raises an eyebrow. “Kyoto?”

“He didn’t even get me a souvenir.” Gou laughs a little, but then she sighs. “He’s been a wreck ever since, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you...have you kept in contact with Yamazaki?” Haru asks, furrowing his brows.

“I’ve called him three or four times, yes.” Gou is frowning now too. “But all I could get out of him is that he’s eating fine, that he’s sleeping fine, and that no, he’s not going to enroll in the jaeger program. If I ever try to bring up onii-chan, he says he’s got go to and hangs up.”

“That’s…” Makoto searches for the appropriate thing to say. “That’s ah...worrying.” He can see Haruka trying disguise a small snort, but unfortunately cannot reach around Gou to pinch him.

She presses her lips together. “He won’t talk about onii-chan, onii-chan won’t talk about him, and I just... _god_ , onii-chan and Sousuke were never good at taking care of themselves!” She’s beginning to take shaky breaths, twisting her hands together. Makoto and Haru glance at Seijuuro, who gets the message instantly.

“Thank you, Matsouka,” he says gently. “That’s enough, you’re dismissed.”

She has to grip the chair as she stands up, trying to control her breathing, and Makoto’s impressed with her resilience. For all they’ve sprung on her and for all her shaking, she hasn’t shed a tear. She walks to the exit with slow, measured steps, but stops halfway. Spinning on her heel to face them again, she lifts her chin and salutes. The marshall smiles, and salutes back. Haru and Makoto follow suit.

As the doors close behind Gou’s heels, Makoto reaches over her now empty chair to take Haruka’s hand. _Just like you two_ , Gou had said. He squeezes the hand in his, and silently wonders what would have happened to him had he not walked through the doors of the shatterdome for the first time alone,  no Haru at his side. The thought sends a chill down his spine, and he shakes it off as quick as he can.

He looks back at the hologram of Yamazaki and his stats still floating above Seijuuro’s desk. At any rate, he’s starting to understand why the hole in Rin’s heart is larger than he thought it was.

 

* * *

 

Nagisa knows something is off when he finds textbooks under Rei’s desk.

“REI-CHAN.”

There’s a thud, a bang, and a very satisfying crash as Rei jumps in surprise and drops the thankfully unlit blowtorch on his foot. “ _Nagsia,_ ” he hisses, hopping on one leg. “If you could please refrain from being horrendously loud without _warning_.” He gives the other side of the lab a furtive glance. “I don’t want to wake up the kaijus,” he whispers.

“There are textbooks under your desk,” says Nagisa, crawling out from underneath the desk in question. “You _never_ keep books _under your desk,_ that’s my kinda thing. Also I’m like ninety percent sure that all of Momo’s kaiju parts are totally dead.”

“I CAN HEAR YOU.” Momo’s head pops out from behind a giant tank. “And _actually_ I got a dude in the city to sell me a larva the other day, _look_ it’s totally alive!” He shoves the lid to his tank aside and  plunges his hand in, pulling out a gelatinous, dripping blob. Rei seems to be trying incredibly hard to contort his face into an expression that doesn’t betray his complete and utter disgust. Nagisa’s eyes sparkle.

“Isn’t that…” Rei drops his voice. “Isn’t that illegal, Momotarou?”

Momo shrugs. “I mean, nii-san gave me the dude’s address, so I guess not.”

Nagisa wonders how often Rei makes that expression, because it really can’t be good for preserving the integrity of his face.

“Momotarou,” Rei says, plastering on a smile. “Do you really want to expose your larva to the air in the lab? There could be contaminants.”

Momo’s eyes widen and he drops his larva back into the tank. He’s a little too vigorous in his enthusiasm, however, and ends up  with half the tank’s contents splashing on top of him. He lets out a loud screech while Nagisa doubles over in laughter.

 “Um,” Momo says. “My bad.”

“Toxic showers?” Rei suggests politely. Nagisa fascinates himself with the vein throbbing in Rei’s neck.

“Right,” Momo agrees. He runs off, leaving squelchy wet footprints behind him. Rei takes a moment to push up his glasses and sigh a long, drawn out sigh. Then he spins around to face Nagisa.

“And _what_ were you doing under my desk?” he asks imperiously, towering over Nagisa. Nagisa does not cower. He holds up an allen wrench.

“Dropped it!” He flashes Rei his most charming smile, hoping it’ll soften him just a bit. It does.

“Look, you’ve gotten your beautiful jacket dirty,” he says, brushing the dust off of Nagisa’s back. It _is_ a beautiful jacket—embroidered with Nagisa’s name and a badge declaring him a cadet of the Tokyo shatterdome. He had screamed and jumped on Makoto in ecstasy when he first found it hanging in his closet before he had even started training. Makoto, saint that he is, held his weight perfectly fine with nothing but a smile.

He waits for Rei to finish fussing over him before bending down to heave the books onto the table. “Okay. So what are _these_ and why are you _hiding them_.”

“I had no more room on my bookshelf,” Rei replies stiffly, picking up the books and shoving them right back under the desk. Nagisa looks pointedly at the empty spaces in Rei’s bookshelf.

“I call bullshit.” The books are plopped back onto the table.

“Don’t use such vulgar language.” Rei tries to grab the books back, but Nagisa flings his entire body over them. “Nagisa, _please_.”

“I will get off,” Nagisa promises, fixing Rei with an intense stare. “I will get off if you tell me exactly why you are _hiding_ books about _—”_ He bends at an awkward angle to check the title of the book under his sternum. “Combat training and neurology.”

“I—” Rei huffs. “I picked them up for some light reading, is that a problem?”

Sighing, Nagisa slides off of the books, letting them crash to the ground as they slide off with him. “Please don’t lie to  me, Rei-chan.”

“I’m not—”

“The back of your neck is bright red.” Nagisa moves forwards to nuzzles his head against Rei’s elbow. “ _Rei-chan_ , just tell me what’s going on.” He pulls back, still clutching Rei’s sleeve. “Hang on. Combat training and neurology.”

“Ye-e-e-s?” Rei is looking at him with a good deal of apprehension.

Nagisa’s face splits into a slow grin, and his eyes are shining.  “ _Combat training_ and _neurology_ …Rei-chan, you’re going to apply to the pilot program!”

“Shhhh!” Rei claps his free hand over Nagisa’s mouth. Nagisa promptly licks his hand and Rei makes a beeline for the hand sanitizer.

“I’m right, right?” Nagisa bounces after him, latching onto his back. “Tell me I’m right, tell me you’re applying to be a cadet!”

“Nagisa—”

Nagisa leaps off and wiggles in front of his face. “I mean, let’s be real, Rei-chan, you’d look _beautiful_ in a jacket like this—”

“ _Nagisa_.” Rei puts his hands on Nagisa’s shoulders and Nagisa stills instantly, staring at Rei with wide eyes. “I’m—I’m _considering_ applying. I’ve always thought engineering was my passion but—”

Nagisa whoops and punches the air. “You realize what this means?”

Rei arches an eyebrow. “It means that I may or may not apply to the pilot program.”

Nagisa brushes this thought aside. “It _means_ that we might end up in a jaeger together!”

“ _If_ I even apply, and _if_ we’re drift compatible to the best possible degree.” Rei smiles in spite of himself.

“How could we not be?” Nagisa looks genuinely confused that Rei would even imply otherwise. “We’d could be the best jaeger team since Mako-chan and Haru-chan I bet.”

Rei raises an eyebrow again. “Oh?”

“A bit of you, and a bit of me, Rei-chan.” Nagisa’s smile is blinding. “It’s a winning combination.”

 

* * *

 

 “You need to get out of this room,” Gou had said before being whisked off to wherever Nariko wanted her. Rin had been curled up in bed for the past three hours.  “Maybe work out a little. And no, that doesn’t mean haul off and wreck another punching bag, I don’t think we even have any _left_ in the combat room anymore.”

“We don’t,” Nariko had clarified.”Come on Gou, I want to show you something.”

Which is how Rin now finds himself in the  middle of the hall half an hour later tying the laces on his running shoes. He hasn’t gone for a jog in weeks, and never out in the city, usually opting for the shatterdome’s indoor track. Some outside air might do him good, make Gou happy, and Makoto too, come to think of it. And if he runs enough, he might be able to get the lead weight out of his chest.

“Matsouka senpai! Are you going to the gym too?”

Rin looks up in surprise. Not since Samezuka has anyone called him _senpai_ , and he wonders if Nitori calls everyone that. He straightens, rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah, no, I was going for a jog out in the city actually.”

“Change of pace?”  Nitori asks brightly. “That’s a good idea, I know you’ve been troubled lately.” Rin quirks an eyebrow and Nitori pales. “Oh, oh no, Matsouka senpai I’m sorry that was incredibly rude of me, I was so out of line—”

“Hey, hey, calm down, you’re fine.” Rin ruffles his hair in reassurance and Nitori gives a tiny squeak. “I’m a mess, and everybody knows it, you don’t have to pretend I’m anything but.” He gives a small shrug. “It’s time I try and fix it, I guess.”

Nitori looks visibly relieved. “I’m sorry anyways, Matsouka senpai.”

Rin cocks his head. “Well, I’m going to do a 5k. Run with me? It’s more fun than working out alone. And you don’t have to call me Matsouka senpai, I’m not your superior or anything.”

Nitori blushes a little. “I’d love to join you...Rin…senpai?”

“That’ll do,” Rin laughs. The sound of his own laugh startles him a bit. For the first time in a very long while it’s not brought on by an adrenaline high in combat, or tinged with the bitter sort of mockery that he’s reserved for himself these days.

He beckons to Nitori and they head off in silence. As the massive shatterdome doors open, a gust of sharp wind hits Rin in the face. Despite the cold, he closes his eyes and breathes in the salty ocean air, feeling a warmth settle in his chest. It’s nearly spring, and the air smells almost like it does back in Iwatobi. Like home.

The air’s not as clean as Iwatobi though. He coughs a little as he and Nitori set off. The pounding rhythm of their feet sets a nice cadence and Rin doesn’t feel the need to stop and pull out his earbuds for some music like he usually does. Nitori’s behind him half a step, but their pace is roughly the same, feet hitting the ground at the same time. Rin sees Nitori’s bright yellow running shoes just behind his own in his peripheral vision. It’s nice to have someone to run with, even when it’s just quiet and steady like this. He’s never liked running alone, and Gou much prefers indoor cardio.

Nitori’s slowing down a mile and a half in, and Rin can hear his breath going slightly ragged. He turns around, jogging backwards so he can keep facing Nitori. “Tired already?”

Nitori screws his eyes shut, breathing hard. “Not yet!”

“That’s the spirit! But pace yourself, kid, don’t push too hard in the beginning.” Rin smiles turns back around and slows down ever so slightly, for Nitori’s sake.

Nitori keeps lagging, but to Rin’s astonishment he keeps pounding on, determined to keep up with him. It’s another ten minutes before Rin slows down to a walk and stops in front of a convenience store, because Nitori’s almost gasping for breath.

“Come on,” Rin says, tilting his head towards the storefront. “Water.” Nitori nods wordlessly, clutching  stitch in his side.

Rin pays for both water bottles despite Nitori’s protests, and the hydration is a relief to them both. Rin shakes out his limbs on the sidewalk while Nitori wipes the sweat off his brow.

“Your stamina is incredible,  Rin senpai.” Nitori’s all admiration now that he can breathe again.

Rin smiles. “You’ll get there. You’re pretty impressive yourself, Nitori, you’ve got a hell of a lot of determination.” Nitori beams. “Come on, you ready? I want to try and sprint the last mile back home.”

It only occurs to him halfway through the mile that he’s just called the shatterdome _home_.

Nitori gets to the shatterdome doors about three minutes or so after he does, doubling over and clutching his knees as soon as he reaches Rin. “Good run,” he gasps. Despite the fact that Nitori is positively green at this point, Rin gets the feeling he’s being sincere.

“We’ll do it again soon, huh? Got to work on that stamina of yours.” He ruffles Nitori’s hair again, and Nitori straightens up with considerable effort.

“Absolutely! Thank you Rin senpai!”

“Nah, my pleasure. Glad you came with me, Nitori” He claps a hand on Nitori’s shoulder with a grin and heads back to his room, leaving a furiously blushing Nitori behind. He’s sweaty and sticky, in desperate need of a hot shower. Gou’s still gone, he figures. Nariko always has her up to something for hours on end.

He’s wrong. Just as he’s about to open the door to his room, it swings open on the other end. Rin blinks. “Oh. Hey, Gou, I thought you were with Nariko.”

“I was. I’m not,” Gou says lightly. “Anymore.” He may be imagining it, but Rin thinks he sees a flicker of a frown pass across her face. She’s still holding onto the door handle, gripping it a little tighter.

“Is anything wrong?”

“Not at all!” Definitely something is off. There’s an artificial, overly cheery quality to her voice that Rin doesn’t like.

“Okay.” He slips past her to get inside and heads to his dresser to pull out fresh clothes, and she turns around to hover in the doorway and look at him. “Weren’t you going somewhere?”

“Oh! Right!” This time, her smile seems genuine. “Picking up Hana, actually, she’s just landed and I wanted to bring her here instead of letting her find her way herself.”

“You should get going then, “ he says, bundling his clothes under one arm. “Don’t want to keep her waiting, right?”

“Right,” Gou agrees. She still doesn’t move, however, remaining in the doorway and staring at him. “Onii-chan?”

“Yeah?” He flings his towel over his shoulder.

“You look…” she tilts her head at him in curiosity. “I mean, you look sweaty and gross, but...you look _happy_.”

“Yeah,” Rin smiles at her. “I think I am.”

For once, he’s not lying.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Nitori just the sweetest darling you've ever seen in your life? We love him too. And well, with happy, well adjusted Rin finally showing up, it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
> 
> Hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com)!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between unexpected guests, room changes, and a number of sparks flying, it's one hell of a Monday at the shatterdome.

Rin settles on the beanbag when he walks into Makoto’s office, making Makoto smile and sit on the floor instead of his desk chair.

“Change of pace?”

Rin gives him a half shrug. “That’s what Nitori said too. I figure I need one, right?”

Makoto laughs. “Well, that’s one thing I don’t have to tell you.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs to put his chin in his hands. “How are you doing?”

Another shrug. Normally, Makoto would be worried at the apparent apathy but for once there aren’t cheerless lines pulling down Rin’s face. He looks thoughtful, comfortable as he sinks further into the beanbag. “I’ve been running for a couple days? Out in Tokyo, with Nitori.”

“With Nitori, huh?” Makoto’s pleased that he may have at least done _something_ right in bringing Nitori over, if nothing else.

Rin nods. “Kid’s got drive like nothing else, I’m glad he’s switched over to our training group.”

The corner of Makoto’s mouth twitches. “He’s just about your age, I’m not sure you get to call him _kid_.”

“He’s Gou’s age,” Rin defends. “And he’s _tiny_ , come on, he’s like, shorter than your friend Hazuki.”

Makoto laughs. “Actually, Nitori has about three centimeters on Nagisa.”

Rin raises an eyebrow. “You have that committed to memory?”

“Oh, I’ve read all your files more than enough times,” Makoto gives the stack of papers on his desk a weary look, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. “Also, Nagisa’s very proud of his height.”

“Is he? Really?”

“He likes being tiny and terrifying,” Makoto explains. “He put both Haru and I in the hospital at least once when we were kids, and all it took was a _come on, Mako-chan, it’ll be fun!_ ”

Rin blinks. “Remind me never to spar with him then.”

Makoto smiles. “Duly noted.” They sit in silence for a minute, Makoto watching Rin run his fingers over the seams in the bean bag.

“It’s splitting,” Rin says quietly. He fixes his eyes on his finger, resting over a tiny seam that’s split open. It’s not bad enough that the stuffing threatens to spill but it’s a broken seam nonetheless.

“Rin.” Makoto’s voice is soft.

“Yeah?” Rin doesn’t look at him.

“We should talk about Sousuke.”

Rin lifts a hand to pinch at his forehead, dragging it down his face. “I guess we should.” He won’t meet Makoto’s gaze, fixing his eyes squarely on his fingers. “Cat’s out of the bag, huh? I’m guessing Nanase told you what happened after training the other day.”

“He did,” Makoto admits. Rin scoffs, and Makoto feels even worse for what he’s about to say than he did before. “We, ah… we did some digging into Samezuka databases to find him.”

RIn’s head snaps up. “ _Find_ him?” There’s a razor sharp edge to his voice, and now it’s Makoto who can’t meet Rin’s eyes. “What do you mean _find_ him?”

“Not _actually—_ I mean—” Makoto’s fumbling his words, cursing himself for letting Haru talk him into going to Seijuuro in the first place. “We just looked him up, we wanted to see who he was, why he was affecting you like this—”

“Who says it’s because of _him_ I’m like this?” Rin’s practically feral now, clenching his fists into the bean bag. The ripped seam stretches precariously.

“ _Rin_.” It’s a tone Makoto only uses during particularly unruly parts of training, sharp and authoritarian. He hates using it now, but he needs a way to get Rin to back down and doesn’t know how else to do it.

His sudden firmness shocks Rin into silence, and he deflates just as fast as he had gotten fired up, sagging back into the beanbag and clutching at his hair a little. “Sorry.”

Makoto shakes his head. “No. You’re allowed to be angry. We were more than a bit underhanded about trying to figure out who he is. The marshal even brought Gou in to ask what she knew.”

“You went to _Gou_?” Rin’s eyes flare in anger again, but this time at least he stays still. “Behind my back?”

“Yes.” There’s no point in hiding it, Makoto figures. “We did, and I know that me saying I felt awful about about it doesn’t make it any better.” Rin folds his arms across his chest and looks away. A beat later, he pushes himself up and out of the beanbag, and Makoto scrambles to his feet as fast as he can. “Rin—”

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving.” He gestures to the chair next to Makoto’s desk that he normally sits in. “I just wanted out of that beanbag.”

They take a minute to settle into their respective seats. Rin slumps back in his chair, rubbing his fingers in circles on his temples and taking deep, heavy breaths with closed eyes and Makoto indulges him for a while, just letting Rin breathe in and out. In, out.

“You’re angry,” Makoto says after a while.

Rin shakes his head. “Not at you, or Nanase. Not really.”

“At Sousuke?”

“You know, I don’t think _you_ can call him _Sousuke_.” Rin gives him a dry smile, and Makoto chuckles in spite of himself.

“At Yamazaki, then.”

“Yeah. At him.”

He doesn’t elaborate. Makoto has never before understood the phrase _treading on thin ice_ , but he’s beginning to see its value. One misstep, one wrong word and Rin just might crack again. He’s fumbling for what to say again, for what to do to make this better, but Rin speaks again before Makoto has to.

“He lied to me.” Rin’s voice is impossibly soft, at a whisper that Makoto has to bend to hear despite them sitting only a foot apart. “Practically lied to me our _entire lives_ , pretending he _actually_ believed in this program.” He’s got his teeth clenched, grinding out the words. “And like an idiot, I believed _him_. Years at Samezuka thinking we’d end up in a jaeger together but he doesn’t give a shit. He lied, he left, and I’m here, pathetic and _useless_.”

“You’re not.” Makoto says. “Pathetic. Or useless, I mean.”

Rin makes a noise of derision in the back of his throat. “Please.” He turns away, wiping at his eyes.

“Look,” Makoto says, folding his arms across his desk. “You’ve been running with Nitori, haven’t you? You’ve able to connect well with people that aren’t Yamazaki, haven’t you? No, I know it’s been shaky, but you _have_ done it.”

Rin still looks skeptical. “I suppose.”

“It’s hard,” Makoto continues. “I know it’s hard, and I _know_ —”

“Do you?” Rin interrupts. “ _You_ got to come with your best friend in the world, and now you two are world _famous.”_

Makoto fixes his eyes on Rin’s. “I was fully prepared to come here without Haru.”

“What?” Rin’s mouth drops a little.

“It’s not something we tell the magazines, Rin. I decided to apply without him, he tried to talk me out of it a million times.”

“But then he came with you.”

Makoto nods. “Yeah. He did, in the end.”

“That’s…” Rin struggles for the words. “New information.”

“My point is, you can succeed here without Yamazaki, but only if you believe you can.”

“Easier said than done,” Rin points out. “I’ve been _trying._ ”

“Believe in _us_ , then,” Makoto suggests. “You have a support team here. Me. Haru, Kisumi, you can go to Miho if you need to. You have your sister, you’re getting on with Nitori splendidly. He may have been the person you always believed you’d pilot with, but that doesn’t mean there is no one else here that can have just as strong of a neural connection as you would have had with him.”

“You’re saying…” Rin speaks slowly, as if he’s tasting the words in his mouth. “I can do this without him.” A ghost of a smile spreads across his face.

Makoto smiles. “Yes.”

Rin takes a breath. “I can do this without him.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I don’t like it.” Gou’s frowning at Hana’s schedule on Hana’s newly issued tablet. “I don’t like it, I want to do this with you, I didn’t expect you to be in an _entirely_ different training unit.”

“It happens, Gou,” Hana tries to sooth her, tugging the tablet out of  her hands. “Haven’t you been telling me how elite Tachibana and Nanase are? I guess I just didn’t make the cut.”

“Not exactly.” Nariko says. She’s spinning around in Gou’s desk chair while Gou and Hana have commandeered Rin’s bed. It’s lucky he’s off at the psych center, Gou thinks, or he’d grump at them all for messing up his sheets. Nariko had declined using her own room as meeting place, seeing as Momo’s new dog had gotten into half her things. “I mean if the likes of _Nakagawa_ can train with them, so can you, Hanamura.”

“Nakagawa’s out though, he left when we got Nitori.” Gou points out.

Hana makes a sour face at her. “How reassuring.”

“Sorry,” Gou gives her a squeeze around the middle.

Hana blows a puff of air through her cheeks in frustration. “I mean, you said they made room for whatshisname, right? Maybe there’s a way I can get transferred into your unit as well?”

“We’d need official permission,” Nariko shrugs, still spinning. Her knee bangs the inside of Gou’s desk and she glares at it.

“From who?” Gou asks.

Nariko smiles. “Permission from my brother would work swell.” She reaches across Gou’s desk for her phone.

“Your brother?” Hana asks. She furrows her brows. “My god. _Mikoshiba_.” She turns on Gou, accusatory. “You never told me she was the _marshal’s sister!”_

“Didn’t I?” Gou asks, the picture of innocence.

Nariko looks up from tapping away at her phone. “You’ve been talking about me?” she grins, looking remarkably like her older brother.

Gou rolls her eyes. “Duh. You and onii-chan are the main people I talk about.”

“How is your brother anyways?” Hana asks. “I haven’t even seen him since getting here.”

Gou shrugs and sighs, resting her head on Hana’s shoulder. “Better? I think. I _hope_.” She nudges Hana’s shoulder with her nose. “I don’t suppose that Sousuke’s come by Samezuka.”

“No, I definitely would have told you right away if he had.” Hana shakes her head. “I really don’t get why he didn’t come here with you two.”

“I wish I knew,” sighs Gou.

“Well,” Nariko swings her feet. “Nii-san won’t be in his office for much longer. Hanamura, you want in on our training unit?”

Gou lifts her head off of Hana and they both light up. “Can I?” Hana asks.

Nariko jumps out of Gou’s chair. “Let’s go then.”

Gou rummages around the rumpled sheets. “Wait, I need to find my phone—” but Nariko’s already out the door, Hana on her heels.

“Don’t _walk_ so fast, you two!” Gou calls. She finds her phone under the pillow and dashes out of the room, jogging a little to catch up. Hana laughs.

“Nii-saaaan!” Nariko bangs on the marshal’s door. The doors slide open, and instead of sitting at his desk like Gou expected, he’s standing on the other side of the door looking bewildered.

“Nariko—?” He frowns. “There’s a helicopter waiting for me, can this wait?”

“Nope.” Nariko breezes past him into the office. Gou follows her, pulling Hana in and snapping into a salute. Hana follows her lead.

“Matsouka.” The marshal nods in greeting. “Nice to see you again.” Hana raises a subtle eyebrow. _Agian_? Gou can practically hear her think it. “And...Hanamura Chigusa? You arrived a couple days ago?”

“Yes, sir.” Hana says. “Nice to meet you, Marshal Mikoshiba.” The marshal nods again, and turns to his sister.

“Nariko, I have to _leave_.” Gou and Hana shift uncomfortably, but Nariko remains unfazed.

“No, you don’t,” she says. “I’ve already messaged Kisumi that you’ll be delayed.”

“ _Nariko_!” Gou doesn’t know who says it louder, herself or the marshal. He glares at his sister, but beckons Gou and Hana to his couch with a considerably warmer glance and sits at his desk.

"So who’s going to explain why you’ve postponed my _very important_ engagement? How delayed, Nariko?”

“Delayed,” she replies smoothly. The marshal glares. “Anyways, sir, we want Hanamura in our training group.” Gou silently congratulates her on resisting the urge to call him _nii-san_.

“And why would you not bring this up with your direct supervisors?”

Nariko shrugs. “Too much paperwork, that’d take _ages_. You could get it done easy _._ ”

The marshal frowns. “Fine. Where is she now?”

“Sasabe’s unit, sir,” Hana says politely. As she speaks, the marshal pulls up Hana’s profile to float above his desk in the same way Sousuke’s had the other day. Gou bites her lip, remembering.

“Ranked fifth in your class at Samezuka?” he asks.

“Between fourth and fifth across the board,” Hana clarifies.

“Not bad,” he muses. “In all honesty, I’d put you in without another thought, but expanding their group even more might not do those three any favors.”

“There _are_ three of them,” Nariko points out.

The marshal clicks his tongue at her. “Yes, but they have quite a bit to be dealing with.” Gou wonders if he’s talking about Rin.

“Marshal,” she says, willing her chin not to tremble. “You’ll find that Hanamura and I work almost seamlessly together. We spent our time at Samezuka building up an incredibly strong partnership, It’s detrimental to the program if we’re in different training units.”

“Is that so?” The marshal raises his eyebrows.

Hana nods, and Gou continues, looking the marshal straight in the eyes. “Don’t you think two friends who have spent years building a partnership that could very well translate into drift compatibility let all those years go to waste if they aren’t able to even test that bond here?” At this point she doesn’t know whether she’s talking about herself or her brother and Sousuke. But Sousuke’s not here and Hana is, so she takes a deep breath, and a gamble. “Sir, at least give one Matsouka their best chance.”

The marshal looks at her, and for a second Gou is terrified she’s said the wrong thing.  “I am,” he says.

“What?” The girls’ mouths drop in unison.

He gets up. “I’m giving at least one Matsouka their best chance. Hanamura, you’re to report to Tachibana’s group in an hour, don’t go to Sasabe’s. I’ll let them know their unit is about to get larger.”

“Thank you, sir!” Hana gets up and salutes, as does Gou, beaming. Nariko continues to sit there, stunned.

“You’re serious, nii-san?”

“Do you want me to change my mind, Nariko?” he asks wryly, turning to stride out of the room.

“Nope, you’re good,” she amends swiftly, getting up to join her friends.

“I thought so. Now please leave, I’m _late_.” He opens the doors for them, and as they walk out, Gou squeezes Hana’s hand.

“Marshall?” she turns back before the doors close on them.

“Yes?” He’s putting on his coat, but looks up.

“Thank you.” Gou says.

Marshall Mikoshiba smiles at her. “You’re welcome.”

 

* * *

 

 

“My room is big enough,” Nariko is saying to Gou when Rin walks into the combat room. “One of the bunks is empty and we can easily fit a third bed with room to spare.”

“What are we talking about?” Rin comes up behind them, and takes Gou’s arm to fix the angle of her stretch. “Don’t bend it that way, Gou, you’ll pull a muscle.”

“Onii-chan!” Gou tips her head backwards to look up at him. “Ah, Nariko was thinking that Hana and I should move into her room? She’s got the space.”

“I’m very lonely,” Nariko deadpans from where she’s bent her leg so far back, her foot touches her head. Someone laughs, and only then does Rin notice that Chigusa Hanamura is doing her own stretches on the floor.

“Yo, Hana,” he nods at her. “Long time.”

“Hi, Rin,” she smiles at him mid-stretch.

“How's Samezuka been?"

"Oh, same as ever," she says lightly. She tilts her head at him. "They still have you and Sousuke on the honors wall.”

Rin purses his lips. “They should take that down,” is all he says. He could say more, but he likes Hana, and she’s Gou’s best friend. Driving her out of the shatterdome by being an asshole would be in nobody’s best interest.

“So would you mind, onii-chan?” Gou intervenes, quick to change the subject. She begins to wrap her long ponytail into a bun on the top of her head.

“Mind what?” He takes one of the bands off her wrist to tie his own hair into a stubby ponytail at the base of his neck. The front pieces always fall out, but he likes the ponytail all the same.

“Mind if Gou moves out of your room,” Nariko says.

“Is that even allowed?” Rin asks. Part of him wonders why Gou hasn’t done it already.

“Oh, sure,” Nariko says. “Room assignments are pretty lenient, they like to encourage us to test different bonds.”

Rin sighs dramatically, stretching his arms over his head. “Well, I’ll miss you, Gou, but at least this way I won’t have to deal with you watching your dramas at all hours.”

Gou snorts. “Please,” she says, grabbing her staff from the rack. “You like them more than I do.”

“I don’t,” he grumbles, taking his staff from her outstretched hands.

She pats his arm. “You do,” she says. Hana and Nariko giggle, and Rin turns his glare on them. It doesn’t seem to work.

“Come _on_ , Ai-chan,” They all look over to see Hazuki pushing Nitori into the room with great enthusiasm. “I want to show you this one move I saw in Rei-chan’s book!”

“Please don’t call me Ai-chan.” Nitori is clearly trying and failing to look stern, and he shoots Rin a look of desperation.

“But that’s your name,” Hazuki says, skipping merrily to the weapons rack. “Hi, Rin-chan!”

 _Rin-chan?_ “Do you just tack on _chan_ to everyone’s name?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Hazuki considers this. “I could call you RinRin,” he offers.

“Like _hell_ you can,” Rin growls.

“ _Anyways_ ,” says Hazuki, resting his chin on his staff. Rin is having trouble understanding how Hazuki isn’t quailing under the threat of his ferocious glare, but he’s still as sunny as ever. Nitori, however, looks terrified. “Where are Haru-chan and Mako-chan and Kisumi-chan? They’re pretty late.”

“Here!” Makoto comes dashing through the doors, Nanase trailing behind him. “Sorry we’re late everyone. Kisumi didn’t tell us he’s going out of town with the marshal today, we’d been looking for him all over.”

“Makoto has been looking,” Nanase corrects. “I said we should just leave him.” Rin bites back a laugh.

“ _Haru,_ ” Makoto chides. Nanase shrugs, and Makoto sighs, turning to the group. “In line, cadets!” They snap into line as always. Hana only hesitates for a split second before moving herself to the end of the line. Makoto smiles at her. “Hanamura, right? The marshal told us you’d be coming, why don’t you introduce yourself?

Rin can see Gou bite her lip as Hana steps forward and salutes. “Hanamura Chigusa. New cadet. I look forward to working with you all!”

“Welcome to the shatterdome,” says Makoto with another smile, and Nanase nods approvingly.

Gou, Nariko, and Hana all smile and Rin makes a mental note to ask Gou how exactly Hana ended up training with them, because Nariko looks far too pleased with herself.

Makoto claps his hands together. “Alright, choose your most comfortable partner for today, everyone. We’re going to be looking at potential pairs to put into drift sync tests next week. Hanamura, why don’t you work with me to catch up?”

Gou makes a beeline for Nariko, and Rin makes his way to Nitori, whose eyes widen to the size of saucers as Rin approaches. “Rin senpai! We’re supposed to be with our most comfortable partner—”

“Exactly,” Rin grins at him. Nitori manages to squeak and blush at the same time. “So let’s go, hmm?”

Nanase wanders around the pairs as they practice, correcting grip here, demonstrating a move there. Rin doesn’t pay much attention, focused solely on blocking Nitori’s enthusiastic swipes to his head, but then he feels Nanase’s eyes on them from a few meters away.

“Hold on, Nitori.” Rin takes a quick step to the side so Nitori’s staff whips harmlessly through the air. “Don’t worry, Nanase,” he says dryly. “I’m not going to confuse you for Sousuke again. You can come closer.”

Nanase clicks his tongue and looks away. “That’s not what I was thinking.”

“Nanase-san, uh—” Nitori stammers. “Are we doing something wrong?”

Nanase seems to soften a little. “He’s taller than you. Don’t aim for his head, here.” He walks up to Nitori and takes the staff from him, mimicking the fight stance Nitori was just in. “Aim…there.”

Nanase touches the staff to Rin’s ribs, looking straight into Rin’s eyes all the while.  and Rin feels a sudden thrill run down his spine. He jerks away in shock. “What—”

“Rin senpai?”

Rin pays Nitori no attention, still fixed on Nanase. _A cool attitude and eyes as clear as water_ , one of Gou’s magazines had called him. Rin shakes his head a little wildly, unsure about why the hell that would come to mind right now. “I’m fine, Nitori,” he manages to say, tearing his eyes away from Nanase’s inscrutable expression. Nanase remains standing there.

“Try it.” He hands Nitori his staff back, and Nitori makes a tentative strike at Rin’s ribcage. It doesn’t feel nearly the same as when Nanase did it—they both touched lightly, but Nitori’s is slow, careful, firm. Nothing like the rapid fire shock he felt with Nanase.  Nanase folds his arms and fixes his eyes on Nitori’s staff.

“I’ll note you two down for a sync test as soon as possible,” he says finally. Looking at Rin, he gives a small nod. “Good job.” Rin’s at a loss for what to do other than just nod back.

“Thank you for the advice Nanase—san,” Nitori says with a quick little bow.

Nanase shrugs, and looks away. “It was nothing. I’m much smaller than Makoto. We make it work.” With another glance at Rin, he walks off to to stop Hazuki from trying to twirl his staff like a baton.

The rest of training is relatively uneventful. Nanase doesn’t circle back to their pairing anymore, and Rin notes that Nitori has in fact stopped aiming for his his head. Nanase’s advice has seemed to work, and Rin has to try a lot harder to keep himself from getting hit. Gou goes with her friends once they’re dismissed, so he heads off on his own, feeling the desperate need for a shower.

When he finally gets back to his room, his phone is blinking with a message from Gou.

_I forgot my glasses! Can you check my desk? <3_

“Honestly,” Rin mutters. He can’t help the small, fond smile that crosses his face, nor can he help rummaging around Gou’s desk for a solid five minutes to find her glasses.

He’s only just managed to find them under a stack of magazines when there’s a knock on the door. Rin sighs and goes to open it, glasses in hand.

“You know, you _have_ a key, Gou, you could—”

“Not Gou, just us.” Kisumi’s smiling brightly on the other side of the door. He shifts to the side a little, revealing who exactly _us_ is and Rin stares.

He holds out Gou’s glasses. “Could you give these to her?” he asks politely, keeping his voice as neutral as possible and dropping the glasses into Kisumi’s palm, decidedly ignoring the frantic thudding in his chest. “She’s with Nariko.”

Sousuke steps forward. “Rin,” he says.

Rin slams the door in his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeee's back! 
> 
> Other important things: 1) [Momo has a dog](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3517283) and 2) Rin and Gou's fabulous training hairstyles are inspired by [this incredible art](http://www.gabbiegallery.tumblr.com/post/113243005523) by gabbie over on tumblr! 
> 
> Speaking of tumblr, as always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Also: who saw episode 14 because holy shit we watched it together and had to keep pausing to scream.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone shuffles bedrooms, Kisumi's got his hands full, and kaijus never seem to care about anyone's sleep schedule.

“Rin, open the door!”

Rin can feel Sousuke banging as he leans his back against the closed door, taking deep shaky breaths and trying to control the pit of rage in his stomach. _Bang,bang,_ every pound of his door sends another vicious shock to his system. How dare he show up _now_ , the asshole, how _dare_ he--

“ _Open the fucking door, Rin!_ ”

Rin whips around and wrenches the door open with a sneer. “Do you _believe_ in this now?”  he spits to Sousuke’s face. He can see Kisumi hovering behind Sousuke’s head, pale faced and shocked, but he doesn’t particularly care what Kisumi thinks right now. “Is this program still useless to you, hmm? Time to take that back?”

“Rin--”

Rin laughs a twisted sort of laugh and clenches his fingers, nails digging sharp into his palms. “Are you here to _apologize?_ ”

Sousuke looks him in the eyes. “No.”

Rin really does laugh this time, harsh and dry. “Then stay the fuck away from me.” He walks out of his room, pushing past Sousuke with a hard shove to the shoulder.

“Rin!” It’s Kisumi who’s calling him back, but Rin pays him no attention. As soon as he turns a corner, safely out of sight, Rin flings his back against the nearest wall, squeezing eyes shut, trying to shut out his red tinted vision and the bile that rises in his throat. Sousuke here, Sousuke here _now_ it made no sense--

Then he remembers.

_The marshall even brought Gou in to ask what she knew…_

Rin slams his fist against the wall with a yell, then charges down the hall.

Nariko’s door is slightly ajar, so he shoves it open without preamble. Gou had been sitting on the floor, and she scrambles to her feet as soon as she sees the look on his face. “Onii-chan--?”

“ _You did this_ ,” he snarls at his sister. She’s looking at him, horrified.

“Did _what_?” Gou’s slowly backing away now, the back of her legs colliding with Nariko’s bed. Her knees buckle and she sits down hard, seemingly unable to move as she grips Nariko’s sheets in fear.

“You brought him here,” Rin advances on her, teeth bared. 

“Cool it, Matsouka.” Nariko’s on him in an instant and she wrenches an arm around his back, eyes narrowed and voice hard.

“Let me go,” he snaps at her, jerking his head back into Nariko’s. She’s smart enough to dodge it, releasing his arm and looking outraged. “This is none of your business.”

“Calm _down_ , Rin.” Hana’s sharper than he’s ever seen her.

“ _No_.” He turns back to his sister. “How could you bring him here, how _could_ you?”

 Gou looks close to tears. “Onii-chan, what are you _talking_ about??”

“ _Sousuke._ ” he hisses. He gets a sick sort of vindication in watching her face morph from confusion to horror.

“He’s…” she stands up slowly, trembling slightly. “He’s _here_?”

“Like you didn’t know,” Rin growls.

Her mouth drops. “What?”

 “You did this,” he chokes out. His eyes are stinging with rage, and he’s practically screaming at her now.  ”You told the marshall everything, now _Sousuke_ is outside of my goddamned door and _you did this!_ ”

She slaps him across the face.

Rin’s hand flies to his cheek and he stares at her in shock, finally silent, finally still. “What is _wrong_ with you?” Gou asks, voice shaking. Tears are flowing down her cheeks. “I don’t know why he’s here. Don’t you dare, don’t you _dare_ pin this on me, I did _nothing!_ ”

“You told them,” Rin whispers, hand still fluttering at his cheek. “You told them who he was.”

“ _You_ did.” It’s all flipped now, and Gou is the one towering and raging while Rin is frozen. “ _You_ told them, _you_ said it during training, that’s how they found out who he was, it wasn’t me! They had already looked him up by the time I got there, if they wanted to bring him in I wouldn’t have made a difference!”.

“You told them to bring him here. You thought it would _help_ me, didn’t you?” he snaps.

“I did _not_!” she screams. The tears come faster. “This wasn’t my idea, why don’t you understand that?” She laughs suddenly, hollow and broken through her tears as she turns her face away from him. “Don’t you dare expect me to be sorry for something I didn’t do, but god, you want me to be sorry for trying to help you? Fine, I _am._ ”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry for trying tohelp you!” she snaps, turning back to him. “I’m sorry for not slapping you earlier, Im sorry for thinking that the marshall could help you when I couldn’t, I’m sorry for telling them about Sousuke because I thought might _make you better_ , god, onii-chan I’m _sorry for trying_.” Her eyes harden as she looks at him. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

She might as well have slapped him again. “ _Fine,_ " he grinds out through his teeth. "I don’t need it, I don’t need your help. I don't need Sousuke, I don't need _you_."

Gou opens her mouth to fire back, but Nariko steps in front of her,glaring at Rin. "Get out of my room, Matsuoka."

"Don't--"

"Get _out!_ " She shoves him backwards. Gou does nothing, just watches him stumble backwards with her arms folded and eyes flaming.

"You forgot my glasses" she says coldly when he's stomped to the door.

He turns around. "Kisumi has them," he sneers. "He's with _Sousuke,_ get them yourself."

He's getting a little sick of slamming doors, but he does it anyways.

 

* * *

 

 

Nitori has a bad habit of staying up late.

He doesn’t mean to, really, but when evening training stretches until ten pm, he always chooses to take a couple hours to unwind instead of going to sleep. He really should, seeing as he has to be up for 6 am training again, but it’s a habit he can’t shake.

So he’s awake and curled up in his blankets around midnight, loading a movie on his tablet when there’s a knock on his door.

“What?” Nitori says aloud to the empty room. It’s certainly not his roommate, he doesn’t even _have_ one. A lucky thing too, given his propensity for watching movies till 2 am every night.

The knocking becomes more insistent. Creeping to the door, Nitori rises to his toes to look through the tiny peephole. All he can see is a flash of burgundy hair, and he falls back onto his heels in shock and opens the door. “Rin senpai?”

“Hey,” Rin says quietly. He stands slumped in the doorway, eyes red and puffy.

“Are--Are you alright?” Nitori tries not to gape, but Rin really does look a mess.

Rin doesn’t answer him, biting his lip and looking away instead. “You don’t have a roommate, right?” Nitori shakes his head, and Rin looks at the floor. “Can I stay here? Just for the night.”

“Of course!” Nitori nearly trips over himself ushering Rin inside. “Whatever you need.”

Rin trudges in and stands in the middle of the room, eyes vacant as he stares at a blank spot on the wall.

“Um _,_ ” says Nitori. He wishes he was a little less flustered. “The top bunk is free, if you want--?’

“Yeah,” says Rin, snapping out of his reverie. He looks at Nitori’s rumpled bed. “Sorry, I must have woken you--”

“No, no, no! Not at all,”  Nitori shakes his head vigorously, flailing his arms a bit as if it’ll show Rin exactly how not-asleep he is. “I was just actually going to watch a movie.” He reconsiders then, silently cursing himself for not being more considerate. “But I shouldn’t anymore, it’ll just disturb you--”

“No, you’re fine,” Rin says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anyways.” He climbs the ladder to the top bunk and sits there, cross legged and hunched over, head in his hands.

“Um. Rin senpai?” Rin says nothing, doesn’t even look up. Nitori hovers around the question, looking up at the bed.  “Do you mind if I ask--”

Rin’s head snaps up. “I do mind,” he says fiercely. Nitori sees his teeth, bared back in anger and he jumps back alarm.

“Sorry,” he says in a tiny voice. “Goodnight, then.”

He can hear Rin’s breathing above him as he climbs into bed. It’s ragged and shaky, as if he’s trying not to cry. Maybe he _is_ crying, and Nitori feels helpless and useless, sitting on his bed able to do nothing but wait for his movie to load.

“What are you watching?”

Nitori yelps and looks up. Rin hasn’t come down, he’s still speaking from the top bunk.  “Um,” he says to the slats running along the bunk above him.  “Some zombie thing.”

Rin swings his legs over the railing on his bunk and lands on the floor with a _thud_. Nitori jumps.  “I’ll watch with you.”

“I--Senpai, are you sure?”

Rin clicks his tongue in the way he does when he’s getting irritated. “I’m sure as hell not sleeping tonight.”

Nitori scoots all the way down to one end of the bed and flicks his wrist on the tablet to project the image on the wall. Rin takes the other end of the bed, leaving a huge gap between them. Nitori steals a glance at him, and starts the movie.

He doesn’t really pay attention to the movie all too much, watching Rin instead of the wild zombies on screen. Rin’s posture is stiff, and the shadows that fall on his face in the dark room make the hard lines of his jaw all the more pronounced. His entire body looks tense--teeth clenched, fingers curled into fists. Rin’s eyes flick over to him and Nitori quickly looks away, hoping he hadn’t been caught staring.

“There’s going to be a new guy at training tomorrow.” Rin’s voice is steely, and he turns to face Nitori. It’s not exactly _if looks could kill_ , his expression--more like if looks could burn. Nitori’s seen fire in Rin’s eyes before, ecstasy in the middle of combat, but nothing like this.

“New guy?” he ventures to ask. Looking into Rin’s eyes is frankly terrifying him, but he pushes himself to do it all the same.

Rin nods tersely. “I just need keep him and Gou away from me.” He looks away, back to the movie. “Help me do that, Nitori.”

“Your sister too?  Rin senpai, why would you--”

“Nitori, _please_.” There’s more than a tinge of desperation to his voice now, and Nitori can’t help but relent, shrinking back from asking any further questions.

“Okay,” he says. He scoots closer to Rin, who doesn’t seem to mind. “I’ll do my best to help you!”

“Thanks, Nitori.” Rin’s eyes are glassy as he stares at the flickering zombies on the wall. He’s clearly not paying attention.

When Nitori notices a tear trailing down Rin’s cheek five minutes later, he takes care not to point it out.

 

* * *

 

 

“I expected that to go differently,” Kisumi says.

The air reverberates with the aftermath of Rin’s anger. Yamazaki stands stock still, face twisted into a dark scowl as he stares into the Matsoukas open room. “I didn’t. He’s always been a hotheaed.”

Kisumi sucks in a breath in irritation, seeing as that information would have been a lot more valuable three minutes ago. “Then why did you let me bring you to his room?”

Yamazaki shrugs. “Better to get it over with.”

Kisumi runs a hand through his hair, trying to reasses the situation. He thought his plan had been brilliant--surprise Rin with Yamazaki at his door, rejoice in the sight of their happy reunion, and then check in with Makoto and Haru before some well deserved sleep. Rin flying off the handle factored nowhere in there. “I don’t think you can stay here, Yamazaki.”

“I didn’t want to stay in his room anyways.” The scowl is back.

“Not to worry! There’s space in my room for you.” Kisumi flashes Yamazaki his most charming smile. Yamazaki is not charmed.

“That’s fine,” is all he says.

Yamazaki’s remarkably calm for someone who had just had venom thrown at him by his best friend. As Kisumi leads the way to his room, Yamazaki’s eyes roam over the sights of the shatterdome with a look that’s almost disdainful. It’s not going to be an easy attitude to deal with in training, Kisumi thinks. Even if Rin was a hundred percent on board with Yamazaki being here, he gets the feeling that Yamazaki doesn’t want to be here himself. He may have come when the marshal showed up on his doorstep, but all other signs point to a general distaste.

Kisumi keys open his door. “So. Top or bottom, Yamazaki?”

Yamazaki stops cold in Kisumi’s doorway. “Excuse me?”

Kisumi raises an eyebrow and points. “Bunks?”

Yamazaki’s frown deepens. “Bottom, preferably.”

“Okay then!” Kisumi breezes past him, shaking out the bedspread to make it somewhat presentable. He fluffs the pillows for good measure. “By the way, can I call you Sousuke?”

“No.”

“Sousuke it is, then.” Sousuke glares.

“Now,” Kisumi finishes his fussing over the bed and turns around to face him with a sly grin. “Are you going to stand there brooding in the doorway all night, or will you come in?”

Sousuke shuffles in and sets his bag on the floor next to his new bunk. Kisumi steps out of the way so Sousuke can sit on the bed, but Sousuke’s too busy staring at the photo on his desk. It’s one of Kisumi’s personal favorites--his arms around Makoto and Haru, taken right after Ever Blue’s second or third successful mission. Kisumi’s got a wild grin, Makoto an exhausted smile, and Haru, of course, just looks vaguely irritated. Kisumi thinks it’s perfect.

“You’ll meet them tomorrow,” Kisumi waggles his eyebrows at Sousuke. “ _Ever Blue_.”

Sousuke is unimpressed. “Rin’s hyped them up enough for me, thanks.”

Kisumi’s beginning to feel like he needs an ice pick to get through to this guy. He spins his desk chair around, straddling it so he can rest his chin on the back and peer at Sousuke. “You know, if I were you, I’d get that chip off your shoulder before training tomorrow.”

Sousuke snorts, stretching out on the bed.  “I don’t suppose anyone’s told Rin the same?”

Kisumi frowns. “No. He doesn’t _have_ one.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow and folds his arms. “Well, all I’ve heard is that he’s been crashing and burning since he got here.”

This attitude of his is starting to get on Kisumi’s nerves, and he gets the urge to take Sousuke down a peg or two. “I think you know why that is, Sousuke,” he says sweetly. “It’s definitely not an attitude problem.”

Sousuke opens his mouth to retaliate, then apparently decides that it’s not worth it, and sighs. “Thanks for the bed.”

“Nooo problem!” Kisumi chirps. He shucks off his shirt and scales the ladder to the top bunk.  “Well, bedtime, I think. Training is at six a.m. sharp. I’ll be training you, of course, so I’ll wake you up in time, not to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” comes the dry voice below him.

Kisumi smiles, burrowing into the sheets. “Goodnight, Sousuke.”

Another sigh. “Goodnight, Shigino.”

 

Kisumi was planning on a couple hours of deep, soothing sleep. By a couple, he most certainly did not mean _three._

“GAAAHH.” He’s woken up by the kaiju alarm blaring into all corners of his room and abruptly rolls out of bed on autopilot. “ _Shit, dammit_!” Kisumi has of course, forgotten that he was sleeping on the top bunk and crashes painfully into the railing. Still cursing, he jumps down the ladder, landing squarely on his heels.

 _Omega Fury to holding three_ , blares the alarms. _Omega Fury to holding three._ Kisumi does a double take, trying to make sure he’s heard correctly.

Sousuke’s sitting straight up in bed, eyes sharp and alert. “What happened?”

“Kaiju,” Kisumi’s running distracted, pulling a random shirt on and heading for the door. “Sorry, Sousuke, I’ve got to run! Job to do, saving Japan from aliens and all.” Sousuke throws aside the blankets. I d“No, you’re not coming.”

Sousuke’s eyes smolder. “Why not?”

Kisumi clicks his tongue in impatience, keeping his hand on the doorknob. “You’re not even a rookie yet, you have no place in a mission.”

“Well, I’m not going to just _stay_ here while--”

“That is _exactly_ what you’re going to do, I’m locking this door.” Sousuke looks positively murderous by this point. “That’s an _order_ , Yamazaki!” Sousuke’s livid face is the last thing he sees before he shuts the door and bolts to LOCCENT.

His fingers fumble as he punches in his passcode to get the doors open, the alarms _still_ blaring. He mistypes, curses, and tries again. This time, it works, but at soon as he tumbles in he ends up skidding to a stop, staring.

“You can’t block us from this mission!” Haru’s furious, facing down the marshal near Kisumi’s own console.

“Haru.” Makoto cuts in. The look in his face sends a chill down Kisumi’s spine. Anger like this is terrifying on Makoto’s gentle features, and he’s amazed that Haru isn’t cowering.

Seijuuro holds up a hand to silence Makoto, without even looking at him. “Do _not_ presume to tell me what I can and cannot do, Nanase!”

“Sending Omega Fury--”

 _“Haru_. _”_ Makoto grabs Haru’s wrist to stop him from talking. “For god’s sake, just _leave_ it!”

Haruka fumes, jerking his wrist of of Makoto’s grasp and shooting him a hateful glare. Without another word,  he turns on his heel and walks out of the room.

“Shit,” Makoto murmurs it almost to himself. “Haru _wait_!” He flees as well, calling Haru’s name all the while.

“Took you long enough _.”_ Kisumi jumps and realizes the marshal is talking to him. “Your station, now.”

Kisumi rushes over and jams his headset on. His hands fly over his keyboards, pulling up screen after screen. The kaiju is a tiny red dot on his radar, still fifty miles off the coast. There’s time. “Sir, why aren’t you sending out Ever Blue?”

“Not your business,” Seijuuro says dismissively. “What category are we dealing with?”

Kisumi frowns. “Three, sir. But what were Makoto and Haru--”

“Codename?” the marshal snaps, cutting him off.

“Scissure. Marshal, what are you doing--”

“My _job_ ,” Seijuuro barks. “Now are you going to do yours or should I promote Aikiyamato chief officer?”

Kisumi swallows his tongue. “No, sir.” He swivels back to his screens. “Omega Fury, deploying comm-pod in five minutes!”

 

It’s around five in the morning by the time Omega Fury is safely on it’s way back to the shatterdome. Kisumi thuds his head on the console and waves a hand somewhere vaguely behind him, trying to signal one of his subordinates to get him coffee. To his surprise, a mug is actually pressed into his hands a few minutes later. He raises his head, blinking in shock. That never actually _works_.

The marshal is sipping his own mug next to him, leaning against the console. “Good job, Shigino.”

“You owe me an explanation,” Kisumi says, downing half his mug in a single go.

“I owe you nothing,” Seijuuro says mildly.

“Sei, _please._ I have to train cadets with them in--shit, in an _hour_.” He swallows the rest of his coffee.

Seijuuro sighs. “They were in my office earlier, I was debriefing them on our little Yamazaki extraction.” He frowns into his mug. “They argued.”

“With you? That’s no reason to stop them from going on a mission.”

“With _each other_.” Seijuuro glares at him.

“I--has that ever even _happened_ before?”

“There is absolutely no way in hell I would put them in a jaeger together all of three hours after that,” the marshal says, rubbing his temples. “So I didn’t.” 

“Good idea, yeah.” 

Seijuuro looks up. “You’re going to have to help smooth this over.”

“Me?” Kisumi laughs. “I’m sure Haru will take _really_ well to my attempts at conflict resolution. With _Makoto_ of all people.”

“Find a way,” Seijuuro orders. “We can’t afford for this team to be even a little bit off their game.” His face is uncharacteristically grave. “Kisumi, there’s a hell of a lot more than friendship at stake if we lose Ever Blue.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, morning training is going to be buckets of fun after all that, don't you think so? We do.
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in Ever Blue Paradise, and to nobody's surprise, Sousuke has an attitude problem. But then again, so does Haru.

Makoto isn’t in bed when Haru wakes up.

He’s normally a late sleeper, getting up barely in time to pull Haru out of the bath and dash to training before any cadets get there. But he left Haru to soak until he pruned last night, and he’s certainly not going to be pulling him out of the tub this morning. Haruka rubs his eyes, looks at the empty jacket hook on the door, and Makoto’s equally empty bed. The sheets are perfectly smooth. They never are, usually.

He wonders just how early Makoto got up to avoid him.

He slips out of bed and pads to the bathroom. For once, the sight of the tub fills him with distaste. He doesn’t quite fancy being left alone to shrivel again. He opts to just splash water on his face and brush his teeth.

He finds his jacket too large when he pulls it on before leaving. Too wide in the shoulders, too long in the sleeves. It’s _not_ his jacket—Makoto must have taken the wrong one before leaving, been too embarrassed to switch it out. Haru keeps Makoto’s jacket on anyways. He’ll give it to Makoto before training. A peace offering, maybe.

His hope of talking to Makoto in private goes sour when he heads down to the combat room—Kisumi’s coming in from the other end of the hall, rumpled and harried. “Haru!” he calls. “Where’s Makoto? I need you guys for a sec.”

 _Yes, you do_ , Haru thinks. His eyes flick behind Kisumi, to the guy trailing behind him. Yamazaki’s taller than Haru thought he would be. For some reason he thought he’d be Rin’s size, his own size, but no, Yamazaki stands at Makoto’s height, maybe even a bit bigger. Yamazaki isn’t wearing the starry eyed expression most people give Haru when they meet him— _Nanase Haruka, world’s best jaeger pilot_. He’s glaring, jaw set and eyes dark. Haru holds his gaze, and Yamazaki tilts his head up a fraction of an inch. Pride, Haru figures. Or defiance. Quite frankly, he would appreciate it if Yamazaki would leave him alone and glare at Kisumi instead. Glaring at Kisumi is usually both valuable and necessary.

“Makoto’s inside.”  His response to Kisumi is clipped as he turns away, breaking Yamazaki’s gaze and punching his passcode into the door. He hopes Makoto really is inside and not hiding in his office.

“Stay here,” he hears Kisumi say behind him as he walks through the doors. He doesn’t hear Yamazaki’s response, but a second later Kisumi’s on his heels without Yamazaki as they walk inside.

Makoto’s wrapping his knuckles on a bench in the back, with Haru’s Ever Blue jacket lying folded next to him. “Oh. Haru, Kisumi.” He stands up and walks forward to meet them. “Sleep well?” He looks at Kisumi and not Haru, and his smile is strained at the edges, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Not at all, actually,” Kisumi gives Makoto a weak smile of his own, thudding his head on Makoto’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Haru feels a flicker of irritation. “We need to talk.”

Makoto frowns, gently pushing Kisumi off to look at him. “Is everything alright? Did something happen with Omega Fury last night?”

“It’s about Yamazaki,” Haru guesses, mostly just to give Makoto an excuse to look at him. 

“Bingo.” Kisumi flashes Haru a grin that Haru declines to return. “I may have tried to reunite him and Rin last night.”

“And?” Makoto frown goes deeper.

Kisumi sighs. “Rin slammed the door in his face, screamed at him, and stormed off. We can’t put those two together, not now.”

Makoto bites his lip, running a hand through his hair. “So now what?”

“Put him in another training group.” It seems obvious enough to Haru.

“We can’t do that, Haru.” There’s an edge to Makoto’s voice that Haru hates. “You already asked the marshal to do that, it didn’t work, remember?”

Of course he remembers. That’s what had them arguing last night, that’s why he woke up to an empty room this morning. “We have new information now,” is what Haru actually says. “The marshal doesn’t know they fought.”

“To be fair, it was a pretty one sided fight,” Kisumi yawns. He stretches, then shakes out his limbs, yawns again. The dark purple shadows under his eyes practically match his eye color, Haru thinks.

“We’ll have to try Yamazaki  out, just for today, then,” Makoto says. “I don’t think we have another choice, not without going against the marshal.” He glances at Haru, just for a moment. “We’re already in hot water with him, I’d rather not make things worse.”

Kisumi sits on the floor and yawns again. “Just don’t get him anywhere near Rin.” He slowly tips over, landing on top of Haru’s feet and curls up into a ball.

“Don’t sleep on me.” Haru steps out from under him and Kisumi sits up, disgruntled.

“I’m sorry I was too busy saving the world to sleep last night, Haru,” he grumbles.

“It’s not like we didn’t try to join you,” Haru snaps back.

“ _Guys_.” Makoto cuts in. “Haru, let the cadets in, they should be here by now. Kisumi _, go to bed_.”

Kisumi scrambles to his feet. “But I’m the only one who knows Sousuke—”

“We can handle _Yamazaki_ ,” says Haru. He’ll never understand Kisumi’s penchant for using first names within thirty seconds of meeting someone.

“He’s staying in my room…” Kisumi says faintly.

“He’ll find his way back,” Makoto assures him, heading to unlock the doors since Haru remains stubbornly rooted to the spot. “Kisumi, you can’t train anyone like this, you need to go to bed. We’ll see you at lunch, debrief you then.”

“I might sleep through lunch,” Kisumi admits.

Makoto smiles. “Whenever you’re more lucid, then.” He pulls the door open, and almost immediately  Haru gets the wind knocked out of him with a blond head to the chest.

“ _Ooof!_ ” The force knocks him backwards a couple steps. “ _Nagisa,_ ouch.” He can see Kisumi wave goodbye to Makoto above Nagisa’s head, and say a quick word to Yamazaki as he walks in while Kisumi walks out.

Nagisa latches his arms around Haru’s neck. Behind him, Yamazaki raises an eyebrow then turns away. _“Haru-chan,_ I was watching the kaiju feed last night! Why didn’t you and Mako-chan go fight it? Are you guys okay?”

“We’re not the only jaeger team on this base, Nagisa.” Haru takes his arms gently and places them back at his sides. Nagisa pouts. “Omega Fury hadn’t run a mission in a while, the marshal wanted to make sure they’re on form. Now go get in line.”

Nagisa folds his arms. “Okay, but if it’s a kaiju, shouldn’t you send the team most equipped to handle it?”

Haru sighs. “Maybe we _weren’t_. Please get in line, Nagisa.”

Nagisa doesn’t move, instead choosing to fix Haru with a scrutinizing expression. “You seem upset, Haru-chan. We should go to that pool later, the one you took me to when I got here. Swimming will cheer you up, right?”

“Maybe. If i’m not busy.” Haru can’t help but smile at him, but the likelihood that he goes to the pool when he knows Makoto won’t be waiting for him with a hand and a ready smile is slim to none. In any case it finally gets Nagisa to bound over to take his place in the lineup of cadets slowly filing in.

Haru keeps an eye out for Rin, anticipating an explosion when he walks in and sees Yamazaki in the room. There is none. RIn walks in looking worse than Kisumi, eyes dark and puffy as he trails behind Nitori and silently joins the lineup. Far away from Yamazaki as possible, Haru notes. Yamazaki himself either doesn’t seem to have noticed Rin’s arrival, or is pretending not to.

“Haru.” Makoto beckons him over. “Look, the group is quite large now. I think it’s best if we, ah, split up.” Haru frowns. “It would make more sense considering Rin and Yamazaki too,” Makoto adds quickly. “We don’t want them working together right now.”

“Fine.” It’s not fine, he hates the idea. He doesn’t have Makoto’s easy way with people, working with cadets entirely alone isn’t ideal. “But don’t make me work with him.”

Makoto sighs. “Okay, Haru.” He turns to the line of cadets. “Alright everybody! We’re going to be splitting you up today, but first I want to introduce another new recruit.”

Yamazaki steps forward. “Yamazaki Sousuke,” he says gruffly. At the other end of the line, Haru sees Rin tighten his jaw, curl his palms into fists. Gou is also pointedly not looking at Yamazaki, which Haru finds interesting.

Makoto seems hesitant to say anything else just yet. Haru presumes that he’s waiting for Yamazaki  to expand on his introduction, but that’s clearly not happening.  “Okay then!” he says perhaps a little too brightly. “I’m splitting you up based on who we’ve found compatible in the past few weeks. I’ll take half, and Haru gets the rest of you.”

Haru ends up with both Matsoukas in his group, but Gou gives her brother one look and stalks to the other side of the room.

“I’d like to work with Hana, please.” she tells Makoto, arms folded and voice hard.

“Ah—” Makoto looks back at Haru’s group, at the curl of Rin’s upper lip as he looks at Gou. “That’s fine, sure.”

She relaxes a little. “Thank you.” She turns to Yamazaki then, who’s hovering on the fringes of Makoto’s group of cadets. “Don’t think I’m talking to you, either.” She’s loud and firm, her voice practically bouncing off the walls of the room.

Haru turns away, not keen on seeing Yamazaki’s reaction to the snub. Rin’s brow has cleared, and he swings an arm over Nitori’s shoulders. “That’s my girl.”

“She’s probably still mad at you though,” Nitori says pragmatically.

Rin glares. “Don’t overstep things.”

They walk towards the weapons rack together, leaving Haru to wonder just how sticky the Yamazaki situation has made things.

He’s distracted through training, stealing glances at the other side of the room where Makoto’s group is. Nariko looks like she’s about to clobber Rin for some reason, so he sends her off to spar with a cadet whose name he doesn’t remember. This is why he needs Makoto with him, and he’s certainly not about to go ask what this guy’s name is _now._

Yamazaki’s sparring with Makoto. Haru’s meant to be watching Rin and Nitori, but he’s watching Makoto out of the corner of his eye. Yamazaki’s good, sure, but it’s clear to Haru that he’s not used to fighting someone his size. Makoto’s keeping up well, but Yamazaki’s using moves designed for an opponent smaller and lighter than him. Haru glances back. An opponent like Rin, probably.

He wants to _win_ , pressing Makoto farther and farther back with offensive strikes. It irks Haru to no end. There’s no balance in Yamazaki’s style, no sense of the fluidity and teamwork that would indicate he’s ever capable of drifting with anyone. Haru can see it—Yamazaki doesn’t want to connect with his opponent. Just beat them. The idea of someone like that going into a jaeger is terrifying.

“Stop fighting to win,” he says.

Rin drops his staff mid-strike, eliciting a small screech from Nitori. “I _wasn’t_.” He blows his hair out of his face and glares at Haru.

Haru snaps out of his reverie. “No, you weren’t.”

Rin is looking at him a if he’s grown a second head. Haru says nothing, only looks back to Yamazaki and Makoto. Rin follows his eyes. “Figures,” he sneers. “He would.” He turns back to Nitori. Haru does the same, intent on actually doing his job when he hears a loud _crack_ and a asp that sucks the air out of the room.

Haru whips around. Makoto’s on the floor, a hand on his forehead, staring up at Yamazaki. There’s blood on his fingers when he lifts his hand away, and Haru’s stomach lurches.

“I’m sorry, sir.” Yamazaki reaches out a hand to lift Makoto up. He doesn’t seem stricken at all, Haru fumes.

“No worries!” Makoto waves him off and gets to his feet. “Easy enough mistake to make. And it’s not serious, it’s stopped bleeding already, see? You’re fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Haru says loudly, folding his arms.

Makoto shoots him a warning look. “Haru.”

Haru ignores him, training his eyes on Yamazaki. “Don’t they teach you how to avoid mistakes like that at Samezuka?”

Yamazaki grits his teeth. “Yes.”

“You ranked second at graduation?”

“Yes.”

“So it follows that this kind of mistake is something you’d never make if you were _trying,_ right?” Yamazaki doesn’t answer. Haru walks past the group of stunned cadets to stand in front of him. “You’re not trying, are you?” Yamazaki stays stubbornly silent. “We only train those who want to be here,” Haru says. “Anyone else is a dangerous liability.”

“So?” Yamazaki raises an eyebrow. He’s _challenging_ him, the asshole.

“So get out.”

Yamazaki scoffs. “They’re not that impressive, your Ever Blue.” He turns around, throwing the words casually over his shoulder. Rin turns pale with rage. Yamazaki walks out with another word.

The room is silent for a minute. Rin is shaking, teeth clenched and Nitori’s got a hand clamped on his wrist, face washed in fear. Gou looks downright murderous, and everyone else is simply left to stare at the door in shock. Everyone except Makoto.

Haru’s never seen Makoto look at him with such disappointment. He’s never seen him look at _anyone_ like that. It can’t be anger he’s seeing, no, Makoto knows he was right to throw Yamazaki out, he knows there’s something _wrong_ about this guy—

“Back to work, cadets!” Makoto turns away from him, voice sharp and commanding. They snap to follow his orders.

Haru keeps a careful eye on Rin, given the circumstances. Nothing changes much, actually, except now he fights with a snarl on his face. “Don’t scare your partner, Rin,” Haru warns him. “You’re not about to do any bonding like that.”

“Sorry, Nitori.” Rin’s face softens a bit.

“No problem, Rin senpai!” They don’t actually stop fighting while talking, which Haru finds impressive.

He feels Makoto’s eyes watching him, but when he looks over, Makoto’s always looking away. He works with Nariko and her unremarkable partner to pass the time, makes a mental note to ask Makoto about having her go back to working with Gou. Of course, that depends on whether he and Makoto can actually have a normal conversation at this point.

Makoto dismisses the cadets half an hour later. He walks to the benches as they file out, pulling on his jacket. Haru’s is still on the bench where he left it, and Haru picks it up and slips it on in silence. The air is thick, heavy with tension. Makoto’s not meeting his eyes again, fussing around with the already perfect staffs on the rack.

“That wasn’t your call, Haru,” he finally says.

Haru bites his lip. “You should get that bump on your head checked.”

“ _Haru_.” Makoto slams a staff particularly hard onto the rack. “You don’t get to kick Yamazaki out, he was in _my_ group, _my_ responsibility.”

“Someone had to get rid of him, Makoto,” Haru says fiercely, anger bubbling up in his stomach. “He shouldn’t be here, he’s _wrong._ ”

“I don’t know what that means, Haru.” Makoto’s beginning to look exasperated, almost desperate, and Haru feels sick looking at the hurt in his face. “The marshal said he’s here for a month, so we have to deal with it. You can’t get what you want here.”

“Why does he have to train with us?” Haru snaps.

“Because the marshal said so! For god’s sake, Haru, for once in your life please just do as you’re told!”

Haru recoils. This isn’t _Makoto_. “He needs to go, Makoto,” he fires back. “If you won’t make it happen, I will.”

“That’s not under your authority.” Makoto says it to the floor, almost a whisper.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s not under your authority, it’s _mine_.” His voice is steely now, and he lifts his head. “Haru, this training unit was not assigned to you, it was assigned to me and Kisumi. Two months ago you barely even showed up.”

Makoto doesn’t understand. Makoto, who understands everything about Haru before he understands himself. Makoto, who can read his mind with a single look and a cheeky smile doesn’t _understand_ and he’s looking at Haru with his face hard. He hates this, Haru knows. He hates doing this.

Haru tries to keep the shaking out of his voice. “Do what you want, Makoto.”

All his life, he feels like he’s been following Makoto’s footsteps. This time, he flees from them.

 

* * *

 

 

“You were in on it.”

Makoto scrubs his hands over his face. He doesn’t look up. “We weren’t, Rin. Do you really think Haru would have allowed it?”

Makoto’s the only person Rin could have gone to for answers. Kisumi would probably be ideal but he’s out of the question, seeing as Sousuke is likely to be nearby. Rin doesn’t have the energy or mental fortitude to go directly to the marshal, and despite training under him for weeks, he still has no clue how to hold an actual conversation with Nanase.

He regrets going to Makoto’s office in the first place now. Makoto’s face is crumpled in misery and he’s sitting on the floor. Not at his desk, or even the beanbag, but just on the bare floor with his back resting against the desk. There’s a white bandage wrapped around his head where Sousuke hit him. “If I’m being honest, we found out at the same time you did,” Makoto is saying, speaking not to Rin hovering in the doorway but to the orca and dolphin painting on the opposite wall. “The marshal told us what he’d done while Kisumi was taking him to your room. Sorry,” he finally turns to Rin with a ghost of his usual smile. “I would have stopped him if I knew.”

“How’s your head?” He’s not about to tell Makoto that he had injured Sousuke like that when he has fourteen,  their third week at Samezuka. Sousuke had grumbled at him and commandeered Rin’s bottom bunk for a month as retribution.

“Oh, fine. I’ve had worse.”

“I stayed in Nitori’s room last night,” Rin offers, walking into the room and shoving the beanbag out of the way so he can join Makoto on the floor.

Makoto’s smile gets a shade brighter. “I wondered how you were coping. Glad you had support.”

“I uh...also may have screamed at Gou.”

Makoto sighs. “I figured she didn’t want to switch groups just because of Hanamura.”

“She had nothing to do with it, did she?” His cheek burns where she had slapped him. Makoto shakes his head. “Then how is he here?” Rin presses him. “Why?”

Makoto shakes his head again and closes his eyes. “I’ll tell you what the marshal told us. He was impressed by Yamazaki’s stats at Samezuka. We’d never seen them before because we had enough program applicants that we weren’t actively recruiting when you graduated. That combined with the fact that we knew he was part of the reason you’ve been having such a hard time made Mikoshiba recruit him in person.” He opens his eyes. “He did it behind our backs, Rin, I would have been against it had I known.”

Rin frowns. “Sousuke is a stubborn ass, he never would have agreed to come.”

Makoto shrugs, helpless. “I don’t know, Rin. The marshal made a deal with him, gave him a month’s trial here. He’s free to leave at the end if he doesn’t think this is worth it.”

Rin fumes. “He has an agenda. He doesn’t do anything without a fucking _agenda_.”

“I’m having him transferred out of my unit starting tomorrow.” Makoto slumps a little, rubbing his temples. “I thought we could work something out but it’s not worth the risk to you. And Haru—” he cuts himself off and frowns at the floor.

“Sousuke deserved it.” Rin’s voice drips venom. “Don’t tell me he didn’t.”

Makoto gives him a weary laugh. “You’re so like Haru. Don’t give me that face, you are.”

Rin shakes his head. “What’s his deal anyways?”

“I don’t know, Rin.”

“I thought Ever Blue knew each other inside and out.”

“Not anymore,” Makoto whispers.

 

He hasn’t been to his room since last night. Neither has Gou, apparently. She’s packing her things when he gets in.

“Still moving in with Nariko?”

“What do you think?” She’s scathing. He doesn’t begrudge her that—he deserves it.

“Gou, I was out of line.”

“No shit you were.” Gou rifles through her closet, flinging things out with reckless abandon.

“It wasn’t fair to you,” he tries. “I shouldn’t have assumed, I was angry, it’s not an excuse at all, I know, but—”

She turns around, eyes blazing. “Are you here to _apologize?_ ”

Only his sister could throw his own words back in his face without even knowing he said them. “Yes.”

 She puts her hands on her hips. “Then just _do it_.”

“I’m sorry.” He walks towards her, reaching out to give her ponytail a light tug  like he used to when they were kids. “Gou, I’m _sorry_.”

“You were awful,” she tells him. Her voice is still sharp, but her chin trembles, and she lets him play with her hair. “That was the worst thing you’ve ever done, did you know that?”

“I know.” He rests his chin on her shoulder, giving her a squeeze. He takes it as a good sign that she doesn’t throw him off. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not actually okay,” she’s sniffling, turning around to wrap her arms around him. “I am still _so_ mad at  you.” She’s crying into his shoulder now. Classic Matsouka, he thinks, tightening one arm around her so he can use the other hand to wipe the tears from his own eyes.

“I deserve that.” She’d normally tease him for how scratchy his voice gets when he’s holding back full frontal sobbing. “Do you need help packing?” he asks when she finally pulls away.

She shakes her head. “You’re not going to help me, you’re going to do it _for_ me.”

“Fair enough.”

“And carry everything to Nariko’s room.”

Rin shakes his head, chuckling. “Love you, sis.”

“Love you too, onii-chan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three cheers for the Matsuoka siblings! None for everyone else, they'e still fighting.
> 
> PSA, guys: This fic is something we love doing and we love doing together, but it often does take a toll on us. The only real kind of "return" we get on it is comments, so please feel free to leave one! The power of a nice comment can really turn a bad day around :)
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke would rather not get lost all the time. Ever Blue would rather be anything but disaster. 
> 
> No one gets what they want.

“I need to put in a request, Marshal,” Kisumi says without preamble as he walks into Seijuuro’s office.

“For?” Seijuuro doesn’t look away from his screens, arms folded and brows furrowed.

Kisumi sighs, sitting on the couch with a significant amount of formality that he normally wouldn’t bother with. ‘’Sousuke can’t stay in our training unit.”

Now, Seijuuro looks up. “And why the hell can’t he?”

“He’s already had altercations with Rin and Haru.” Kisumi says. “Makoto’s got a nasty bruise on his head too. Marshal, it’s not safe or practical for him to be around those three.”

Seijuuro fixes him with a hard stare. Kisumi tries not to wilt. “I thought he and Matsuoka were friends.”

“Not anymore, Rin looked ready to _kill_ him when we showed up.”

“And you couldn’t  handle him during training?” Seijuuro asks. There’s an accusation in his voice, almost a disdainful one that Kisumi resents.

“I…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t actually _there_ , I was asleep. Makoto told me to go to bed, they could handle it.”

“Clearly, they couldn’t,” Seijuuro says coldly. “You should have stayed.”

“I was dead on my feet!” Kisumi protests. “I was up all night with the damn _kaiju_ \--”

“So was, I, Shigino!” Seijuuro snaps, slamming a hand on his desk. Kisumi flinches at the use of his last name. It’s rare, even with Seijuuro being in the position he is.  “That’s not an excuse to sleep on the job. I entrusted you with Yamazaki, I expect you to follow through.”

“That’s why I’m here, _marshal_.” Kisumi’s nerves fray and frazzle at the ends, and he trains his eyes on Seijuuro’s candy dish. There’s a single chocolate in it, left over from his own Valentine’s Day extravaganza. He wants to laugh, a little. He doesn’t, steeling his jaw instead. “I’ve talked to Makoto, Sousuke is on poor terms with both Matsuokas and Haru outright refuses to train him.”

“It’s not technically Nanase’s unit,” Seijuuro points out. “It’s yours.”

“I _know_.” Kisumi draws his knees up into his chest and rests his chin on top of them,  too exhausted to keep up any formality. “Makoto and Haru are fighting over this, it’s not _worth_ it.”

“Fighting?” Seijuuro’s voice is sharp.

Kisumi shakes his head. “I don’t know the details, you’re right, I should have _been_ there. All Makoto will say is that they fought. I know it took a lot to bring him here, but some new cadet with a chip on his shoulder isn’t worth compromising Ever Blue. He needs out of our unit.”

Seijuuro sits stock still in his chair, staring straight ahead. Kisumi can almost see his teeth grinding. “I’ll have him out, then,” he says finally.

Kisumi’s mouth drops open a little. “You will?”

Seijuuro nods. “Where is the Ever Blue team?”

Kisumi frowns at the abrupt change in subject. “Doing an interview.  And a photoshoot too, I think. this French reporter has had them booked today for months.”

“Don’t you usually interpret when it’s French?” Makoto’s French is rudimentary at best, and despite being a global superstar, Haru remains stubbornly monolingual.

“I have Yazaki on it,” Kisumi says. “Haru is already cagey, he wouldn’t take kindly to me being there right now.”

Seijuuro still doesn’t look satisfied. “They shouldn’t be interviewing if they’ve just fought. We can’t have some magazine reporting that Every Blue is out of sync.”

“It’ll be fine. Makoto’s a master at media manipulation, you know that. And Aki is a smart girl, she’ll smoot anything over in translation.”

Seijuuro steeples his fingers on his desk. “I need you to get them out of it.”

Kisumi’s taken aback. “It’ll be _okay,_ marshal, they’ve handled worse--”

“No,” he takes a hand and rubs at temple, closing his eyes. “No, that’s not what I’m really worried about.”

He doesn’t continue, and Kisumi stands up to take a hesitant step forward. “Sei?”

Seijuuro looks up, clearly trying to hide a grimace. “I’m sending Nova Fission to San Francisco.”

“What?” Kisumi closes the distance to the desk so he can stand in front of the marshal. “ _Why?”_

“I was just in a meeting with them, Hong Kong, and Sydney,” Seijuuro says, gesturing to his now blank screens. “California just got their third attack in as many months, they need another jaeger at the base to be safe.”

“Can’t they get a team from Anchorage? It’s closer.”

Seijuuro shakes his head. “Alaska can’t spare one, they’re getting slammed too.”

Kisumi has to sit down to process. “What are _we_ going to do with only two jaegers then? Sei, if the other side of the Pacific is getting more attacks, we’re bound to get them soon enough.”

“I have Momo trying to calculate the probability of attacks increasing in frequency,” Seijuuro says wearily. “He’s got to use that brain of his for something other than putting kaiju DNA into his dog.”

“So he knows--?”

Seijuuro shakes his head. “He doesn’t know the hypotheticals I gave him aren’t actually hypothetical.”

They sit in silence for a minute, Kisumi turning thoughts around in his head. “How long, then?”

Seijuuro’s mouth tightens around the edges. “We’ve got maybe three weeks till the next attack.  And we won’t have Nova Fission for backup, they fly out tomorrow.”

Kisumi bites his lip. “Ever Blue and Omega Fury can handle it, can’t they?”

“Momo’s predicting a double event,” Seijuuro says softly.

Kisumi considers throwing up. “He could be wrong though, right? He’s _fifteen_ for god’s sake, get some of the other scientists on this—”

The look Seijuuro gives him is withering. “Don’t you think I haven’t done that? And Momo’s sixteen.”

As if that made a difference. Kisumi breathes through his nose, screwing his eyes shut to think. “Makoto and Haru can’t be in a jaeger right now, they’re not even _speaking_.”

“Which leaves Omega Fury,” Seijuuro finishes the thought. “And _only_ Omega Fury.”

“Shit.” Kisumi falls back in his chair a little. “ _Shit_ , what are we going to do?”

“We’re going to get those two out of that interview and put them in a jaeger check up. Ever Blue hasn’t gone out in a while anyways, don’t want her to get creaky.” Seijuuro drums his fingers on the desk, pulling his chin up in determination. “The sooner we get Ever Blue sorted out, the sooner we can sleep easy.”

“Right, okay.” Kisumi stands up and salutes. “I’m on it. We’ll be be ready to go at 1600 hours.”

The marshal nods in approval. “Thank you.”

Kisumi grins for the first time in what feels like days. “No problem. Leave it to me.”

Seijuuro calls him back as he’s about to step out the door. “Kisumi.”

“Yeah?” He looks back.

The marshal looks grave, lips pressed together. “We’re going to need a new team to replace Nova Fission soon enough.”

Kisumi turns all the way around, realization dawning. “You thought it could be Rin and Sousuke. That’s why you brought him here.”

Seijuuro nods. “Find an alternative. And fast.”

Kisumi salutes again, stomach churning. “Yes, sir.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sousuke is lost.

It figures he would be, he can’t navigate new places himself to save his life and the shatterdome is built far too much like a maze for his liking. Cursing inwardly as he passes the same broom closet for the fifth time on his way to the mess hall, he tacks another thing onto the list of reasons agreeing to the marshal’s offer was a terrible, terrible idea.

He hasn’t even trained today. Fucking Nanase had to go and boot him out, and he’s spent most of his time brooding in Shigino’s room wanting to kick something. Mostly Shigino. Too talkative, too chirpy, and far too willing to exercise his authority anyways. (“You can’t go near the training areas until you’re assigned a new unit, sorry Sousuke!”). Shigino keeps promising to show him around the shatterdome but he keeps begging off, pleading official business. Which leaves Sousuke to wander on his own, no training unit, no Rin, no Gou, and certainly no way to the mess hall.

“Lost?”

Sousuke looks up and tries to hide his shock at the sound of Rin’s voice, colder than he’s ever heard it. Rin’s standing at the end of the hall, arms folded, eyes haughty, lips curled into a sneer. “Figures,” he says, half mocking, half venomous. The sneer turns into a sharp, glinting smile. A threat.

“I know exactly what I’m doing here,” Sousuke spits back at him. “Do you?” Rin’s smile disappears and his nostrils flare. Sousuke can see his cheeks flush, knows that Rin’s desperately fighting to act like Sousuke doesn’t get to him.

“Yeah. I do,” Rin snarls. He doesn’t spare Sousuke another glance, whipping around and stalking down the hall away from him. Sousuke does a one eighty and walks the opposite way out of sheer stubbornness, still without a single clue of where he’s going.

His blood boils. Where the fuck does Rin get off being self righteous and angry at him? Rin’s the only reason he’s _here_ in the first place, he didn’t _have_ to take up the marshal’s offer, he didn’t _have_ to come join this program that’s only good for preening egos of people like Rin, people like Nanase and Tachibana—

“PYUNSUKE, NO!”

Sousuke doesn’t have time to move before an enormous wall of black fur slams into his stomach and sends him careening backwards, not quite hard enough to send him toppling but damn near close.

“What the _hell?_ ”

“SORRY, SORRY, MY BAD.” A kid with violently orange hair and a lab coat is chasing the dog as it runs circles in the middle of the hall. Sousuke shakes his head in disbelief, wondering if the assault had any effect on his ears. Last time he checked, dogs didn’t _roar_. 

He reaches out to grab the kid by the scruff of his lab coat. The kid lets out a screech. “Why the fuck is your dog roaring?” Sousuke demands, letting go. The kid scrambles to pick up the struggling dog and hoist it in his arms. It’s far too big of a dog for him to be doing that, Sousuke notes, but this kid persists.

“Pyunsuke is part kaiju,” he says cheerfully. “I’m Momo!”

“ _Part kaiju?_ ” What the fuck kind of marshall lets _anything_ that can be called part kaiju in the building, Sousuke has no idea. His respect for this place drops another notch.

Momo is rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, having put Pyunsuke the kaiju dog on the ground. “Weeeell he might have eaten some of my cell cultures when I wasn’t looking. But now his _eyes glow_ it’s _awesome_!”

Pyunsuke’s eyes are indeed glowing an iridescent, kaiju green. Sousuke looks at it and it roars at him. He decides ignore it.

Momo looks at him, head tilted, eyes wide. “Who are you, anyways?”

“Cadet,” Sousuke says, trying to get used to the title in his mouth. It tastes ashy, bitter and wrong. The dog winds its way around his legs.

“Which unit? Are you with my sister and Gou-san?” Momo comes closer and closer to him in excitement, and Sousuke feels slightly claustrophobic with this kid’s proximity to his face.

He sets his jaw. “Unassigned,” he grits out.

Momo slumps and lets out a whine. “I’ll never get to talk to her.” Sousuke resists the urge to snort. Gou does love admiring a good physique, but he’s never actually seen her give a guy who’s interested the time of day. Then again, that could be because Rin always  insisted on enlisting Sousuke’s help in scaring them off before they even got close.

“Anyways,” Sousuke tries to edge past Momo, but Pysunsuke is in his way. “I  better—”

Momo suddenly brightens up as quickly as he had deflated. “If you’re unassigned, do you want to see my kaijus?”

“Your—” Sousuke clamps his mouth shut before he can say something scathing about keeping kaijus _out_ , not _in_. “Fine. Okay.” He still doesn’t know where he’s going anyways, and this could very well be a prime opportunity to poke more holes in the jaeger program.

“Yesssssss!”

Sousuke follows Momo through the maze of corridors, letting him chatter all the while. The kid goes at top speed, forcing Sousuke to lose all chances to try and memorize what this place actually looks like.

Momo stops abruptly in front of a set of double doors. “Ta-da!!!” he crows, fishing a key card out of his pocket and swiping it. He nearly somersaults into the room. Sousuke prefers to amble in. Momo bursts energy, _someone_ has to conserve it. “My kaijus!”

So it’s not actual kaijus anyone is keeping in here. Just tanks of organs floating in viscous, neon colored liquids. Sousuke hardly thinks it’s any less unpleasant. Momo makes a beeline for a silver table that’s covered in what looks like the inside of a kaju’s stomach. For the first time, Sousuke is glad he hasn’t had lunch yet.

“They’re…” he struggles for politeness. “Interesting.” Momo beams.

“Momotarou,” a voice comes from behind him, and Sousuke turns. “Have you worked out that calculation difficulty yet?” A taller guy in a matching lab coat pushes up his glasses as he speaks.

“Rei-senpai!” Momo throws himself at the newcomer, who takes this in stride. “Yeah it turns out I just had a decimal point in the wrong place, let me show you!” He runs off, leaving Sousuke to stand awkwardly next to a bubbling tank.

“And you are?” The guy’s unfailingly formal, polite. His name badge reads _Ryuugazaki_.

“Yamazaki Sousuke, _”_ he says, sticking out a hand. He’s not particularly keen on introducing himself as “cadet” again.

Ryuugazaki’s shake is firm. “Ryuugazaki Rei, Sciences and Engineering division. Would you be the new cadet brought in by the marshal?”

Sousuke scowls. “How would you know that?”

The corner of Ryuugazaki’s mouth twitches. “I have a source of infinite gossip.”

As if on cue, a “REI-CHAAAN!” echoes through the room, and something small and blond comes barreling in, latching onto Ryuugazaki’s arm. “Stop studying and come eat lunch with me!” It’s that Hazuki guy from  yesterday, Sousuke recognizes. The one who was all over Nanase.

“ _Nagisa,”_ Ryuugazaki chides. “Some propriety, please. How did you even get in here?”

“Momo-chan made me a keycard a week ago, duh.”

Sousuke coughs. Hazuki’s head swivels around to face him and his mouth opens into a small ‘o’ of surprise. “Ahh, Rei-chan! You didn’t tell me you’ve met Sou-chan.”

 _Sou-chan?_ “Yamazaki,” Sousuke corrects, not particularly caring if he’s blunt.

Hazuki shrugs off the snub. “Rei-chan is studying to be a jaeger pilot,” he informs Sousuke gleefully.

“I am not,” Ryuugazaki says mildly. “Nagisa, please don’t go around telling people that.”

“But—”

“ _Right now_ ,” Ryuugazaki stresses, “The only thing I’m focusing on is Ever Blue maintenance, and my thesis.”

“Thesis?” Sousuke raises an eyebrow.

Ryuugazaki puffs out his chest and pushes up his glasses again. “I’m here on a fellowship from Tokyo University researching new engineering methods for jaeger tech. I happen to be the youngest to qualify to work in this division.”

It is impressive, Sousuke has to admit. “What kind of tech?” Engineering, of course, is something he can actually talk about. He didn’t spend months at the wall for nothing.

Ryuugazaki’s eyes light up. “Carbon nanotubes composites,” he explains. “They’re a _beautiful_ piece of work, so strong and with an _infinite number_ of applications in this program, I just need more hands on experience—”

“We used nanotube exoskeletons on the wall,” Sousuke offers.

Ryuugazaki almost chokes on his own words. “You’ve—you’ve worked with them?”

Sousuke gives a noncommittal shrug. “Like you said. They’re strong.”

“You should ask Sou-chan all about nanotubes over lunch,” Hazuki tugs on Ryuugazaki’s arm. “Geek out all you want, but with food!”

“ _Nagisa_.” Ryuugazaki flushes. “I—Yamazaki-san if you wouldn’t mind, I really would love to discuss—”

“Sure,” Sousuke shrugs again. “I was heading to the mess hall anyways.”

This time, he actually gets there.

 

* * *

 

Makoto’s jaw aches a little from forcing himself to smile. The last thing he wants to do right now is a neural test.

Reporters always suck the energy out of both him and Haru. They have their roles to play—Makoto, the affable, relatable, charming and sincere half of the duo. Haruka, the mysterious, aloof, brilliant half. Makoto is always the one to the legwork in interviews. Haru’s answers are short, to the point, and decidedly uninteresting, so it falls to Makoto to liven things up.

It was worse today, of course. Haruka was stiff and curt, visibly bothered and upset by the fact that they had to interview today. The photoshoot was no better. Ever Blue usually photographs incredibly well—Makoto and Haru look natural together because they _are_. Haruka’s grace makes up for Makoto’s hesitant posing. That reporter won’t find any grace or sincerity in her photos though. Just cold. Makoto’s never liked the cold.

He and Haru walk down to LOCCENT in silence. The only words they’ve exchanged since yesterday are “Get out of the bath, Haru. We have an interview.” Makoto hates this feeling, this off balanced way of navigating his day. Haru keeps himself two steps ahead as they walk. Any other day, they’d walk in parallel, shoulders bumping. Haruka always grumps at him for it, saying one day Makoto is going to knock him over with all the bumping. Makoto only responds with a laugh and a smile. He can see the tops of Haru’s cheeks turn pink—he knows Haru doesn’t actually mind. Until now, he supposes.

“There you are!” Kisumi rushes at them the second they walk into LOCCENT. The bags under his eyes haven’t gone away in two days, and Makoto tries to quash the feeling of guilt in the back of his stomach. Surely Kisumi wouldn’t have to work so hard if he and Haru were on their game. “Comm pod three, you know the drill, guys!” He slings an arm around Makoto as Haru walks away. “Are you two okay?”

Makoto shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

Kisumi purses his lips. “Okay. Go, Makoto, a drift might help you two out. And I need to talk to you, after.”

Makoto hesitates. “Both of us, or—?”

Kisumi nods, and gives him a squeeze. “Later, later. Now, go.”

They don’t wear armor for tests, just the drivesuits that connect them to the jaeger interface, so prep is easier than normal. Makoto’s running distracted, stomach, brain, heart all churning with some sort of unarticulated worry. He puts his drive suit on backwards. Twice.

“Makoto.” Haru’s standing in front of him when he finally gets it right, expression unreadable as he holds out Makoto’s helmet. “Here.”

Makoto takes it with a smile, his first real one of the day. “Thank you, Haru-chan.”

Haru only looks away.

The tech crew straps them into their harnesses, and Makoto takes comfort in the routine of it all. This feels a little better, this they’ve done a thousand times before and come out on the other side triumphant every time.

 _Not_ every _time_ , a voice in the back of Makoto’s head whispers. He tells it to shut up.

“ _Everybody set?_ ” Kisumi’s voice trills through their headsets. At least Makoto isn’t the only one keeping up the pretense of cheer.

“Right hemisphere calibrated,’ Haruka responds, curt and cold. Makoto shivers.

“Left hemisphere calibrated!”

“ _Ooookay, boys! Remember, this one’s just a check up. Can this thing move her arms and legs without killing anyone? Yes? Then we’re good. In and out, that’s all we need._ ”

“Please stop talking,” Makoto can hear Haru mutter under his breath. He stifles down a laugh, in spite of himself.

“ _I_ heard _that, Haru! Ready, guys? Initiating neural sync!_ ”

 

 

Makoto doesn’t feel Haru next to him in the drift.

“Haru?” He twists around in his harness, turning to face Haru, who’s looking at him with a mixture of horror and fear. “ _Haru!”_

The memories are running through Makoto’s brain like always, but Haru’s not _there,_ Haru’s not watching them next to him. He can’t feel the tight hold he and Haruka have on each other inside the drift. He’s alone.

Alone, he watches themselves as children in the park, sunning themselves in Haru’s backyard in high school. Alone, he sees a pair of hands reach out of the water, slip back in, a small dark head of hair—

There’s too much water.

Far, far too much water.

Makoto feels his throat constrict. Only a memory, he tells himself. Only a memory, he was over this, he got _past_ it, why is this happening _now_ , why can’t he breathe? Where’s Haru?

“Haru!” he cries.

 He can see Haru _right there_ in the harness next to him, reaching for him, but why can’t he feel him?

_“Haru!”_

And then, in a split second, he can’t feel anything.

 

 

“Makoto.”

Makoto stirs, head pounding. Something digs into his back.

“Makoto! _Makoto!”_

He opens his eyes and coughs, throat dry. “Haru?”

It’s Haru’s knee that’s in his back. He’s lying on the floor of the comm pod. Half on the floor, half in Haru’s lap. Haruka has pulled their helmets off, harnesses off, and Makoto hasn’t seen him look this stricken, this scared in years.

Haru’s lips are white. “Was it—?”

“I’m okay, Haru.” Makoto gives him a weak smile, trying to get up. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“You’re _not_ ,” Haru snaps, pushing him back down into his lap. Makoto winces. He must be crushing Haru’s knees, really.

“Please let me up, Haru, it’s _okay_.”

Before Haru can retaliate, the comm pod door bursts open. The marshal runs in, Kisumi close behind. “What happened?” Seijuuro asks, eyes blazing.

Kisumi’s almost whiter than Haru. “They didn’t sync.”

“I’m sorry?” Seijuuro turns to Kisumi, arms folded.

“The sync didn’t _hold_ ,” Kisumi says, running a hand through his hair.

Makoto pushes Haru’s arms aside to stand up. “It’s okay, marshall, we’re okay. Just a little flashback.”

“It’s _not okay_ ,” Haru glares at him and gets up.

A crease appears between Seijuuro’s brows. “Go get some rest, both of you. We’ll try this again tomorrow.”

The walk back to their room is just as silent as the walk up, but this time Haru keeps glancing at Makoto. Makoto smiles every time, trying to reassure him. It only seems to distress him further.

Haru unlocks the door and slips inside first, leaving Makoto to come in and take off his jacket, hang it on the door.  “Makoto,” Haru says from behind him.

Makoto turns around. “I’m _fine_ , Haru, really, it’s—”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Haru cuts him off. He’s hovering next to Makoto’s bed, looking distraught.

“I—Haru?” Makoto takes an uncertain step towards him.

Haru’s looking at the bed. “It was my fault.”

“Oh, _Haru_.” Makoto crosses to him fully, taking one of Haruka’s hands in his. “It wasn’t. It was me, this is _my_ problem.”

Haru looks at him, rubbing a thumb across Makoto’s palm. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

 _I’m sorry for everything_ , Makoto hears his unspoken plea. Finally, he can read Haru again.

“It’s okay, Haru,” he says, putting in an unspoken plea of his own. “It’s okay.”

They stand still in the middle of the room for a minute, just looking at each other. Makoto’s heart feels  little fuller for it. “We should talk about it, Haru,”  he says softly.

Haru doesn’t respond, only brings his forehead to rest on Makoto’s collarbone. The shake of his head is almost imperceptible. _Not now_ , _Makoto. Not now._

Makoto tightens an arm around him, breathing in slowly, relief flooding through him.

 _Not now_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When in doubt, hug it out. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments last chapter! Keep them coming :) And buckle in, friends, things are only going to get a hell of a lot more bumpy from here. 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls get crepes. The boys get a hell of a lot more than they bargained for.

“Well, isn’t this just like old times?” Miho smiles at them and folds her hands across her desk, sunny as can be.

Makoto shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “Miho, this really isn’t necessary—”

“Nonsense,” Miho cuts him off, going from sunny to sharp in half a second. “You collapsed during a neural test, Makoto, that is positively dangerous to be dismissive of.”

“I’m sure it’s just—” Makoto glances at Haru, sitting in the chair next to him, staring at the floor. “—an anomaly,” he finishes, feeling silly as soon as the words leave his mouth.

 _Anomaly my ass_ , the look on Miho’s face says, although she would never voice something so crude. “The marshal believes it imperative that you deal with whatever has happened between you both as soon as possible.”

“We _did_ ,” Haru protests.

Miho arches an eyebrow. “Did you _talk_ about it?”

Makoto’s heart twists. They hadn’t talked about it, no. He had crawled into bed while Haru went for a bath, woken up two hours later with Haru’s sleeping face next him, his wet hair tickling Makoto’s cheek. They’d skipped dinner after Haru woke up, too tired to face anyone, too queasy to eat anyway, opting instead to play video games on Makoto’s tablet until they fell asleep again. No, they hadn’t talked about it. Makoto feels a pit in his stomach. He doesn’t _want_ to talk about it.

“Miho,” he says, desperate to get out of this. “It only happened because Haru and I were having a...disagreement.” Another glance at Haru. “We’re fine now.”

“And what was this disagreement about?” Miho prompts. It occurs to Makoto that he uses the exact same type of gentle prodding on Rin, which prickles at him. He sends Rin a silent apology.

“Yamazaki,” Haruka says, face twisted. He’s got both his arms and legs folded tight in his chair, wound up and tense as Makoto’s ever seen him. “It was about Yamazaki.”

“What _about_ Yamazaki?”

Makoto wants to bury his face in his hands and never come up. He loves Miho, he owes her his life—he couldn’t have lasted even his first six months in the shatterdome without her help. But when he asked Haru if they could talk about what happened, he certainly hadn’t intended for Miho to act as a proxy. But Kisumi had woken them both up this morning, saying that meeting her was mandatory. Haru had thrown a pillow at him.

Makoto chooses his words with discretion. “Neither of us wanted him here. But we didn’t agree on how to handle it now that we didn’t have a choice.”

Miho doesn’t look like she’s buying it. “And you’re saying that this is the conflict that lead to your sync falling out?”

“Yes.” Makoto swallows.

“Do you agree, Haruka?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Miho sighs. “Okay, then we’ll focus on resolving it.”

“We _did_ ,” Haru says again. “We’re not fighting anymore and Yamazaki’s not in our unit anyways.” Makoto is inclined to agree.

“Well, that’s all fine and good, but that’s not really the issue, is it?”

Makoto frowns. “What—?”

“You _didn’t sync,”_ Miho stresses. “Your inability to actually deal with the Yamazaki problem has repercussions. Makoto, you should know that.”

Makoto’s cheeks burn. He _should_ know that, working with Rin should have taught him that much. Haru stays silent. Makoto can feel his prickling from a foot away, he practically radiates discontent. “So now what?”

“Haruka.” Miho says. Haru looks up at her and frowns. “I need you to tell me what happened.”

Haru shrugs. “Makoto wouldn’t listen to me. Yamazaki’s wrong, he’s dangerous, and Makoto wouldn’t listen.”

Makoto clicks his tongue in irritation. “You kicked him out before I could decide anything, Haru.” Haru’s eyes flash at him, and Makoto tries not to recoil. “I told you it’s not up to you, it’s up to _me._ ”

“There it is,” Miho says softly.

“What?” Haru still looks murderous.

“Makoto, when was the last time you made a decision without Haruka?”

“I do it all the time—”

“A _big_ decision.”

“Um,” Makoto can’t bear to look at Haru next to him. “When I applied to the jaeger program, I guess.”

Miho leans forward on her desk. “But you’re here anyways, aren’t you Haruka?” Haru gives a stiff, jerky nod. “Look,” Miho says. “You two spend so much time together both in and out of the drift. Anything that throws you off out here does the same thing in there. And that is _dangerous_.”

They both stare at the floor in chagrin, in shame. Makoto feels his words stick in his throat, and so he doesn’t say anything. It might as well be four years ago again, when he and Haru sat in the exact same chairs, when Makoto had collapsed in the exact same way during their first neural test because he couldn’t even handle—

“Why didn’t you listen to me?”

Makoto looks up with a start. Haru stares at him, accusation, hurt written all over his face. “Haru…”

“We need to trust each other, Makoto.”

“I do trust you,” Makoto says, a little desperate. “But Haru, we had _orders_ to do what we can with Yamazaki. You don’t get to go against them.”

“Because it’s not my training unit,” Haru says.

Makoto looks at his hands. “I would have gotten angry even if it was, I think.”

“ _Why_?”

Makoto sighs. “You’re _stubborn_ , Haru. You’re so _stubborn_ , when you decide something, I can’t fight you.”

“But you did,” Haru says it in almost a whisper.

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Miho says. Makoto jumps a little. He had almost forgotten where they were. “You two can’t just acquiesce to one another all the time,” she continues. “It buries things. And you know what they say—the things that you bury will always come back to haunt you.”

Makoto has never actually heard anyone say this in his life. All the same, she’s talking about him, and he knows it. He squeezes his hands in his lap so she can’t see them shake. “Haru, maybe we should talk to the marshal about having you be an official trainer for this unit.” It might not actually do any good, Makoto thinks. Acquiescing is _his_ problem, rarely Haru’s. He suggests it all the same.

“I’d like that.” The smallest hint of a smile plays across Haru’s lips, and Makoto feels a tremendous weight lifted off his chest.

“It’s a good idea,” Miho encourages, nodding in approval. “It leaves you no choice, really, but to talk out your decisions.”

“Are we okay now?” Haru asks He’s just as eager to leave as Makoto is.

“For now,” Miho smiles, getting up to open the door. “But I will be keeping an eye on you two.”

“Thank you, Miho,” Makoto gives her a small bow then moves to follow Haru out the door.

“Wait.” Miho ushers a startled Haru outside before closing the door on him and turning to Makoto. “I need to know what you saw in the drift, Makoto.”

Makoto’s heart thuds. This is what he had been afraid of since the moment Kisumi sent them here. “Nothing,” he lies, plastering a smile on his face before he realizes that a smile may not be the most appropriate choice of expression. “It was just empty. No Haru.”

“No memories.”

“No.” He has a tell when he lies, Haru’s pointed it out to him a million times. It’s lucky his hair covers the tips of his ears, now pink.

“Makoto,” Miho gives him a soft, sympathetic smile. “Did you see—?”

“ _No_ ,” Makoto says. “I swear, Miho, that fear is behind me.”

She looks him over with a critical eye. She’s not buying it, Makoto thinks. His heart thuds some more, so loud he’s convinced they both can hear it.

“Okay,” Miho finally said. “Okay, I believe you. But _please_ , Makoto, be careful with yourself.”

“I will,” he promises. The words taste like ash in his mouth. “Thank you again, Miho.”

Haru and Kisumi are right outside the door when he leaves, their heads bent close together, nearly touching as they peer over the tablet in Kisumi’s hands. Makoto blinks in surprise. Haru would never get that close voluntarily.

“Makoto.” Haru looks up, beckons him over. He and Kisumi are both extraordinarily pale. “Come here.”

“I should have told you yesterday when I spoke with the marshal,” Kisumi says, biting his lip. “There’s something the two of you really need to know.”

 

* * *

 

 

“It just _bothers_ me,” Gou says as they walk away from the crepe stand. “They’re both acting like stubborn children; I don’t even know why Sousuke’s even _here_ if he’s mad at onii-chan.”

“Have you asked him?”  Nariko’s crepe is more whipped cream and chocolate sauce than anything else, and Gou regrets not grabbing a stack of extra napkins.

“No,” she admits with a slight flush. “I’m not talking to either of them until they sort things out.”

Hana raises an eyebrow. “You had breakfast with your brother this morning.”

“I—” her flush deepens. “That’s different.” Hana’s expression roughly translates to _No, it’s really not._ Nariko’s face just says _you’re full of shit_. “ _Fine_ , maybe I’m mad at Sousuke too. I have a right to be!”

“Do you?” Nariko drops herself on a park bench, getting whipped cream on her nose. Hana wipes it off for her.

“ _Yes_ ,” Gou says, sandwiching herself between them. “He left me too. He left me, he left onii-chan, and I got to pick up all the pieces.”

Hana rubs her back with a small, sympathetic hum.  “You know, I talked to him the other day.”

Gou nearly drops her crepe. “You what?”

“To Sousuke. About Rin,” Hana clarifies, catching a drop of lemon sauce with her tongue. “Or, I _tried_ , at least.”

“Yeah? So what’s the deal with tall, dark, and grumpy?” Nariko doesn’t seem to see the issue here.

“ _Hana_ ,” Gou folds her arms and stands up, refusing the space in between the two. “Didn’t I say we’re not getting in the middle of it?”

“ _You’re_ not,” Hana says. “I made no such decision.”

Gou stamps her foot in frustration. “Why would you interfere? They’re both grownups; let them figure out their own crap!”

“I want to know what’s going on!”

“You _know_ what’s going on, Hana. Sousuke hasn’t been here and onii-chan’s been a wreck and now they have to work it out. The end.” 

“That’s only your brother’s side of the story,” Nariko points out.

Gou shoots her a glare. “Whose side are you on?”

“I don’t know, Gou.” Nariko crosses her legs and gives an equally fierce glare back. “The side that puts us all in the least amount of danger from _actual sea monsters._ ”

“Meaning?”

“ _Meaning,_ the only reason any of us are here is to get into a jaeger. So the sooner those two get their shit together, the sooner they can be considered a potential pair. And from what you and Hana have said, I highly doubt they’re going to talk until _someone_ pushes them to.” Her stare softens, but her legs stay crossed. “And there isn’t anyone better to give them a push than both of you.”

“You sound like the marshal,” Gou says softly.

Nariko smiles. “Well, yeah. Who do you think is next in line for that job?”

“Isn’t it Kisumi?” Hana asks.

“ _Shhhhhhhh!_ ” Nariko stuffs what’s left of her crepe into Hana’s mouth.

Gou laughs, sitting back on the bench and resting her head on Hana’s shoulder. “Sorry,” she whispers.

Hana spend a minute wiping whipped cream off her face before she answers back. “It’s okay. You’re in the middle, it’s hard, I know. But I’m not going to stay out of it. I can afford to be a little more objective.”

“Yeah.” Gou plays with the hem of her skirt. “Yeah, okay. I can’t stop you.”

Hana nudges her leg. “Do you want to know what happened?”

“Yes.” Gou had been about to say it, but Nariko answers for her. Hana laughs.

“It wasn’t much, to be honest, he wouldn’t actually talk to me.”

“When did this even happen?”  Gou asks.

“Lunch yesterday, when you two were still in the showers.”

“And?” Gou prompts.

“And nothing,” Hana sighs. “He tried hiding behind _Nagisa_.”

“That...would not work.” Nariko stares into space, seemingly trying to imagine Sousuke attempting to fit his bulk behind Nagisa’s tiny frame.

“Well, not _actually_ ,” Hana amends. “He was at a table with Nagisa and that scientist friend of his—?”

“Rei,” Nariko supplies.

“Yeah, him. But Sousuke would barely look at me, much less talk to me.”

“He doesn’t talk to anyone,” Gou says.

Hana gives Gou’s knee a slap. “Stop interrupting me! But _anyways_ , he got up after a few minutes, and I followed him, you know? And I was like ‘Sousuke, can I ask you something?’ and he just kind of turns on me and says ‘I don’t want to talk about anything.” Her face falls. “And then he left. So, that’s that.”

Gou sighs. “Then that’s that, I guess.”

“You could have been more subtle,” Nariko suggests. She’s met with two identical glares.

“Subtle doesn’t work on Sousuke,” Gou says. “God, just bludgeon them both with a _hammer_ , it might actually get them to do something.”

“Well, that wouldn’t really put them in shape to be in a jaeger—”

“ _Nariko!_ ”

Nariko grins. “Sorry, sorry.”

They finish their crepes in silence, watching the fountain across the park stream water into a stone pool. Gou breathes in. It’s nice to get out of the shatterdome for once, away from the constant tension and exhaustion, tiptoeing around her brother or staying sharp and obedient during training. She brushes ankles with Hana and Nariko on either side of her, and smiles.

“Hey, Gou.” Nariko crinkles her crepe wrapper in her lap. “At least you’re not the only one with brother problems.”

Gou raises an eyebrow in concern. “Is Momo splicing DNA he shouldn’t again?” Hana asks.

“No,” Nariko frowns. “That’s the thing, he’s _not._ I went to go check up on him this morning, he’s spent like three days doing nothing but running statistics simulations on kaijus.”

Gou sits up straight in alarm. “You don’t think—?”

Nariko shrugs, helpless. “He said nii-san gave him a project to stop him from going DNA wild, but...I don’t trust it. Nii-san has been locking himself in his office a hell of a lot more than usual, lately.”

Gou frowns. “We’re about to get another attack soon, aren’t we?” Nariko nods in affirmation.

“Wow,” Hana says, brows furrowed. “Well, we have Ever Blue at least.”

“Do we?” Nariko asks.

“What do you mean?”

Nariko shrugs in response. “They’ve been weird lately. I’ve never seen them acting like this.”

“Huh,” Gou rests a hand on her chin. “That’s actually pretty scary.”

“Well maybe they’ll move up the trainees to jaegers,” Nariko lights up. “That’d be _incredible_.”

“Oh come one, Nariko. We’re not _ready_!” Hana protests.

Nariko’s obstinate. “I think we are,” She says with a toss of her hair.

Gou smiles. She just might believe her.

 

* * *

 

 

“Again,” Haru says, out of breath and panting as he stretches his neck back, Makoto’s staff nearly digging into his throat.

“Haru, are you sure? We should take a break—”

“ _Again_ ,” Haru insists. He’s not willing to stop until sparring with Makoto feels _right_ again.

Makoto takes his staff off of Haru’s neck with a sigh. “We don’t have to force it, Haru.”

“We _do_. We don’t have _time_ , Makoto.” Haru’s stomach lurches a little, remembering the look on Kisumi’s face, paper white and terrified. “Nova Fission’s gone. We can’t afford to be off anything.”

Makoto’s face crumples. “I know. I _know,_ I’m just worried forcing it won’t help anything.”

“Here,” Haru puts his staff on the floor, reaches out to do the same with Makoto’s. They roll into a corner, clacking against each other. It doesn’t matter; he’ll pick them up later. Haru grabs Makoto’s hand, tipping his head up slightly. Makoto, almost on instinct, tips his head down and they brush foreheads. Haru closes his eyes. “Breathe.”

Makoto breathes. In, out, in, out, until Haru can match his rhythm. They used to do this in the beginning, when they first got here, to control Makoto’s shaking tremors and draw Haru out of his shell. They haven’t done this in a long time, Haru thinks.

“Still forcing it?” Haru murmurs. Makoto shakes his head _no_ against Haru’s temple. “Okay. Let’s try again.”

He gets the staffs from where they languish in the corner, tossing one to Makoto without looking. Makoto catches it almost effortlessly, and Haru smiles. That’s more like it.

Makoto moves first, on offense, like he always does. He throws himself into things head first, never timid for all his fear. Haru blocks his strike, scrambles back a couple steps to give himself just enough room to swing back at Makoto’s side. Blocked. Makoto flips his staff horizontally, knocking Haru’s out of the way. Haru somersaults backwards to avoid the oncoming strike, lands crouched on the balls of his feet and swipes his staff in a long, sweeping arc to catch Makoto’s ankles. Makoto goes down hard, laughing.

“Again?” Makoto asks, still sprawled on the floor, eyes sparkling. Haru smiles and nods.

“Again,” he says. Warmth blooms in his chest. Makoto’s smile hasn’t reached his eyes in days. 

He pulls Makoto up and they cross to opposite sides of the mat, Makoto facing the door, Haru away from it. Haru stretches out his arms a bit, rolls his neck before moving his body into fighting stance. Makoto mirrors him

They lock eyes. _Ready?_ Makoto doesn’t need to say it out loud, Haru understands him instinctively. Makoto advances, spinning his staff into an attack position. Haru moves to block, but before he even gets halfway there, Makoto’s stopped moving altogether.

“Oh,” Makoto says pleasantly, looking past Haru’s shoulder. “Hi, Rin.”

Haru spins around. Sure enough, Rin stands in the doorways, eyes slightly widened. “I didn’t think anyone would be in here, he admits. “I was hoping to get in some extra practice.”

“That’s absolutely fine,” Makoto beckons him inside. “It’s open practice time right now anyways, Haru and I had the same idea.”

They watch Rin strip off his jacket, wrap his knuckles for protection. Haru wonders vaguely why he and Makoto don’t go back to what they were doing, but Makoto seems keen on gauging Rin’s temperament. Haru indulges him.

“Do you need a partner, Rin?” Makoto asks. “We’d be happy to—”

“I’ll do it,” comes another voice. Rin goes absolutely still, face murderous. Yamazaki stands in the doorway. “Try me,” he says. 

“Like _hell_ ,” Rin spits. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Open practice,” Yamazaki says coolly. His face is blank, almost masklike compared to Rin’s snarl. “My training unit isn’t really doing it for me.”

He has the gall to be this _arrogant._ Haru curls his toes into the floor, resisting the urge to kick Yamazaki the hell out again. A gentle hand lands on his elbow. Makoto. _Please stay out of it, Haru._

“I’d rather not have to do anything with you.” Rin turns abruptly to Haru then, eyes blazing. “How about it, Nanase?”

Yamazaki barks out a laugh before Haru can react. “Like you could beat him, Rin.”

Rin’s lip curls. “It’s a dialogue, Sousuke. Not a fight.”

How strange, Haru thinks, to hear his own words leave Rin’s mouth. “I’ll do it,” he says. Makoto’s been prodding him to work with Rin since day one, and if anything, Haru would very much like to wipe the smug look off of Yamazaki’s face.

Rin splits his face with a sharp smile. “Excellent.”

“Makoto,” Haru says as they circle into position. “Ref for us.”

Rin’s smile grows even wider. “Don’t trust me, Nanase?”

“We’ll see after the match, won’t we?”

“Alright,” Makoto says. “Ready?” Out of the corner of his eye, Haru sees Yamazaki move further into the room, stand against the wall with his arms folded. “Okay. Go.”

They both strike offense.

 _He fights like you, Haru_ , Makoto had said the day they met Rin. And he _does_. Every move thrown at Haru is one Haru has used before, only sharp where Haru is fluid, almost _electric._

His veins buzz. His focus hones in only on Rin’s wild grin behind the blur of their weapons, on the current that crackles between them.

Haru falters for a split second, struck with realization. Just as quickly, Rin’s staff is at his throat. He goes still.  

“Again,” Rin breathes. Haru shakes his head, backing away a few steps, mind numb. “ _Please._ ”

“Haru.” Makoto’s voice is soft.  

“Okay.” Haru’s words stick to the roof of his mouth. His stomach roils, his palms tingle. Yamazaki’s eyes bore into his back, and a chill runs down his spine.

They go again. And a third, fourth, fifth time, each gaining the upper hand in turns. The second time, Rin’s on the floor, the third, his staff stops an inch from Haru’s heart. _Turns_ , as if some perfectly aligned cosmic force draws the symmetry in their moves. _Not a cosmic force,_ Haru’s brain supplies. _You know what force it is._

Haru freezes in place after toppling Rin for the third time, looking at him flat on his back, arms splayed out and eyes closed. Rin’s grinning maniacally and he opens one eye to stare at Haru, smiling wider and wider. Haru can’t bring himself to help Rin up, so Makoto does it for him.

“Um,” Makoto says to break the silence, letting go of Rin’s hand. “That was great, should we try—?”

“No,” Rin says, out of breath. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of Haru. “No, this is it. Didn’t you _feel_ that?” He puts a hand on Haru’s shoulder, and Haru still feels frozen. He can’t move, blink, do anything. Rin’s teeth glint sharply at him. “We’re drift compatible.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......and boom goes the dynamite. 
> 
> In other news, we spent an extraordinarily long time thinking about the girls' crepe orders, so here's [Gou](http://s3-media3.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/c6gRVkwIU7Hd5FpMZZJopg/o.jpg), [Nariko](http://s3-media4.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/RvYYVKYlOhbLHNQX8p1z6g/o.jpg), and [Hana.](http://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/0wyyykC8P8l23cMXQ4TmMA/o.jpg)
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Testing boundaries.

 

“ _What?_ ”

“I think I may be drift compatible with Nanase,” Rin repeats, ignoring Kisumi’s dumbfounded expression and staring straight at the marshal, hands clasped behind his back.

Mikoshiba turns to Nanase. “And you?”

Nanase only tightens his lips together and stares at the floor. He hasn’t looked at Rin once since they finally broke eye contact in the combat room, didn’t even say a word when Makoto snapped them both out of their reverie and practically hauled them both to the marshal’s office, one hand on Nanase’s back, the other on his phone calling Mikoshiba and Kisumi.

Rin doesn’t know where Sousuke is. By the time he tore his eyes away from Nanase, Sousuke was already gone.

“Haru,” Makoto says now. Rin watches him rest a hand over Nanase’s curled fist.

That’s all it takes for Nanase to look up. “Maybe.” he says.

Rin could chalk up the lack of color in Nanase’s cheeks to the fact that he’s no longer physically exerting himself, but he can’t help but feel a little sick looking how pale he is.

“ _Maybe_?” The marshal asks. “You should know, shouldn’t you?”

“I _don’t._ ” Nanase looks almost livid.

“Then let’s find out,” Rin blurts it almost out of his own will. “We can do a neural, test, right? Let’s do it.”

Kisumi and Makoto are nodding their assent, but the marshal remains leaning back in his chair, scrutinizing Rin. It’s becoming increasingly difficult for Rin to keep up his bluster under that gaze, under the idea that the only one who’s even remotely happy about this development is him.

“Rin’s right. Let’s test it,” Makoto says. “If this works, it could be really incredible.”

He gives Rin a smile from over Nanase’s shoulder, making Rin think that maybe he’s _not_ the only one who thinks this is a good thing. He hasn’t a clue _why_ Makoto would have that kind of a smile on his face when Rin’s just gone and put himself smack in the middle of the Ever Blue team. But Makoto _is_ smiling, and Rin can only hope it’s genuine.

“Makoto—” Rin doesn’t even know what he’s going to say, something, anything to make sure Makoto doesn’t hate his guts, but the marshal interrupts him before he can get any words out.

“Think  you can prep a test on short notice?” It takes Rin a moment to realize that Mikoshiba is talking to Kisumi, not him.

“Absolutely.” Kisumi gives a jaunty salute, and a wink. “You’ll help, Makoto?”

Rin’s mouth feels glued shut on the walk down to LOCCENT. Kisumi and the marshal are murmuring to each other, and he doesn’t have the courage to talk to either Makoto or Nanase.

Maybe, he thinks, maybe if this works out, he’ll be calling Nanase _Haru_ instead.

“Matsuoka.” The marshal nods at the empty harnesses in the comm-pod. “You’ll be on left brain.”

Rin hesitates. “I was on right last time.”

“I’m always on right with Makoto,” Nanase says curtly without even looking at him.

“Yeah, well I’m not Makoto,” Rin snaps.

“No, you’re not, Rin,” Makoto says from his post at Kisumi’s console. “But Haru’s incredibly stable on right brain and it’s to your advantage.”

Rin bites back another protest. “Okay.”

Kisumi has some of his crew strap them in while he and Makoto man the controls. It makes sense that he asked Makoto for help—Nanase probably wouldn’t be very happy if Makoto wasn’t involved in this. Makoto and Kisumi work seamlessly as Rin watches. Kisumi whispers something into Makoto’s ear, and Makoto gives him a quick smile, sending him spinning back to his side of a console with a well placed nudge to the knee.

With a jolt, Rin remembers that Makoto and Kisumi are drift compatible.

He makes a mental note to talk to Kisumi about it. If anyone knows what it’s like drifting with a member of the Ever Blue team, it must be Kisumi. But Kisumi’s in LOCCENT now, not a ranger, and as far as Rin knows, he never was one.

Maybe _Rin_ won’t end up a ranger this way, maybe this is a terrible idea and he’ll never actually see the inside of a jaeger because it’s Nanase he’s had to go and drift with, not Gou, not Nitori, not—

He bites his lip, nearly drawing blood. _Definitely_ not Sousuke.

“Are you both ready?” Mikoshiba asks.

“As I’ll ever be,” Rin calls back. If he fakes confidence, it might actually work. “Left hemisphere calibrated.”

“Right hemisphere calibrated,” Nanase confirms. Rin can barely look at him, which is probably a bad sign considering they’re about to meld minds.

“Initiating neural sync!” Kisumi chirps.

Rin squeezes his eyes shut against the flash of colors, the sudden pain that rips through his head.

_Sousuke’s helping Gou unwrap her Christmas presents while Rin sneezes in bed, blowing his nose under his shark patterned bedsheets._

_Haru kneels down at his doorstep, scratching his dog under the chin._

_Rin’s father braids Gou’s hair at the kitchen table. The braid is lumpy and crooked, and their mother and Rin can’t stop laughing._

_Makoto pulls Haru out of the bath. “Good morning, Haru-chan,” he says, eyes crinkling at the corners._

_Sousuke and Rin stage a sword fight with brooms in the middle of the hallway until a teacher yells at them. Rin wins._

_Makoto flings his arms around Haru, who is attempting to climb into a fish tank._

_Rin watches his dad on TV, cheering as the jaeger throws a punch—_

“Nice bedsheets,” Nanase says.

“What?” Rin’s jerked back into the interior of the comm-pod. “What happened, it didn’t work?”

“It _did_.” Nanase nods to the control panels attached to their harnesses. “Look.”

A hologram spins in front of them, a human body half red half blue. NEURAL SYNC INITIATED flashes across the screen.

“I—What now?” He doesn’t feel like they’ve mind melded or anything, but there’s a kind of hollowness in his limbs, as if they don’t belong entirely to him anymore.

“They don’t.”

Rin freezes. “I didn’t say that out loud.”

“No, you didn’t.” Nanase’s voice tremors.

“How come I can’t read your mind, then?” Rin twists around in his harness to face him. Nanase’s still pale, but at least now he looks back.

“I’m better at this than you,” he says quietly.

“Not for long,” Rin grins. It worked. It _worked._

A whistle cuts through the air. “That’s one hell of a drift score, boys!” Kisumi, of course it’s Kisumi.

“We’ll disconnect you now,” says Makoto. “Good job, Rin, Haru.”

Rin stumbles out of the comm-pod in a daze. Nanase heads straight for Makoto.

“Here’s the plan,” the marshal says once Makoto has gotten Rin and Nanase to sit down. “That was very impressive and all, but it’s not going to give us what this shatterdome needs.”

Rin rises out of his chair a little. “Meaning?”

“Meaning Ever Blue is already an existing jaeger team.” Kisumi explains. “You and Haru aren’t going to add another jaeger to the base, we need two entirely new cadets for that.”

“Oh.” Rin feels a little dim for not realizing that in the first place. “So this is pointless, then?”

“Not exactly,” Mikoshiba says. “We’ll train you two as a backup team.”

“Backup,” Rin repeats, voice hollow. Relegated to backup, that’s what he’s come to.

The marshal narrows his eyes. “That isn’t to say you won’t continue training with cadets from your unit. I want you in your own jaeger, Matsuoka.”

“Maybe with Nitori,” Makoto suggests. “We were planning to test you two soon, weren’t we, Haru?”

Mikoshiba nods in approval. “Put that through.”

“Done,” Kisumi says, scribbling a note on the back of his hand. “We won’t do it today, I think we’re all too tired.”

“Alright,” the marshal says. “You’re all dismissed. Nanase, Matsuoka, I expect you two to be working together a lot more closely in the coming weeks.”

“Yes sir!” To Rin’s surprise, he and Nanase salute and speak in perfect unison.

“You might want to take a nap, Rin,” Makoto says as they head out the door. “Your first successful drift can take quite a bit out of you before you get used to it.”

“Yeah.” Rin can feel the fatigue behind his eyelids. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Kisumi swings an arm around his shoulders. “Aren’t you just something, huh, Rin?”

“Damn straight,” Rin says with a smile.

It’s only after Kisumi’s dragged Nanase and Makoto down the other end of the hall that Rin remembers that he wanted to talk to him.

He’ll find Kisumi later, he figures. If he doesn’t tell Gou what’s happened right away, she’ll probably kill him with his own Ever Blue poster.

  

* * *

 

 

“I miss _everything_ ,” Kisumi complains as they walk down the hall. “I mean, I wasn’t there for Sousuke’s first day of training either.”

Haruka tugs at Makoto’s sleeve, a silent plea to get away. Makoto gets the message.

So does Kisumi, apparently, because he flashes them a grin before Makoto can open his mouth. “You’re probably tired, huh, Haru? So many new things adrift.” He waggles his eyebrows at the pun, but Haru only rolls his eyes.

“We’ll see you later, Kisumi,” Makoto says. “Training continues tomorrow morning as usual, remember, this doesn’t change that.”

“Well, _some_ things change, certainly.” Kisumi gives them an outrageous wink. Makoto has to step on Haru’s foot to stop him from doing anything. “See you, then.”

“He’s right, you must be tired.” Makoto pushes a lock of hair out of Haru’s eyes. He still looks almost fragile from the neural test, pale and delicate. His hands tremor ever so slightly and there’s a sheen of sweat on his forehead.  Makoto wonders if this is what he looked like himself, after last time. But of course not, because no one in their right mind could ever call Makoto _delicate_. “Why don’t we go eat something, Haru?”

Haruka shakes his head. “Come with me to the pool.”

“The city pool?”

“Mmmm.” Haru’s already walking off.

“Haru, wait!” Makoto jogs to catch up with him. “Are you sure you don’t want to rest a bit?”

Haruka stares up at him. “The pool helps me relax.” _Obviously_ , _Makoto_.

“Let’s at least get some hats, hmm?”

Haru thinks it’s silly, but Makoto always insists on them wearing hats when they go out into Tokyo. It’s mostly for Haru’s benefit anyways. Makoto doesn’t mind being recognized, but Haru hates the attention. On a good day, it’s only a little kid staring at them wide eyed from a distance until Makoto waves them over for a smile and a picture, but most of the time it’s paparazzi, clamoring for a picture of Ever Blue.

So there’s a reason they don’t go out much, despite Haru’s love for the pool. There’s none in the shatterdome, despite the three months Haru spent trying to convince Seijuuro to have one built their first year there.

His saving grace is a tiny community pool tucked away in Ota. The old couple that owns it positively adores them, letting them use the pool after hours whenever they want and sending them back to the shatterdome with homemade onigiri. And blessedly, they never mention Ever Blue. Tamura-san will, however, give them extra food whenever they come after a kaiju attack.

“Evening, Tamura-san,” Makoto greets her as Haru pushes open the door. The little chime tied to the handle tinkles a welcome.

“Makoto-chan, Haruka-chan,” The old woman gives them a smile from behind the counter. “It’s been too long since you came to see us.”

“Sorry, Tamura-san,” Haru’s always indescribably gentle with her, the soft, kind way he is with Makoto’s siblings back home in Iwatobi. “It’s been busy.”

Tamura-san purses her lips. “Yes, I’m sure it has.” She drops the key to the pool on the counter. “You boys stay safe, alright?”

“We will,” Makoto assures her, closing a hand over the key. “Promise.”

She smiles. “Don’t forget to take some food with you before you leave.” Her eyes twinkle at Haru. “Mackerel this time.”

It’s like she knew they were coming. She probably did, Makoto figures. Tamura-san has always been prepared for them.

Haru, to Makoto’s chagrin, is wearing his jammers under his clothes and dives in almost the second they hit the pool deck, leaving Makoto to change in the locker room. When he gets back, Haruka is already swimming lap after lap in the middle lane. Makoto dives in the lane next to him, and it’s not hard to match Haru stroke for stroke.

He can only do it for about two or three laps though until his stamina wears out. He’s content to stand at the end of his lane, catching his breath and watching Haru slice through the water like he was born to swim.

Haruka insisted on having a dolphin be in Ever Blue’s logo when he designed it. Only anyone who’s seen him swim knows why. That’s another thing they never tell the magazines.

“Haru,” Makoto calls when Haru finishes yet another lap. “Talk to me.”

Haru looks at him from across the pool, and immediately dives under the water.

 _“Haru_.” Makoto glides over to the other end of pool. “Aren’t we supposed to be communicating?”

Haruka only blows bubbles at him from below the surface. Makoto honestly doesn’t know how he can do that for so long. He had tried once, when they were twelve, and lasted all of twenty seconds. Nagisa had spent the next three minutes laughing water up his nose.

“Haru,” Makoto tries for a different tactic. “What did you see in the drift with Rin?”

Haruka comes up with a splash and floats away on his back. “His dad, I think.” His voice bounces off the walls of the empty pool hall.  “His sister. Yamazaki. And you.”

“Me?”

Haru straightens up and trails his hand across a lane divider. “It’s half my memories too.”

“Oh,” Makoto flushes, embarrassed. “Right.”

“It was weird, being in his head. You and I have the _same_ memories.” Harus almost talking to himself as he pushes and pulls absently at the lane divider. “I’m sorry, Makoto.”

“Sorry—?” Makoto’s mouth drops open. “Haru, _why_? Because of Rin?”

Haru’s nod is almost imperceptible, but Makoto can make it out all the same.

He dives forward and kicks his way to Haru. “I wasn’t lying when I said this is incredible, Haru, it _is_.”

“But—”

“Do you remember when we were in neural testing as cadets?”

It was an odd time for them. Makoto tested varying degrees of well with one, two, three cadets in their unit, Haru with none at all. But the second they were strapped into the same harness, their drift scores had blown the rest out of the water.

The score Rin and Haru put up two hours ago was remarkably similar to theirs back then, if Makoto recalls correctly.

“Honestly, Haru, I worried when you didn’t even demonstrate compatibility with anyone else, much less drift.”

“I don’t see why I need to,” Haru says obstinately.

“A pilot can be put out of commission at any time.” Makoto echoes the speech that Seijuuro had given them their first day of testing. “The best pilots are flexible.”

“Not me.”

“But _I_ am,” Makoto counters. He smiles, trying to coax the same out of Haru. “And now you are too.”

Haruka’s face stays sour. “My scores are still better with you.”

“Well, that’s your own fault, isn’t it?” Makoto asks softly.

Haru’s mouth parts in a soft ‘o’ of surprise. “Makoto—”

“The drift gets stronger with trust,” Makoto presses him. They haven’t moved in a while, and his bare shoulders prickle with goosebumps where they aren’t submerged in water. “I really do think he trusts you, Haru, you need to return that trust if any good is going to come out of this.”

Haru sulks, sinking down into the water until it’s just below his chin. “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like change,” Makoto corrects him with good cheer. “ _Everyone_ can drift with multiple people, Haru, I’d be piloting a jaeger with Kisumi if you hadn’t come here with me.”

Haruka chokes on pool water.

“Please don’t remind me,” he croaks once Makoto has thumped his back enough for him to regain speech. “Makoto, he’d want to name your jaeger something awful like _Bubblegum Babe_.”

Makoto winces. “Not that bad, surely.”

A shudder runs through Haru anyways. “Race me,” he says, tugging at Makoto’s fingers.

Makoto’s already floating his way to the end of the lane. “Freestyle?” he asks, pulling himself out of the pool and holding out a hand for Haru.

Haru takes it. “Always.”

They’ve never needed to count the seconds out loud when they kick off the starting blocks in perfect synchronicity.

“I really am glad you’re drifting with Rin, Haru,” Makoto says a little while later. They’re sitting at the edge of the pool, wading their legs in as they towel off. “It could be worse.”

“Worse?”

Makoto smiles. “It could be Yamazaki.”

Haru pushes him into the pool.

 

* * *

 

 

Sousuke had always indulged in naps at Samezuka.

He couldn’t, at the wall, not with fourteen hour work shifts every day, a paltry lunch break, each hour blurring into the next with only time he could collapse in bed was at night, only to wake up at the crack of dawn to another day of welding.

But at Samezuka, Rin would walk into walk into their dorm room around four and laugh, chuck something at his his head, or both. More than once, Sousuke had woken up to find Rin sitting on his legs with a wicked grin.

(“You can’t sleep so much, you big lug.” Rin would say, not without an infinite amount of fondness.  
“Doesn’t matter as long as I can wake up at a moment’s notice,” Sousuke would retort back.)

And he _can_ , which is how the creak of the door has him sitting straight up in bed, banging his head on the top bunk.

He hisses in pain and rubs his head, only to have his mood worsened when he sees who’s in the doorway. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating with Nanase or something?”

He’s in no mood for Rin’s joy right now, he doesn’t want to look at Rin and remember the way his eyes lit up and his face shone as he looked at _Nanase_ of all people. Damn Rin, _damn_ him.

“I was looking for Kisumi.” Rin’s voice is positively colorless.

“He’s not here.”

“Why are _you_ , Sousuke?”

Sousuke arches an eyebrow. “This is my room too, Rin.”

A flash of anger passes over Rin’s face for half a second, rippling through what Sousuke knows is a carefully constructed mask of stoicism. “I mean here. Why are you _here_ , why are you in the shatterdome?”

Sousuke sets his jaw and looks at him. He’s not volunteering that information as easily as Rin wants him to.

Rin scoffs, full of derision, and turns away. “Whatever, fuck you, I don’t care.”

“Rin, wait.” He had forgotten, of course, that his resolve crumbles with Rin around. It’s remarkable, really, that he’s kept it up for so long.

“ _What_.”

“I’m here for _you_ ,” Sousuke gives him a small shrug, watching Rin’s eyes widen in shock. “Obviously.”

“Too bad.” Rin’s harsh, bitter, deliberately so. “I don’t need you.”

“Of course you don’t.” Anger bubbles in Sousuke’s  stomach, in the back of his throat. He finally gets off the bed, walking to stand in front of Rin with his arms crossed, forcing Rin to look up at him. “You’ve got Nanase now, right?"

Rin's face twists and he's got Sousuke by the collar in half a second, pushing through the doorway and shoving Sousuke against the wall. "I'm not talking about Nanase," he hisses. All his attempts to be colorless and emotionless have been thrown out the window, it seems. His eyes blaze. Sousuke finds it difficult to even look, but he does anyways. "Don't act like you know anything."

Sousuke's lip curls. "Enlighten me, then."

"Makoto," Rin says. Tachibana, Sousuke has to remind himself, wondering when the hell Rin got on a first name basis with him.  "Makoto, Gou, her friends, Nitori, I've had them. Not Nanase, not until now." He finally lets go of Sousuke's shirt then, leaving Sousuke to stumble. "I certainly never had _you._ And I don't need you now."

"And look how well that's working out for you."

"Damn _right_ it is," Rin snarls. "Or did you forget I just drifted with the world's best jaeger pilot?"

"Exactly." Sousuke leans against the wall, having gotten the upper hand now that he's not pressed against it. Rin stands in the middle of the room, hands balled into fists, almost feral. "You really think you're going to get in the middle of that team, Rin?"

He watches Rin's teeth grind. "You have a month here, right? Just finish it and leave."

"Not without you."

" _Excuse me?_ "

Sousuke wishes his tongue didn't suddenly feel like it was made of lead. "I came here to get you out, Rin."

"Get me out?" Rin laughs in disbelief. "You let me come here and fuck off to Chiba and now you want to get me _out_?"

" _Listen_." Sousuke’s irritated now, frustration mounting that Rin won’t let his pride down for more than six seconds. “The jaeger program isn’t going to help you.”

“Good thing it’s not about me, isn’t it?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.” Rin’s eyes are still burning. “ _Why don’t you enlighten me?”_

“You’re going to get yourself killed!” Sousuke finally spits out. “This program is propaganda, it’s a _scam_ , you can’t seriously believe you can just punch all the kaijus with a giant fucking robot until they die out!”

“Of course I believe it,” Rin says. The softness of his voice shocks Sousuke into not saying anything back. “Of course I believe it, what else is anyone supposed to believe? The jaegers have been _working_.”

“Not for your dad they didn’t.”

It’s a low blow, he knows, and he also should have known that it would make Rin snarl and push past him with nothing but a “Fuck off, Sousuke.”

“Matsuoka’s in trouble.”

Rin wheels around to face Sousuke’s back. “I’m sorry?”

“Matsuoka’s in trouble.” Sousuke slowly turns to meet Rin’s eyes. “That’s what the marshal told me back in Chiba. He pulled out all my stats from Samezuka, said that they needed someone like me at the shatterdome.”

“That wouldn’t have gotten you to come,” Rin says quietly.

“It didn’t. And then he said that if I didn’t come, you were in trouble.” The marshal’s words feel almost dangerous in his mouth, he hates repeating them. “Don’t you get it, Rin? He _threatened_ you.”

“ _Threatened me_?”

“You think they care about you here?” Sousuke hurls at him. “You can’t trust these people, you’re _expendable_ , the marshal can just use you and throw you away in a jaeger wreck. Fucking Shigino’s probably in on it, your precious Ever Blue is just going to let it happen!”

“What the hell,” Rin whispers. “What the _hell._ ”

“You’re going to die here, Rin.”

Rin only stares at him, lips slightly parted. He gives a miniscule shake of his head. “That’s what you think? _That’s_ why you’re here?”

“To get you out,” Sousuke confirms. “If I didn’t trust this place before, I sure as hell don’t now.”

Rin’s expression is unfathomable as he turns away. “You’re going to have a hell of a hard month here without trust, Sousuke.”

And then he’s gone. 

Sousuke should have just stayed sleeping.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been exactly six months since we put up chapter one of this story. 
> 
> We want to thank every single one of you who's read this fic from the bottom of our hearts. We would have given up on this way back in chapter four or something if it wasn't for you guys. Every time you click this thing we've made, every time you leave a kudos or a comment, it pushes us dedicate even more time, energy, and love into this story.
> 
> Honestly, we never thought we'd be here, six months down the line. Fifteen chapters, 50k words, and over _3000 hits _down the line, we're still going strong and have so much story left to tell. What started as just screaming headcanons at each other over text has blossomed into this incredible, frustrating, wonderful part of our lives, and made our friendship stronger than I ever thought it could be.__
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> _So thank you, to all of you. Whether you've kept up with this fic from the beginning or are reading it for the first time today, thank you so much for making all the love and all the tears we put into this story feel like it's worth something._  
>  _
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> _It's my birthday this weekend, and to me, reaching this milestone with my best friend is one of the best presents I ever could have asked for. To me, you guys are worth the whole world <3_  
>  _
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> _~crazyinjune_  
>  _


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's playing games today. Some are fun, some aren't. As far as Makoto's concerned, he'd rather just take a nap.

“I know this game,” says Rin.

“I hate this game,” says Haru.

Poor Makoto looks at his wit’s end.

“Well,” he says, smile tightening around the edges. “It’s an important step in this process, and I want to make sure we’ve demonstrated properly.”

“We’ve done it in training.” Rin gives Makoto a languid shrug. “No need to demo; Nitori and I have been mirroring for like a week.”

“Oh, the demo’s not for your benefit, Rin,” Kisumi says cheerfully. “It’s for Haru’s.”

It’s honestly miraculous how quickly Kisumi manages to grate on every single nerve in Haruka’s body. Haru stays silent, if only for Makoto’s sake.

Rin only looks bewildered, turning to Haru. “Why would you need a demonstration?”

“We, ah—” Makoto interrupts, tips of his ears turning ever so slightly pink. “Haru never had to do any mirroring when we were getting tested together.”

“Because they can already each other’s minds anyways,” Kisumi finishes with a roll of his eyes.

Which is why Haru considers mirroring tedious, which is _also_ why he’s mysteriously absent from training sessions whenever Makoto and Kisumi go over it with cadets. He frowns at Rin, who’s smirking for some inexplicable reason.

“Haru,” Makoto’s voice comes from in front of him, and Haruka looks to see Makoto stretching his shoulders, positioning himself a foot across from Kisumi. “Pay attention.”

 _Don’t be sour, please_ , is what Haru understands Makoto to actually be saying. He sighs, training his eyes forward.

“Mirroring is simple enough,” Makoto says, eyes fixed on Kisumi. Haru watches him slowly pull his staff in a horizontal position in front of his torso. Kisumi does the same simultaneously. “You’ve got a leader, and a follower, and you just mirror each other’s moves. It’s about total mental communication, being able to read each other.”

 **“** Like so,” Kisumi says. He moves his staff to the right while Makoto moves his own to the left simultaneously  so it looks like they’re on opposite sides of a mirror, reflections of each other as they move. Makoto’s staff spins  from left to right as he moves his right leg back for balance. Kisumi does the same with his limbs reversed, and someone without a keen eye would see them moving in perfect synchronicity. Haruka, however, has a very keen eye.

“Who lead, who followed?” Makoto asks when they still.

“Makoto led,” Haru says. Quite frankly, it was obvious.

“Kisumi was behind,” Rin says. “Just barely.”

“Good,” Makoto says pleasantly. “I led, nice eye.” Behind him, Kisumi looks miffed. Haru feels a vindictive sort of satisfaction that Kisumi and Makoto aren’t as good at this game as Kisumi thinks they are.

“We’ll tell you two when to switch leaders until you’re comfortable, but the goal of today is for you to be able to switch nonverbally,” Kisumi says. The dissatisfaction on his face disappears so quickly it may have been Haruka’s imagination in the first place.

“We shouldn’t be able to tell who’s leading or when you switch, okay?” Makoto adds. Haru and Rin both nod at him. “Okay! Into position, then.”

Haruka doesn’t particularly like looking Rin in the eyes. They don’t have Makoto’s gentleness, his warmth. They’re too bright, too intense, too sharp, and it makes his skin prickle as if it burns.

“Cold,” Rin says as they stand across from each other.

“What?”

A flicker of a grin. “That attitude of yours.”

Haruka frowns at him, wondering when exactly the despair Rin had been dragging around had turned right back into the casual, cheeky arrogance that he had first walked in here with two months ago.

“Let’s try to concentrate,” Makoto says firmly before Haru can bite at Rin to put his money where his mouth is. “Haru, you lead first.”

Haru nods and stands in a resting position for half a second, forcing himself to meet Rin’s eyes before moving into a fighting position. He goes slow, without breaking eye contact so Rin can try to read his moves and follow at the same time. Rin mirrors him perfectly, and something in Haru’s throat closes up.

He can tell they look identical. The only difference, probably, is Rin’s wicked smile.

He keeps watching Rin as he spins his staff around his head, behind his back, and seamlessly switches it to his other hand, moving into a different fighting stance. Rin keeps up effortlessly.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell who’s leading if I didn’t already know,” Kisumi remarks. “Impressive.”

“Looks like you’re going to have to try harder than that, Nanase.” Rin looks entirely too self-satisfied for Haru’s taste.

“Don’t be cocky, Rin,” Makoto chides. _Thank you, Makoto_. He had said it much kinder than Haru ever would. Instead, Haru just fumes silently, determined not to show that something about Rin has him positively rattled. “Try again,” Makoto says. “We’ll see if you can switch off in the middle without stopping.”

They’re interrupted with a loud buzz and the sound of Kisumi dropping his phone. “ _Shit._ ” Kisumi scrambles to pick it up and turns to Makoto after a glance at the screen. _Sei,_ he mouths.

Haru watches Makoto give him the tiniest of nods, and Kisumi spins to face Rin and Haru properly. “Sorry, gotta run, boys. Duty calls!” He flashes them a wink and dashes out.

Rin frowns. “Is he—?”

“Everything’s fine,” Makoto says a little too quickly. “Why don’t you—oh, sorry, ah—” he ducks his head, barely stifling a yawn. “One more time then, and we’ll call it a day, shall we?”

Haru nods in agreement. It’s unlike Makoto to end so soon, but he’ll take any excuse to get out of there and into the bath where he doesn’t have to any thinking beyond the optimal water temperature. And Makoto looks harried anyways, shirt rumpled and hair askew as he yawns yet again.

“I’ll lead,” Rin says, jutting out his chin at Haru and grinning that sharp grin of his. “Try to keep up, Nanase.”

“I’ve told you before, this isn’t a competition,” Haru says mildly. What he actually wants to do is knock Rin down a couple pegs, but they’re not doing combat exercises today. Haru blames Kisumi for this, because blaming Kisumi makes him feel a lot better than blaming Makoto.

“Ready?” Makoto asks.

“Of course,” Rin swings around his arms, rolling his shoulders. Haruka stays vaguely irritated. It’s not like they’re fighting, no need to do flashy stretches.

“Go whenever, then,” he says, because Rin will do nothing but look at him.

Rin starts slow, simple hand motions with his staff that Haru could follow with his eyes closed. Which might actually be the point—he knows Makoto and Kisumi have tried mirroring with blindfolds on to see if they could guess and follow each other’s moves without even seeing them. He never did ask Makoto how that turned out. He hadn’t wanted to be there, so he didn’t watch.

Rin starts moving more than his arms, shifting his feet around in tiny ways that he probably thinks Haru won’t catch. He does catch them though, following Rin’s steps with relative ease. The smug expression on Rin’s face has been replaced with one of singular concentration, gentler than the fierce look he fights with. Haruka might actually get used to this, the feeling of a live current gently humming beneath his skin as he mirrors Rin.

But then Rin winks and sends his staff spinning into the air, shocking Haru into dropping his own weapon onto his foot.

“What was that for!”

Rin had caught his staff with one hand and goes back to being smug. “I thought you were keeping up.”

Makoto is hiding a laugh behind his hand, and Haru contemplates putting a fish in his bed later. “That wasn’t very nice, Rin.”

“Shouldn’t we be able to react to the unexpected?” Rin asks with a laugh of his own.

“Not in _basic_ training,” Haru snaps. He can’t bring himself to put any actual venom in his voice, out of grudging respect that Rin managed to pull a fast one on him.

“Sorry,” Rin says, looking thoroughly un-sorry with a smile.

Makoto does actually laugh now. “That’s all for today, Rin. I’ll see you at evening training to work with Nitori. Haru, will you come?”

Haru shakes his head, refusing to preside over evening training out of sheer stubbornness. Makoto looks too tired to fight him on this, which is helpful, but also slightly worrying.

“Gotcha,” Rin says, moving to put away his staff.

Haru heads for the door without a word, assuming Makoto will follow close after.

“Yo, Nanase,” Rin calls from behind him.

Haruka doesn’t like his first name and prefers his last, but _Nanase_ sounds so odd when Rin says it. “Haru.”

“What?”

“Haru,” he says again, just barely turning his face. Rin looks frozen in shock, while Makoto looks positively gleeful. “You might as well.”

“I—um. Haru, then. I’ll uh. See you tomorrow.” Rin scratches the back of his neck, staring at the floor.

If Haru had known that this was the thing to strip away all of Rin’s brazen confidence, he would have suggested it a lot earlier.

“Yeah,” he says. “See you.”

 

* * *

Makoto yawns into his soup.

He’s left Haru sulking in the bath so he can go take a quick lunch break before locking himself in his office to catch up on paperwork.

He thuds his head on the table. Catch up on paperwork _again_. Unit trainers are required to keep logs on each cadet in files sent to the marshal. They’ve been lagging, of course, considering the constant chaos in the shatterdome these days. Normally Makoto would meet with Kisumi to get it done, but Kisumi is being worked to the bone by the marshal at the moment, not to mention he has to deal with living with Yamazaki. Haru could help, but Makoto doesn’t ask. He’s got quite enough on his plate already, Makoto thinks.

Which is why he didn’t get much sleep last night. Haru sleeps early and is incredibly light sensitive, so the iridescent glow from Makoto’s tablet coupled with the incessant typing would have kept him up. Makoto had slipped out after Haru fell asleep and headed to his office to get work done, only to wake up at four a.m., curled up in his beanbag with a major crick in his neck. He crept back to bed and Haru woke him up an hour and a half later in time for morning training. Normally he’d have time before lunch, but extra work with Rin and Haru effectively kisses that time goodbye.

Haru can be grumpy about it all he wants. but at least he gets the chance to _rest_.

“I’d like to sit, sir.”

Makoto jumps with a yelp, accidentally landing his elbow in his soup. Yamazaki stands stiffly next to his table.

“Ahh—please give me a minute!” Makoto sponges his elbow off in embarrassment, willing his face not to turn red. It doesn’t work, and he feels the heat rise to his cheeks anyways. “Um. Sit down, please.”

Yamazaki sits across from him. “You talk to Rin,” he says, blunt and without preamble.

“I—well, yes, he’s in my unit.” Makoto pushes his soup away from him. He’s lost his appetite.

“No,” Yamazaki says, irritated and snappish. “I know he comes to talk to you in the psych center.”

“That’s a little more confidential,” Makoto treads carefully. He doesn’t trust Yamazaki anymore than Haru does; he just tries to be a little more polite about it. “How did you know?” He silently prays it wasn’t Kisumi.

Yamazaki shrugs. “Hana.”

Makoto sighs. Of course, Rin talks to Gou, and Gou talks to her friends. He doesn’t blame her, really, she has to  unload all that worry she has about her brother _somewhere_. “Yes,” he admits. “I talk to Rin. If you’re looking for anything he tells me, I’m sorry, but that’s strictly confidential.”

“I’m not.” Yamazaki’s stare is direct, bold. “I want sessions too.”

“I’m sorry?” Makoto’s so taken aback he forgets to be polite.

Rin hasn’t given any indication that he’s on better terms with Yamazaki, so that can’t be an explanation for the sudden desire to adjust here. Maybe Kisumi got through to him, Makoto muses. Or maybe Yamazaki’s just tired of being angry.

“I want sessions too,” Yamazaki repeats slowly, as if Makoto’s turned out to be a good bit dimmer than he expected.

Makoto smiles at him anyways. “Well, I’m not official, strictly speaking, so you’ll want to go in and ask for Amakata Miho, she—”

“No. I’d like sessions with you.”

“I—” Makoto falters. “Like I said, I’m not official.”

“You talk to Rin,” Yamazaki says. It sounds less like a statement and more like a challenge.

“Rin is a member of my unit,” Makoto says firmly. He clenches a hand underneath the table. “My priority needs to remain with those I am personally training.”

“Exactly,” Yamazaki presses. “You know this has to do with those you’re personally training.”

“I don’t know if Rin wants you involved.”

“I can help him,” Yamazaki says fiercely. “I was brought here to help him, wasn’t I?”

He gives Makoto a hard stare. He’s expecting an answer, Makoto realizes. “That is why, yes.” He doesn’t mention, of course, that he doesn’t actually _agree_ with him being here, but he has a feeling Yamazaki already knows.

“So I need you to let me help,” Yamazaki says. “I _know_ him, Tachibana.”

“I’m sure you do,” Makoto says quietly. _Just like you two_ , Gou had told him and Haru all those weeks ago.

Yamazaki sits back in his chair, folding his arms. “So what’s the problem?”

“I—” Makoto opens his mouth to say something, but stops himself, because he doesn’t actually know what to say in the first place.

“If you can’t think of one, then I want to do this.”

Makoto wants to thud his head back onto the table until Yamazaki goes away. The problem is that he doesn’t _want_ to do it, that it’ll only result in less sleep and more worry and he’s got quite enough of that at the moment. This is sure to upset Rin, he thinks, if Rin finds out. And Haru. It’s _definitely_ going to upset Haru.

But he looks at Yamazaki, and Yamazaki looks back and says a single word. “Please.”

 Just like that, Makoto crumbles.

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, just—let me just clear my schedule for you.” Oh, that’s going to be _another_ headache.

“Thank you,” Yamazaki nods at him, getting up. “I appreciate it.”

“I’ll message you with when I’m available,” Makoto says. “Just let me know when you’re coming.”

Yamazaki salutes. “Understood.”

Makoto sighs when he’s gone, heaving himself off his chair. He might as well bite the bullet and tell Haru now. He’s not keen on another blowup so soon after the last one. Haru might still be snippy after this morning, but it’s a chance Makoto’s going to have to take.

Haru’s in bed, idly tapping away at his tablet, but he looks up when Makoto slips through the door. “Did you eat?”

“Barely.”

Haru frowns. “What happened?”

Makoto shakes his head, sinking down on Haru’s bed. “I’ll tell you in a minute,” he says, moving to crawl under the covers.

“ _Makoto_ ,” Haru complains when Makoto pulls the comforter over his head. “Go sleep in your own bed.”

“No,” Makoto’s voice is muffled in Haru’s pillow. “It’s too far.”

“It’s six feet away!”

“Mmmph.”

“I’m going to fall off,” Haruka grumbles. “You’re huge, this stopped working ten years ago.”

“Haaaruuuuu...”

“You’re such a baby,” Haru says fondly. He makes no move to push Makoto off his bed, so Makoto sits up.

“Talking to someone?” He peers over Haru’s shoulder at the open chat window.

“Mmmm. Rei’s trying to convince the engineers to repaint Ever Blue, he’s sending me color samples.”

Makoto frowns. “He’s not sending them to _me_.”

Haru smirks. “He says I have ‘an artistic eye’.”

“And I don’t?” Makoto tries his best not to be offended.

Haruka looks pointedly at him. “You failed art in first year of high school.”

“Still,” Makoto insists. “I want to see what Rei’s doing.” The tablet flashes with another message, and they both wince simultaneously.

“That looks like _Nagisa_ picked it.” Haruka cringes at the fluorescent green.

Sure enough, the next picture is a selfie of Nagisa, who appears to have commandeered Rei’s phone judging by the harried look on his face in the background.  Makoto laughs into Haru’s shoulder until he remembers why he came back to the room.

“Haru…” he says softly, watching the smile slip off Haruka’s face. “Full disclosure.”

Haru raises his eyebrows in concern.

“Yamazaki just found me in the mess hall,” Makoto says, stomach churning. “I’m—I’m going to be having sessions with him, like I do with Rin.”

Haruka’s eyes are hard. “ _Why?_ ”

“He cares, Haru,” Makoto pleads. “He wants to help Rin, _I_ want to help Rin, and we all know having him well adjusted is going to be better for all of us.”

“Why _you_ , why not Miho?” Haru demands.

“Why do you think?”

Haru’s nostrils flare, and Makoto braces himself, but just as quickly his face morphs into nothing but a deep frown.

“Haru?”  Makoto asks with hesitance.

Haru sighs. “I can’t stop you.”

Makoto’s mouth drops open a little. “What?”

“I can’t stop you,” Haru says again. He’s staring at the comforter, pinching it with his fingers. “It’s not up to me, remember?”

“No, it’s not.” Makoto stares at him in wonder. “Thank you, Haru.”

“Mmm.” The frown goes even deeper. “That doesn’t mean I like it.”

“I’m sorry,” Makoto says. “But I think this is important. You just concentrate on your work with Rin.”

Haru nods. “You look tired,” he says, touching his fingers to Makoto’s cheek before getting out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Makoto buries himself in the covers and blinks at Haruka with drooping eyes.

Haru pauses in the doorway. “To the labs. Someone has to convince those two to keep our paint colors the same as always.”

“Haru?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you,” Makoto says “For cooperating.”

Haruka smiles. “You’re welcome.”

He shuts the door softly and finally, _finally_ , Makoto sleeps.

 

* * *

 

 “I thought he’d be _incredible,_ ” Rin says. “He wasn’t.”

“You have a zombie on your tail.”

“ _Shit!_ ” Rin jerks the game controller hard to a left, as if that’s actually going to _do_ anything, and of course ends up with getting his head bitten off.

“You made us lose, senpai,” Nitori says reproachfully.

“Sorry.” Rin smiles. He finds it amusing that Nitori will get flustered and nervous about once every ten minutes, but otherwise has absolutely no problem putting on that doggedly determined face of his and blaming Rin for whenever they lose his video games. He’s not nearly as flighty as he looks.

“Maybe you just haven’t gotten used to Nanase-san yet,” Nitori says now, setting his controller aside with a pat. “I’m sure he’s just as incredible as you think he is, he’s the best in the world.”

Rin flicks an eyebrow up. “Well, you’re better at mirroring with me than he is.”

Nitori promptly turns beet red, letting out a high pitched squawk and nearly falling off his bed. “Please don’t say that, senpai!”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“I—” Nitori wrings his hands. “That’s not—please don’t put me on Nanase-san’s level, that feels disrespectful. I’m nothing special, he’s amazing.”

Rin takes a moment to look at Nitori. Then, he picks up the nearest controller and swats him across the head with it.

“ _OW!_ ” This time, Nitori actually _does_ fall off the bed. “Senpai, _why_?” he asks despairingly from the floor.

Rin stands up to loom over him and cross his arms in a position that he only hopes will terrify Nitori into taking him seriously. “I don’t want to hear that shit, understand?”

“What—”

“Stop putting  yourself down,” Rin nearly growls at him.  “You were personally recruited by _Tachibana Makoto_ and his team, that counts for a hell of a lot.”

Nitori gives him a weak smile, still on the floor. “Well, they didn’t pick me originally, did they? I’m only second best— _ow, Senpai, please stop!_ ”

“ _You_ stop,” Rin counters, letting go of the vice grip he has Nitori’s head in and holding out a hand to pull him up. “Look, you’re working with me, right?”

“Right.”

“And I’m working with Nanase, right?”

“Yes?”

“So,” Rin grins at him. “Same level, more or less.”

“That’s faulty logic, senpai,” Nitori says very quietly, then lets out another highly undignified squawk as he dodges another swipe at his head.

“Positive thinking, Nitori.” Rin wonders if Makoto would be proud. He might frown upon Rin’s penchant for violence, though. “You’re more than good enough.”

Nitori’s lip wobbles. “Thank you, senpai!”

Rin shrugs. “No big deal.”

“I still think you should give Nanase-san more credit, though.” Nitori’s back to being pragmatic, primly taking a seat at the edge of his bed.

Rin shrugs again. “I don’t know. He always seemed invincible, you know? Nanase Haruka, world’s best jaeger pilot or whatever. It’s different up close.”

Despite Nanase’s request this morning, Rin can’t really bring himself to call Nanase “Haru”.

 _Haru. Haru, Haru, Haru,_ he’s kept turning the name over and over in his mind for hours now, not quite knowing how to even say it. He can’t say it like Kisumi does, full of teasing and laughter. He _definitely_ can’t say it the way Makoto does, because whenever Makoto says _Haru_ it sounds so shockingly intimate that Rin doesn’t have a clue how Makoto can even let the word slip from his mouth.

“Senpai?”

“Huh?”

“You were kind of distracted.” Nitori’s frowning at him. “Are you okay?”

“I was thinking about Makoto,” Rin says.

“Tachibana-san?”

“Mmm. He and Kisumi are pretty good at mirroring, you know.”

“I know.” Nitori stares at him oddly. “They showed _us_ how to do it.”

Rin brings his knees up to his chest, balancing his heels on the bare metal under Nitori’s mattress. “I was going to talk to Kisumi. Never got around to it.”

“You should,” Nitori encourages. “Shigino-san knows Nanase-san and Tachibana-san very well, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Rin says. “Yeah, I just might go now. You gonna be good fighting zombies yourself?”

“Senpai, I am better at this game than you.”

Rin raps his knuckle on Nitori’s forehead as he gets up. “Don’t get cocky now.”

“I hope you find what you need, senpai,” Nitori says sincerely.

“Thanks, Nitori.” Rin smiles. “Ai.”

Nitori’s eyes widen and he’s blushing again. Rin swears he can see his eyes glitter with tears of joy.

Well, at least he can use _one_ drift partner’s first name.

 

_Matsuoka Rin [14:38]: Do you have time to talk?_

**_Shigino Kisumi [14:38]: Yup! Come over to my room :)_ **

_Matsuoka Rin [14:39]: Is Sousuke there?_

**_Shigino Kisumi [14:39]: Nope. You’re safe._ **

_Matsuoka Rin [14:39]: On my way._

 

 

“Your shirt’s inside out,” Rin informs him when Kisumi opens his door.

“Oh, thanks!” Kisumi ushers Rin in and immediately strips off his tshirt. Rin closes the door for him, because it would be just his luck if Gou happened to walk by this very second. She is, after all, highly appreciative of abs like those.

“What’s up, Rin?” Kisumi sits in his desk chair after putting his shirt back on, spinning idly.

Rin takes a seat on the bottom bunk. Sousuke’s bed, he realizes. Sousuke’s always been far more of a minimalist than Rin, but there’s so much of him in this room, from the red sneakers by the door to the jacket that’s neatly folded at the edge of the bed.

Rin had bought him that jacket, because _for God’s sake, Sousuke, you dress like an old man when left to your own devices_.

“Rin?”

“Ah,” Rin shakes his head to come back to his senses. “Sorry.“

“Sorry I couldn’t stay for the rest of your training with Haru,” Kisumi says, running a hand through his hair. “Had a favor to do for the marshal. Did everything go alright?”

“Yeah,” Rin says. “I actually want to ask you about something else, though.”

“Ask away!” Kisumi trills with a brilliant smile on his face.

“Can you tell me more about drifting with Makoto?”

Kisumi tilts his head at him. “Rin, where’s this coming from?”

Rin stares at him, trying to communicate what he won’t say. “You know what it’s like to drift with a member of Ever Blue.”

Kisumi lets out a long exhale. “Ahhhhhh. I get it.”

“I feel like I’ve thrown a wrench into everything,” Rin confesses.

Kisumi laughs. “Rin, you threw that wrench the second you walked into this shatterdome the day after your sister.”

“What?”

Kisumi shakes his head. “Never mind. But I don’t know what to tell you, they weren’t Ever Blue when we were cadets, when I trained with them. Just Makoto and Haruka. My case is quite different.”

Rin digs his fingers into the fabric of his pants. “Didn’t you ever feel like you were getting in the middle of something huge though?”

Kisumi shrugs. “Sometimes. But I was never really good enough to get between them, they always had each other. It was like they were on an entirely different level than the rest of us. Which, they were, and still are, because look at them now.”

“You’re not upset about not being a pilot?”

“Not too much, no. I mean, yeah, I am, but LOCCENT is a job I’m great at, and I’ve managed to climb the ranks well enough without being a pilot. And piloting isn’t _entirely_ out of the question; you and Haru aren’t the only pair trained for Ever Blue backup.”

Oh. Of course they’d have a backup partner for Makoto. “Can you drift with Nanase too?” Rin asks out of curiosity.

“ _God_ no. They thought we might, because Makoto and I worked so well, but we barely got past basic combat because Haru kept trying to kill me.”

Rin laughs. “Why doesn’t he like you?”

“Because I’m so charming, obviously, he finds this irritating.” Kisumi flashes his trademark sunny grin. Rin only snorts in response. “Actually, though? The personality clash is probably the biggest factor, but if you’re looking for something more serious...” Kisumi leans back in his chair, looking pensive. “Haru doesn’t like change. Me drifting with Makoto, well, that’s a big one.”

Rin frowns. “So he’s jealous.”

“No,” Kisumi corrects him. “When Haru first came here, he was very, very scared. Even now, I think he still is.”

Rin’s only more jumbled and muddled now. “He doesn’t seem the type to be scared of kaijus.”

“Not for himself. For Makoto.”

“ _Makoto_?” Rin is irresistibly reminded of Sousuke, looking him in the eyes and saying _I’m here for you_.

Kisumi smiles again, and for the first time, Rin notices how weary he looks, mouth tight around the edges. “There’s a lot of stuff that  many people don’t know about our first year here.”

“Can you tell me?” Rin pleads.

“Nope!” Kisumi’s back to being cheerful, incurring Rin’s ire. He wonders how Sousuke hasn’t punched him in the face yet after living with him for over a week. “It’s not my story to tell, Rin,” Kisumi says.

“Well, you were obviously involved,” Rin points out.

“Oh, don’t pry it out of me, please.” Kisumi taps his finger on his chin. “You may find out, anyways, what with being in Haru’s head all the time soon enough.”

Rin frowns. “The only decent memory of Nanase’s I’ve got is him trying to climb into a fishtank.”

Kisumi bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, I remember that!”

Rin chokes. “That wasn’t some ridiculous  dream of his?”

“Rin,” Kisumi wipes a tear from his eye. “I think before you work with him again, you need to know that Nanase Haruka will strip in public for any body of water large enough to submerge him.”

Rin is staring at Kisumi, absolutely baffled, when Sousuke walks in.

“Am I interrupting something?”

He’s just been on a run, Rin can tell from the mp3 player he’s got strapped to his arm and the dampness on his forehead.

“Not at all, Sousuke.” Kisumi beams at him before Rin can say anything. Sousuke only glowers. “I was just telling Rin all the secrets behind the shatterdome.”

Sousuke’s eyes flare, and Rin scoffs in disbelief. “It was a _joke_ , asshole,” he says, getting off Sousuke’s bed. “No wild conspiracy here.”

Kisumi’s eyebrows fly into his hairline, but for once, he doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll go, if you’re busy,” Sousuke tells him coldly.

“No need, I was on my way out,” Rin’s far too exhausted to muster the energy to even be angry with Sousuke right now. He’s got far too much on his mind, far bigger things to worry about. _Talk to him_ , a Makoto-like voice in his head urges him. _Be civil_. He makes the effort. “Did you have a nice run?”

Sousuke stares at him. Rin catches the surprise in his eyes, so imperceptible that it’d be lost to Kisumi. “Um. Yeah.”

“I run with Nitori in the afternoons. Sometimes Gou and her friends too,” Rin says. He hates himself a little for suggesting it, but his inner Makoto eggs him on, saying _move on, Rin, let this fight go_. He wonders if Nanase has an inner Makoto too, and all this training is why Rin’s suddenly developed a more magnanimous conscience. “You could join us, if you want. It’d make Gou happy.”

“Maybe,” Sousuke says, guarded and wary.

“Okay.” Rin walks past him to leave. “See ya, Kisumi.”

At the very least, Rin thinks with his heart strangely heavy, if Sousuke isn’t going to trust anyone, he might as well trust who he came here for.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mirroring Game is brought to you by every beginning theatre class ever. Play with your friends! Maybe you're drift compatible, who knows.
> 
> Leave us a comment if you'd like, and as always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food brings everyone together. Unless you're Sousuke.

Sousuke grits his teeth at the beanbag.

“You’re welcome to sit in a chair, Yamazaki,” Tachibana says from his desk. Unfailingly polite, as always.

Sousuke sits, scanning the room. Pictures everywhere, of Nanase, Shigino, even Ryugazaki. So Tachibana is the sentimental type. No wonder Rin likes him.

He thinks for a brief moment of the picture Rin insisted on keeping on his desk at Samezuka, the one of the two of them taken just after they found out they had climbed to the top of the class within their first three months there.

There are pictures of plenty of people Sousuke can’t name but recognizes from TV, from Gou’s magazines. He wonders how many of them are dead now, died in combat with no memorial but a picture stuck with thumbtacks on Tachibana’s wall. Rin probably wants to make it onto this wall himself. It wasn’t about to happen if Sousuke has anything to do with it.

“So,” says Tachibana. “How is your training going?”

“Sub-par,” Sousuke says bluntly. “I’m not with the best group, you see.”

It doesn’t seem to shake Tachibana at all. “You’re training with the best group for you at the moment,” he says smoothly. “Given how tumultuous your relationship with Rin is, the same group wouldn’t be wise.”

It’s a feeble excuse. The only reason Sousuke was kicked out of the Ever Blue group is because of Nanase and everyone knows it.

“I have a question for you,” Sousuke says.

Tachibana smiles. Something about it makes Sousuke feel uneasy. It’s an interview smile, the same one that graces every television screen in Japan at least once a week. There’s no way it’s real. Tachibana’s probably spent so much time acting for the camera’s he can’t turn it off. “Go ahead.”

“What happens to a cadet who doesn’t make it?” _Matsuoka’s in trouble,_ he keeps repeating over and over in his head.

“That depends on your definition of not making it,” Tachibana says slowly. “If a cadet doesn’t have anyone really compatible in their unit, they can switch to another. Sometimes if they display potential in other areas, we send them to that department, like LOCCENT or engineering. Piloting isn’t the only job here, not by a long shot.”

“And if nothing?”

“If nothing…” Something in Tachibana’s face twists. “Then we remove them entirely from the jaeger program.”

He says _remove them entirely_ like it’s a death sentence. As far as Sousuke knows, maybe it is. It’d kill Rin, anyways, even if these people didn’t do anything on their end.

“It’s not something that’s about to happen to Rin,” Tachibana says, because Tachibana is also apparently a mind reader in addition to pseudo-therapist and famous ranger. “He is doing very well here now that he’s adjusting.”

“You’re training him for backup.” Shigino is mostly tight lipped about shatterdome happening, but he lets something slip every so often by mistake, which is probably the only advantage of living with him that Sousuke can think of.

“We’re training him to be a ranger,” Tachibana corrects him. “Rin wants to be out there in a jaeger and he will be, whether that’s with Haru or with a partner of his own. He’s talented, we could use a pilot like him.”

It’s almost a relief. Sousuke had come in thinking they’d  kick Rin out on his ass for not being good enough, and he’d have to pick up the pieces. But almost a relief isn’t what Sousuke wants, because now he knows it’s the opposite—they’ll throw Rin into a fight come hell or high water, use his _talent_ because that’s what they need. Until they don’t need it anymore, and throw him away.

“Use him?” Sousuke asks.

“We could also use someone like you,” Tachibana says, and Sousuke is incredulous at how he could possibly sound this gentle. “The marshall recruited you personally for a reason. You may not feel like there is a place for you here, but there is. If you’re willing.”

“I’m not,” Sousuke says coolly. “Sorry.”

Tachibana only looks at him. “Try not to jump the gun on that decision.”

“I’m not doing well here,” Sousuke challenges him. “When my month is up, you don’t even have to remove me from the program, I’ll do it myself.”

Tachibana frowns. “If you’d like me to help you reconcile with Rin, you two might be able to hold a drift—”

Sousuke stands abruptly, almost knocking his chair over. “You know, I think I’ve gotten what I need out of this conversation.”

For the first time, Tachibana beaks composure. “What? But—”

 “Thank you, sir.” Sousuke cuts him off with a stiff bow. He’s out the door before Tachibana can stop him, and it’s only even more telling that he doesn’t even try. _See, Rin? Look how little they care_.

He had to be out of there the second the conversation took a turn like that. He’s not here to drift with Rin, he’s here to get Rin out because Rin doesn’t need to be drifting with anyone, flinging himself headfirst into a robot for some reckless pipe dream.

There are only two ways Sousuke can see this going. Either Rin catapults himself to fame, or he fails here. Either way, it can’t end well, because going into a jaeger is a suicide mission, no matter what Rin thinks. Rin should _know_ better.

Going to Tachibana didn’t work—Sousuke’s still only left with growing suspicion and distrust, nothing to show Rin. Tachibana’s a master of hiding and deflection. Sousuke should have known, he’s seen more than enough interviews to see that mask of affability Tachibana puts on. There’s no way he’s actually that perfect. Sousuke fumes as he tries to find the way back to his room. Nothing, he’s got _nothing_ , and he doesn’t have time to waste here because the longer Rin stays, the better he does, the harder it is to leave with him.

As if life wasn’t awful enough, Sousuke turns a corner to find Nanase at the vending machine at the end of the hall, only making him feel more desperately unhinged. If there’s anyone that epitomizes the fact that this place is going to wreck Rin, it’s Nanase.

He takes a deep breath and leans against the wall a couple feet away, waiting. If Tachibana didn’t give him anything, maybe Nanase will.

Nanase grabs his water and straightens up. “What do you want, Yamazaki?”

He hadn’t even turned around. Sousuke is almost impressed. “How’s Rin?”

“Thriving,” Nanase says shortly, turning to walk away.

“I’m sure you’re thrilled.” Sousuke steps in front of him. He’s way bigger, almost dwarfing Nanase with his shadow. It’s his only advantage, and he’ll take it in a heartbeat.

A flicker of something flashes in Nanase’s eyes. Rage, maybe. “What is it you want to say?”

Sousuke takes a step forward, forcing Nanse back. He’s no longer interesting in extracting anything from Nanase, only in letting him know where he stands. “You just want to use him. He’ll kill himself for this and you’ll just watch it happen.” Nanase doesn’t respond, and Sousuk lets out a short, soft laugh. “I would never let him do something like that.”

Nanase’s eyes narrow. “Meaning?”

Another step forward. Nanase’s back hits the vending machine. “Don’t you ever put Rin in danger.”

And with that, Sousuke puts his hands in his pockets and walks away, leaving a shocked Nanase behind.

He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t need to.

* * *

 

“Don’t start eating yet, Momo, we need to wait for nii-san.”

Momo snatches his hand away from where it had been creeping towards the burgers that Nariko’s artfully arranged on her older brother’s nightstand. “Does he even know we’re in here?”

“Nope.” Nariko stands next to the bed, reaching over to a sleeping Pyunsuke and scratching him behind the ears. “You might want to get your dog off the bed before he gets here.”

“Nii-san likes Pyunsuke!”

“Nii-san doesn’t like kaiju blue in his bedsheets,” Nariko says. “This thing has radioactive drool.”

“It’s only toxic if you eat it,” Momo grumbles. “He’s only a quarter kaiju.”

“There  is literally food everywhere in this room.”

“You’re no fun anymore,” Momo says under his breath. “Come on, Pyunsuke! Wake up!”

It takes a couple minutes to heave the giant dog awake and escort him out of the room. Not doubt Pyunsuke’s going to go roam the halls and wreak minor havoc until someone yells at Momo again to get him a damn leash. Rei went so far as to program the lab to go into lockdown if the sensors got even a whiff of Pyunsuke DNA from ten feet away.

The food’s going to get cold by the time Seijuuro shows up, Nariko realizes. She doesn’t even know if he’s slept in this room for the past two days with how much he’s been working, he might not show up at all. She pulls out her phone.

“Nii-san?”

“ _I’m busy, Nariko.”_

She makes a face at the phone. No need to be so short with her. “Okay, but we got you dinner.”

“ _We?_ ”

“I made Momo pick up some stuff from that Western diner you like,” Nariko pleads “Family dinner, nii-san, come on. You know you need food, and Momo’s going to feed all the fries to Pyunsuke if you don’t eat them.”

Her brother sighs on the other end of the phone. “ _Half an hour, that’s all I can spare._ ”

“Great! We’re in your room!” Nariko hangs up before she gets a lecture for breaking into Seijuuro’s suite without permission.

“Is he coming?” Momo asks through a mouthful of fries.

“Yup.” Nariko smiles in satisfaction. “Momo! What did I say about eating early!”

“Did you have to use my bed?” Seijuuro asks when he finally gets in. “I have a table _right there_.”

There is, in fact, a table with three chairs in one corner of the room, but they never used it for Mikoshiba family dinners and Nariko’s not about to start now. “You know the rules, nii-san.”

“Come eat!” Momo’s managed to get halfway through a double cheeseburger in thirty seconds.

Seijuuro unbuttons his suit jacket and gives a sigh of relief, rolling his neck and rubbing at his shoulders. He sits at the table instead of joining his siblings on the bed, and Nariko frowns. She tosses him a wrapped burger anyways, because she’s got bigger things to convince him of.

“How are those statistics models going, Momo?” Seijuuro asks.

Momo only glares. There is no danger to it, because Momo can’t actually look threatening to save his life. “I hate them and I want to go back to biotech.”

“If you want to make head scientist over someone like Ryuugazaki in five years, I need to make you hone those math skills.” Seijuuro gives him a broad smile, which does nothing to improve Momo’s mood.

“Doesn’t mean I _like_ math.”

“Results report?”

Momo blows air through his cheeks. “The stats you gave me point to an attack within two weeks.”

Momo may be more interested in his food, but Nariko doesn’t miss the way Seijuuro’s eyes narrow. “Double event?” Seijuuro asks.

Momo shrugs. “Either that, or a _really big_ kaiju. I’ve named it _Reckoner_ , is that a good name or what!”

“Nii-san,” Nariko puts her burger down and wipes at her chin. “You’re giving Momo hypotheticals, right?”

Seijuuro looks at her as if she’s grown a second head. “Why would I do anything else?”

Nariko would bet her chances in the jaeger program that the calculations Momo is working on are anything _but_ hypothetical.

“Never mind,” she says lightly. “Just making sure. By the way, isn’t it about time you start graduating cadets into actual piloting?”

Seijuuro raises an eyebrow at her. “Isn’t it time your trainers tell me you’re ready for it?”

Nariko flushes. “We _are_ , I’m telling you.”

“You and Matsuoka Gou, you mean.”

“Not...just us.” Nariko braces herself. She has to be really careful about what she says next. “Me, Gou, and Hanamura Chigusa.”

“That’s an odd number, Nariko,” Seijuuro says dismissively. “You need pairs.”

“No you don’t,” she says quickly, heart racing. “They’re testing a triple jaeger in Hong Kong, aren’t they?”

“Which they already have pilots for.” Seijuuro nearly snaps at her, but not quite. “I’m not sending you three to Hong Kong.”

“We could build a triple here,” Momo chimes in eagerly. “I bet Rei-san would be all over that.”

Now Seijuuro _does_ snap. “And who would head work on Ever Blue?”

“There are plenty of other engineers—” Nariko tries to argue, but Seijuuro cuts her off.

“No, Nariko.”

“But—”

“I said _no._ ”

Nariko leaps off the bed in anger. “Give me one good reason!”

“Because I am the marshall of this shatterdome and I said so!” Seijuuro stands up, towering over her and exuding every single bit of the authority he was given when he became marshall. “I need reliability, not experiments, do you understand me?”

Nariko throws up her hands in frustration, refusing to back down. “What is there to lose?”

He doesn’t yell back. “Billions of dollars, and my little sister.”

Nariko sits back down on the bed in shock. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Seijuuro agrees, coming to sit next to her. Momo scrambles to sit at her other side. “Oh.”

The rest of the night passes in what must be the most silent Mikoshiba family dinner they’ve ever had.

* * *

 

“Oops,” says Nagisa. 

The vein in Rei’s forehead throbs. Nagisa would normally point him to one of the many reflective surfaces in the lab, but he wisely decides that now is not the time, seeing as the throbbing is getting progressively worse and Rei might actually explode soon, and they totally don’t need a second explosion today.

“Um,” he tries. “It was only a _small_ fire?”

“Nagisa.” Rei is remarkably calm, but his knuckles are turning white where he still grips the fire extinguisher.

“Yes?”

“You’re grounded.”

Nagisa’s mouth drops open. “You can’t do that! Rei-chan, what does that even _mean_?”

“It means you are banned from my lab until further notice,” Rei says. He’s back to the stiff, polite, formal version of himself that Nagisa first met, and Nagisa finds himself extraordinarily displeased with it.

He digs his heels into the floor and pouts. “You can’t _ground_ me, Rei-chan, that’s mean.”

“My lab, my rules,” Rei says crisply.

“It’s not your lab though,” Nagsia points out. “And anyways, I have a keycard!”

“Not anymore.” Rei reaches out to pluck the card in question off his lanyard, ignoring Nagisa’s yell of outrage. “And anyways, Momotarou got you this illegally.”

Nagisa throws himself into the nearest chair.  “Momo-chan does _everything_ illegally, that shouldn’t even be an issue.”

“Nagisa, _please_.” Rei rubs his fingers at his temple with a sigh. “You being underfoot all the time isn’t—I don’t—It isn’t like I don’t enjoy  your company, really, but it can be quite dangerous when you’re not trained as a lab or engineering technician and quite frankly—”

“I get it,”  Nagisa says sullenly. “I’m a distraction.”

Rei looks stricken. “No, that’s not what I meant—”

“Yeah, it is,” Nagisa shoots back. “You could have just told me that in the first place, Rei-chan.”

“You are not an unnecessary distraction, Nagisa,” Rei says quietly. “I’d hazard to say things seems brighter with you around.”

“That’s only because I set your things on fire.”

Rei laughs. “No, your exuberance enough to makes things brighter on its own.”

Nagisa launches himself out of the chair to latch his arms around Rei’s neck. “Thank you, Rei-chan!”

Rei gives the top of his head an awkward pat. “You’re still grounded.”

“ _What_?” 

“Until I can get you a legal keycard,” Rei confirms with a smile. “I haven’t the faintest clue how to swing it, but I’ll try for you.”

Nagisa squeezes even tighter. “Thank you thank you thank you!”

“ _And_ ,” Rei gently dislodges him. “I’m putting you through basic lab training if you’re going to be here all the time.”

“Fine with me,” Nagisa flashes a sunny grin.

“Good,” Rei says with a push of his glasses. “Now please leave, I need to get all the ashes off my nanotubes.”

“I can help—”

“No.”

“Fair enough,” Nagisa says, slightly sheepish. “See ya later, Rei-chan.”

He’s humming his way down the hall back to his room when a young woman in a black leather jacket stops him. “Hazuki Nagisa, right?”

Nagisa tilts his head in confusion. “How do you know my name? Do I know you?”

She smiles with a shake of her short black hair. “Your jacket.”

Nagisa looks down. Oh. Obviously, he’s wearing his cadet jacket, the one with his name embroidered on both front and back. This woman’s own jacket is black leather with an elaborate golden omega sprawling across the back. It’s only takes Nagisa a split second to realize that she’s—

“Yazaki Aki,” he says in wonder. “You pilot Omega Fury!”

“That’s me,” she says. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Tachibana Makoto is right now, would you? I’ve been looking for him.”

Nagisa shakes his head. “No, sorry. Haven’t seen Mako-chan since training this morning.”

“Mako-chan?” She hides a laugh behind her hand. “So you _are_ close.”

“Yup!” Nagisa puffs up his chest a little, but he can’t help but feel like it’s a little bit of a lie. They _were_ close, when they were kids and before Makoto and Haru left. Not anymore. He wonders how Yazaki Aki thought they were close in the first place. It’s not like Makoto and Haru _talk_ about him or anything.

“Well, if you see him, tell him I need to talk to him?”

“Sure thing!”

She leaves with another smile, and Nagisa takes this as the perfect excuse to go to Makoto’s office. Yazaki probably already checked there, but it doesn’t hurt to try. And anyways, Nagisa doesn’t remember the last real conversation he had with Makoto, even with seeing him and Haru in training twice a day.

“MAKO-CHAN.” He bursts through the door without so much as a knock, but stops dead. “Holy crap, are you okay?”

Makoto takes his head out of his hands and looks up from where he’s slumped in his beanbag, legs splayed out on the floor. “Oh, Nagisa. Can I do something for you?”

Nagisa looks at him for a second, assessing, then makes a split second decision. “Ice cream.”

“What?”

“ _Ice cream_ ,” Nagisa emphasizes, reaching out his hand to grab Makoto’s arm. “We’re going to go eat some. Up you get, Mako-chan!”

“Nagisa,” Makoto protests, planting his feet firmly on the floor. “It’s late, I don’t have time—”

Nagisa ignores him and continues to pull. “Late night ice cream runs are good for your health. Where’s Haru-chan? He’s coming too.”

“I—in our room, I suppose, Nagisa _please_ don’t pull me like that—”

“Come ooooon, Mako-chan.” Nagisa drops to his knees and nuzzles his head  at Makoto’s elbow. “Please, please, we haven’t hung out in like a million years.”

The head nuzzle is a patented Nagisa technique that he perfected at the tender age of four, and Makoto has always been totally vulnerable to it. Sure enough, Nagisa watches in satisfaction as Makoto’s face shift from from reluctance to acceptance.

Makoto sighs. “All right. Okay, but remember, the shatterdome enforces an 11 p.m. curfew.”

“Yes!” Nagisa leaps up in excitement. “I found a great place, come on, come on, we have to find Haru-chan!”

Haru, it turns out, is asleep. The room is dark when Makoto keeps it open, the only sign of life being a lump under the covers and Haru’s dark hair splayed out on the pillow.

“Asleep already?” Nagisa pouts. “Boo, Haru-chan. No ice cream for you.”

“That’s my bed,” Makoto says softly. “He must be really tired with all this new training.”

“Aren’t you?” Nagisa asks.

Makoto shakes his head. “I make do.”

Nagisa frowns. Makoto’s definition of “make-do” seems to involve randomly spacing out during training, barricading himself in his office for hours on end, and wearing the same threadbare shirt for three days. He doesn’t push it, for now.

Makoto’s silent on the train, which only serves to bother Nagisa further. The Makoto he knows would fill the silence with animated, mindless chatter, but now Makoto only sits and stares at nothing, deep in thought. Nagisa talks for both of them, telling the story of this morning’s fire in the most enthusiastic and flamboyant way he can, even going so far as do to his highly impressive impersonation of Rei having a panic attack, but even that evokes nothing but the barest hint of a smile.

He orders a triple stacked sundae at the tiny ice cream shop. Makoto gets a simple chocolate cone, and gives Nagisa his first smile of the night. “Still love your sweets, don’t you Nagisa?”

“Not just sweets, Mako-chan,” Nagisa corrects him, pointing his spoon in what he hopes is a stern manner. “I appreciate _all_ food very deeply.”

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” Makoto asks. “You were so young when we left, I thought you’d be different now.”

“I was thirteen,” Nagisa shrugs and digs his spoon into his sundae. “Not that young.”

Makoto’s face falls. “Ran and Ren are almost that age now. It _is_ young.”

“I went to their twelfth birthday party,” Nagisa offers in an effort to cheer him up. “Ran hid Ren’s new replica katana so she could keep it for herself.”

Makoto laughs. “That sounds like her. Who gave Ren a katana?”

Nagisa grins. “I did, duh, Mako-chan.”

“And you didn’t get Ran one?”

“I did, she wanted _both_.”

“I wish I could have been there,” Makoto says wistfully. He’s letting his ice cream melt and drip over the table. “Haru and I haven’t been back in over a year.”

“I know,” Nagisa says, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. He doesn’t think it quite works, because Makoto’s face crumples a little.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you a lot of attention in training,” he says. “It’s been a little, um. Wild, around here.”

“That’s okay,” Nagisa assures him brightly. “I’m just glad you actually came to get ice cream with me, I totally thought you’d say no. I know you and Haru-chan are busy famous people now.”

“That’s one way to put it.” Makoto’s smile is forced, stretched.

Nagisa puts his spoon down. “Would you please tell me something?”

Makoto creases eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course, Nagisa, why wouldn’t I be?”

Nagisa frowns. “You don’t look okay.”

“You don’t believe me.” Makoto reaches a reassuring hand across the table. “I’m okay, promise.”

Nagisa sighs and pushes his mostly finished ice cream away to grab Makoto’s hand and squeeze. “I wish you didn’t have to lie to me, Mako-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd think open and honest communication would be easy for people in a program that revolves around sharing minds, thoughts, and experiences. Looks like the Tokyo shatterdome still needs to work on that. 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://www.takaramonoz.tumblr.com)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shatterdome is in for a couple surprises.

Kisumi is on his fifth can of coffee.

He probably should go eat something seeing as the mess hall is going to close lunch service in half an hour, but he can’t bring himself to leave his station. He’s been here for roughly sixteen hours, leaving only for a short nap around 3 a.m. and then again for an hour of morning training with the cadets.

Seijuuro hadn’t ordered him to be on 24/7 kaiju watch, but Kisumi’s doing it all the same out of the fear that’s clawed at him for weeks now. The reports coming out of the science department have been grimmer and grimmer as days go by, and Kisumi himself has noticed flurries of activity around the Breach. Every so often he’ll see a kaiju signature flare up and his heart jumps in his throat, but it sinks back down in less time than it takes Kisumi to come to his senses and press the panic button.

He downs the last couple of dredges of coffee in his can. Normally he could stay on watch with all the equipment in his room, but he’s turned that off and encrypted access five levels higher than normal because there’s quite a lot of classified information that Sousuke Yamazaki doesn’t need to be privy to.

He swivels around in his chair. “How many spikes of seismic activity in the past three hours?”

“Eight, sir,” a junior officer promptly reports. She goes ever so slightly pale. “They seem to be increasing exponentially.”

“Gotcha. Thank you, Natsuki.” Kisumi purses his lips and turns back to his own console, pressing his fingers to his headset. “Marshal? Can I get Omega Fury and Ever Blue on standby?”

“ _Both?_ ” Seijuuro’s voice comes through sharp.

“Ah…” Kisumi stares at the screen in front of him. The electromagnetic waves over the Breach swirl a dark, deep red. “Yes, both would be a very good idea.”

“ _I’m on my way._ ”

Seijuuro strides into LOCCENT less than five minutes later, shoulders back and jaw set, both sets of rangers hot on his heels.

“Another attack?” Makoto asks, slightly breathless, steadying himself on Haru’s shoulder.

Aki frowns. “Why didn’t you press the alarm?”

“Because our little friend hasn’t shown up yet, Zaki-chan,” Kisumi singsongs. Makoto coined the nickname years ago, because Yazaki Aki is a fun name. “We’re just taking preemptive measures by having you all here.”

Aki laughs, but her copilot is having none of it. “So who’s going to take it, us or them?” He jerks his head towards Ever Blue.

Seijuuro crosses his arms and glares. “Whoever I say is going to take it, Kirishima.”

Kisumi sighs. It’s remarkable that Ikuya Kirishima ever found a drift partner seeing as he’s even less of a team played than Haru. Luckily, Aki has a big enough heart to get through to him, and they’ve been solid ever since. Not nearly at Ever Blue level, though. Kisumi suspects that Ikuya’s always been jealous.

“Movement in the Breach!” Natsuki cries from behind him. Kisumi jumps and scrambles to get at his screens again. Sure enough, there’s a heat signature slowly bubbling out and away from the Breach. A kaiju for sure. Not a false alarm this time.

The marshal peers over his shoulder. “That’s not very big, is it?”

Kisumi shakes his head, waiting for the junior officers to finish their scans. “Looks like a Category Two. Heading south, away from the bay.”

“It’s going the wrong way,” says Seijuuro, eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Maybe it’s not targeting us,” Haru suggests. “It could be going to Sydney.”

“We have to take care of it anyways, don’t we?” Kisumi raises his voice so his whole crew can hear him. “Alarms up, everyone! We’ve got an uninvited guest!”

“Codename?” A junior calls back to him.

“Uh…” Hundreds of remote sensors are stationed around the pacific perimeter of the Breach, giving Kisumi relatively accurate info on mass, speed, and physical form. His junior officers use it to construct a mockup for him within seconds. “ _Onibaba_.”

It looks like a crouching demon grandmother, hence the name, only this thing also looks like a demon grandmother crossed with a giant crab, what with four legs, two claws, and an enormous, high crest protruding from its head. so Kisumi figures that Momo would put a stamp of approval on his naming choice.

The alarms blare, and Kisumi winces at just how _loud_ they are. It’s necessary protocol to sound them and alert the shatterdome, even though everyone involved in halting the attack is already here.

Ikuya is already heading towards Omega Fury’s docking station. “Hold it, Kirishima,” Seijuuro stops him. “Ever Blue is on this one.”

Ikuya looks murderous. “But—”

“But _nothing_ ,” Seijuuro interrupts. “Use your head and look at where this thing is going.”

Kisumi, of course, already has been looking. Onibaba heads further south, which makes no sense to him. They usually head west after exiting the Breach, straight for Tokyo Bay, this behavior is pretty irregular. His eyes widen in shock. “It’ll be out of comms range by the time we get to it!”

The ocean sensors, unfortunately, don’t extend to their audio communications reach, and based on previously exhibited behavior from kaiju, no one bothered to wire audio as far south as Onibaba is headed. Whichever jaeger team tackles this is essentially going to have to do it without help from LOCCENT, because they won’t be able to hear what Kisumi’s feeding them.

“Exactly.” Seijuuro’s mouth is thin. “We need the set of rangers with the best track record to work here.”

“Marshal—” Haru looks terrified, wide eyed and pale in a way that Kisumi wishes he didn’t see so often these days. “Makoto and I—”

“Were fine in yesterday’s simulator test, were you not?”

“Yes, sir.” Makoto rests a reassuring hand on the small of Haru’s back. “Haru, it’s fine, I’m fine, this is only a category two.”

“No comms,” Haru shoots back.

Makoto smiles. “No problem.”

It’s like they have a silent argument just looking at each other. Kisumi’s never gotten tired of watching them do it, fascinated with the fact that these two don’t need a Drift to read each other’s minds. So often it’s Makoto who bends, but this time—

“Fine,” says Haru. “We’re going.” He gives the Omega Fury team a short nod then spins on his heel to head to his Conn-pod.

Makoto lingers, giving Omega Fury a soft smile. “Sorry, Zaki-chan.”

“No worries,” Aki assures him with a smile of her own. “Plenty of kaiju to go around, and we took the last one anyways, right, Ikyua?” Ikuya does not deign to give her a response.

“Ever Blue, I need you in your Conn-pod now, no more chit chat!” Seijuuro booms. “Shigino, what are you doing?”

“Calibrating for neural sync, sir,” Kisumi says on autopilot. He had set up most of the prep work for Ever Blue around his third can of coffee while jittery and afraid a category six would somehow materialize right next to the shatterdome.

Makoto and Haru are in the Conn-pod by now, getting their armor fitted by Kisumi’s tech crew as he lets his fingers fly, one hand working on pulling up their sync information while the other brings up the radar map. Onibaba races down the Pacific, and Kisumi feels his mouth dry up.

“Okay,” he says into his headset, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. Damn all that coffee, damn it. “Onibaba will be out of comms range pretty soon, so airlift choppers will drop you fifteen to twenty kilometers further south to intercept, understand?”

“ _Affirmative._ ” both their voices come through in unison, of _course_ they do.

“We’ll be able to see you, just not hear you,” Seijuuro reminds them, leaning over Kisumi’s console to speak into the installed mic. “Everything in working condition on the jaeger? GPS and radar scanning clear?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Getting ready for sync, boys!” Kisumi quashes his irrational fear down his stomach. This is only a category two, Makoto and Haru took down much worse last year in the middle of flu season. It’s practically routine, which is probably why Seijuuro insists on sending them and not Omega Fury. “Preparing neural handshake!”

“ _Right hemisphere calibrated._ ”

“ _Left hemisphere, calibrated!_ ”

“Initiating neural handshake!” Kisumi presses the last button and watches with bated breath as the brain models on the screen to his left begin to fuse. There’s no reason to be worried. The sync forms without a hitch, and Kisumi blows all the air out of his cheeks and steels himself.

“Alright,” he says into his mic. “Coordinates are programmed into the airlift, got it?”

“Rangers, if we don’t hear you back in comms range in ninety-five minutes, we’re sending a team to lift you out.” Seijuuro says. He turns around to face the junior officers. “Prepare an emergency evac team!”

“ _It won’t take thirty-five minutes_ ,” Makoto assures them.

 _“Much less_ ,” Haru adds. Kisumi smiles.

“Okay.” He watches the radar carefully as the tiny dot that is Ever Blue makes it’s way towards Onibaba. “Good luck, you guys.”

“ _Kisumi, are we out of comms range yet?_ ”

“Not quite,” Kisumi takes a deep breath. “Now, in three…two...one.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Drift is quiet.

It’s always quiet with them, their drift like their relationship in real life, characterized by stillness and silence, unspoken and unbroken strength. The few times Makoto had drifted with Kisumi it had been much different, their shared headspace filled to bursting with Kisumi’s bubbly energy, Makoto’s affable warmth. Makoto doesn’t know what Haru’s drift with Rin felt like, but judging from the look in Haru’s eyes when Rin’s around, quiet would be the last way to describe it.

But this silence is different—their driftspace is quiet as always, but usually Kisumi and Seijuuro make up for the lack of noise, respectively trilling and barking orders at them. Nothing now, since they’re out of comms range.

Makoto checks the radar map. Onibaba’s signal blinks at him. “Fifteen kilometers ahead, Haru.” The airlifts almost never drop them straight in front of a kaiju for fear of getting caught in the crossfire.

Ever Blue slogs through the water as Makoto scans the rough choppy waves for any sign of movement. Kaiju are fast, and downright deceptive. It could use the waves to it’s advantage, disguise it’s path until—

A hundred meters in from of them, Onibaba explodes out of the water with a screech that has Makoto and Haru automatically clapping their hands to the sides of their helmets, as if that would make any difference. Ever Blue mirrors them, a two thousand ton robot clutching it’s hands to it’s head.

Makoto and Haru flinch in unison. “When did they learn to scream?” Haru asks.

“Probably yesterday,” Makoto guesses. Onibaba turns its huge, glowing eyes at them with another scream. It snaps its massive claws at them, rearing it’s bizarre, crested head. “Do we have to bring back that head? Because it’s going to take a while, and I want lunch.”

Makoto laughs, keeping his eyes sizing up the ominously swaying kaiju. “It would make Momo happy, Haru. And I’m sure it’s full of all sort of important DNA.”

Onibaba screams again, and charges.

On instinct, Makoto raises his right arm to block the blow and the blade on Ever Blue’s right arm collides with the kaiju’s left claw. Makoto looks to his right. Haru is breathing hard, arm held up in the same position, and Makoto smiles. Perfect harmony, every time.

“Nice one, Haru!” Haru only has time to nod before they jerk Ever Blue’s arm out from under the kaiju, bring it’s left arm around for a sucker punch to the underbelly. Onibaba hardly reacts, snapping back to grip Ever Blue’s arm with a claw. Makoto sucks in a breath at the sudden pressure on his arm, but all it takes to shake off the kaiju is a kick aimed at one of it’s four legs to knock it off balance

“Makoto,” Haru calls, calm as ever. Makoto looks over at him, and Haru only has to raise an eyebrow and lift his head towards the crests on the kaiju’s head. _Slice them off._  

Makoto grins. _Gotcha._

They come at the kaiju running, and sweep Ever Blue’s left arm in front of the kaiju in a wide arc, the punch narrowly missing it’s neck, which is one of the few soft, unarmored places they can see. It’s a distraction—as Onibaba careens to the right to avoid them, Ever Blue brings it’s right arm up and over to lop the blade that makes up the protrusions on it’s head clean off. Kaiju bits crash into the water, and Makoto resigns himself to disappointing Momo because there’s no way either he or Haru is willing to go diving to retrieve them.

Predictably, Onibaba reacts with another scream.

 _I think we only made it angry._ The thought ripples through Makoto’s brain, and Haru laughs in response. But in a split second, Makoto watches the smile slip off his face.

“Makoto, brace yourself!”

Onibaba uses the force of its legs like a springboard to jump at them, knocking Ever Blue straight on it’s back into the water. Makoto yells in pain as both he and Haru are knocked flat inside the Conn-Pod. He tries in vain to keep his back up so Ever Blue isn’t totally submerged, but it’s no use. They’re surrounded by water on all sides, and Makoto looks up not to see the sky, but more water instead. He gasps, feeling his throat constrict.

Makoto. Haru’s thoughts are sharp, slightly panicked, and Makoto spares him a wild glance. Haru is staring at him, unblinking and fierce.   _Makoto, look at me. Breathe._

He breathes, staring at Haru all the while. Haru moves his legs slowly, trying to move Ever Blue back upright. Makoto follows him, breathing in, breathing out. It’s the mirroring game, just the mirroring game, that’s all he has to do to get out of the water.

 _Right_ , Haru agrees. _Just the mirroring game._

Ever Blue heaves itself up, and Makoto feels his panic dissipate with help from the calm, focused energy emitting from Haru. Recalibrating his own focus, he scans the waves for Onibaba.

It’s stock still in the middle of the water, seemingly off balance thanks to the loss of most of its head.

“We can finish this off, Haru,” Makoto says, putting all the strength he could possibly possess into his voice. “Look how confused it is.”

Onibaba is stumbling and tripping aimlessly in the water, it’s screams getting short and hoarse. Makoto could almost feel sorry for it if it wasn’t hell bent on destroying Japan.

Almost, so without another word, Ever Blue charges again to take advantage of the kaiju’s confusion to grab its arm and send it flipping over the jaeger’s head to crash into the water below.

“Plasma!” Haru shouts.

“Haru—” Makoto tries to speak while landing a punch to the kaiju to keep it down. “Rei said the plasma was still experimental!”

“Fire it up anyways!” They bring their hands together over their heads and straight down to hit Onibaba in the sternum in a double fisted punch. The kaiju is on it’s way out—plasma is a simple way of finishing it off.

Makoto slams his hand on a button on his side of the interface to fire up the plasma cannon, and aims.

“Go!”

 _One_. Onibaba screams as a white hot jet of plasma hits it’s face. _Two._ Stomach. _Three_. It’s heart. Or, one of them.

A final scream, and the kaiju’s legs fold, bringing it down into the water with a crash. Onibaba goes still.

“Check for a pulse,” Makoto whispers. He wants to sink down to his knees in exhaustion, but he can’t, or the jaeger will tip straight over and he’d rather not be underwater again.

“Nothing,” Haru confirms softly. “It’s dead.”

“Great, then!” Makoto beams. “Let’s head back within reach of comms.” He pulls up the map to check their coordinates. It’s not far, they shouldn’t need to wait for the airlifts to find them.

“Hold on, Makoto.” Haru doesn’t move. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Haru.” He does feel fine, really, no trace of the rapid panic from only a few minutes ago. “I don’t need to be afraid when I’m with you.”

Haru looks away with a quiet huff. If he wasn’t wearing a helmet, Makoto would be able to see the flush that dusts his cheeks.

It’s a silent, almost peaceful walk back into comms range, the water smooth and glittering in the afternoon sun. This must be what Haru loves about the ocean, it’s beauty in serenity. Makoto really doesn’t need to be afraid when he can see it all through Haru’s eyes.

Then comms come to life and rip through their peace.

“ _Ever Blue, come in!_ ” Makoto and Haru both freeze—Kisumi’s never sounded this terrified before, half hysteric. “ _Ever Blue, please tell me you can hear us!_ ”

“Ever Blue reporting in,” Haru says quickly, locking eyes with Makoto.

“Kisumi, what’s happened?” Fear builds in the pit of Makoto’s stomach.

“ _We’re sending airlifts to come get you,_ ” comes the Marshal’s voice. “ _You need to get to the Wall. **Now**._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

They barely have time to register their shock before four airlift choppers come flying in and practically yank Ever Blue out of the water, leaving Haru to clutch at his his harness for balance.

“What’s happened?”

“ _Category Five_ ,” Kisumi’s words come through in shaking gasps. “ _I didn’t see it come out of the Breach, it has some kind of sonar disabling system_ —”

“ _Rangers_!” Mikoshiba’s taken control of comms. " _Codename is Reckoner. We’ve dispatched Omega Fury to handle it, but they cannot do it alone. You’re needed for backup_.”

“How bad is it?” Makoto asks. Haru can’t tell if the terror coursing through the Drift is Makoto’s or his own. If Ever Blue was grounded right now, they’d surely be stumbling to control it.

“ _A five hundred meter stretch of the Wall of Life has been destroyed_ ,” comes the answer. Haru’s stomach plummets.

“Civilians,” Makoto manages to get out. “The workers, the civilians—”

“ _Evacuated_ ,” the marshal confirms. “ _Your mission report is to help Omega Fury push this beast past the Miracle Mile, understood?_ ”

“Yes sir!”

Ten miles, just push it ten miles away from land. It’s easy enough, Haru thinks, he and Makoto are pros at the Miracle Mile—

“Oh, my god,” Makoto whispers.

The airlifts drop Ever Blue in front of a war zone.

Reckoner is huge, maybe six hundred feet tall, dwarfing both the Wall and Omega Fury. They’ve never face a kaiju this massive—never one with three tails either. Massive, swaying, spiked triple tails that Haru doesn’t want to get anywhere near. Maybe they can cut them off like they just did with Onibaba.

Reckoner whips around its tails to catch Omega Fury in the chest, and the jaeger goes down hard, crashing into the crumbling remains of the Wall behind it.

Haru shakes as he tries to connect their comms to Omega Fury while he and Makoto run Ever Blue towards the carnage. “Ever Blue, reporting in!”

“Omega Fury, can you hear us?” Makoto asks.

No answer. Omega Fury remains still, crumpled at the base of the Wall, and Haru’s heart stays lodged firmly in his throat.

“Omega Fury, come in!” Makoto cries. “Ikuya, Zaki, please!”

The comms unit crackles. “ _You’re late_.”

Ikuya sounds dry and hoarse, but he’s there, and Haru breathes a sigh of relief. “Are you both okay?”

“ _Ahh...some broken ribs, but we’re fine_ ,” Aki confirms.

They watch Omega Fury crawl to it’s feet, standing up in front of the ruins of the Wall, the last line of defense for the city at it’s back.

 _Not the last._ Makoto’s thoughts flick through Haru’s brain. _Not if we have anything to do with it._

Haru looks over at him. Makoto’s staring ahead, focused and determined, all the panic and fear washed from his face. Makoto looks back at him, and smiles.

They charge.

Grabbing Reckoner by one of its spiked tails while it’s distracted by Omega Fury, Ever Blue hurls it backwards. It’s too large for them to pull the judo flip that grounded Onibaba, but it works just well enough to give Omega Fury space for full mobility, and Ikyua and Aki fire up the machine guns embedded in Omega Fury’s hull and let them fly.

Reckoner roars, trapped between two jaegers. Haru wants to be optimistic, but it’s hard to be when Reckoner spins around in rage and he and Makoto duck simultaneously to avoid two of its tails. The kaiju reaches out with its enormous claws, trying to grab at Omega Fury.

“No!” Haru yells.

He doesn’t need to worry. Aki at the helm means Omega Fury possesses a good deal of flexibility, and Reckoner’s claw passes over Omega Fury’s Conn-Pod with no harm done. Omega Fury comes back with a hard punch, keeping the machine guns running and forcing Reckoner back, away from land.

Makoto and Haru keep at Reckoner’s rear, leading the way deeper into the ocean. Haru can’t believe it’s not harder—Omega Fury is landing all the punches, and Reckoner isn’t resisting.

“We’re wearing it down!” Makoto yells with glee.

They begin landing blows from behind, hammering the kaiju with an assault on two fronts. They’ve rode with Omega Fury before, it’s not difficult to latch onto a good rhythm. Omega Fury has the advantage with it’s machine guns, but Ever Blue has the best tactical combat ability out of any pilots in the world. Reckoner is losing.

But then it changes tactics, letting out a deafening roar that has both jaegers stumbling back a hundred feet. Shock waves ripple over them, and with nothing but a flash, all of Ever Blue’s maps, radars, and comms systems wink out.

“Shit.” Haru toggles all his buttons in desperation to no avail. The only light coming through to the Conn-pod is from the sun—if it wasn’t midday, they’d be done for.

“Haru,” Makoto sounds a little wild. “Are we—”

“Offline,” Haru breathes. “But still together.” The neural handshake, against all reason, has held. He can still feel Makoto’s thoughts, his movements, his heartbeat. “I think it’s roars have some kind of interference, crashed the systems.”

“But we can still fight,” Makoto says, voice hard.

Haru nods, and they throw another hard punch, straight to Reckoner’s massive, ugly jaw. Omega Fury is probably offline too, but it perseveres in landing a kick to the beast’s underbelly  
. The kaiju is at a disadvantage now—they’re already offline, it’s supersonic roars can’t do much else but irritate the ear.

Reckoner begins to scream, stomping and flailing in the water. Ever Blue has to concentrate less on punching and more on dodging as it’s tails fly every which way. Omega Fury stays in front of the kaiju, so they have it slightly easier, but not much, since Reckoner is moving so much. Haru holds his breath as they force it farther and farther back, past the Miracle Mile line, then even farther. He’s bruised and battered from all the tossing around they’ve been doing, but—

 _We’re winning_ , Makoto thinks to him, warm and joyous. _Haru, we’re winning._ Haru smiles back, reaching over the center console for quick squeeze of Makoto’s hand.

Then one of Reckoner’s tails smashes straight through the Conn-Pod.

“Makoto!” The impact forces Haru to crash into his own locked harness. He hears a nasty crack, and pain shoots up his right arm. Instinctively, he clutches at his elbow. It’s clearly broken, the bone jutting into the fabric of his drivesuit in a way it’s definitely not supposed to. He shuts his eyes against the pain for a second, then opens them to seek out Makoto.

Makoto’s clutching his own elbow, eyes wide. Haru’s pain must have ricocheted onto him, no doubt, but Makoto looks unscathed, except for his blown out pupils. “Haru-chan,” he whispers. “Haru-chan, no!”

Makoto’s not looking at him, but straight ahead, past Omega Fury grappling with Reckoner, past anything his eyes should be able to see. Water fills the Conn-Pod though the gaping hole that Reckoner has left, and Haru’s heart twists in fear as he realizes what’s happened.

“Makoto,” he pleads. “Makoto, no, look at me, I’m _here!_ ”

Makoto’s struggling against his harness, trying to fling himself out of the restraints that bind him to the heart of Ever Blue as he reaches out with his right hand. To Haru’s astonishment, Ever Blue reaches out too, despite the fact that only Makoto is moving. He’s taking full control.

Haru tries to focus, bring the Drift back into balance, but it’s no use, Makoto’s panic is too strong. Haru’s head splits with pain as he half tries to concentrate on the fact that Reckoner is still locked with Omega Fury just ahead and half resists getting pulled into Makoto’s memories.

The water level is rising, coming to their waists, their throats, and Makoto thrashes even more, choking and gasping. Their helmets don’t matter in the slightest—despite the fact that they’re hooked to oxygen and there’s no way they can actually drown inside the Conn-pod, even the illusion of drowning has Makoto far gone. Pure terror rocks through the Drift, and Haru buckles under sensory overload—the kaiju fight, the pain from his elbow, Makoto, _Makoto_ …

“ _Ever Blue!_ ” It’s the marshal’s voice, and Haru almost sobs in relief that comms are back online. “ _Ever Blue, situation report, now!_ ”

“Makoto,” Haru chokes out. “Makoto, he’s—he’s disengaged, I don’t—”

Seijuuro’s response is lost in all the noise from the Drift, and Haru can’t tell if the screaming is Makoto’s or his own as he sinks to his knees, despite the fact that it submerges him entirely in the water that fills the Conn-Pod. He can feel his mind slipping, back and back until he sees what Makoto sees, until he’s pulled back to that day ten years ago, the day when—

_“Haru-chan!” He’s watching himself sink in the river, dark hair slipping in and out of sight as Makoto kneels by the riverbank, half screaming, half sobbing._

“It’s just a memory,” he whispers. “Makoto please, I’m here, I _promise!_ ”

_“Haru!” Makoto scrambles off the bank, plunging himself into the river to swim towards Haruka’s unconscious body, grabbing him to try and paddle desperately to shore as the currents work against him._

“It’s not real, Makoto!”

_Haruka’s weight forces Makoto under the water, again and again as chokes and gasps his way through the rapids._

Haru’s eyes stream with tears as he wrenches himself out of the memory, fumbling with his controls as he looks at the real Makoto, still struggling in his harness. Haru gets to his feet and raises his arm, using Ever Blue’s arm to smash through rest of the glass on the Conn-pod to let the water gush out.

“Makoto,” he pleads. “Makoto, I fixed it, we’re not drowning, Makoto, please—”

But Makoto’s still stuck in his memories, and wave after wave of paralyzing terror washes over Haru as he tries not to get sucked back in. He fumbles with his controls, because if he doesn’t do something, they’ll both die here. The CRISIS COMMAND MATRIX button flashes at him, and he slams his hand on it.

“ _Haru!_ ” It’s Kisumi. “ _What are you doing, you can’t handle the Drift yourself, just wait_ —”

Haru doesn’t answer, letting out a scream as the neural load from the Drift transfers entirely to him. His mind shorts out—everything takes effort, breathing, keeping his heart beating, and Haru trains his fading eyes on Makoto if only to keep sane. Just walk, his dying brain tells him. Walk, run.

Haru walks, and Ever Blue stumbles away from battle, from Reckoner and Omega Fury. He dimly registers the frantic yelling in his headset from LOCCENT, Seijuuro and Kisumi trying to give him orders.

“Just help him,” he begs. He doesn’t even know if the words come out right through the fuzz in his mind, if they can hear him at all. “Please, please, help him.”

He doesn’t know how long he goes until his knees threaten to buckle again, so he stops in the middle of the ocean. There’s nothing in his vision on any side of Ever Blue but the sea.

“ _Ever Blue, stay where you are, we’re sending an evacuation team_ —”

“Makoto,” Haru whispers.

“ _Haru, can you hear us—_ ”

“ _Makoto._ ” He’s not thinking as he mechanically disables everything but comms on the jaeger, rendering Ever Blue immobile. The neural load breaks, but Haru can’t get himself out of his harness with only one functioning arm.

Makoto’s gone limp. Blood trickles from his head, down his hair and into his eyes.

“ _Come in, Ever Blue!_ ”

“MAKOTO!”

No matter how much Haru screams, Makoto’s not moving.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they call it the _shatter _dome for a reason.__

Sousuke watches the Wall of Life crumble into the ocean for what must be the hundredth time. 

The news didn’t catch the first hit, there’s no way they could have seeing as no one was expecting a kaiju anywhere near the Wall and was too busy focusing on Ever Blue’s fight with Onibaba, but there’s plenty of footage of after, of Reckoner continuing to pummel the Wall into dust, of Omega Fury trying and failing to keep it at bay. 

He replays that part over and over, not bothering to keep watching until Ever Blue shows up on screen. His stomach feels hollow looking at it. This is what he left Rin for, this is the wall he spent months sweating on top of spending day after day building and welding and reinforcing because he thought it would _work_ , he thought it would protect them because his work and the work of every other man and woman on that wall was strong. 

Not strong enough, apparently, because Reckoner broke through it like it was one of the sandcastles he and Rin would build as a kids. They’d made a competition out of it, see who could build the bigger, taller, stronger castle, but at the end of the day, it was so simple to fist a hand in the warm, wet sand and watch it all crumble away. 

He grits his teeth, irritated with himself for being sentimental. There’s no reason to be anymore, not when he’s got a packed bag at his feet. He leaves the tablet on Shigino’s desk—shatterdome issued, he can’t take it with him—and swings the bag over his shoulder and heads out the door. 

He wonders when Shigino will notice he’s gone. Probably won’t at all, the ways things are going. He had come into the room a couple hours ago and stared at through Sousuke without seeing him, at the picture of himself and the Ever Blue crew on the desk. Shigino had taken a single, long look at it and slammed the picture facedown on the desk and left. Sousuke hadn’t seen him since. 

All Sousuke can hope for is quick, clean exit, leaving the shatterdome withoutthe drama that he came into it with. There’s chaos enough from the aftermath of the double event, it can’t be too hard to leave unnoticed and get on the first train that will take him to Oifu. Not back to Chiba, his dreams there are broken. Not to Iwatobi, because pieces of Rin are all over that town and it’s a coastal town besides, he’d be dead in a heartbeat come a kaiju attack. Oifu is inland enough, he could have a chance of having a halfway decent life before the apocalypse that’s bound to happen. 

What’s also bound to happen, of course, is running into Rin on his way out, because the universe wants to send Sousuke to hell. 

His eyes are swollen and red, and he doesn’t even bother to look at Sousuke with the usual venom. Instead, the sight of Sousuke in front of him makes Rin stop and stare, lips parted in a mixture of shock and confusion as if he had forgotten that Sousuke was at the shatterdome in the first place. Well, he won’t be there for much longer. 

“You’re not with Nanase?” He doesn’t mean to sound mocking, but it comes out that way and something flares behind Rin’s grief sunken eyes. 

“I’m not allowed to see them.” Rin’s voice is scratchy and rattled in the way it gets after he’s been crying. “And Haru’s not the only one I care about.” 

 So it’s _Haru_ now, Sousuke thinks, trying very much not to care. “I forgot,” he admits. “Tachibana was your friend, right?”

“Don’t say _was,_ ” Rin snaps. He moves forward half a step as if he’s going to get in Sousuke’s face but then falters. His entire body seems to sag as he stumbles backwards instead and hits the wall, sliding downwards and putting his head in his hands. “Don’t. Say. Was.” 

Sousuke doesn’t know how he’s supposed to leave now, not with Rin broken on the floor. This is the Rin he expected to find when he first came here, shattered enough that Sousuke could pick up the pieces and run. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“Then just—” Rin looks up to snap at him again, but his eyes finally land on the bag on Sousuke’s shoulder. “Sousuke,” he whispers. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving.” 

Rin’s on his feet in a flash. “Back to fix your _wall_? You know it’s bullshit, you know it won’t work, we all saw it go down!” 

Sousuke laughs, short and bitter. “I’m not going back there. And I’m sure as hell not staying here.” 

“You’re kidding,” Rin breathes, shaking his head in disbelief. Sousuke turns to walk away, but Rin latches onto his arm. “The jaegers are our only chance, don’t you get it?” 

“Don’t _you_ get it?!” He jerks his arm out of Rin’s grasp, furious that after all the venom Rin’s thrown at him during his time here, he has the nerve to _hold him back_. “The wall failing doesn’t mean the jaegers do shit. If this is our only chance, it’s a piss poor excuse for one.” 

“The jaegers saved us last night!” Rin yells. 

“And what happened to your _friends_?”

Rin freezes, stunned into silence. Sousuke turns around to leave, confident he’s done enough that Rin won’t stop him. 

But then Rin’s voice rings out behind him. “Giving up?” 

It’s a challenge. Sousuke stops and looks at him. Rin’s chin is up, a single brow arched, and only the slight ragged undertone in his otherwise smooth voice betrays the fact that this isn’t his usual confidence. “That’s unlike you, Sousuke.” 

“There’s nothing here for me,” Sousuke says simply. “ For _any_ us, this war is already lost, Rin, I’m not going to kill myself before we all die anyways. There’s nothing to stay for.” 

Anger ripples through Rin’s face. “There’s _me_ , asshole!” 

This time, it’s Sousuke who’s shocked into silence. “Excuse me?”

“You said you were here for me, didn’t you?” Rin presses him. “Then _stay_.” 

“I was here to get you _out_ , not stay with you.” 

“Out where?” Rin demands. “Hiding behind a wall that doesn’t do _shit?_ Don’t be stupid, Sousuke.” 

Sousuke’s voice is tinged with acid. “Sorry for not wanting you _dead_ , Rin.” 

“That’s funny,” Rin says coldly. “Because if you didn’t want me dead you’d realize my best chance of survival is you _here_.” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Really?” Rin demands, voice breaking.“You think I could do better in a jaeger with anyone other than you? Anyone other than my _best friend?_ ” 

He knows he’s driving a dagger into Rin’s heart, but he does it anyways. “Because that worked out so well for Ever Blue?”

 _“Don’t_.” Rin looks as if Sousuke really did stab him, face twisted in pain and fury. 

“Don’t you see now?” Sousuke asks. “What could happen to you?”

“It wouldn’t happen to _us_ ,” Rin whispers. “You and me, Sousuke, we’re going to save the fucking world.”

What kills Sousuke is that he _wants_ it. He wants to stand back to back with Rin again feeling like they’re on top of the world, unbroken and undefeated like the two of them have always been. But it’s impossible, the romantic, naive dream that Rin thinks he can still afford to keep because he _believes—_

“You don’t have to believe in this,” Rin interrupts his train of thought.“But it’s not like you have any other options. It’s this, or the wall. There’s no pretending the wall is any help.” 

“I was thinking Oifu,” Sousuke shrugs. “This goddamned war is going to kill us anyways, might as well face the end in peace.” 

“You wouldn’t,” Rin says. “Because I’m not leaving.” 

Sousuke doesn’t know why he ever thought this would be easy. 

“Face it, Sousuke,” Rin says quietly. “If you want us both to survive this, then we fight side by side and you try your damned best to make sure I don’t die.”

Sousuke looks at him, and Rin doesn’t break his gaze. Their arguing has put color in his face, but Rin is still visibly sick with fear and heartache over the Ever Blue disaster. The corner of his mouth trembles, as he looks at Sousuke, teetering on the edge of crying, screaming, or both. 

Sousuke drops his bag on the floor. 

Rin’s smile is the first genuine one he’s seen since they graduated Samezuka. “You’ll stay?”

He takes a deep breath. “I’ll stay.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Permission to throw the next reporter that tries to talk to me into the Breach, sir.”

Seijuuro gives a hollow laugh. “Not granted. I won’t punish anyone who tries, just don’t _tell_ me you’re doing it.” He looks up at Kisumi with a smile that’s more of a grimace. “My leadership’s reputation is a little precarious at the moment.” 

 “Ikuya tried to punch one of them in the face.” 

“Aren’t half his ribs broken?”

“As if that would stop him,” Kisumi points out. “Zaki-chan gave the reporters our canned response and hauled him off before he could do any actual damage.” 

Seijuuro sucks a breath in through his teeth. “Keep my pilots from wrecking themselves, would you?”

Kisumi’s face crumples. “Too late.” 

He sways on the spot and for a second Seijuuro thinks he’s going to fall to the ground right then and there and never get up again, but Kisumi stills before he can even finish the thought. “Sit down, Kisumi.”

“No thank you, sir.” 

Normally, Kisumi makes himself at home in Seijuuro’s office, draping himself over the couch and pilfering from the candy dish even as he’s delivering reports. Now he stands at full attention, hands clasped firmly behind his back, shoulders straight. He’s been trying to act with perfect discipline since LOCCENT received word that the airlifts had acquired the wreck of Ever Blue, but Seijuuro isn’t fooled for a second—Even quiet and listless, Kisumi’s no good at hiding his feelings. Seijuuro cant blame him for being so empty, really. Kisumi used up all his energy screaming into his comms, begging for any sign that the Ever Blue crew were even still alive. 

“Have you seen them yet?” Seijuuro asks quietly. 

Kisumi’s breath hitches, his perfect form wavers. “Yes.”

Seijuuro doesn’t press him. Kisumi has been closest to Makoto and Haruka since they all arrived at the shatterdome four years ago. 

“Sir,” Kisumi says. “I have a request.”

“Yes?”

Kisumi’s lower lip trembles. “Requesting dismissal from the jaeger program, sir.” 

“ _What_?”

“I didn’t do my job, sir,” Kisumi says a little wildy. His candyfloss hair falls into his eyes. “I didn’t spot the kaiju, this was a failure on my part and I compromised the entire—”

Seijuuro doesn’t him finish. “Denied.”

“But sir—” 

Anger flares in the bottom of Seijuuro’s stomach. “ _Denied_ , do you hear me? Under no circumstances are you to leave your position.”

“Then subject me to disciplinary action,” Kisumi pleads. “I’m supposed to spot kaijus, I _didn’t_ , this is on me!” 

Seijuuro grips the edge of his desk watching his knuckles turn white. “It wasn’t because of a lapse in your thinking, that kaiju was smarter than us. You’re not leaving, Kisumi.” 

“Their blood is on my hands, Sei.” Kisumi whispers.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Seijuuro snaps. “That’s hardly helpful.” 

“What’s helpful is getting a Chief of LOCCENT who can actually keep your pilots out of danger!” Kisumi all but shouts.  

“WHICH I HAVE,” Seijuuro roars, slamming his hands onto his desk. “Do you really think I can afford to shuffle around officer positions right now? Do you know what else I’m dealing with?”

He’s shocked Kisumi into silence for a minute. “The media’s on your back, aren’t they?” Kisumi asks, finally dropping onto the couch with a heavy sigh. Seijuuro watches him bury his face in his hands. 

“That’s not the only thing,” Seijuuro says. He projects all his screens up, and all the headlines flash across Kisumi’s face as he reads them, eyes widening as he takes them all in. 

_EVER BLUE: NEVERMORE?_

_WALL OF LIFE DEMOLISHED: PAN-PACIFIC DEFENSE CORPS THREATENS TO DEFUND_

_TOKYO JAEGERS FAIL TO DEFEND: PPDC TAKES ACTION_

_EVER BLUE HEROES SLAM BIGGEST KAIJU ON RECORD_

“ _Shit,”_ Kisumi breaths when Seijuuro flicks a hand to make the headlines disappear. “I’ve been so focused on getting reporters to leave me alone I didn’t realize what they were actually _saying_.” 

“They’ve been saying quite a lot of things,” Seijuuro says grimly. “I don’t know public slant right now, the anti-jaeger groups are having a field day, and now PPDC has it’s hands full. Which means _I_ have my hands full.”

“The wall didn’t work...” Kisumi wonders out loud. “Are PPDC actually going to defund them?” 

“PPDC might defund _us.”_

Kisumi’s mouth drops open. “ _What_? _”_

“Too much of a liability,” Seijuuro repeats the words from the memo sent to him this morning, feeling sick to his stomach in a way that powerful men are never supposed to feel. “Billions of dollars spent on a jaeger that barely scrapes by. That sort of thing gets people killed.”

“And the wall isn’t a liability?” Kisumi is so incredulous that some of the grief has been wiped out of his face. At least there’s that, Seijuuro thinks. 

“They can always build a bigger wall,” he says. Kisumi has no response. “That’s why I need you here, Kisumi. They’re going to threaten us, and anyone who’s loyal to this program is someone I need by my side.” He softens his voice a little, because Kisumi is looking dangerously fragile again. “You’re one of the most loyal I know. And you are _good at your job_.” 

Kisumi sits there for a long time, unspeaking. Seijuuro lets him and starts to draft one of numerous press releases he’s going to have to put out. He almost wants to pass Kisumi the candy dish. 

“I won’t leave,” Kisumi says finally. He stands up and salutes jaw set as he looks at Seijuuro. “I’ve got your back, Sei.” 

Seijuuro nods. “Thank you. Now get some rest.”

“I—” 

“You can sleep in Ever Blue’s room if Yamazaki’s around.” Seijuuro guesses the cause of Kisumi’s hesitation. “It’s not like you don’t know how to get in.” He knows, of course, about Kisumi’s semi-regular midnight break-ins to Makoto and Haru’s room so they could sneak out of the shatterdomewhen all three of them were cadets and Kisumi was craving good ramen. 

Kisumi gives him a small laugh and runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah, okay.”

“One more thing,” Seijuuro calls as Kisumi’s just about to leave. “I’m calling in your old training team.” 

Kisumi pauses in the doorway. “For my unit?”

Seijuuro nods. “You’re out two trainers, and we need those cadets in jaegers.”

“I thought they retired to Hong Kong.” 

“I’m bringing them back,” Seijuuro says firmly. 

“I’ll be glad to see them again,” Kisumi smiles before leaving. 

Seijuuro takes a minute to reasses and breathe deep once his office is empty again. Then he swivels to face his video screen, and dials. 

“Your brother tried to punch a reporter in the face,” he says without preamble when Natsuya Kirishima’s face flickers into view. 

Natsuya sighs. “I don’t know how Ikuya drifts with anyone with that temper.” 

 “Neither do I, to be honest,” Seijuuro admits. “But it works.” 

“NAO! It’s Seijuuro!” Natsuya calls behind him before turning back to the video. “Is he okay? Ikuya?”

“Fine,” Seijuuro reassures him. “But I can’t say the same for Ever Blue.” 

Natsuya’s face falls. Seijuuro sees Nao come up behind him, hands on the back of Natsuya’s desk chair. “It was Makoto, wasn’t it?” Nao asks. 

There’s no point in trying to hide anything from these two, not the ones who trained Ever Blue in the first place. “He lost control mid-Drift. Haruka took the entire neural load on his own.”

Natsuya grits his teeth, looking strangely reminiscent of his younger brother, but Nao only bows his head. “It’s like their first few months came back to haunt them,” Nao’s voice is soft and sad. 

“I need you two back in the shatterdome,” Seijuuro says, because thinking about the _reason_ he needs them back is too painful. 

Natsuya looks alarmed. “Seijuuro, we can’t pilot! Nao’s eyes—” 

“I’m not asking you to come back to pilot,” Seijuuro interrupts, a twinge irritated. Did Natsuya really think he was going to put them back in the field? “But there is a highly capable group of cadets that just lost their training team. I can’t exactly leave the whole thing to Kisumi.” 

Nao puts a calming hand on Natsuya’s shoulder. “We’ll take the next plane we can get, we’ll be there by tonight.”

Natsuya looks like he’s going to protest for a second, but finally nods. “Anything to help, Seijuuro.”

“Thank you.”

They say their goodbyes and hang up, leaving Seijuuro alone again. He wishes Kisumi would come back and keep him company, regretting banning his siblings from his office because he doesn’t want them in the middle of the shitstorm that’s torn it’s way into the shatterdome. 

But he can’t sit here feeling sorry and sick and sad. He’s got press releases to write. 

 

* * *

 

 

“I need you to break into sick bay for me.” 

Rei looks astonished, hair askew and covered in some unidentifiable grease from the repairs on Ever Blue that Nagisa has just unceremoniously pulled him out of. “Nagisa, what—” 

“They won’t let me in!” Nagisa grinds his heels into the ground and tries not to burst into tears for the third time in as many hours. “Rin-chan and I tried for an hour, we yelled and yelled but the stupid nurses won’t even let us in!” 

“I—” Rei bites his lip, and Nagisa feels a flicker of irritation that he won’t just _listen_. “Nagisa, I’m sure the medical staff has a _reason_ —” 

“I don’t care.” His voice must have come out harsher than he means to, because Rei actually takes a step back. Nagisa persists, nonetheless. “I don’t care what they think, those are my _friends_ in there.” 

Rei spares a quick glance behind him at his repair team. “Nagisa, the jaeger—” 

“Who cares about the jaeger when Mako-chan and Haru-chan could be _dead_?”

“They’re not dead,” Rei says soothingly. “That doesn’t even make sense, considering—” 

“Prove it,” Nagisa challenges him. “Break into sick bay for me, do something with the door codes, you can do it, right?” He turns around without waiting for an answer, already making his way down the hall until he realizes that Rei isn’t following him. “What are you waiting for, there’s no time!” 

“I’m not going to break in for you,” Rei says simply. 

Nagisa stomps his foot. “Why not?”

Rei sniffs, and pushes his glasses up. “Well, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to _get you in_ , did I? We’ll do this the right way.” 

Nagisa really does want to sink to his knees and cry, in fear, in grief, in gratefulness that Rei is now marching purposefully to sick bay. He chooses instead to give Rei a worldless, tight hug. 

“The ribs, Nagisa.” 

Nagisa lets go and makes a beeline for sick bay again, this time knowing that Rei will follow. The nurse guarding the door looks none too pleased to see Nagisa again, seeing as Nagisa had tried stealing a pair of scrubs to sneak in this morning. 

“I told you,” he says, lifting his hands in surrender as if Nagisa’s going to try and hit him, which is unlikely. _Rin_ had tried, but it’s not Nagisa’s style. “I can’t allow you—” 

Rei cuts him off. “Could you please just tell us if either of Ever Blue’s pilots are conscious?” He surreptitiously grips Nagisa’s sleeve, a silent warning to let him do the talking. “I need active brain scans to recalibrate the Conn-pod on Ever Blue,” he continues when the nurse raises a skeptical eyebrow. 

Nagisa bites his cheek to keep from smiling. Rei is _brilliant_. 

The nurse doesn’t look so impressed. “And who are you?”

Rei flashes his badge without missing a beat. “Ryuugazaki Rei, head engineer on Ever Blue,” he says smoothly. “I do think that makes me qualified to be included in...sensitive matters.” 

“And you?” the nurse folds his arm, turning his sharp eyes on Nagisa. 

Nagisa doesn’t even flinch. “I’m their _friend_.”

“Whether they are conscious or not, the presence of a loved one will stimulate positive brain activity,” Rei says quietly. “Nagisa has been friends with them since childhood, they share a deep bond.” 

Nagisa’s heart goes out to Rei. He didn’t think Rei actually ever _listened_ all those hours Nagisa spent spinning on a lab stool, chattering away about life in Iwatobi before Makoto and Haru left. 

The nurse looks at him and Nagisa’s face falls into misery. “Please,” he begs. “ _Please_ , let me see them!” 

The nurse rubs a hands at his temple and doesn’t speak. Nagisa holds his breath, waiting. “All right,” the nurse says, sounding weary. “All right. Five minutes.” 

“ _Thank you_!” Nagisa all but screeches, clapping a hand to his mouth at the nurse’s answering glare. 

“Don’t disturb the other patients, Nagisa,” Rei chides as they follow the nurse into the ward, past rows of beds to a heavy door at the end of the long, narrow hall. It must be a private room. Nagisa wishes the window wasn’t so high up, hoping to catch a glimpse of Haru’s dark hair, of Makoto’s broad shoulders.

“Only five minutes, mind you,” the nurse reminds them, keeping a hand on the door handle so Nagisa can’t open it. “They’ve both been conscious in and out for the past twelve hours so nothing’s dire, but either of them are even remotely close to mentally stable right now.” He turns to Rei, pressing a small button into his palm. “Call us if anything at all changes.” 

“Five minutes,” Nagisa interrupts to promise the nurse, eyes shining. The nurse gives him a small nod, and opens the door. 

Nagisa very nearly flings himself into the room when he’s finally let in, but the joy dies in his throat before he can speak. 

They look dead. 

He _knows_ they aren’t because the heartbeat monitors show otherwise and Rei will chide him again for not using his head, but they look dead anyways, still and silent and unmoving in their beds. There’s no warmth coloring Makoto’s cheeks, and Nagisa can see the dark blue veins under Haru’s translucent skin, running down his arms, crisscrossing with the angry red scars that curl around his elbows. 

It feels like an eternity before Nagisa can find his voice. “Mako-chan?” he whispers. “Haru-chan?”

Makoto’s eyes fly open and Nagisa stumbles forward with a gasp. He feels Rei’s hands steady him from behind to keep him from falling.

“Nagisa,” Makoto croaks through dry, cracked lips. “Hi.” 

He’s trying to smile, which only serves to make Nagisa feel worse. “Hi?” he asks, hearing his own voice crack.“ _Hi_? Mako-chan, what _happened?_ ” 

He tears himself from Rei’s grip and collapses at the edge of Makoto’s bed, bursting into tears. He almost can’t bear to see Makoto this close, not with the bruises under his eyes, the blood that blooms through the bandage on his forehead. And the lips, the lips are the worst, cracked and peeling and bleeding as Makoto tries again to smile. Even when Makoto is broken to the core, Nagisa has always known him to smile anyways. 

“Ahem,” Rei clears his throat, and Nagisa forces himself to look away from Makoto, away from Haru in the next bed looking deathly still. “I’m so glad to see you awake, Makoto-san.” Rei’s voice is thick, and his glasses are fogging up. He’s crying, Nagisa thinks in wonder. Rei, who thinks _crying isn’t beautiful_ is now standing there letting tears drip down his face. “I must—” he takes a minute to wipe underneath his glasses. “I must be getting back to the jaeger repairs.” 

Makoto nods. “Thank you,” he rasps out. Rei gives Haru an anguished look before setting the call button on the small table between the beds and slipping out the door. 

The room is silent except for the steady beeping of the monitor and Nagisa’s wild, hiccupping sobs. Makoto reaches out to him and has to pull back, clutching at his chest in pain. “Don’t cry, Nagisa,” he settles for gasping. “Please.”

“They won’t tell me what happened,” Nagisa blubbers, burying his face into the sheets somewhere near Makoto’s torso. “They only said you guys went _out of commission_ —” he hiccups again. “Like that means anything, I thought you were _dead!_ ” 

“Oh, Nagisa…” a hand curls in his hair, gently rubbing his scalp. It would be familiar and soothing if Nagisa couldn’t also feel the IV drip attached to Makoto’s hand tickling his ear, a painful reminder that they’re not sitting on the steps between Haru and Makoto’s houses in Iwatobi. “We’re not dead.” 

“What happened?” Nagisa demands, lifting his head. His eyes are red and puffy, he’s sure of it.

Makoto bites his lips and Nagisa winces. “Do you remember the day Haru drowned?” Makoto asks. He won’t look at Nagisa. 

Nagisa flicks his eyes towards Haru. This isn’t the first time he and Makoto have watched Haru sleep in a hospital bed. Nobody had told him what had happened then either, he had to find out when Makoto’s mother stopped him from ringing Haru’s doorbell after swim club. “I remember.” 

Makoto lets his head thud against the wall behind him. “So did I.” 

Nagisa furrows his brows. “Mako-chan, what does that—?”

“I was so scared,” Makoto says to the ceiling. “I’m _still_ so scared, and it ruined the drift. I ruined everything.”

Nagisa didn’t know until now that it’s possible to feel your own heart break. “Mako-chan, _no_ —”

“Yes,” Makoto says softly. He finally looks at Nagisa now, eyes pleading. “Help me up, please.” 

Nagisa scrambles off the bed to let Makoto grab at his shoulder and heave himself out of bed. He almost buckles under Makoto’s weight because Makoto is huge and frail and can barely hold himself up. They take the three, slow, agonizing steps to Haru’s bed before Makoto slips his hand off of Nagisa and falls to his knees, resting his head on the edge of Haru’s bed as if in prayer. 

Nagisa takes a few steps backwards so he doesn’t get tangled in Makoto’s IV. “Mako-chan?” he asks hesitantly. 

“Haru,” Makoto whispers. Nagisa watches in horror as Makoto pulls back the sheets, slow and agonizing because of his shaking hands, revealing the same scars on his arms branded across Haru’s chest, dark and burning on his skin. Makoto chokes back a sob, and another. “I did this,” he says, running a his fingers down Haru’s ribs, following the imprinted shape of Ever Blue’s harness. 

Nagisa shakes his head wildly. “It’s not your fault, Mako-chan”

“ _I did this!”_ Makoto rasps. “He took the Drift on by himself because I was to weak to handle it, it’s because of me!”

Nagisa’s crying again, because he can do nothing else. His five minutes were probably up ages ago, but the nurse hasn’t kicked him out yet so he just sits on the floor and weeps, while Makoto tries to hide the fact that he’s crying too. 

“I should never have stepped in a jaeger,” Makoto finally says with a broken laugh. “I was bound to hurt him eventually.” 

Nagisa’s eyes widen in alarm. “You’re the best pilot there is, Mako-chan!”

“No. Haru is.” 

“But you’ve saved the world like a hundred times! _Both_ of you!”

Makoto speaks so softly that Nagisa can barely hear him over his own tears. “I can’t even save _him.”_

“He’ll be okay,” Nagisa says desperately. “He’ll be fine, I know it!” 

“I know he will.” Makoto’s smile is more grieved than anything else. “He’ll be fine.”

Nagisa breaths a sigh of relief, but then Makoto speaks again. 

“He’ll be fine as long as I never pilot with him again.” 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever Blue: Nevermore? 
> 
> \----
> 
> SO sorry this is chapter is super late, friends, especially with the cliffhanger we left you all with! Real Life got to both of us these past couple of weeks, so coordinating and writing this chapter had to be put on the back burner. The good news is that we're back on the two week schedule, so expect chapter 20 on August 15! Thank you for your patience <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin digs out his old poster, Kisumi gets finally some sleep, and it's time to deal with a brave new horizon.

Rin expects the beeping, the machines hooked up to Makoto and Haru to keep them stable. He’s already braced himself for the sight of them looking frail and broken, nothing like the invincible team that decorates the poster he’s got tightly rolled in one hand. He’s spent the past few hours steeling his nerves to try and minimize his own heartbreak. 

What he doesn’t anticipate, however, is the sight of Kisumi curled up in Haru’s hospital bed, one arm casually thrown over Haru’s stomach as they both sleep. 

“Um.” Rin says. “What the hell?”

Over in the other bed, Makoto stirs, and his eyes flutter open. “Rin.” 

“Sousuke’s staying,” Rin says quietly in lieu of a greeting. He walks to the edge of Makoto’s bed, trying to quash the hollow feeling in his stomach as he runs his eyes over Makoto’s bandages and bruises. “I got him to stay.” 

“That’s great!” Makoto smiles, but it’s distorted by the flash of pain that crosses his face when he tries to push himself up. 

Rin’s hand shoots to Makoto’s shoulder to give him a gentle push back into the pillows. “Don’t. Please.” 

Makoto looks over to Haru’s bed, brow clearing when he sees its second occupant. “Oh,” he says with a little laugh. “Haru won’t be pleased when he wakes up.” 

“Will he be okay?” Rin asks. “Haru.” 

Makoto nods, and Rin lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “There doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage from the neural overload; they did all the tests last time he was awake. He’ll be fine.” 

Rin can feel tears prick behind his eyelids. He tries to swallow them down. “Will you?”

Makoto’s nod is slight, strained. “Don’t worry about me, Rin.” 

“That’s probably a sign I should worry.” 

“No.” The sharpness in Makoto’s voice take Rin aback, and he stares. “You need to concentrate on becoming a ranger, nothing else.”

Rin’s eyes flick over to the sleeping Haru. “With who?”

“You have Nitori,” Makoto insists. “That was going well, wasn’t it? And now Sousuke.” 

“I wanted—” he stops himself before he says something colossally idiotic. “Nevermind.” 

“You wanted to pilot with Haru,” Makoto says. The knowing little smile Rin has gotten to know so well is back. 

He looks at his hands, grips the poster a little tighter. “I thought I’d be able to.” 

“Don’t rule it out just yet.” 

Rin’s head snaps up. “What?”

“It might happen sooner than you think,” Makoto says simply.

Rin wonders if Makoto’s IV drip has addled his brain. “But Ever Blue—” 

“I think,” Makoto interrupts. “That recent events have proved that Ever Blue is neither inseperable nor invincible.” 

Rin gives him a short laugh. “You sound like Sousuke. I only need one of him, thanks.” 

“And you have him,” Makoto says. “How did that happen?”

Rin pretends not to notice Makoto’s obvious ploy to change the subject. “We talked without screaming.” Makoto raises an eyebrow. “Okay, well, there was screaming. But we talked. And he’s staying.” 

“That simple, huh?”

Rin’s heart thrums. “If we die, we die together. That simple.” 

Makoto squeezes his eyes shut, and for a second Rin thinks he’s in pain again, but before he has time to panic, Makoto opens his eyes again. They’re wet. 

 Rin’s about to try and apologize for upsetting him when they’re interrupted.

“Rin.” Rin looks over to find Haru awake, face positively sour. “Get him. _Off of me_.” 

Rin and Makoto burst out laughing. Kisumi, blissfully unaware, keeps sleeping, tightening the arm around Haru’s waist.

“Why isn’t he in your bed?” Haru demands to Makoto. “Why is here at _all_?” 

Makoto is clearly struggling to keep a straight face, all trace of any tears gone. “Because he loves us and is worried about us, Haru. And he can’t fit in my bed.” 

“I don’t care,” Haru says. “Rin, please.” 

Rin wants to point out that he must care a _little_ , because Haru’s already got one bandaged hand resting in Kisumi’s hair, but he bites his tongue- if only because Haru said _please_. “Uh, yeah. Okay.” 

He gingerly makes his way around the Haru’s bed, careful of the wires, and gives Kisumi a hard poke. No reaction.

“I could do that myself,” Haru says. “Try harder.”

Rin shoots him a glare. “Fine.” He grabs the arm laying across Haru’s stomach, and _pulls_. 

Kisumi goes rolling off the bed, knocking Rin straight off his feet. They both tumble to the floor, and Rin ends up with a very disgruntled Kisumi lying on his chest. 

Kisumi raises his head and shakes it vigorously to get the sleep out of his system. “Haru, was that _really_ necessary?” 

“Yes.” 

Kisumi blows a piece of hair of out his face and looks down, almost purring. “Oh, Rin. _Hello_.” Rin can feel his cheeks burn.

“Kisumi, please,” comes Makoto’s reprimand. 

Kisumi winks at Rin before jumping to his feet. “If you insist.” 

Rin scrambles up and watches Kisumi cross the room and brush Makoto’s hair off his forehead, bending down to plant a soft kiss on the space between his brows. Haru makes a noise of discontent in the back of his throat. 

Kisumi laughs. “Don’t worry, I didn’t forget you.” Haru gets a kiss right on top of the scar that lines his cheekbone, which doesn’t actually serve towipe the scowl from his face. “You too, Rin?” Kisumi asks.

“Not on your life.” 

“Your loss,” Kisumi says.

Rin can’t help but smirk. “I don’t think so.” 

Kisumi flashes him a grin before turning to Makoto. “Is there anything you want me to tell Natsuya and Nao before training?”

Makoto shakes his head no, but it takes Rin a couple seconds to process what Kisumi just said. “Natsuya and Nao—hold on, are _they_ training us?” He had only really just gotten over being starstruck over Ever Blue, and now—

Kisumi’s giving him a quizzical look. “You didn’t think it’d be just me, did you Rin? I’m really not capable of training without these two. ” 

“I thought we’d just be conflated with Sasabe’s group or something,” Rin admits. He doesn’t say that it’d be a hell of a lot easier to finally work with Sousuke that way. 

Makoto shakes his head. “Natsuya and Nao trained _us_ ,” 

“I know,” Rin says automatically. 

“Then you know there’s no better team to take our place,” Makoto smiles.

“You say that like you’re never coming back.”

Makoto opens his mouth to say something, but Haru interrupts him. “We are.” 

“Haru—” 

“We _are_ ,” Haru insists, keeping his eyes trained on Makoto. Makoto looks distraught, and Rin has the terrifying sense that he’s missed something incredibly important. 

 _You might pilot with Haru sooner than you think_ , Makoto had said. 

 _Be careful what you wish for_ , Rin’s own conscience bites at him. 

“I need to ask you two something,” he says quietly. 

Haru looks at him, unreadable. “Then ask.” 

Rin finally unrolls the poster he’s brought, feeling foolish already. “It’d be pretty stupid if I never bothered to get this signed, you know?” 

It might be the first time Rin has ever had one of Haru’s rare smiles directed at him. 

Rin didn’t even know if they’d be in any condition to sign a poster when he brought it in, but he’s in luck. Makoto signs his name in messy kanji and a small, crude drawing of what Rin supposes is to be a cat. Haru’s signature is smooth and elegant, but the effect is somewhat overshadowed by a very detailed sketch of a mackerel. 

“What.” Rin says. 

Haru raises an eyebrow. “I like them.” 

Rin only stares. “You’re really weird, Haru.” For some reason _Haru_ doesn’t sound foreign in his mouth anymore. 

Kisumi, pouting at being left out, signs his own name on the back. 

 

* * *

 

“Good morning, cadets.” 

Of course everyone knew it was coming, but it’s still a shock not to see the pilots of Ever Blue standing in the combat room when they walk in for training. Nariko had let slip who was going to handle it in the interim, but Gou’s still not expecting to line up in front of two strangers instead of Makoto and Haru. 

Well, no, not _strangers_. Everyone knows who they are—Kirishima Natsuya and Serizawa Nao, famous for piloting Brave Horizon into victory against eleven kaiju-- and perhaps more importantly, for acting as trainers and mentors for Ever Blue. 

Gou mentally checks two more people off the list of people she never thought she’d see outside of the glossy pages of her magazines. Of course, it’s different in real life, up close--they’re older than she ever saw them, for one. There are smile lines around Nao’s eyes she never knew about, freckles that dust Natusya’s nose that seemed to have been photoshopped out for years. 

She steals a glance behind her to see if her brother has come in yet. In her second shock of of the day, Sousuke comes trailing in behind Rin, joining the lineup next to him. Hana pinches Gou’s hand. She’s seen Sousuke too, and Gou knows she’s in for a hell of a lot of questions once training is out. 

“I don’t know how many of you may recognize us already,” Natsuya says. He’s tall and confident, reminds Gou a lot of Marshal Mikoshiba and not at all of Natsuya’s actual brother Ikuya. “I’m Kirishima Natsuya, over here is Serizawa Nao. We were pilots here a couple years ago.” 

“Brave Horizon,” Rin says. “But you stopped.” 

“Yes,” Nao says. He looks a little like Makoto when he smiles, and Gou can’t help the little twinge in her heart. “We’re not back to pilot Brave Horizon, but we’ll be taking over your training.” 

“How long?” Nagisa pipes up from his place in line. “When are Haru-chan and Makoto-chan going to be back?”

“Indefinitely,” Natsuya replies with a raised eyebrow. “And that’s Tachibana-san and Nanase-san to you, no?”

“No,” Nagisa says, as if Natsuya is more than a little dim. “Not to me.” 

Natsuya and Nao look at Nagisa with renewed interest. “You’ll address your superiors with proper etiquette,” Natsuya finally says. “That goes for all of you.” 

“Yes, sir,” Gou choruses along with the rest of the line. Already they’ve lost the casual, easy sort of formality that came with a session with Ever Blue. Gou desperately wishes Kisumi were here to cut through the tension.

“We’ll start by warming up on the staffs,” Nao says. “Due to recent events, we’ve been informed the Marshal wants you moving up quicker than you are, so we’ll select pairs for running missions in the combat simulator.” 

 _The combat simulator_? Nariko squeezes Gou’s hand so hard she feels her fingers might break. They’ve all done a round or two in the neural test simulators, but never simulated actual combat. A thrill runs down Gou’s spine, and she glances at her brother to see him looking positively elated. Then she remembers—Rin had wanted to be in a combat simulation from day one. 

_That’s jumping the gun a bit._

_Let’s see if you can fight first._

Sousuke, on the other hand, looks impassive. 

“Okay, split up.” Natsuya says. “We’ve got notes here of who’s shown Drift potential; we’ll want to see those pairs.” 

“Would you tell us what they are, sir?” Gou asks. Ever Blue and Kisumi had always allowed her to work with Hana and Nariko in a trio despite the marshal refusing to put their configuration in a jaeger, but— 

“That’s something you should be able to figure out,” Natsuya says. “Call it your first test.” 

So the girls do what they always do, and split off together. Gou catches Rin go into a corner with Sousuke out of the corner of her eye, watches him beckon Nitori over to them as well. 

“Time to show you how it’s done, Sousuke.” Rin’s voice rings out across the room as he tosses a staff to an increasingly embarrassed Nitori. 

“I’m sure you can try,” Sousuke shoots back without missing a beat. 

Gou smiles. Those two will never change. 

“Gou.” Nariko hands Gou her own staff. She’s been uncharacteristically subdued since the kaiju attack, spending less and less time roaming the shatterdome in search of adventure and more time in the gym with a punching bag. 

She had been distraught when they brought in Ever Blue. “I’ve known them since I was thirteen,” was all she said when Gou finally got the courage to ask. 

The three of them settle into their warm-up rhythm, but no one is really concentrating. Nariko’s brooding, Gou’s keeping an eye on her brother and Sousuke for any sign of tension, and Hana, ever the gossip, is watching Natsuya and Nao circlethe room, trying to catch what they’re saying to whom. 

“Matsuoka Gou?” 

Gou almost drops her staff. She hadn’t even noticed Nao watching them, too busy watching Natsuya have a conversation with Rin. She and her friends snap to attention. “Yes, Serizawa-san.” 

Nao looks at her, not quite smiling. “Matsuoka used to be a big name around here, you know.” 

“I think my brother and I can make it big again, sir.” Was Nao old enough to have piloted with her father? He only looks a handful of years older than the marshal. 

“You’re not working with him?” Nao inclines his head towards Rin. 

Gou shakes her head. “Mako— _Tachibana-san_ said it might be because we share the same traumatic memory.” 

“We looked up to him quite a bit, me and Natsuya,” Nao tells her. 

Gou feels something in her throat close up. He’s trying to distract her, get to her emotionally to see if it’ll affect her fighting. For all she knows, Natsuya’s doing the same with Rin, but she can’t see past Nao to check. “So did we, sir.” 

“Do you have anything to show me?” Nao asks, seemingly satisfied with her answer. 

“Absolutely,” Nariko says for her. Gou smiles at the spark that’s back in Nariko’s eyes. 

Now that they’re concentration properly, it’s easy as breathing for Gou to fight Nariko and Hana at the same time. Fighting more than one opponent at once is something even her brother hasn’t been able to pull off yet. She spins her weapon around to catch both staffs coming at her in a deadlock, then somersaults backwards so Nariko and Hana run into each other instead of her. Nariko sweeps Hana’s staff out of the way with the back of her own, then uses the front to try and jab at Gou again, but Gou’s already up and out of the way. Hana lunges at gou in a feint, then rapidly sweeps Nariko's feet out from under her while she's off guard.

“That’s enough,” Nao holds up his hands. 

Nariko grins at him from the floor. “You should see us play basketball.” 

“All three of you?”

“Yes,” Hana says, tucking her staff under her arm. “All three of us.” 

“There isn’t the infrastructure for that,” Nao says mildly. “And you’re only in combinations of two on my list. I’ll be back for two of you to put in the simulator; it’s up to you girls to pick which combinations can go in.” 

“There are only three possible combinations,” Gou hisses when Nao walks away. “Is there a reason we can’t try all of them?” 

Nariko looks sour. “Is there a reason we can’t just try the three of us in the first place?” 

“Um. Your brother,” Hana reminds her. 

“We have to pick who goes first, then,” Gou says. “Jan ken for it?” It’s what Rin and Sousuke would do, at any rate.

Hana shakes her head. “It should be you two first.” 

“Hana, why?” 

“You both have family legacies here,” Hana says with a small frown. “They’ll want to see it. You saw his face when he looked at you, Gou.” 

“He saw my father,” Gou insists. “Not _me_.” 

“Still.” Hana looks put off. “I can do the simulator with Nagisa first; it’s fine.” 

“We can ask Ever Blue,” Gou suggests. 

Hana’s eyes widen in alarm. “But they’re—” 

“They’re not _dead_ , Hana.” Nariko rolls her eyes. 

“Onii-chan got to visit them this morning,” Gou confides. 

Two heads swivel around to gape at her. “Not fair!” Nariko cries. “I still haven’t! And Kisumi’s been with them for all hours too.” 

“We’ll go after this,” Gou decides. “If my brother can get in, so can we.” 

 “It’s nice to think about again,” Hana muses.

Gou tilts her head in confusion. “What is?”

“Well, you know—Ever Blue to the rescue.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean it's almost unbelievable that it took us 20 chapters to have Kisumi do any kissing, but it's finally happened. It was always inevitable, you know. 
> 
> Hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here](http://www.takaramonoz.tumblr.com) :).


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being best friends is a hell of a lot more painful than it looks.

“Hey.” Rin’s face pops up at the edge of his bunk. “Look at this.”

Sousuke rolls over, shaking himself awake. It’s strange to be sharing a room with Rin again, being woken up with Rin’s alarm, hanging his jacket right next to Rin’s on the back of the door. He’d call it a familiar comfort if training in the shatterdome didn’t make him extraordinarily _un_ comfortable. It’s a far cry from Samezuka, where he never felt the eerie sense of a looming threat that seems to be a constant presence for him here.

Rin clicks his  tongue in irritation that Sousuke hasn’t bothered to respond yet. Another familiarity. “Sousuke. _Look._ ”

Sousuke looks. Rin’s shoved his tablet next to his face with the message screen open.

**_Nanase Haruka [8:35]: i want to go to the pool._ **

_Matsuoka Rin [8:36]: Okay??_

**_Nanase Haruka [8:36]: go with me. makoto can’t. doctors won’t let me go alone._ **

_Matsuoka Rin [8:36]: You could take Kisumi._

**_Nanase Haruka [8:37]:  no._ **

**_Nanase Haruka [8:37]: we’re leaving at noon._ **

Sousuke turns away with a snort. “I didn’t realize he could order you around.”

“It’s not an order,” Rin snaps, jumping off the edge of his bed where he’s  been perching to reach the top bunk. “And you realize he’s a superior officer? He _can_ technically give me orders.”

“You’re not seriously thinking of going?”  Sousuke swings himself down from the top bunk to stand in front of Rin.

“Of course I am.” Rin’s already preening, studying his hair in the mirror despite the fact that noon is over three hours away.

“Rin.”

“What?”

“You can’t go.”

Rin turns to him, one eyebrow raised. “ _You_ definitely can’t give me orders.”

“Not an order,” Sousuke snaps back. It was silly, of course, to think that his decision to stay with Rin would stop their fighting. Circumstances have changed very little, after all.

“Jesus, Sousuke, it’s just _swimming_ , how nefarious can it be?”

“You realize Nanase can barely walk right now, let alone swim?” Sousuke points out.

Rin glares at him, arms folded. “Don’t act like you’re opposed to this because you’re worried about Haru.”

Haru, he keep saying _Haru_ and it never fails to set Sousuke’s teeth on edge. “Am I allowed to worry about you being responsible for Nanase having some kind of medical disaster?”

Rin rolls his eyes. “The doctors wouldn’t have cleared him if there was a chance of that happening.” 

“How do you know that? Nanase’s a stubborn ass, he could have convinced them.”

“ _You’re_ a stubborn ass, stop trying to derail me.”

“ _Rin_.” Sousuke takes a deep breath to calm down, swinging his desk chair around so he can straddle it and rest his elbows on the back. “Why do you even want to go?”

Rin’s expression is more haughty than anything else. “I like swimming. I like Haru. I really don’t see an issue here.”

“Like him or worship him?” Sousuke asks under his breath.

“ _Excuse me_?”

He hadn’t been quiet enough, it seems. “Come _on_ , Rin, don’t pretend you don’t have a hero complex.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Sousuke looks pointedly at the autographed Ever Blue poster Rin has stuck above his desk. “You worship them a little.”

“That’s respect,” Rin says quietly. “Not worship.”

“Regardless,” Sousuke argues. “There’s a power dynamic that’s dangerous to play with—”

“Haru and I are drift compatible!” Rin interrupts him. “Or did you forget? That levels out the playing field, don’t you think?”

As if Sousuke could forget. He doesn’t even know if _he’s_ drift compatible with Rin yet, seeing as Natsuya and Nao have him still trying to prove his worth in combat exercises while Rin does neural tests with Nitori. “Just because you’re drift compatible doesn’t mean—”

“Doesn’t mean what?” Rin challenges. “Doesn’t mean we should spend time together? Because the way I see it, the more time we spend together, the better we fight in a jaeger.”

Sousuke’s skeptical. “ _If_ you fight in a jaeger.”

Rin’s quiet. “It might happen sooner than we think,” he says softly.

“What?” It’s peculiar just how upset Rin looks at this information.

“Something Makoto said,” Rin says absently.

“What did Tachibana tell you?” Sousuke asks sharply. It can’t be anything good. The idea of fighting with Nanase side by side would usually have Rin punching the air in ecstasy, but now he’s only still, looking distant and slightly lost.

“Not your business.” Rin says, with a small shake of his head. “It’s barely _my_ business.”

Sousuke tries to conceal his growing irritation. “If it’s about you drifting with Nanase, it’s your business.”

Rin glares. “Look, they’ve just been through hell, okay? Ever Blue needs space to sort their stuff out.”

“And you think the way to give them _space_ is go swimming with Nanase?”

“Can you just—leave it, Sousuke.” Rin uses a hand to tie his hair back. He’s clearly irritated now, tapping one foot on the floor and snapping the band in his hair just a little too hard . “I don’t know why you don’t just go back to Chiba if you’re going to stay here and be a dick.”

“You asked me to stay and I did,” Sousuke shoots back. “That doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s stupid to pretend to be friends with them.”

“I’m not pretending!” Rin’s eyes are blazing. Sousuke’s surprised he hasn’t snapped yet, hauled off and shoved him like he’s wont to do.

Sousuke looks at him head on. “Maybe _you’re_ not.”

Rin gives him a derisive scoff. Sousuke would be less insulted if Rin had gone and punched him. The disdain on Rin’s face is much, much worse. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re still trying to get me out of here, aren’t you?” Rin asks, getting  out of his chair so Sousuke has to look up at him. “I thought you stayed because you were going to take this seriously, because you were ready to give it your all, so what the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Sousuke clamps his jaw and looks away, making Rin angrier. “Tell me!”

Sousuke snaps.

“I _am_ taking it seriously!” he shouts, nearly throwing himself out of his own chair. “That’s why I can’t just pretend all of a sudden I believe in this!”

Rin goes white. “What?”

“I’m not going to hop on board the jaeger propaganda train just because you asked, Rin. Something here needs to _change_.”

“We’re finally training together—”

“It’s not enough,” Sousuke says simply.

Rin grits his teeth. “What’s going to be enough for you?”

“I don’t know,” Sousuke admits. Rin’s eyes flash again. “But if I’m staying here, I aim to find out.”

“Fine.” Rin folds his arms. “Let me know when you do.” He’s not harsh, but level and determined. “I’ve got plenty to do in the meantime.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow. “Like?”

“Like go swimming.”

 

* * *

 

Makoto  can’t help but hate himself a little for not being able to walk yet.

Despite sustaining far more physical injury in the attack than Makoto had, Haru is already walking well enough that he wheedled permission to go to the city pool. Well, not wheedled so much as refused to let anyone stop him. But Makoto  remains bedbound, unable to take more than five steps without getting light headed  and wavering enough that he has to sit back down again. He’s wanted to visit his training unit for days, but he can’t even leave the room without blacking out. Haru won’t go without him, so he’s relying on reports from Natsuya and Nao, stories from Rin and Nagisa when they visit, and it makes his heart ache.

 

“It’s psychological, you know that, don’t you?” Miho had asked on her last visit. Haru had been sleeping again. As much as he _can_ move around pretty freely, it saps his energy a lot quicker than he’s used to. “Your slow recovery.”

Makoto nodded. “I had guessed. But I don’t understand it.”

Miho grasped his hand. “What can clarify?”

“Haru took on a full neural load,” Makoto said, slipping his hand out of Miho’s. “If anyone’s dealing with psychological damage, it should be him, right?”

Miho shook her head. “He took on your pain and your fear in addition to his own, yes. But Haruka isn’t the one who has to deal with these feelings, Makoto. It’s you.”

Makoto had to smile to keep his voice from breaking. “I don’t think I’ve been very good at that, have I?”

“Of course, Haruka isn’t plagued with your guilt, either.”

Miho hit the nail on the head, like she always does. “I deserve to feel guilty, Miho.” Makoto pointed out. “He almost died, and it was my fault.”

Miho glanced over at Haru’s sleeping form. “Have you told him your decision?”

“Not...directly.” Makoto shut his eyes and breathed. “I think he knows.”

Miho gave his hand a gentle pat. “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to hear it out loud. Don’t do this without him, Makoto,” she said before leaving.

 

While Makoto’s excellent at giving Miho approved advice to the likes of Rin, he’s terrible at taking it himself. So now he sits in a chair by his bed, watching Haru struggle with the zipper on his jacket since his right arm is still in a cast. They haven’t spoken about the attack.

“Hau. Let me.” His fingers tremble, but he manages to get the jacket zipped halfway. Haru doesn’t like it zipped any farther up. “Are you sure you can swim with the arm?”

Haru nods. “The cast is waterproof. It won’t be a problem.”

“You’ll wear yourself out,” Makoto worries. “You haven’t had that much physical therapy—”

“ _Makoto_. I’ll be with Rin, it’s fine.”

Makoto smiles at him. “Rin’s not really known for exercising the powers of restraint, Haru.”

Haru shrugs one shoulder. “Exerting myself badly is too much trouble.”

Makoto’s heart feels like a lump of lead in his chest. Maybe the weight of it is what’s keeping him in bed all the time. “Just be careful.”

Haru sits on the rumpled sheets of Makoto’s bed, smoothing out the crinkles. “Tamura-san will miss you there.”

Makoto understands this as Haru’s roundabout way of saying _I’ll miss you there_. “Tell her hello,” he says gently.

Haru nods, looking at his hands. “Makoto.”

“Hmm?”

Haru looks at him now, unblinking. “You’ll be here when I get back?”

“I—” Makoto breaks off in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be? I can’t exactly move much, Haru.”

“You don’t want to pilot with me anymore.” His voice wavers, and Makoto’s lead heart sinks.

“How do you know?” he whispers.

“I know you.” Haru says. “Makoto, you _can’t_.”

“I have to, Haru.” Makoto curls his fingers into his palms, squeezing. “I risked the lives of everyone we’re supposed to protect, you almost _died_ because I can’t get over some silly childhood accident! I’m a liability, and you have a backup partner.”

Haru shakes his head. “It’s no good if it’s not you.”

“That’s because you haven’t tried anyone but me,” Makoto pleads. “Rin will do so well for you Haru, please.”

“Don’t leave,” Haru says abruptly. “When you’re okay again, don’t leave.”

Makoto shakes his head. “I can’t leave the cadets. I don’t know that I’m qualified to train them anymore, but I can’t leave them.”

“Don’t leave _me_ either.”

“Haru—”

“I’ll train with Rin,” Haru promises. “I want to train with him. But promise me you won’t stop piloting.”

“I—” he can’t bear to say _no_ to Haru, but he can’t bear anything these days. “I can’t promise you that.”

Haru purses his lips. “Then I’ll wait until you can.”

It sounds like something Rin would say, Makoto realizes after Haru’s left. Maybe Haru’s opening up to him more than he thought.

 

* * *

 

“Does it always take this much trouble to go to the pool?” Rin asks.

They’re sitting in the back of an unmarked car, not one of the ones emblazoned with the official shatterdome logo. Haru’s wearing sunglasses and a dark slouchy beanie that wouldn’t look out of place in Rin’s wardrobe, but makes Haru look even more pale and fragile than he already does.

Haru shakes his head. “Makoto and I usually take the train. I just don’t want to be recognized, the marshal is keeping the media under a tight thumb.”

“Do you mind? Being recognized.” Rin feels silly again for the autograph he had gotten earlier.

He gets a shrug in response. “Right now I do.”

They pull into a side alley, and Haru gets out almost immediately. “Are you coming?”

“Ah—yeah.” Rin scrambles out after a thank you to their driver, following Haru through a small door in the alley. The door chimes to sound their arrival, and the old woman at the front desk looks up. She looks like she’s in shock, staring at Haru, and Rin wonders if she recognizes him as Nanase Haruka before she breaks into a slow smile and steps out from behind her desk.

“Haruka.” She grasps his good arm, and Rin notices Haru bending his knees a little to accommodate her. “Didn’t I tell you boys to be safe?”

“We are, Tamura-san.” Rin’s never heard Haru be so gentle, not even with Makoto. “We’re safe.”

“And you saved us,” Tamura-san beams at him. She looks past Rin to the door. “Where is—?”

“Makoto sends his well wishes,” Haru says with a hand on her shoulder. “He wants to come as soon as he can walk well enough.”

Tamura-san’s smiles fades a little, but she gives Haru’s arm a soft pat. “Take care of him.”

“I will,” Haru promises.

Rin has been hanging back out of respect, but Tamura-san finally looks at him with a smile. “Who’s this?”

“Matsuoka Rin,” he introduces myself. “I’m ah—I’m a cadet under Nanase-san.” He can’t call him _Haru_ in front of this woman for fear of making a poor first impression.

Haru glances behind at Rin. “Ranger-to-be,” he says idly. “You’re past simple cadet now.”

“I— _what_?”

Haru shrugs. “Like you didn’t already know.”

Tamura-san’s eyes crinkle. “I’ll leave you boys to it. It’s nice to meet you, Matsuoka-kun.”

Rin follows Haru further into the building, still slightly shell shocked so he doesn’t notice they’ve passed the locker rooms until his feet go slapping onto the pool deck. “Haru, wait, we’ve— _WHAT THE HELL, NANASE?”_

Haru raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“You can’t just— _strip_ like that!”

“I _have_ my swimsuit on.” Haru ignores him and lowers himself into the water, careful of his right arm, leaving his clothes strewn haphazardly on the deck. Rin stands there with his face flaming when he remembers Kisumi telling him that _Nanase Haruka will strip in public for any body of water large enough to submerge him_.

It would be funnier if he couldn’t see the shape of the jaeger harness burned into Haru’s pale back. The scars looked paler in the hospital, but here they stand out stark, red, deep and angry. Rin  sucks in a gasp, wondering how contact with the chlorine doesn’t have Haru gasping in pain.

“It’s not that kind of burn,” Haru says, floating on his back. He’s absorbed some of Makoto’s mind reading abilities, it seems. “Chlorine doesn’t hurt it.”

Rin tears his eyes away, trying to keep a shudder from going down his back, and decides instead to just pick up Haru’s clothes and go change.

Haru’s swimming when he gets back, and Rin stops to stare. Everyone knows, of course, that he’s a good swimmer. It’s one of the consistent things that shows up in all his interviews, the only thing he seems vaguely excited about. But Rin never expected him to be able to swim like _this_.

He’s graceful and fluid like  nothing Rin’s ever seen, slicing through the water with barely a ripple, as if he’s a wave himself. Nearly perfect form, and Rin suspects if it wasn’t for the broken arm, Haru’s form would be flawless. And he’s _fast_.

  
“Race me.” The words tumble out of Rin’s mouth before he has a chance to think about them. He doesn’t know when his heart started racing, but it’s thundering in his chest.

Haru stops at the end of his lane and looks up. “I don’t really do races.”

“ _Race me_ ,” Rin pleads. He can’t figure out why he wants it so much, but he does. “Come on, why not?”

Haru gives him a bland stare. “I only swim free.”

Rin clicks his tongue. “We’ll race free, then.” When Haru doesn’t respond, Rin curls his mouth into a sharp grin. “What, _Nanase_? Afraid you’ll lose to me?”

“As if,” Haru says coolly. He puts one hand on the deck to pull himself out of the water, and Rin quickly grabs the other so he doesn’t have to do it one handed. “I’d ask if you need a handicap, but I’ve already got one for you.”

“I could win even if your arm wasn’t broken” Rin shoots at him.

Haru only responds with a delicate snort. “Hundred meter freestyle. On my mark.”

Rin snaps the strap of his goggles on the back of his head, for luck. His heart beats so loud, he wonders if Haru can hear it. “Go for it.”

“Three...two...one.”

Rin leaps.

Even with a broken arm, Nanase is faster than he thought, even faster than Rin thought he was from just watching him, pulling ahead with what seems like relative ease. Rin pushes forward, desperate to catch up, to get the tips of his fingers in line with Haru. He can feel the water push at him, as if Haru’s leaving behind even more water in his wake for Rin to deal with.

Haru makes the turn, Rin only half a second behind. He stretches his arms farther, desperate to pull ahead, but it’s not enough. Haru’s hand hits the wall just before his, and Rin comes to a stop, gasping for breath. Haru looks unrattled, shaking the water out of his hair.

“Have you—” Rin clutches a stitch in his side. “Have you—considered—Olympics?”

“No.” He looks dismissive. “I told you, I only swim free.”

“Holy hell, Haru.” Rin thuds his head against the edge of the pool, still trying to catch his breath. “If you can swim like _that_ with a broken arm…”

“Makoto’s good too,” Haru says. “Backstroke.”

“Again,” Rin says. The adrenaline rush hasn’t faded. He’s breathless still, but not because he’s tired.

“Fine.”

Haru wins again, but the margin is even shorter the second time around and Rin is almost giddy. “ _Again_.”

“You’ll upset my doctors,” Haru says mildly. “I’m supposed to be taking it easy.”

“Third time’s the charm,” Rin insists.

“I’ll win again,” Haru says. “When was the last time you swam?”

Rin scratches the back of his neck. “Before graduating Samezuka. I’d race Sousuke, sometimes.”

“Don’t bring him here.” Haru says, face twisted.

“I won’t if you race me again.”

Haru’s answering glare is worth it.

Haru doesn’t win this time, and Rin’s jaw drops when his hand hits the wall first. “YES!” he roars, punching the water in victory. He sends a huge splash up, laughing when the water falls back into the pool. “Haru, did you—”

He stops cold. Haru isn’t even next to him, but about ten meters behind at the edge of the pool and heaving, spine arched up, shoulders curled in as he clutches at his head.

“Oh, my god.” Rin hauls himself out the pool, running to where Haru is and dragging him out of the water, feeling panic rise in his throat as he pulls. “Haru are you okay?”

“Makoto,” Haru chokes out, hands still squeezed at his head. “He told me to be careful, I—”

“You’re fine,” Rin  covers Haru’s hands with one of his, using the other to rub circles into Haru’s back. He can feel the ridges of the scars under his fingertips. “I’m sorry this is my fault, I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Haru’s breathing slows, and the terror in Rin’s throat slinks back down. “But I wanted to,” Haru says. “I wanted to swim with you.”

Rin can’t contain the small gasp that slips out of his mouth.

And here Sousuke thought Haru was only pretending to be his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew we'd actually write them as swimmers? 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs[here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://takaramonoz.tumblr.com/)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nitori's feeling out of his depth, Rin has a big day, and Nagisa's got a crazy idea.

“Matsuoka,” Nao sticks a hand out. “Your hat, please.”

“I didn’t think it was against dress code,” Rin says, roughly pulling the beanie off his head. He looks rather put out about it. Nitori figures it’s because he’s only been wearing the beanie since the day he and Nanase went to the pool. Nitori saw them come back in, the hat on Nanase’s head nearly identical to the one Rin pushes into Nao’s hand now.

“It’s not,” Nao says lightly. “We’re going to play a game with it.”

Yamazaki snorts and Rin whips his head around to shoot him a ferocious glare. Nitori tries not to quail at the sight of them both. He feels very out of place and very small sandwiched between them, both much larger, much fiercer, and far more talented than he can ever hope to be. Maybe, he thinks, Nao’s eye condition has extended to his brain which has somehow tricked him into thinking that Nitori deserves to train with the likes of Samezuka’s top graduates.

“A game?” Rin asks when he’s finished glaring at Yamazaki. “It’s not mirroring, is it?”

“I want all three of you to kneel,” Nao says in lieu of answer. Nitori drops to his knees on the spot, feeling the sting and blushing at his own haste. “Let’s see how you do at karuta grabbing.”

“Playing cards?” Yamazaki kneels, but his voice is lofty and skeptical. Nitori cringes inwardly, but Nao doesn’t take the perceived slight.

“Not cards, no.” Nao says. He puts Rin’s beanie in the middle of the circle they’ve made and kneels in front of them. “Raise your waist a little, pushing down with your hands.”

They follow instruction. Nitori feels a familiar mixture of anxiety and fear bubble in his stomach. He was comfortable with combat training and mirroring, now this new game is throwing him for a loop.

“When this timer goes off,” Nao waves a hand towards a small timer he has next to him. “Whoever grabs the hat first is the winner, all right?”

“Easy,” Rin and Yamazaki say in unison, perched on their haunches and already prepared to snatch the cap away.  Nao raises an eyebrow.

“Do you think so?”

It takes Nitori a second to process that Nao is asking _him_. “I—I’ll do my best!”

“Nitori’s got the right idea,” Nao tells the other two, and Nitori can feel the blush spread all the way to his hairline. “It’s not as simple as you think it is. Now, are you ready?”

Nitori nods, and stares at the beanie, trying to pour every ounce of determination he could possibly posses.

 _Beep_.

“I win, huh.” Nao is twirling the hat on one finger a split second later, staring at all them expectantly. Nitori’s jaw drops.

“What in the word just happened?” Nitori asks out loud.

Rin looks like he’s in shock. “He just—you just—how did you _do that_?”

“Again,” is all Yamazaki says, eyes trained on Nao, brows furrowed.

Nao shrugs. “Wait for the timer.”

Nitori didn’t even get a chance to react, much less grab the hat before it’s whisked away.

“ _What the fuck?”_

“Rin-senpai!” Nitori chides him out of habit. Yamazaki folds his arms so tight that Nitori wonders if they might get stuck.

Nao only laughs. Is he making fun of them?

“I don’t suppose there’s a point to this game?” Yamazaki asks, cool and unimpressed as ever.

“Of course there is,” Rin snaps at him. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Please don’t fight, Rin-senpai.” Nitori reaches out a hand as if to physically stop them. He steals a glance at Nao, who is only watching them with interest.

“I know,” Rin says. “This isn’t a fight.”

“It could be,” Nao says.

“Excuse me?” Yamazaki says at the same time as Rin’s sputtered “I’m sorry?”. Nitori can’t help but let out a startled “Ehhh?!”.

“Karuta grabbing is my exercise of choice for preparing mental agility and reflexes. Makes you a hell of a lot faster. I want to see it in action—grab a staff, the both of you,” Nao says. It doesn’t escape Nitori’s attention that he didn’t say _all three of you_. He thinks, privately, that the excercise isn’t going to do much since they only did it twice and all three of them _lost_. “You’re Samezuka’s finest, yes?”

Rin juts out his chin. “Yes.”

“Then prove it.”

Rin laughs, almost triumphant as he grabs a staff and swings it over his shoulder. “I’m game if you are.”

“Don’t cry when you lose,” Yamazaki says smoothly.

“Who’s losing?” Rin throws over his shoulder with a smirk as he walks into position. Nitori backs into the nearest wall. The other cadets have started to notice what’s happening, and Natsuya has come to stand next to Nao, arms folded and looking pensieve.

There’s a beat, as they stand six feet apart, sizing each other up. Nitori attempts to blend in with the wall as the other cadets circle around to watch, all pretense of training abandoned. Nagisa looks gleeful to be watching. Gou is frowning.

 “I know you’re out of practice, Sousuke,” Rin says. “But I’m not gonna dial down my moves.”

“Then neither will I.”

Rin grins. The smile hasn’t left his face before Yamazaki lunges, catching the back of Rin’s knees. Rin buckles, going down hard flat on his back.

“Rin-senpai!” Nitori cries in shock.

“One-zero.” Yamazaki says looking down on Rin. “You’ve gotten soft.”

Rin flashes his teeth and plants his hands on the floor, swinging himself up with his legs and sweeping with his staff before Yamazaki can react, landing a tap on his neck. “One-one. You were saying?”

Yamazaki ducks out from under the staff, aiming an easily blocked strike. Rin’s style is never defensive, Nitori knows that much, and true to form he comes at Yamazaki with a series of strikes, hard and fast. Only where Nitori can barely keep up, Yamazaki strikes right back with a snarl.

They all stand transfixed, watching them. Rin doesn’t fight Nitori like he fights Yamazaki—Nitori’s never seen this kind of light in his eyes, ferocious and joyous at the same time. He wonders if that’s how Rin looks when he fights Nanase too.

He’s shaken out of his reverie when Yamazaki gets Rin in the back, and still Rin remains unfazed.

“Playing dirty?” he whispers with a smile. “That’s not how we do it here, Sousuke.”

He leaps, and Nitori gasps as Rin somersaults behind Yamazaki, straightening up to force his staff underneath Yamazaki’s chin. Another spin, and Yamazaki’s pressed against the wall with a staff at his throat.

He doesn’t seem too bothered by it. “You’re this happy to beat me?” he murmurs to a wildly grinning  Rin.

Rin shakes his head. “Not because I beat you. You finally gave it your all,” he says, releasing his hold on Yamazaki’s throat. “ _That’s_ how you do it, Sousuke.”

“That was really impressive, you two!” It’s not Natsuya or Nao’s voice.

Nitori wheels around to see Tachibana Makoto in the doorway, bruised and pale and leaning one arm on a cane and the other on Nanase, but smiling all the same.

“Mako-chan! Haru-chan!” A yellow blur streaks past Nitori and Nagisa launches himself at the Ever Blue crew as the rest of the cadets cheer. Nitori joins in the fervent clapping.

“Nagisa—my arm—” Nanase maneuvers his cast out from under Nagisa’s grip.

“Are you guys coming back?” Hana asks the second the clapping dies down. “Is Ever Blue in fighting shape?”

“Ah—things are just—” Tachibana glances at Nanase. “Up in the air right now. We just wanted to see you train.”

“Rin,” Nanase says without preamble. “We’re wanted.”

“I—what?” Rin’s face hasn’t lost it’s euphoria, but he furrows his brows in confusion. Yamazaki is back to looking murderous.

“Neural testing.”

“ _Now_?”

“Now,” Nanase confirms. He turns to the gaggle of cadets with a soft smile that sends warmth flooding down to Nitori’s toes. “It’s good to see you again, cadets. Are you ready, Rin?”

Rin hesitates, turning to Yamazaki.  He lifts curled fingers, and for a second Nitori thinks he’s going to punch, but Rin’s fist stays suspended in the air, expectant. Waiting. Yamazaki looks at Rin’s hand, then his face. The he lifts a fist of his own and bumps Rin’s softly.

Rin’s brow clears, and he turns back to Nanase. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Rei-chan.”

“Hmmm?”

“Momo-chan fell asleep on top of Pyunsuke again.”

Rei lets out an undignified squawk, lab coat flapping as he rushes over to Momo’s lab station. Nagisa is content to trail behind at a more leisurely pace.

They find Momo draped over his enormous dog, snoring away. Pyunsuke has gotten alarmingly large in a very small amount of time, now reaching Nagisa’s collarbone. This of course made Pyunsuke totally useable as a ride around the shatterdome, but when Nagisa had tried it, Rei threatened to revoke his brand new (legal) access badge.

“Momotarou.” Rei gives Momo’s shoulder a wary sort of poke, only to get another snore in response. “ _Momotarou.”_

“Momo-chan!” Nagisa flings himself on top of both boy and dog, making Momo roll onto the floor with a scream, Pyunsuke roar at him, and Rei fold his arms with a stern “ _Nagisa!”_

“Why did you have to do that?” Momo nearly whines at him, rubbing his head where it hit the floor.

“What?” Nagisa shrugs. “Hey, it _worked_!” he cries to Rei’s answering glare.

"Momotarou," Rei ignores him, inching away from Pyunsuke who is intent on slobbering all over the access badge pinned neatly to his breast pocket. "Do you want to explain why this is the third time you've fallen asleep in the lab?"

Momo shrugs, pulling Pyunsuke away from Rei by his collar. Rei looks considerably more relaxed. “I’ve pulled like a bunch of all-nighters.”

“We already knew _that_ ,” Nagisa says, staring pointedly at the empty cans of energy drink stacked in a pyramid on Momo’s desk, sharing a space with a plastic model of a kaiju brain.

“This is positively unhealthy behavior for any adult, much less a sixteen year old,” Rei says crisply. “What’s this assignment you won’t tell me about?””

“I _can’t_ tell you about it,” Momo slumps over his dog again. “I can’t tell you because I don’t know what I’m doing! Nii-san just keeps sending me memos yelling at me to find out more about how kaiju biology influences behavior.”

Rei frowns. “Is he trying to predict the next attack? Mathematical patterns would be more accurate—”

“Momo-chan’s math didn’t _work_ last time,” Nagisa points out. “No one saw those two kaijus coming!”

“I predicted two,” Momo moans, sliding off on Pyunsuke and lying facedown on the floor. “I got the dates all wrong.”

“It’s okay, Momo-chan,” Nagisa kneels down to pat Momo very enthusiastically on the head. “Mako-chan and Haru-chan are okay now.”

“That doesn’t get nii-san off my back.”

“What exactly do you need to do?” Rei asks. “I’m sure we can help.” Nagisa’s heart swells a little at _we_.

Momo hesitates, then uses Nagisa’s shoulder to help him crawl up to his desk chair and access his monitors. “I don’t think the math is reliable anymore.”

“That’s preposterous!” Rei sputters. “You just need better math.”

“The marshal doesn’t think it’s reliable either, Rei-chan,” Nagisa adds.

“And how do you know?”

“I know things,” replies Nagisa sweetly.

It was easy enough to guess, at any rate. Rei had said it himself—Marshal Mikoshiba wanted to predict the next attack, and he wanted to use Momo’s kaiju know-how to do it.

Momo opens his mouth to say more, but they’re interrupted by a trill of what sounds like a violin chorus.

Rei flushes, scrambling in his pockets and pulling out his little purple phone. “That’s me, I’m—I’m needed at the Ever Blue restoration.”

“I’ll take care of Momo-chan,” Nagisa assures him. “I can totally find a way to help.”

“You can?” Momo’s wide eyed before he pumps his fist in excitement. “Yes!!!”

Rei looks pained. “Nagisa, I know you’re trained in lab basics now, but Momotarou should seek assistance from a qualified scientist.”

“I _am_ a scientist, Rei-chan.”

“Oh?” Rei quirks up an eyebrow. “Of what, pray tell?”

“Of _fun_.”

Momo lets out a peal of slightly manic laughter. Rei is less amused.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” Rei sighs. “Please don’t set anything on fire.”

“Promise!” Nagisa and Momo chime in unison.

When Rei is gone, Nagisa walks across the lab to Rei’s desk, planting his knee into Rei’s chair so he can use the wheels to zoom all the way back to Momo and lean a hand on his chin. “ _So_ , Momo-chan. Tell me your woes.”

“I need a _brain_.”

“Ah, cheer up!” Nagisa tries for reassurance. “You’re plenty smart! You can do advanced calculus!”

“Noooooooo,” Momo says, scratching a drowsy Pyunsuke behind the ears. “Like, I need a _kaiju_ brain.”

“Easy!” Nagisa cries, jumping out of Rei’s chair and rummaging around Momo’s cluttered station. “Shouldn’t you have one in a jar somewhere? You get parts all the time.”

“Not brains,” Momo pouts. “They’re too radioactive for the retrieval team to get without being poisoned. I told nii-san screw the retrieval team, I could get one myself, right? But he didn’t really like that idea.”

“What about secondary brains?” Nagisa asks. “Didn’t you tell me kaijus have two brains?”

“They’re only on the black market. Nii-san won’t let me do that either.”

Nagisa tilts his head in confusion. “Don’t you get half your stuff illegally anyways?”

“Those markets are so safe they might as well be _grey_ markets.”

“Okay, so.” Nagisa kneels on Rei’s chair, bouncing slightly to shed the energy that comes from all the ideas flurrying around in his head. “What would you do if you got one?”

Momo chews on a fingernail. “Run neural tests, probably. See how it works.”

“Like...like _drifting_ neural tests?”

Momo almost falls out of his chair. “Wait, what?”

“That’s what you wanted to to, right?” Nagisa asks, confused. “If you drift with it, you’ll know _everything_ about kaijus!”

Momo stands up, seizing at at his hair. “Holy crap,” he breathes. “Holy crap, that’s _perfect!_ ”

Nagisa beams. “You’re welcome!”

Momo’s face suddenly crumples. “I don’t have a _brain_!” he wails, collapsing onto his desk in woe.

 “ _Momo-_ chan.” Nagisa chides, welcoming the giddy feeling that begins to take over his entire body. “I thought scientists were known for their powers of observation.”

Momo gives him a blank stare. “What.”

Nagisa only smiles, making his way over to Pyunsuke, brushing a gentle hand over the dog’s nose. “You have a kaiju brain _right here_. _”_

 

* * *

 

 

It’s practically whiplash, Rin thinks.

One minute he’s got Sousuke pinned against the wall and it’s everything he knew and loved, feels like his best days at Samezuka, like _home_ and the next he’s being strapped into a simulator harness with Haru. It doesn’t make sense, not when Makoto’s sitting right there looking no worse for wear than Haru is, not when he left Sousuke and Nitori behind in the combat room. Shouldn’t he be testing with those two?

“Is this a good idea?” He asks for the fifth time.

Nanase shrugs. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

“I mean—” Rin tries to protest. “Are you in shape for it?” It seems like a terrible idea for Haru to be getting into a drift space again barely three weeks after taking an entire neural load by himself. He could barely survive the pool a couple days ago, but Nanase brushes it off.

“I’m _fine_ , Rin.”

“He’s been cleared by the medical team as well as our neurologists,” Marshal Mikoshiba says from where he is leaning against one of the empty LOCCENT consoles. “I wouldn’t authorize a test if we weren’t positive.” He jerks his head towards the main command console. “Tachibana would kill me if we tried this any earlier.”

Makoto smiles from where he’s setting up with Kisumi. His smiles haven’t been reaching his eyes lately. “Well I wouldn’t put it that far. But don’t worry, Rin, Haru’s fine for this.”

Rin nods, voice stuck in his throat. The huge metal spine on the harness is molded to his own,  forcing him to arch his back a little and breathe through his nose to calm the butterflies. “Okay.”

“You’ll listen to them and not me?” Nanase looks over at him, a faint touch of amusement in his voice.

“I’ve learned you do what you want.” Rin smirks. “Damn the consequences.”

“And you don’t?”

Touché, Rin thinks.

“Ooookay,” Kisumi trills. He’s more subdued than usual, probably from having been on more kaiju watch shifts than anyone else in the shatterdome since the attack. “Helmets on, boys. You ready?”

Rin nods. “See you in the drift, Haru,” he winks before pushing the visor on his helmet closed.

“Preparing neural handshake!”

The now familiar data screens flash into view, and Rin curls his fists and steels himself for what comes next. “Left brain calibrated!”

“Right brain, calibrated.”

He can see Kisumi and Makoto share a glance through the visor. “Initiating neural handshake!”

 

 _“Haru-chan!” Makoto’s frozen and wide-eyed in Ever Blue’s Conn-Pod._ “ _Haru-chan, no!”_

_“Makoto, no, look at me!”_

Pain shoots through Rin’s arm as he realizes what’s happened what memory they’re in. Everything blurs and swirls in front of his eyes, and he’s inside Ever Blue’s Conn-Pod, he’s on a riverbank—

 _“Makoto!” Makoto is limp in his harness and Haru is screaming. “MAKOTO!_ ”

“ _Haru!”_ He watches a young Makoto plunge himself into the river, swimming towards a small, dark head of hair—

Haru’s hands are fumbling with his controls—

“ _You can’t handle the Drift by yourself!”_

Rin feels a crushing weight on his chest, stealing the breath from his lungs, taking every sensation from his body except for pain and the thought _I’m going to die._ How did Haru ever do this, how did he do this staring at Makoto’s immobile body—

For a split second, everything goes black.

 

His hands and knees hit the floor of the simulator pod. “Haru—” he gasps, scrambling upright. His limbs feel like lead. Haru’s not moving in his own harness, and Rin can only see the memory of Makoto, still in the same way—” _Haru!”_

Haru’s eyes blink open and the marshal and Kisumi are on him in a flash, unbuckling him from his harness and leaving Rin’s eyes to land on Makoto, who is white faced and anguished at the console.

“Haru,” he croaks, gripping the cane he’s been using since he left sick bay.

Haru’s head snaps around at the sound of his voice and he pushes Kisumi’s arm out of the way. “Again,” he says, ignoring Makoto.

“Are you serious?” Rin is incredulous. “You just blacked out!”

“Absolutely not,” agrees Mikoshiba.

“ _Again_ ,” Haru snaps. He doesn’t look anything like the fragile, desperate memory of him Rin just saw. “Switch sides with me.”

“But—” he looks at Makoto, who’s looking not at Haru, but at Rin himself. He looks almost _ashamed_. He knows what Rin saw of him in the drift, of course he does. Makoto gives him a tiny, imperceptible nod.

“The Drift fell out, but sync ratios were both high and stable,” Kisumi says quietly. “Marshal, it wouldn’t be too much of a risk to have them switch sides and try again.”

Mikoshiba purses his lips, tapping a foot against the ground. “Okay,” he says finally. “Fine, switch and go again.”

“Well,  you did want right brain, didn’t you, Rin?” Kisumi tries to joke as they’re strapped in again, but the joke falls flat under all the tension that permeates the room. “Okay, well. Preparing neural handshake.”

“Right brain, calibrated.” Rin hates saying it.

“Left brain, calibrated.”

It’s Makoto who calls it out, voice wavering ever so slightly. “Initiating neural sync!”

 

Everything comes in flashes this time. Gou’s bright hair, Kisumi throwing an arm around Haru’s shoulder, Sousuke’s smile. Makoto delivering a punch in perfect unison with Haru into Onibaba’s jaw, Rin’s own hand patting Nitori on the back so hard the poor kid’s knees buckle, Makoto gasping for air—

 

 _“No!_ ” Nanase yells, and they’re back inside LOCCENT, and Rin’s vision clears. It worked, he realizes, feeling that hollow sensation in his limbs from last time, the feeling of dogged determination spreading through him that isn’t coming from his own brain, but from Haru’s.

“It worked.” There’s a glint in the marshal’s eyes. Rin feels hyperaware, noticing it from so far away. “Throw a punch for me.”

On instinct, Rin pulls back his right fist and snaps it forward, throwing back his left shoulder for balance. Looking over at Haru, he finds him in the same position.

“Wait—” Rin says in wonder. “Your arm is broken—”

“Yours isn’t,” Haru says. _It doesn’t hurt you?_ Rin hears.

It _does_. His right arm throbs with the effort of the punch, pain from a broken bone that doesn’t belong to him. _Sorry_ , Haru’s voice flicks through his head. Rin shakes his head, trying to get his thoughts together, disentangle them from Haru’s.

“What are you thinking, Marshal?” Kisumi’s poised at his console, ready to take orders. Makoto is quiet.

Mikoshiba draws himself to his full and impressive height. “I’m thinking you should try this again.”

“But it worked this time—”

“—Inside Ever Blue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, Rin _has_ always wanted to be Ever Blue.....
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://www.takaramonoz.tumblr.com)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei gets a fun new project, Kisumi finds a kindred spirit, and sibling bonding saves the day.

“Status report on Ever Blue.”

Rei gulps. He’s in the marshal’s office about once a week to deliver his reports, more if Momo’s done something particularly insidious in the lab and it falls to him to do damage control, but it never stops being absolutely terrifying. The marshal is large and imposing and authoritative. On a good day, he’s all booming cheer and enthusiasm. On a bad day, he’s sharp and stern.

All Rei’s seen for the past couple of weeks is bad days.

“Well,” Rei takes a deep breath and adjusts his glasses. “The Conn-Pod is nearly functional, but there are quite a few external repairs to be done, namely on the sword arm. We still have yet to address the gouge on the left leg as well.”t

The marshal clicks his tongue and Rei wants to sink into the floor. “I thought the Conn-Pod would be done by now. You said three weeks.”

“Ah—no.” Rei hopes he’s not as red as he feels. “The attack combined with Nanase-san taking on the entire Drift did quite a number on the neural interface, worse than we calculated. We’re having trouble getting it running again.”

Mikoshiba folds his arms. “I want it done. And fast, Ryuugazaki, that interface is the most important thing we need before I scale up your projects.”

“Sir?” Rei asks politely as possible, pretending his brain hasn’t short circuited at the mention of _scaling up_.

“You’ll be working with that engineering team of yours longer than you thought.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Rei says hesitantly. “I have a _theory_ , of course, but—”

The marshal flicks up a single eyebrow. “A theory? Do tell.”

“I—there have been rumors, sir…”

“Rumors?  From whom?”

“From the cadets,” Rei says. _From Nagisa,_ he thinks.

Mikoshiba looks none too pleased. “And these rumors are?”

“Well—” Rei takes a breath. “This is only my _theory_ of course, but the redesign of Ever Blue is the only possible situation that I can see being plausible at the moment seeing as the jaegers are designed for their pilots, and if Makoto-san is no longer piloting then I’ll need to observe at least six training sessions between Mastuoka-san and Haruka-san to adapt—”

“Wrong.”

Rei almost chokes. “I’m sorry, sir?”

“You’re wrong,” Mikoshiba says. “I’m not asking you to redesign Ever Blue.”

“But Matsuoka-san will be piloting it, yes?” Rei presses on. “In which case, a redesign is necessary.”

“Not your business.” The marshal waves a mild hand.

“As head engineer on Ever Blue—”

“I’m taking you off Ever Blue.”

“ _What_?” Rei feels a rising panic in his throat. “Sir if this is because of my friendship with Makoto-san and Haruka-san I assure you it doesn’t compromise my ability to work on this project with an objective mind!”

“That’s not why.” Mikoshiba leans back in his chair, looking almost amused, although Rei can’t possibly fathom why. “How are those nanotubes?”

It takes Rei a minute to process the change of subject. “I—my nanotubes?”

“Weren’t you working on those exoskeletons for your thesis project?” Rei gives him a silent nod. “So are they ready for a jaeger yet?”

“They should be,” Rei says quietly. “I was going to ask permission to put them on Ever Blue.”

“Permission denied.”

Rei heaves a deep sigh, finally understanding. “Marshal Mikoshiba, I have a feeling you’re teasing me.”

Mikoshiba smiles the broad smile that Rei hasn’t seen in weeks. “Bingo.”

“Requesting for you to stop teasing, sir.”

“Fine.” He sits up, folding his arms on his desk and scrutinizing Rei. “I don’t suppose you’ve studied the design specs on Brave Horizon?”

“Of course I have!” Rei’s indignant, feeling his feathers distinctly ruffled. “Brave Horizon is only other Mark IV jaeger that Tokyo ever deployed besides Ever Blue. I have studied it extensively for my work on Ever Blue, it is a _magnificent_ machine.”

“Too bad we had to retire it, huh?” Mikoshiba says lightly.

“Nothing less than shameful,” Rei agrees. .

“How do you think it’ll look with a shiny new nanotube exoskeleton?”

Rei’s mouth drops open. He takes care to shut it immediately, because a hanging jaw is not a dignified look. “Are you saying you want me to restore _Brave Horizon_?”

“It won’t be Brave Horizon for much longer, now, will it?” Mikoshiba responds. “I want a new name, new paint, the whole deal.”

“I don’t think I am qualified to choose a name…”

Mikoshiba looks like he’s holding in a laugh. “No, that’s my job.”

Rei feels a rush of adrenaline. There’s nothing like a new project to energize him, and the idea that he’s been trusted with such an important one makes him giddy. “I will need observation sessions with the new pilots to create the most optimal redesigned elements, then.”

“Well, there’s your catch, Ryuugazaki.” The marshall says.

The glee drops as soon as it came. “Catch, sir?” Rei can hear an embarrassing tremor in his voice.

“We don’t have a pilot team yet.”

“ _Sir!”_

“Do as much as you can without,” Mikoshiba says firmly. “Unless you’re not capable?”

“I am perfectly capable, sir.” Rei sniffs.

“Start with perfecting that exoskeleton,” the marshal suggests. “Then restore everything that’s already there, and brainstorm new elements based on viable cadet pairs. I’ll give you a list, you may observe training sessions from now on if you’d like.”

Rei breathes a sigh of relief. “That would be very helpful.”

“Morning sessions, then. Spend the rest of your day in engineering. I’ll let Natsuya and Nao know.”

Rei would much rather observe sessions in which cadets are under the tutelage of Makoto and Haruka, but he’s going to have to take what he can get. “Thank you, marshal. My team and I will do our best to make the restoration the best you could possibly wish for.”

“Good.” Mikoshiba grins again. “Dismissed.”

Rei bows and takes his leave.

How he’s possibly going to keep this from Nagisa, he has no idea.

 

* * *

 

He finally finds Makoto in his office, curled up on the beanbag.

“Hey, cutie.” Kisumi drops on the floor next to him. Normally he’d try for Makoto’s lap, but it seems medically unsound to do it now.

“If you’re here to yell at me, the marshal already did.”

“I’d never yell at you, darling.”

“Please stop, Kisumi.” Makoto’s too weary to even blush. Kisumi’s heart sinks.

“Sorry.”

“Did you need something?” Makoto asks as he gets up and sits in his desk chair. He’s still moving slow and slightly stiff, but he’s not using a cane anymore. Kisumi almost wants to ask him to start using it again.

Kisumi sighs. “I need you to not leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” Makoto says gently. “I told the marshal as much.”

“You’re leaving the pilot program, though.”

“It’s for the best, Kisumi. I’m a liability, not an asset right now.”

“That’s not what Sei thinks,” Kisumi snaps. “That’s not what I think, it’s not what _Haru_ thinks, where do you get off believing it?  Do I have to drag Miho in here?”

“No.” Makoto rests his elbows on the desk and clasps his hands at the back of his neck. “I don’t need an official diagnosis that I’m unfit for combat duty.”

“Yes you do!” Kisumi’s incredulous. “Sei won’t let you stop piloting without going through official channels.”

“He won’t even let me stop,” Makoto says. “I mean, he’s put Omega Fury on primary duty if a kaiju pops up, but Haru and I are supposed to pilot in emergency situations.”

“Well, of course.” Kisumi comes to sit next to him on Makoto’s desk, lightly shoving away all the paperwork that’s piled up on the desk in his absence. “The kaijus don’t stop coming just because we’re a little battered right now.”

“Shouldn’t you be on watch, by the way?” Makoto’s changing the subject, but Kisumi figures he’ll indulge him.

“I had Aikiyama cover me for an hour or two. I wanted to come see you.”

Makoto sighs. “Have you seen Haru?”

Kisumi shrugs. “Sleeping, last I checked. He and Rin were doing some light combat this morning.”

“Okay.” Makoto pulls some of the abandoned paperwork towards himself, making room where Kisumi’s not sitting. “That’s good.”

“ _Makoto_.” Kisumi slips off the desk and rubs at Makoto’s shoulder. “The jaeger program needs you, what are you _doing_?”

“The program needs me to _go_.”

Kisumi tries to quash the mounting frustration. “What about Haru? Don’t you think he needs you to fight with him?”

Makoto gives him a half, forced smile. “He has Rin.”

“Sei doesn’t want Rin and Haru together,” Kisumi admits. The marshal is going to kill him for saying it, but Makoto needs to hear it. “We need at least three functioning jaegers, and Rin is one of the best candidates in the program. He can be put with people that _aren’t_ Haru, which gives a lot more options for more jaegers.”

Makoto looks like he wants to protest. “Haru—”

“If Rin is put with Sousuke or Nitori, Haru has no one but you, Makoto, and you know it.”

“And if I kill him?” Makoto whispers. “If we get back into that jaeger and I black out again and he tries to save me and _dies_ , Kisumi?”

Kisumi kneels so he can take one of Makoto’s hands in his and squeeze. “Then you move on.”

Makoto sags, drooping to rest his head on their clasped hands. Kisumi can hear his shaky, ragged breathing.

“You know,” Kisumi says after a few minutes of silence. “I never almost drowned when I was ten.”

Makoto raises his head a fraction. “Sorry?” 

Kisumi flashes him a smile. “No water related trauma here, dear.”

Makoto sits up, shaking his head. “What are you trying to say?”

“Don’t train with Haru just yet.” Kisumi suggests. “Get your feet wet with me for a bit.”

Makoto bites his lip. “Kisumi, I don’t know.”

“I know you’re scared.” Kisumi squeezes his hand again. “I know we haven’t drifted since Ever Blue started deployment but this will get you back without the baggage.”

Makoto leans back and lets his head hit the back of his chair, slipping his hand out of Kisumi’s. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I can ask.” Kisumi brushes a hand over Makoto’s hair and turns to leave. “I’ll tell Haru to talk to you if I see him.”

Makoto sighs. “He’s mad at me.”

Kisumi laughs. “He’s _always_ mad at me.”

“Kisumi?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

Kisumi winks. “Any time, sweetheart.”

He has to take deep breaths walking down to LOCCENT, composing himself and wiping away the wetness in his eyes before he goes back to kaiju watch duty.

“Shigino-san!”

“Oh!” Kisumi stops in his tracks. “Hello, Nitori.”

It looks like Nitori has just come from the weight room, judging from the way he’s coming down the hall and his labored breathing. “We haven’t seen you in training,” Nitori says in earnest.

“Someone’s got to watch for kaijus,” Kisumi says breezily. “Speaking of training, shouldn’t you be working with Rin right now? No point in watching for kaijus if you’re not fighting them.”

“Ah,” Nitori’s face crumples. “He’s working with Yamazaki-san right now. They don’t really need me.”

Kisumi stifles a sharp, pained breath and presses his lips together. _Makoto’s working with Haru now. He doesn’t really need me_.

He had told Nao that four years ago.

“So, nothing to do then?” Kisumi asks, slipping his hands in his pockets.

Nitori flushes. “I guess not. I wish I could be more useful.”

Kisumi presses a button on his his phone to make it beep. “Excuse me for a second, Nitori,” he says with a smile when the phone begins to trill.

Nitori nods while Kisumi whips out his phone and types out a message. _Thank’s for the cover, Aikiyama. Take the rest of the day off! Have a nap. Get some ramen. xoxoxo._

“ _Well_.” Kisumi pretends to look put out. “Looks like one of my crew won’t be here for the rest of his shift.”

Nitori looks genuinely horrified.  “What will you do?”

Kisumi tilts his head at him. “Did you want to help?”

“Ah—” Nitori stutters and flushes even darker. “I could never—”

“Oh, I’m sure you can learn the ropes quick as anyone.”

“I—I don’t—”

“Please?” Kisumi asks. “I’m in a bind, I could _really_ use your help.”

Nitori blows air through his cheeks and slowly returns to a more normal color. “Okay,” he says.

Kisumi grins. “Okay!”

Nitori snaps to attention and salutes, as if he only just realized he should. “I’ll do my best, sir!”

Kisumi laughs, and swings an arm around Nitori’s shoulders to lead him to LOCCENT. “That’s the spirit, kid.”

 

* * *

 

“Gou.” Rin tugs at her hair, which is the only part of her visible under the blankets. “ _Gou_.”

Gou buries her face in Rin’s pillows. “What?”

“I want to nap.”

He’s been training all morning, first with a distracted Haru and then Sousuke, who still hasn’t been approved for a neural test. Ready to collapse in bed as soon as he stepped through his door, he found Gou already in it.

She rolls over. “Go nap in Sousuke’s bed.”

“Go nap in your own room!” No answer. He kneels down and folds his arms at the edge of the bed. “Is something wrong?”

She nods into the pillow.

“Come on,” Rin says softly. Gou lets him tug her out of bed and give her a gentle push to sit on the ground. Grabbing his hairbrush off the desk, he sits at the edge of his bed and begins to run the brush through her hair, tangled from sleep. He used to do this when they were little, when Gou would cry because Papa wasn’t here to do her hair anymore.

“I don’t feel right,” she finally says when Rin is finished brushing and has started to weave her hair through his fingers, making her favorite braid. “I can’t just Drift with _one_ of them.”

Rin snorts. “You’re telling me.”

“You don’t get it!” she insists. “You don’t really want to Drift with them both at the _same time_ , do you?”

Rin takes a second to imagine Sousuke and Haru trying to work together and reconsiders, seeing as that situation would probably end with one of them murdering the other and the damn kaiju decimating Japan. “I guess I don’t. But I know how hard it is to choose.”

Gou laughs, sharp and bitter and it reminds Rin painfully of himself. “They choose _for_ you.”

“Yeah.” He ties off the braid, kissing the top of her head. “I know.”

“I know we’re better together,” she says, turning around and resting her chin on his knees. “I _know_ it, and either me and Nariko get a jaeger and leave Hana out to dry, or none of us get one at all.”

Rin’s taken aback. “If you don’t get a jaeger—”

“They don’t kick us out,” Gou says glumly. “We get officer positions in the shatterdome. Nariko said.”

Rin is silently glad that Sousuke hasn’t returned yet, because he’d be none too pleased to learn that he stuck it out here when there’s a chance he might just be an officer and not a pilot.

“Would it be so bad? An officer position. You’d kill it in management, Gou.”

She glares at him. “I want to kill _kaijus_.”

Rin shrugs. “Then do it.”

“They won’t let me!” Gou cries. “They won’t let the three of us do it together!”

Rin raises an eyebrow. “And you’re gonna let a little thing like that stop you?”

She looks surprised. “Onii-chan—”

“Look,” he says. “You were kicking my ass when I was about to give up, and I never really thanked you for it. I’m not gonna let you give up on this, Gou. My little sister goes and gets what she wants, and doesn’t let a damn thing stop her.”

She gives him a small smile. “Like a true Matsuoka.”

“Like a true Matsuoka,” he agrees.

She slumps again. “ _How_ , though?”

“I don’t know if you should ask Ever Blue about it…” Rin has to think carefully. “They’re bogged down in a lot of stuff right now.”

“The marshal is out too, he’s practically ready to disown Nariko if she mentions it again,” Gou adds.

“I’d ask Natsuya and Nao about it.”

“We already tried,” Gou says. “First day of training, Natsuya said we don’t have the infrastructure for it.”

“We don’t,” Rin says. “But you should appeal. Ask Nao, maybe.”

She’s skeptical. “You think that’ll work?”

He shrugs again. “I’ve been working with him pretty often. He’s tough, but totally unorthodox. If you present a strong enough case, he might try and talk to the marshal.”

Gou sits there for a minute before getting up without a word and grabbing her bag from where she had neatly hung it on Sousuke’s desk chair.

“Where are you going?” Rin gets up to stop her before she walks straight out the door.

“To write a proposal, of course,” she says briskly. “If we’re going to pitch this, it’s got to be flawless.”

Rin grins. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Thank you, onii-chan.” She kisses him on the cheek before leaving.

Rin can’t help feeling swell of pride in his chest watching her go. “That’s my girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys ever get emotional about the Matsuoka siblings because they are the Most Precious. 
> 
> (Also, we've finally got our last chapter scheduled! Nearing the home stretch, guys. Theories?) 
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.hoseokked.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://www.takaramonoz.tumblr.com)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Momo and Nagisa try Science, Kisumi makes sure everyone is where they belong, and Rin sees a sight he's never seen before.

Haruka doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t walking into the combat room to find Makoto pinning Kisumi against the wall.

He’s about to open his mouth and ask what the hell is going on, but his curiosity gets the better of him as Kisumi winks at Makoto and ducks out from under his staff and nearly dances towards the middle of the room, coaxing Makoto forward to meet him. Makoto advances, brow furrowed and breathing heavy.

They fight slower than Rin and Haru, less fluid than himself and Makoto. The slowness, at least, can be attributed to the fact that they haven’t trained together at the intensity they’re working now in years. But nevertheless, Haru can’t help but stay a little transfixed, watching them. He had forgotten how in sync Makoto and Kisumi can be, how Kisumi can bring a laugh out of Makoto even as he nearly sends Makoto toppling with a well placed hit to the back of the knees.

Makoto strikes, all traces of laughter wiped away as he begins to concentrate. Kisumi can barely keep up, and Haru knows before it’s even over that this round is going to be another win for Makoto. Even when Makoto’s still weakened by the attack, even though he and Kisumi have a degree of compatibility overshadowed only by Haru, Kisumi was never a true match for Makoto on the combat floor.

“Makoto.”

Haruka says it the second Kisumi’s back hits the floor, and both of them look up in shock.

“Haru…” The guilt on Makoto’s face is clear from all the way across the room.

Haruka stays rooted in the doorway. “You’re training,” he says. He doesn’t know himself if he’s trying to guess it, or confirm what he’s already figured out. “You didn’t tell me you were training.”

“I—” Makoto falters. “I’m sorry, Haru, I—”

“Nothing for you to apologize for, Makoto.” Kisumi says, smooth and cheerful as ever.

“That’s not your—”

“It _is_ my concern.” There is an edge to Kisumi’s voice. Haruka stands there and doesn’t respond, blood boiling in silence, and Kisumi sighs with a little laugh. “I’m not trying to _take_ him from you, Haru, don’t worry.”

Haru ignores him, turning to Makoto in accusation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Makoto’s faltering, glancing quickly at Kisumi, at his hands, at the floor. Never Haru. “Haru—” 

“I’ll go,” Kisumi says before Makoto can continue. “Leave you to it, I have to get back to LOCCENT anyways.” He brushes a hand down Makoto’s back in apparent comfort before making his way to Haru and putting a hand on his shoulder. Haruka stiffens. “Don’t be mad, Haru.” It’s not quite a playful chide, but close. “He’s doing it for you.”

“For me?” Haru asks when Kisumi’s gone.  

Makoto has sat down in the middle of the combat floor, let his staff roll away to where it languishes in the corner. “Yes.” 

Haru sits down with him, staring, waiting for an explanation. It doesn’t come, and Makoto only looks at the floor, running his fingers through the dents made from staffs hitting the ground a little too hard.

Haru breathes through his nose. “So this is where you’ve been disappearing to. I would just check your office, I didn’t think to look here.”

Makoto’s head shoots up. “You were looking for me?”

“I don’t sleep _all_ the time, Makoto. I know you leave when you think I won’t notice.”

“Sorry.” Makoto is speaking to the floor again.

“Makoto.” He’s nervous, anticipating an answer he won’t like. “Why haven’t you been training with me?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Haru.”

Nothing, Haru thinks, could possibly hurt more than Makoto avoiding him, because the hole in his chest from Makoto’s absence has been there for weeks. “I don’t understand.”

Makoto sighs. “It was Kisumi’s idea, he thought— _we_ thought if I trained with him a little I could be more stable.”

“Why would—”

Makoto looks at him. “Haru,” he says gently. “It’s the thought of not being able to save _you_ that broke me in the first place.”

Haru chokes down the hitch in his breath. “Oh.”

It takes only second for Makoto to guess what he’s thinking, eyes widening in realization. “Oh, Haru, that’s not what I meant, this isn’t your fault—”

“It _is._ ” Haru breathes. “It’s my fault you collapsed in the Drift.” He only just realized, too consumed in his own recovery, in Rin, in the fact Makoto was avoiding him to consider the _why_. “That’s why you won’t train with me.”

“Haru, _no_.” Makoto reaches for him, but Haru shrinks back.

“You’re scared of me,” he whispers.

“I’m scared of _losing_ you _._ ” Makoto fires at him. “It’s my fault, Haru, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s my fear, my problem, my fault! I hurt you, I almost killed you!”

“And I didn’t do the same?” Haru asks him in a strangled sort of voice he doesn’t recognize. “You see me drowning, don’t you? That’s what sets you off, Kisumi’s right, if you don’t Drift with me, you’re fine—”

“ _Haru_.” Makoto reaches again, grabbing his wrist. “Stop. The blame game won’t help us right now.”

Haru breathes again, long, and deep. “This is why you’ve been pushing me towards Rin? For weeks, and I never knew.”

Makoto gives him a small nod. “Rin’s good, Haru. You’re good _together_ , and there’s no shared volatile history.”

“He’s due for a neural test with Yamazaki in an hour,” Haru points out. “He and I are still backup.”

Makoto slumps. “Kisumi mentioned it. Seijuuro wants him in his own jaeger so we can add a third to the base.”

Haru slides towards him and rests his head in Makoto’s lap. Makoto’s hand instinctively curls into his hair.

“It’s still wet,” Makoto murmurs, winding a strand of Haru’s hair around his finger. “You’re not drying it after your bath.”

“You’re not around to do it for me.”

“I’m sorry, Haru.”

“Don’t be,” Haruka says, pushing himself up so he can look at Makoto properly. “It’s not your fault if you’re scared. It’s _okay_ if you’re scared. You stopped being scared once, you can do it again.”

“It’s not your fault I’m scared either,” Makoto tells him.

“I believe you.”

Makoto’s answering smile is more than he could have asked for. “Haru?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you spar with me?”

Haru sighs. “Are you up for it? I mean, you’ll have to scale up from what you’ve been doing, Kisumi and I aren’t exactly on the same level.”

Makoto laughs, getting up to rescue his abandoned staff. “Rin really is rubbing off on you.” 

Haru feels a little bold. “Is that a good thing?” he asks, going to the weapons rack for his own staff.

Makoto looks at him over his shoulder and smiles. “Yes.”

 

* * *

 

“I see no reason this could go wrong.”

With an unpleasant sort of creaking sound, a hunk of metal falls off of the makeshift Pons interface and crashes to the ground. Nagisa winces.

“That went wrong,” Momo point out helpfully.

“Shhhh! Momo-chan! You’re supposed to be emptying your mind for the Drift!”

“I’m not really sure that’s how it works—”

“Ex _cuse_ me, Momo-chan.” Nagisa draws himself up to his full height, deeply grateful that Momo is sitting down so he can actually tower over him for once. “I’m training under the world’s best jaeger pilots _and_ I stole like three of Rei-chan’s books when he wasn’t looking, so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about.”

They take a moment to observe what looks like a scrap of junk metal in the corner of Momo’s station. The two of them spent weeks begging spare parts off of pretty much anyone who wasn’t Rei. Momo, under Nagisa’s suggestion would tell people that he was running errands for his brother. Nagisa preferred to do some good old fashioned lying and scheming to get his way, and they ended up with enough parts and know-how to cobble together an approximation of the interface they used to test pilots for their initial sync ratios. They’re lucky that most of the lab has been largely desensitized to Momo’s experiments.

Nagisa, for his part, is miffed that no one has offered him a fellowship like the one Rei has, because his plan is freaking _genius_.

“Okay!” He claps his hands together in giddy excitement. “Are we ready, Momo-chan?”

Momo beams. “We sure are!”

Nagisa tilts his head at him. “Okay but where’s Pyunsuke.”

“Crap. Right.”

Momo runs off to find his dog and Nagisa hops on a stool and spins idly to pass the time, watching the rest of the lab spin with him. Rei’s station has been vacant for ages—he’s off in jaeger bay again, becoming more and more aloof. On the off chance Nagisa actually sees him on any given day, instead of launching into a detailed explanation of his newest project, Rei has only been cagey and secretive.

Makoto and Haru haven’t talked to him in ages either. They’re dealing with a lot, Nagisa knows, but he can’t help but feel out of sorts and out of place—cadet training is taking him nowhere because everyone knows Hana is better with her friends. Spending time in the lab only makes him remember that he doesn’t really belong there either, not like Rei or Momo who are _real_ scientists.

Nagisa slumps in his stool a little and squishes his cheeks together with his hands. No sense in moping, he reasons. He and Momo are about to totally change the trajectory of the jaeger program anyways. He’ll belong in the shatterdome now.

Pyunsuke comes barreling in soon enough, Momo hot on his heels. `

“ _Pyunsuke don’t—!”_

Nagisa and Momo screech in unison as Pyunsuke eagerly slobbers all over the Pons system.

“Is that toxic?” Nagisa asks in alarm. “Like, is kaiju saliva gonna screw up the brain stuff?”

“I have no idea!” Momo scrambles to pull Pyunsuke back by his collar. “He’s not a real kaiju?”

“Well,” Nagisa shrugs. “Can’t be too bad, then!”

He and Momo begin the arduous task of strapping Pyunsuke into a harness, Momo chattering all the while. “It’s gonna be _so freaking awesome_ if we pull this off, oh man, I’m gonna be the first dude in the world to drift with a kaiju!”

“I thought you said he wasn’t a real kaiju.”

Momo wrinkles his nose and looks away. “Shut up,” he grumbles.

“An-y-ways,” Nagisa sings, pushing a now irate Momo back into his chair as Pyunsuke roars at them and tries in vain to dislodge himself from all the straps binding him to the interface. “Your turn.” n

“What if it doesn’t work?” Momo asks.

Nagisa gives him an elaborate shrug, winding an entirely too long strap around Momo’s body twice. The Pons systems in LOCCENT are significantly more simple—just a helmet and spinal attachment—but Nagisa took a leaf from Rei’s book in terms of design and put a good deal of focus into the aesthetic of the whole thing. The contraption he and Momo ended up building looks way cooler. “I don’t know, you did the sciencey brain stuff.”

“Then it’s gonna work,” Momo declares in triumph.

Nagisa finishes fussing and picks up the remote control Momo made, wondering if Momo can hear how hard his heart is beating in excitement. “Ready?”

Momo grins wildly. Nagisa lifts a trembling finger.

“ _And just what do you two think you’re doing?”_

Nagisa drops the remote and spins around in shock. “ _Rei-chan?_ ”

“Indeed,” Rei says frostily, folding his arms in the doorway of the lab ten meters away. He has a rather large smudge of what looks like machine oil on his left cheek and his hair is standing up again.

“What—” Momo is spluttering, trying to get himself out of the harness. Nagisa, frankly, is too surprised to help. “What are you doing here?”

“I _work_ here!” Rei is scanning their setup as he walks towards them, and Nagisa can see the growing panic in his eyes. “Now will you explain to me what is going on? This is a Pons setup!”

“How do you even know that?” Momo finally manages to extricate himself.

“It’s crude, I’ll admit, but easily recognizable.” Rei is gritting his teeth. “Momotarou, please remove that poor dog from that harness. _Hazuki Nagisa, stay right there!”_

Nagisa had been trying to sidle out of Rei’s line of sight while he was berating Momo and avoid the situation altogether. “Sorry,” he tries with a sheepish smile. He clasps his hands in front of him, aiming to be the picture of innocence.

Rei doesn’t buy it. “Do not tell me,” he says very slowly, eyes closed and rubbing at his temples, getting machine oil into his hair. “That you two. Were trying. To Drift. _With a kaiju!”_

“He’s not a real kaiju!”

“ _How does that matter?”_ Rei’s face is turning slightly purple. It would be comical if it wasn’t terrifying. “Momotarou, that could give you _permanent brain damage!”_  

Momo doesn’t say anything, letting the newly free Pyunsuke nose into his lap. “Sorry,” he finally says to the floor.

“This was your idea?”

Nagisa feels very, very small. “Yes.”

“ _Why_?”

“Momo needed help figuring out kaiju biology!” Nagisa tries to defend himself. “I thought if he just got into it’s brain—”

“ _Nagisa_ you are not a trained scientist! This was incredibly foolish!”

Nagisa folds his arms and digs his heels into the floor. “You have to admit, Rei-chan, you can’t keep trying to build jaegers when you barely know anything about the kaijus they have to fight.”

Rei sighs, finally sitting down. His face returns to a normal color, and Nagisa breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re right, but there are better, smarter ways to do that. Momotarou’s DNA testing, for one, is actually quite valuable, and retrieval teams are instrumental in getting parts. There’s the option of Breach exploration—”

“We don’t have a Breach exploration team,” Momo interrupts. Pyunsuke roars, as if to confirm this.

“We _don’t_?” Nagisa is incredulous.

“Sydney, Hong Kong, and Anchorage have them,” Rei says with a sigh. “Lima as well, I believe. Tokyo does not.”

“That’s, uh,” Nagisa struggles to find the right word. “Stupid.”

Rei’s left eyebrow goes up. “And this little scheme of yours is not?”

“Okay, you may have a point.”

“Of course I do,” Rei pushes up his glasses with a little _hmph._

“Wait!” Momo sends Pyunsuke flying off his lap in panic. “You won’t tell nii-san, will you?”

“Hmmm,” Rei seems to be considering it, and Nagisa’s heart seizes. “I will not. On one condition.”

“Anything,” Nagisa and Momo blurt in unison.

“You let me use some of these parts on my new project.”

Nagisa laughs, giddy and relieved, throwing his arms around Rei’s neck despite his squawks of protest. “It’s a deal, Rei-chan!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Nitori?”

“Hi, Rin-senpai.” Nitori looks slightly embarrassed to be sitting next to Kisumi at the main LOCCENT control panel.

“What are you doing here?” Rin asks in surprise. Nitori hadn’t mentioned anything at morning training.

“He’s my new assistant!” Kisumi crows, throwing an arm around Nitori’s shoulders. Rin tries not to laugh at the slightly terrified expression on Nitori’s face.

“Not actually,” Nitori is quick in his dutiful correction. “Shigino-san asked to fill in for a missing crew member. Again.”

“He’s a _lifesaver._ ” Kisumi is suspiciously enthusiastic about about this.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Nitori says faintly.

“Anyways,” Kisumi puts on his headset and swivels to face his station. “Rin, you know the drill. Right brain for you.”

“Great.” Rin climbs up to his harness, glancing behind him. “You coming, Sousuke?”

Sousuke has been hanging back somewhat the whole time, staring warily Pons system. “Yeah,” he finally says.

Rin watches as Sousuke as they both get strapped in. He’s used to it, now, but Sousuke is stiff and expressionless. He’s nervous, Rin thinks. Sousuke would be excited if he actually thought the Drift would _work_ , that the two of them could pull this off.

He’s about to put his helmet on when the doors slide open. Haruka nods at him as he and Makoto walk in and go to stand behind Kisumi. They’re both in workout clothes and their matching Ever Blue jackets, and Rin smiles to himself as Makoto passes Haru a water bottle. They look like old times.

“I didn’t know we’d have an audience.” Sousuke looks at Haru with distaste. Haru’s stares impassively back.

“You two belong to our training unit.” Makoto says. “Of course we’d supervise.”

Sousuke doesn’t say anything back. He got along a hell of a lot better with Natsuya and Nao than he ever did with the Ever Blue team. Rin figures he’d rather have _them_ supervise.

“Sousuke.” He holds out his fist, hoping to relax the tightness in Sousuke’s jaw, bring him a sliver of familiartiy. “You and me.”

Sousuke finally smiles, and bumps it back. “Yeah.”

Kisumi pokes Nitori in the side. “Ah—” Nitori jumps. “Preparing neural sync!” he cries, setting up the base systems that are normally Kisumi’s domain while Kisumi watches with unchecked glee. 

“Nice job, Nitori,” Rin calls out with a grin. “Right brain, prepped.”

Sousuke doesn’t seem as impressed, but Rin can see his fingers trembling as he checks that his comms screens are in order. “Left brain, prepped.”

Rin curls his fingers into his palms, heart thrumming in anticipation.

“ _Initiating neural sync!_ ”

Rin barely has time to smile at the sound of Nitori’s voice giving the command before he’s jerked into the Drift.

_Rin and Sousuke grab the same popsicle from the freezer—_

_Sousuke hold Gou’s hand as Rin cries at the funeral—_

_A fist holding a Samezuka medal pumps the air—_

_Sousuke curses, sucking on a burn from a welding torch—_

_Makoto smiles as Rin sits on his beanbag—_

_Haruka’s back hits a vending machine—_

“Wait, _what_?”

The connection breaks, leaving Rin to stare at a confused Sousuke as he tries to scramble his thoughts back together, separate them from Sousuke’s, because he swears he just saw—

“Rin!” Makoto looks alarmed. “Did you just break the sync?”

“He did,” Kisumi confirms, reaching over Nitori to reset the systems. “Rin, I need you to not do that, please.”

“Are you okay?” Haru asks sharply. He’s staring at Sousuke with distrust.

“Fine,” Rin says, sparing Sousuke a glance. “Can we try again?” Kisumi nods.

“What happened?” Sousuke asks, voice low.

“I should be asking _you_ that,” Rin whispers back. Sousuke gives no indication that he’s understood.

“Preparing neural sync!” Nitori calls for the second time.

“Right brain, prepped.”

“Left brain, prepped.”

“Initiating!”

The memories are faster this time, blurrier and harder for Rin to discern anything. Shapes, faces, voices blur past, but again he sees Haru and this time Sousuke is there too—

“You’re synced!”

Rin is wrenched out of the memories again, only this time no one looks alarmed. Kisumi is grinning like a very satisfied cat, and Nitori is actually _clapping_.

“It worked, Rin-senpai!” he cries out, eyes shining. “Congratulations!”

Rin laughs, relishing at the hollow feeling in his limbs that he knows belongs to the drift, and looks at Sousuke, who looks nothing less than shell shocked. _Can you hear me?_

Sousuke’s mouth drops open. “Yes,” he whispers.

“ _Yes!”_

He whoops in glee. Sousuke grins back, and Rin remembers what it’s like when the two of them stand side by side on top of the world.

“What does this mean?” Sousuke asks the room at large.

“Nothing yet,” Haruka says. “That’s up to us.”

This, understandably, sours Sousuke’s good mood quite a bit to the extent that Rin doesn’t feel at all guilty about pulling him aside in the hallway the first chance he gets ten minutes later.

“Sousuke.” Rin prides himself on saying it very, very calmly. “What the fuck was that?”

Sousuke smiles. “It _worked_ , Rin!”

“I know.” Rin flashes a grin in spite of himself, but it’s less than fleeting. “But what the _fuck_ happened with you and Haru?”

“Sorry?”

Rin clicks his tongue in irritation. “Don’t bullshit me. _I’ve_ never shoved him into a vending machine. That wasn’t my memory, it was _yours_.”

“I didn’t shove him,” Sousuke says coolly. “He backed into it himself.”

“ _Sousuke_.” Rin has half a mind to shove _him_ into a vending machine. “What did you do?”

Sousuke shrugs and leans against the wall, casual and unbothered. “I thought he was a threat to you. I made that clear to him.”

“Christ.” Rin runs a hand through his hair. “You do know you’re not some yakuza boss, right? The only threat you’re here to neutralize is out there, not in here.”

“You know that’s not why I’m here, Rin.”

Rin shakes his head in disbelief. “Still? _Still_? Sousuke, you felt that in there too, the Drift worked with us! We’re on our way to a jaeger, don’t tell me you don’t want that as much as I do!”

Sousuke softens with a sigh, his entire body relaxing. “I do.”

Rin can’t help but pump a triumphant fist in the air before turning to head down the hall. “Then let’s go.”

“Where, exactly?” There’s a touch of amusement in Sousuke’s voice as he follows.

 “You owe Haru an apology.”

“Like hell I do.”

Rin whips around. “Sousuke.”

“ _Rin._ No.”

The frustration builds quick and sharp. “What do you mean, _no_?”

Sousuke plants his feet. “You don’t get to make me apologize. It’s useless if I don’t mean it.”

“Yeah, well you don’t get to make threats on my behalf,” Rin spits back. “I can take care of myself, I did it for months before you showed up.”

Sousuke doesn’t react to the dig, remaining stubbornly rooted to the spot. “I won’t apologize if I don’t mean it, and I’m not sorry.”

“ _Fine_.” Rin turns away, fuming. “I’ve been inside his head just like I’ve been yours, Sousuke. So if you don’t trust him, then you damn well don’t trust me either.”

He’s halfway down the hall when Sousuke speaks again.

“Throw down for it.”

“What?”

“Throw down for it,” Sousuke repeats when Rin finally walks toward him. “You win, I go apologize. Right now, whatever you want. If I win, I do it on my own terms.”

“But you’ll do it,” Rin says slowly. “You’ll apologize.”

“On my own terms.”

“Deal.” Rin smirks, cracks his knuckles as Sousuke rolls out his shoulders. “Ready?”

They bring their fists into the space between them.

“ _Jan, ken—!_ ”

For once, Rin doesn’t actually mind losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean it only took 24 chapters, but you finally know that Rin and Sousuke are drift compatible!  
> What they'll do with that information is a whole different story.......
> 
>  
> 
> Please don't forget to leave us a comment with your thoughts! We really do depend on them and love hearing them.
> 
> As always, hang out with us at our blogs [here](http://www.crazyinjune.tumblr.com) and [here!](http://www.takaramonoz.tumblr.com)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody's got some decisions to make. Nitori's got that, and duck slippers.

“Eat your vegetables, Nitori,” Shigino says casually as he uses his chopsticks to pluck the carrots that Nitori has pushed to the side of his plate and pop them in his own mouth. “We need you nice and strong, don’t we?”

“Ah—” Nitori ruefully puts a piece of carrot in his mouth. He doesn’t like how soft and mushy they get in curry. "For what, sir?”

Shigino pouts. “I’ll tell you if you stop calling me ‘sir’.”

“Shigino-san,” Nitori says stubbornly. He’s not Rin, he can’t be so casual about calling his superiors by nothing but their first names.

Shigino gives an airy, dramatic sigh before popping some cucumber in his mouth. “Natsuya and Nao didn’t mention it?”

A sense of foreboding ripples through Nitori’s stomach. “Mention what?”

“Decision Day.” Shigino waggles his eyebrows at him in what Nitori supposes is meant to be a mischievous manner. “It’s coming up.”

Nitori’s eyes widen in shock. “You mean—?”

“Your group is being graduated from the jaeger program,” Shigino confirms.

Nitori ends up choking on his water and has to bang the table and gasp for a good thirty seconds before he can regain control of his speech. “Shigino-san, I don’t know that I’m ready for a jaeger—”

“Not everyone gets a jaeger, you know,” Shigino warns, voice uncharacteristically sharp.

“Right.” Nitori looks does, desperately trying to hide his flush. “Of course not. I know I won’t.”

“I didn’t say that,” Shigino says smoothly. He leans back in his chair, folding his arms. “Nitori, I have an offer for you.”

Nitori looks at him for a blank second, but Shigino says nothing. “You’re going to have to tell me what it is, Shigino-san.”

Shigino laughs. “You know by now, of course, that those who do not move to become rangers receive officer positions in the shatterdome?”

Nitori nods mutely. He knows what’s coming.

“I want you working under me as a junior officer in LOCCENT.”

The idea certainly appeals to him. He’s never felt quite on par with the rest in training, always one, two steps behind, even with Rin. More so since Rin started working with Nanase, since Yamazaki showed and and lit a fire under Rin in a way he never could. And working in LOCCENT so far has been more fulfilling than he’d like to admit, pride blooming in his chest whenever Shigino gives him a high five, when one of the _actual_ junior officers asks him to cover a station. He’s good at it, he never thought he was _good_ at anything in the shatterdome, but—

The feeling of being in a Drift persists.

Nitori takes a deep breath. “Shigino-san, I—”

“It’s not a demotion, Nitori.”

Nitori wishes he could have a single conversation without putting his foot in his mouth. “I’ve wanted to fight kaijus my whole life, sir,” he says resolutely anyways.

“That’s what everyone says,” comes a new voice.

Nitori almost falls out of his chair.

“ _Hello_ , boys!” Shigino’s temporarily authoritarian demeanour melts as he looks at the newly arrived Ever Blue crew. “Don’t you have a press conference to be at?” 

“Not for another two hours. Hi, Nitori.” Tachibana and Nanase set their trays on either side of Nitori as if they eat lunch together every day. Nitori tries not to forget how to breathe. “Haru refuses to prepare his statement.”

“Ahhh, you’ll give poor Zaki-chan a headache like that, Haru.”

“And what about _my_ headache?” Tachibana asks, albeit with a smile.

“Am I giving you a headache?” Nanase’s head has snapped to face Tachibana, and Nitori resists quailing under his expression.

“No, Haru.” Tachibana reaches across Nitori to plop a piece of his fish on Nanase’s tray. “I’m only teasing.”

“You’re fun to tease, Haru.” Shigino winks.

 Nanase only rolls his eyes. “Did he ask you?”

It takes Nitori a second to realize Nanase is talking to _him_. “I—ah—yes! Yes he did.”

“And?” Tachibana asks warmly, taking the pudding cup that Nanase passes to him over Nitori’s plate.

Nitori looks at his mangled vegetables. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to tell us why you’re apprehensive?”

“I thought—” he’s too mortified to even say it.

“It’s okay,” Nanase says softly.

Nitori speaks into his food. “I thought I’d get to fight with Rin-senpai.”

Shigino shrugs, long and slow. “Well, that’s up to the marshal. I just wanted to get to you first.”

Nitori looks up, confused. “What?”

“Didn’t I just say this isn’t a demotion?” Shigino’s eyes sparkle. “I’m whisking you away from under Sei’s nose before he decides to put you anywhere else, indulge me here, would you?”

“ _Kisumi_.” Tachibana clicks his tongue. “Don’t pressure. It’s your choice, Nitori.”

Nitori, for his part, would rather melt into the floor than make a choice, because the situation itself makes very little sense, he doesn’t understand _why—_

“Why me?” he finally asks. “Why don’t I get an assignment on decision day like everyone else?”

Shigino leans forward slightly, folding his arms on the table. “You want to fight with Rin?” Nitori nods. “Well, I don’t know a better way to do it than for _you_ to be his eyes and ears out there, because he’s gonna need someone to guide him out of the hell he’s about to put him through.”

“There is also the option of fighting with him in a _jaeger_ , Shigino-san,” Nitori can’t resist deadpanning. He swears that he can hear Nanase snort under his breath.

“Nitori,” Tachibana puts down his pudding cup. “Do you know why I brought you into this training group?”

“You said—” he struggle to remember. “You said you saw something in me.” After all these months, he still doesn’t know _what_.

“Rin struggled when he first came here,” Nanase says in that soft, clipped way of speaking he has. “And _badly_ , you never saw the worst of it, you weren’t training with us. None of us could really get him to soften up a bit. Not his sister, not Makoto. Definitely not me.”

“We brought you on because I thought you could help him crawl out of the pit he’d burrowed into, Nitori,” Tachibana explains. “And he could bring out some of the fire we know you have, help you grow.”

“You were the first one to get through to him.” He can’t read the expression in Nanase’s eyes. “You’re good at being a stable guide.”

“That’s what I do here, Nitori.” Shigino smiles. “I guide them there, I guide them home.”

“He fights with us and keeps us safe,” Tachibana says. “I trust Kisumi with my life.”

He looks over at Nanase, an unspoken prod for him to speak.

Nanase shrugs. “I don’t.”

“ _Haru_!”

There’s a hint of a smile playing around Nanase’s lips as he looks at Makoto. “I trust him with yours.”

“Aren’t you two adorable,” Shigino croons. Nitori is beginning to feel intensely uncomfortable sitting in the middle. “Anyways, Nitori, at least think about it for me?”

Nitori takes a deep breath, and nods. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I can ask.” Shigino leans back with a sigh. “Makoto would yell at me if I asked for more.”

Tachibana laughs with a shake of his head. “I would not. But we should go, Haru. Press conference. You might be expected too, actually, Kisumi.”

“Well, that’s because I sparkle on camera, dear.”

Tachibana moves to get up, but then—

“STOP RIGHT THERE, MAKO-CHAN.”

“ _Nagisa_!” Tachibana sends his tray flying. Luckily, Nanase catches it before it can smack Nitori in the face.

Nagisa is standing there, arms folded, all 165cm of his looking absolutely murderous.

Nitori has seen Rin rage at three a.m. after he’s lost yet another round of zombie slaying, and frankly, this is scarier.

“Why.” Nagisa says, slow and unblinking. “Didn’t anyone. In this _whole shatterdome_. Think to have a Breach exploration team!”

“Don’t ask us, ask the marshal.” Nanase is completely unfazed, which Nitori admires to the highest degree. “That’s his job.”

“I just might!” Nagisa stomps his foot. “That’s like, totally essential, and we don’t have it!”

“Is that something you’re interested in, Nagisa?” Tachibana asks.

Nagisa rolls his eyes. “Duh, Mako-chan. It’s like being astronaut and a deep sea diver and an archaeologist _at the same time._ ”

“He has a point,” Shigino quips.

“I thought you wanted to be a pilot, Hazuki-kun?” Nitori asks. It’s funny, a little. Here he is, trying to hold on to a chance of piloting, and then there’s Nagisa, who’s found something seemingly better all by himself.

Nagisa shrugs, looking quite a bit mellower than he did a minute ago. “Just because I followed Haru-chan and Mako-chan here doesn’t mean I have to be just like them, you know. I came here to be with my friends. And now I have them back, and Rei-chan and Momo, and you too, Ai-chan!”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Nagisa, this is hasty of you—”

“Look, Mako-chan.” Nagisa interrupts him with a hand up. “I still don’t have a decent drift partner that’s not Hana, and it only feels like I’m _intruding_ or something when I hang out in Rei-chan’s lab, even when it’s only fooling around with Momo, and this is _cool_. I want to see if I can do it!”

“The marshal could just send you to Australia, you know,” Nanase points out. “Put you on their team, since they actually have one.”

Nagisa shrugs again. “I can make one happen here. I mean let’s be real, Tokyo is _way_ closer to the Breach than Sydney is! We should be headquarters for this!”He says it as if going toe-to-toe with the marshal isn’t a big deal to him. Nitori is stunned. “I mean, if the marshal only ever _thought_ of it…” His eyes light up, suddenly. “Mako-chan, Haru-chan, will you get me a meeting?”

Nanase looks back at Tachibana, who gives him a small smile. “We’ll take you, Nagisa,” Nanase says.

“Yay! Now?”

Tachibana looks pained. “Nagisa we have a press conference—”

“Now,” Nagisa decides, grabbing each of them by the hand and pulling. He’s surprisingly strong for someone who’s smaller than even Nitori is. “Bye Ai-chan! Kisumi-chan!”

Nitori takes a moment to process the turn of events. Rin had called Nagisa _hardcore_ once, and he’s inclined to agree.

“Go-getter, isn’t he?” Shigino asks, pilfering the last, now cold and _definitely_ soggy carrot off of Nitori’s plate.

Nitori’s still a little stunned. “Yup.”

It’s an admirable trait of Nagisa’s, Nitori thinks later after Shigino has left to actually go do his job. It might be a good idea to take a leaf out of Nagisa’s book and go get what he wants, too.

At least, once he figures it out.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _How do you feel about Ever Blue’s first defeat?”_

_“Can we trust the jaeger program to keep us safe anymore?”_

_“What about the Wall of Life?_ ”

_“Omgea Fury, do you feel like the better ranger team now that Ever Blue has fallen?”_

Makoto hates press conferences.

Personal interviews are better, he doesn’t feel like he has to plaster a smile on his face and use all his energy on keeping up the facade of whatever story he’s been asked to pitch for the reputation of the shatterdome. There’s some of it with interviews, especially when they’re televised, but he’s far more relaxed than with press conferences.

Because now there are a million microphones in his face, questions from pushy reporters flying at him from every side. He keeps a hand on Haruka’s back to ease both their tensions—the touch is a gentle warning to Haru to behave himself, and a nice way that Makoto can ground himself and breathe through the stress, because Haru is with him. This is the first press conference they’ve done since the whole mess—he needs the extra support.

“Ever Blue’s assist when Reckoner showed up was nothing short of instrumental.” Zaki leans into her microphone on Makoto’s other side, and he shoots her a look of gratitude. “It’s not a question of who’s better, the bottom line is that the work of our two jaegers eventually neutralized the threat.”

“And in case you haven’t noticed,” the glare Ikuya shoots at the reporter in question is withering. “Ever Blue is sitting right there, they haven’t _fallen_ anywhere.”

Bless Ikuya and his complete lack of tolerance for anything, really, Makoto thinks.

He plasters on his best Kisumi smile, because unfortunately Kisumi is doing his actual job and not charming his way through these awful reporters. “I’m grateful that Haruka and I have been able to have such a good record in the field, but no team is perfect. We’re just lucky to have made it through.”

 _“But can we trust_ —”

“Yes,” Haru interrupts. He’s not as fierce as Ikuya, but he’s close. “Makoto and I are cleared for the field, and the kaijus don’t stand a chance.”

“May I interrupt?” Seijuuro is sitting at the middle of the table, spreading that authoritarian aura of his rippling across the room. “The jaeger program is on track, one hundred percent. We’ve found out weaknesses and corrected them after this last attack. If you want something to put in your papers, you can say that we’re ready to hold off anything that comes at us.”

“ _And the Wall?_ ”

The marshal sets his jaw. He’s never gotten on well with the Wall side of the PPDC. “It’s been repaired, as you very well can tell. You’ll have to ask _them_ about their improvements.”

“ _Anything else you can tell us, marshal? There have been rumors of adding a jaeger to the base.”_

This is his question, Makoto knows. “Our crop of trainees is incredibly strong,” he says, and it’s the first thing out of his mouth the whole time that feels completely genuine. “They’ll be defending your safety soon enough.”

“That’s all we’re going to say about it,” Haruka adds as another reporter in the front opens her mouth.

The worst of it is over after that, and Makoto spends the rest of the conference trying not to tune out, doling out canned responses that he’s been rehearsing for weeks, ever since he started getting more stable with Kisumi’s help. Finally, the pilots are ushered off the stage, leaving Seijuuro and the shatterdome’s media team to handle the rest.

“Lunch tomorrow?” Zaki calls before she and Ikuya take their leave.

“Absolutely.” To Makoto’s surprise, it’s Haru who answers. He smiles, a real one now.

“Good job, Haru,” he says once they’ve finally trudged back to their room.

“Mmm. Thanks.” Haruka strips off his shirt. “I’m going to take a bath.” 

Predictable, Makoto thinks. “Of course you are.” He unbuttons his own shirt, desperate to change out of the starch pressed one he had been forced to wear for the cameras and trade it for one of his soft, worn t-shirts. “I’ve got some Decision Day paperwork waiting for me in the office, I think I’ll go take care of it, okay?”

Haru pauses in the bathroom doorway. “You’ll be back?”

“Soon,” Makoto promises. “I won’t let you prune.”

Haru smiles. “I know.”

There’s a lightness in Makoto’s chest at the familiarity, at he and Haru finally falling back into their routine. It’s comfortable again, safe again, he’s sleeping again, and finally able to have his days absent of fear and guilt and shame crawling in his stomach and the back of his throat.

The nightmares haven’t gone away, not entirely, but the second his eyes shoot open in terror in the middle, Haruka’s by his side, warm, alive, _safe_.

Makoto isn’t even fazed by the mountain of paperwork waiting at his desk when he opens his office door. What he _is_ fazed by is the fact that paperwork isn’t the only thing waiting.

“Rin?”

“Your door was unlocked,” Rin says by way of greeting. “I felt kinda stupid hovering outside.”

“Did we have an appointment?” Makoto asks, shutting his door behind him. “Rin, is something wrong?” Rin doesn’t _look_ particularly upset, lounging casually in Makoto’s beanbag, but Makoto can’t help but worry.

“It’s about Sousuke.” The side of Rin’s mouth quirks up. “Let’s be honest, when is it _not_ about Sousuke.”

Makoto laughs in spite of himself, sitting on the floor so they can stay somewhat level. “What’s up?”

Rin’s quiet for a second, running a hand through his hair as if he doesn’t know what to say.

“Rin?”

“You haven’t seen Sousuke in the Drift, have you?”

“Sorry?” Makoto tilts his head in confusion. “In _my_ Drift?”

“With Haru,” Rin confirms, staring expectantly.

“I can’t say that I have,” Makoto says, cautious now. “Why do you ask?”

Rin sighs, moving to sit up straighter on the beanbag. “When Sousuke and I were doing that test Drift, I saw him and Haru have an...altercation.”

The word practically sends alarm bells off in Makoto’s head. “Altercation?” he asks sharply. Despite getting back to normal with Haru, he’s in the dark about any _altercation._

“That’s why I broke the Drift the first time,” Rin says with a frown. “I don’t know the details, he  won’t tell me, but he definitely instigated it. And he won’t apologize.”

“You asked him to?”

“Mhmm.” Rin gives a short laugh. “No point in me asking, he won’t unless it’s on his own terms. He still doesn’t trust Haru as far as he can throw him.”

Sousuke probably can’t throw Haru as far as he assumes he can, Makoto privately thinks, but keeps this to himself. “The mistrust probably mutual, if I’m being honest.”

“Ever Blue is back in the field, yeah?”

It’s an abrupt change of subject, but Makoto goes with it. “Officially, yes.”

Rin grins. “Nice. I’m just—worried, I guess, about—”

“Where that leaves you?”

“Not with Haru, I figure.” There’s a hint of resignation in Rin’s voice, but Makoto can find no trace of it in his face, to his relief. “But that means I have a chance with Sousuke, doesn’t it?”

“It might.” Makoto can’t help feel a stab of guilt. “Rin, I hope you’re not disappointed that you and Haru—”

“Are you kidding?” Rin’s incredulous.  “Makoto, you know it’s not just Haru, right?”

“Sorry?”

“It wasn’t just Haru admired, you know that, right?” To Makoto’s astonishment, Rin looks almost _irritated_ with him. “It’s both of you, it’s _Ever Blue._ ”

“Which is why I would imagine your disappointment at not being part of Ever Blue…” Makoto takes caution at Rin’s expression. “No?”

“Can’t pull that mind reading shit on me, Makoto, I’m not Haru,” Rin snorts. “You’re wrong.”

Makoto folds his hands in his lap. “Am I?”

Rin clicks his tongue, tossing his hair. “Look. When I was at Samezuka, all I ever dreamed of was me and Sousuke, in a jaeger, as good as you two. Fighting _alongside_ you two, that was the goal. And then I got here, and everything went to hell.”

It’s Makoto’s turn for a snort of laughter. “That’s putting it delicately, I think.”

“Right?” Rin grins. “But look, we’ve gone around hell and back, and I’m finally where I wanted to be, you know? That’s enough for me.”

But Makoto’s doubt still lingers. “Rin—”

Rin reaches out a hand on his arm before Makoto can get the words out. “It’s enough, Makoto.”

Makoto finds himself. blinking back the tears that have sprung to the corners of his eyes. The angry, hollow, spitfire Rin that walked in here all those months ago never had anything that he could call _enough_ , always reaching and reaching and falling short of everything he wanted. “You’ve changed.”

Rin lifts an eyebrow. “That’s the point, isn’t it? Anyways, I didn’t come here to get sappy with you.”

“Go on,” Makoto prods him.

“Sousuke and Haru hate each other.”

“I wouldn’t put it like _that_ —”

“Well, _whatever,_ we can’t exactly tag team a kaiju with the way they are, can we?”

“No,” Makoto admits. “We can’t.”

“I could kick Sousuke’s ass and knock some sense into him,” Rin offers. “But that won’t exactly help the whole mental bit, would it?”

“Nope.” Makoto leans forward, resting a hand on his chin. “Remind me if you two have done a run in the simulators?”

Rin nods. “Twice. Crushed it.”

He says so casually that Makoto has to wonder if Rin knows exactly how difficult _one_ successful simulator run is for new cadets, much less two in a row. “Okay. Good. Great, even.”

Rin’s eyes light up. “You have a plan?”

Makoto lifts his chin in a rare display of pride. “Yup.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rin and Tachibana are whispering, and Sousuke doesn’t like it.

He had been woken up from what was a perfectly good sleep at ass o’clock in the morning and dragged to a small room adjacent to LOCCENT with no explanation but Rin’s earnest “you’ll find out soon enough,” only for Rin to make a beeline for Tachibana the second they’re in the door. This leaves Sousuke to stand as far away from a brooding Nanase as possible without Rin noticing and yelling at him.

“Sousuke.” Rin finally turns away from Tachibana. “We’re doing a simulator, come on.”

“I don’t get breakfast first?”

“Kaiju’s don’t wait for you to have breakfast, Yamazaki,” Nanase says, acid tongued, from where he’s silently made his way to take Rin’s place at Tachibana’s side. “But by all means, feel free to eat some eggs while the coastline gets annihilated.”

“Haru—” Tachibana’s admonition is interrupted by a yawn, which makes it significantly less effective. “Be nice, we’re trying to do some teamwork here.”

Nanase only rolls his eyes and climbs into his simulator pod without another word. Sousuke fumes. If Nanase isn’t going to play nice with teamwork, he doesn’t have a reason to either. He folds his arms and turns his face away in irritation. This is just another one of Rin’s plans to force things, and now he’s gone and roped Tachibana into it—

“Hey.” Rin slings an arm around his shoulder. “I want you to take this seriously.”

Damn Rin. “I have been, haven’t I?” Sousuke murmurs. And it’s true, he has been. Their simulator scores in the past week have had Rin positively _preening_ lately. Just like old times.

“This is different,” Rin insists. “It’s not just us now, we have to see if we can work with another jaeger team.”

“And what, you couldn’t drag Omega Fury out of bed?”

Rin shoots him a death glare. “Sousuke.”

“Fine, fine.” He raises his hands in surrender. The sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can go back to bed.

Shigino walks in, head tipped back as he drains the dregs out of a can of coffee and Nitori shuffling in behind him, rubbing his eyes and wearing a pair of fluffy duck slippers.

“Kisumi?” Tachibana hovers next to his simulator. “Did you sleep at all?”

Shigino stares, opening his eyes wider and wider as if it’ll make him look more awake. “Nooo.”

“ _Kisumi_.”

“Someone has to make sure a real one doesn’t pop up, Makoto.”

“You have a crew.” Tachibana seems like a stern mother as he crosses his arms and glares.

“Which is why I’m here for you now.” Shigino tosses the empty can behind him, narrowly missing Nitori’s head. “They’re taking care of watch.”

Tachibana only sighs in response, shaking his head in a sort of _it can’t be helped_ manner. “Okay. Rin, Yamazaki, the simulator is going to be a category two, Haru and I take point. You two are backup.”

“Do you need backup if it’s only a two?” Sousuke’s miffed. He and Rin took down a three in the simulator by themselves, thank you very much.

Nanase looks like he’s going to say something, but Tachibana clamps a neat hand over his mouth. “This is more to see how the four of us work as a team than anything else,” Tachibana says, sweet as sugar despite the ferocious look Nanase’s trying to aim at him. “We’ll start slow.”

Sousuke looks at Rin, trying to gauge his reaction to _starting slow_. Rin instead is staring at Nitori, setting up controls with Kisumi, a small frown on his face.

“He’s supposed to be a pilot,” Rin says under his breath. “What’s he doing, missing his training for this?”

“Maybe you should ask him,” Sousuke says, equally quiet. Rin won’t take well to an _I’m not going to be a jaeger pilot_ talk if one is coming.

“Rin, Sousuke.” Kisumi jerks his head at the other simulator. “In you go!”

They oblige. The pod is nothing more than one of the test Pons setups for drifts, but the helmet is bulkier to accommodate for the whole virtual reality thing. More like the helmets they’ll be using for actual combat, according to Rin. They’ll go through the Drift, then find themselves seemingly in the middle of the ocean and have to deal with the monsters.

Well, Sousuke thinks. The monsters he can deal with, but this time he has to deal with the monsters _and_ Ever Blue.

He can see into their pod, what with the clear windows for the benefit of Shigino and any analysts who would want to watch the sims. Nanase and Tachibana are murmuring to each other, and Tachibana pushes a lock of Nanase’s hair out of the way with a smile before the latter puts on his helmet.

He imagines himself doing this to Rin and nearly flinches at how foreign it is. Rin can brush his own hair out of his face—he just never will because he’s so damn vain.

“Sousuke.”

Rin is holding out a helmet. “Right.” Sousuke says with a small shake of his head. “Thanks.”

He doesn’t pay attention to any of the memories they spin through before the Drift syncs. They usually cause an ache in his chest that he doesn’t want to deal with, and he doesn’t need to feel compromised in any way if he’s going to deal with this.

It’s barely nighttime in the setup they’ve given, dark, churning ocean on an evening where it looks like a storm is coming. He can see Ever Blue in front of them, marching its way further into deep water.

“Makoto….” Rin says it to himself, staring at the jaeger, eyes narrowed.

 _“We’ll be fine, Rin!”_ Tachibana’s voice. Sousuke realizes, with a jolt, that they can all hear each other. _“This can’t hurt me.”_

“ _We’re on point, remember.”_ Nanase, Sousuke identifies with distaste. “ _You two defend the Miracle Mile_.”

Sousuke makes sure his comms isn’t on before speaking. “Doesn’t that give us nothing to do?”

Rin only looks at him. “Don’t be an asshole.”

Sousuke doesn’t respond to this, instead trying to focus, half relieved that they’re in a position where he can keep an eye on Ever Blue.  Rin notices.

“You don’t trust them to have our back?” Rin’s tone is cutting. He’s pissed already, which doesn’t bode well. “Jesus, Sousuke what’s your— _shit, watch out!_ ”

The kaiju has shown up.

It’s bigger than Sousuke thought a category two would be, but slow, from how it’s moving. Four legs, looks more like a weirdly spiky dinosaur than anything else. Ever Blue crouches, aims a punch at it’s soft underbelly, and  it goes down, disappearing under the waves.

Rin’s hand is shaking as he presses his comms button. “Is it—?”

“ _Watch out_ ,” comes Nanase’s sharp voice. “ _We don’t know where it is.”_

“ _Don’t let it  get behind you_ ,” adds Tachibana.

For a moment, all Sousuke can hear is Rin’s heavy breathing. Rin’s grinning, eyes focused on Ever Blue as it scans the water. His excitement rolls onto Sousuke, as much as he wants to fight it. Even after a couple runs doing this, it’s so disconcerting not having control of his own emotions, not knowing if whatever feeling that runs through his veins or his own. Rin feels everything at one hundred and fifty percent all the time. His elation right now is _literally_ palpable.

“ _Use your scanners!_ ” comes Nitori’s encouraging voice through the comms. He’s taking well to this job. “ _It’s six degrees south_.”

Sousuke finds his eyes flicking away from the scanners back at Ever Blue, unable to stop looking out for some kind of screw up.

“Don’t fight me, Sousuke.” Rin shoots a sideways glance at him. “I can feel it. Come on, scan the land side, I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere near us.”

“Rin—” he really doesn’t trust the ocean and Ever Blue being behind them. It’s not the scanners he wants to be keeping an eye on right now.  Anxiety prickles up the back of his neck.

“Don’t _fight_ me, I just said! This thing is _right here_ —”

“ _RIN_!” Nanase roars. They whip back around just in time to see the kaiju launching itself at them at lightning speed.

He and Rin try and land a punch while the kaiju is mid jump—it doesn’t work, they only end up losing balance and stumbling out of the way as Ever Blue’s arm snaps in between them, stopping the hulking monster in his tracks.

“ _Get out of the way!_ ” Nanase, undoubtedly. Ever Blue lands one, two three punches. The kaiju keeps rearing back, charging again.

“We have to do something,” Rin whispers. Sousuke agrees. They lumber forward, trying to get a hit in edgewise.

“ _Out of the way, we said_!” He’s never heard Tachibana sound that harsh.

“But—”

“Sousuke, just shut up and listen!”

Sousuke listens, and steps backwards in time with Rin despite his anger.

Ever Blue manages to hook an arm around the kaiju’s neck, send it swinging back into the ocean.

“ _You have a plasma cannon_ ,” Tachibana is breathing heavy, but he’s lost the harsh grate in his voice. “ _Use it_.”

Rin reaches out, but Sousuke stays still for a second. “Sousuke! What are you doing?”

“ _Now, Yamazaki!”_

It’s over in a second once they shoot.

The helmets blink off. Sousuke yanks it off his head, expecting to meet Rin’s glare. But Rin’s too busy shaking out the matted tendrils of his hair.

“What?” He turns to Sousuke, tucking his helmet under one arm, one eyebrow raised. “We beat it, didn’t we?”

 _We were awful_ , Sousuke wants to say, wondering why Rin isn’t thinking it too. They would have been dead in the water without Ever Blue’s intervention, without Nanase’s warning.

“I’m hitting the showers,” Rin says lightly. He’s cold, unfeeling, far too blasé about this for Sousuke’s liking, as if he knew they were going to screw up like this. “Don’t sleep all day, I’ll see you at lunch.”

And then he leaves, off to talk to Nanase and Tachibana who have already climbed out of their pods and returned their helmets. Over at the controls, Nitori and Shigino are whispering.

Fed up, Sousuke marches over. “Is there a problem?” he asks, louder than necessary. Rin’s eyes flick over to him, then back to his conversation.

“Oh, never, Sousuke.” Kisumi flashes him a supremely irritating smile before getting out of his chair. “Back to work for me, then.” He ruffles Nitori’s already messy hair before leaving. Out of the corner of his eyes, Sousuke can see Rin leave with Ever Blue as well.

Nitori, however, is staring at him, looking about as judgemental as someone with bedhead and duck slippers can look.

“Seriously?” Sousuke demands. “What?”

“Yamazaki-san,” Nitori says primly. “If you’re not going to listen to anyone else, I really don’t think you’ll listen to me either.”

Sousuke imagines that staying in the shatterdome isn’t going to be at all good for his blood pressure. “Fine.” He throws himself into Kisumi’s recently vacated chair. “ _Fine_ , lay it on me.”

Nitori sighs as if he’s been long suffering. It’s almost funny how different he is from the timid creature Sousuke first met. “That’s your thing,” Nitori says firmly. “You don’t _listen_. Rin-senpai didn’t listen to anyone when he first came here either and everything sucked for him because he was so one track.”

“I’m listening fine, thanks.” Sousuke retorts. “I’m using my judgement calls.”

“They’re _bad_ ones.”

“Excuse me?”

Nitori looks terrified at the menacing expressions Sousuke’s plastered on his face, but ploughs on anyways. “You can’t handle the basics and you’re compensating for it with your connection with Rin-senpai. That’s not fair!”

“Fair?” Since when was anything here about being fair?

Nitori folds his arms and looks away. “You’re a potential pilot even though you don’t even have the basic trust down. It makes you distracted, what were you even _looking_ at if it wasn’t the scanners? You’re wasting your potential with Rin-senpai like that, you’re never going to be as good as he can be just because you refuse to work with anyone else, even when you have the chance to work with an amazing team like Ever Blue. That’s not fair, I know how to _cooperate_ and I’m _good_ with Rin senpai and I still can’t do it _!_ ”

It occurs to Sousuke that he might have just had his ass handed to him by someone who wants to be here a hell of a lot more than he does.

“You’re not a potential pilot?” Sousuke’s been suspecting it, to be honest, but he doesn’t actually know.

Nitori still won’t look at him anymore. “Maybe. I don’t know anymore.”

Sousuke sighs, tries to be gentle, because Nitori is obviously hurting and it’s at least partly his fault. “You should talk to Rin.”

Nitori finally looks. “I think there are some people you need to talk to first.”

“Yeah.” Admitting it leaves a bitter taste in the back of Sousuke’s mouth, but Nitori’s right. “I guess there are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Slammed with exams, etc, hope the wait was worth it! We're going back to two weel uploads, so look out for chapter 26 on 11/14, an the final chapter on 11/29, exactly one year after publishing chapter one! 
> 
> (did we plan it that way? you bet.) 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment with your thoughts! We'd love to hear them :)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's high time Sousuke brushes that chip off his shoulder.

“Rin.”

“Hmm?”

“There’s a quiet pool around here, isn’t there?”

Rin finally looks up from his tablet, sitting up on his bed. “Not in the shatterdome, no.”

“I know that.” Sousuke tries to hide the impatience in his voice. “You went to a local one with Nanase, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” Rin swings his legs off the bed, brushing past Sousuke to grab his jacket. “You wanna go? I’m down, give me a sec—”

Sousuke stops him with a hand to the shoulder. “Can I just have the directions?”

He doesn’t miss the hurt that flashes across Rin’s face, but Rin disguises it in a quick second with an upward flick of an eyebrow. “You’ll get lost.”

“I won’t.”

“Sure you won’t.” Rin takes a step back to flop back on his bed and fold his arms. Sousuke feels rooted to the spot under his scrutinizing gaze. “Why do you want to go?”

Sousuke shrugs. “I want to swim.”

“Alone?” He really is hurt, Sousuke can tell. The last time they swum together was weeks  before graduation.

“I want a place to think that’s not in this stupid shatterdome.”

Rin sighs. “Fine.” He gets up again to tear off some paper from the pad on his desk, bending over to scribble out directions. “Don’t make me have to come rescue your sorry lost ass. And you owe me a race in butterfly when you’ve gotten your shit together.”

“Deal.”

He only gets a little bit lost, as it turns out, managing perfectly until he takes the wrong turn in an alleyway and has to walk ten minutes back to where he started, finally giving into his pride and following the walking directions on his phone. Rin always laughs at him for it, promised to give him a personal GPS system for his next birthday when they were still back at Samezuka.

Rin had missed that birthday, because Sousuke had spent it sweltering on top of a wall in Chiba a week after graduation.

The pool Rin has sent him to is empty except for the cheerful old lady at the front desk. He supposes most people in the city or at work or school this time on a weekday, which leaves him to lap the pool in blissful silence. It’s easy to block out his thoughts and lose himself in the simple routine of the butterfly stroke—rotating his shoulders, focusing on the kick, reminding himself to breathe.

His peace lasts all of twenty minutes.

“What are you doing here?”

Sousuke finds a fully clothed Nanase staring down at him when he reaches the end of his lane.

Of course,  he thinks. It’s Nanase’s pool, he was the one who brought Rin here. It’s just Sousuke’s shitty luck that he show up here now.

“Swimming,” he says shortly before diving back underwater.

It’s not long before he can feel Nanase slip in the lane next to him, swimming powerful, smooth strokes that send ripples into Sousuke’s lane. He wants to ignore him, he really does, but Nanase’s mere presence is throwing off his own swimming. He can see Nanase’s clothes in a haphazard pile on the pool deck, because the asshole apparently doesn’t use the changing rooms like normal people.

Despite himself, Sousuke stops swimming to watch how Nanase does. To his immense irritation, Nanase is slicing through the water like it’s his home. He’s _fast_ , damn him.

Nanase shakes his hair out at the end of his lane and pushes himself out of the pool. Sousuke has to choke back a gasp.

 _He has scars_ , Rin had said the first time he came back from sick bay.

Sousuke had believed him, of course, but he never expected that they’d look like this. Thick and harsh and winding around Nanase’s arms, branded across his chest. Despite the fact that it’s been weeks since the attack, the scars still stand out a deep red against Nanase’s pale skin.

Sousuke swallows down the bile that’s risen in his throat. They’re almost the color of Rin’s hair, he thinks. Rin could have those same scars if Sousuke fucks up in real life the way he did in their sims with Ever Blue.

“Done staring, Yamazaki?”

Nanase’s standing at the diving block, arms folded and staring down at him.

“I wasn’t,” Sousuke bites out, even as he knows he’s lying. He has to switch gears to save face. “Up for a race, Nanase?”

“No.” Nanase steps onto the diving block and arcs into the water without another word.

Sousuke fumes. “Come on,” he calls out once Nanase has come up for air. “You raced Rin, didn’t you?” He doesn’t actually know if this is true, but it’s a safe bet considering that they did go swimming and Rin likes nothing more than a good race.

“I _like_ Rin,” comes the short response.

Sousuke snorts audibly. Rin would probably kick his ass right now and tell him to shut the hell up and stop antagonizing, but Rin’s not here, and Nanase isn’t exactly making an effort to be civil. He crosses to Nanase’s end of the pool to face him properly, staring at him from across the lane divider. “Afraid you’ll lose?”

“You really don’t listen, do you?” Nanase asks softly.

Sousuke recoils. It’s a lot less palatable to hear coming from Nanase rather than Nitori.

Nanase keeps talking without breaking Sousuke’s gaze. “I don’t know if Natsuya and Nao have even been telling you, but if you don't listen to me and Makoto, at least listen to Rin when he tells you it’s _not about winning_.”

“We’re not in a jaeger right now,” Sousuke retorts back. “This isn’t training.”

Nanase’s nostrils flare. “Is beating me at swimming going to satisfy you?”

Sousuke shrugs. “I want to prove you’re not invincible.”

“To Rin?” Nanase’s voice is ice cold as he lifts an arm out of the water, holding it out so Sousuke can see the scars up close. “I think he already knows.”

Sousuke doesn’t say anything, too transfixed by the welts on Nanase’s arm to come up with an acceptable quip.

“He’s felt everything I did when this happened to me,” Nanase says. “Every bit of pain that I felt, plus everything that happened to Makoto through our Drift _and_ he’s still raring to get into a jaeger. If you want to work with him, Yamazaki, you’re going to have to buy in.”

Sousuke’s mouth has gone dry. “I do buy in.”

“You’re not worth it as his co-pilot,” comes Nanase’s cutting reply. “Not with that half-assed attitude,  it makes you a liability not an asset.”

_You’re never going to be as good as he can be just because you refuse to work with anyone else, even when you have the chance to work with an amazing team like Ever Blue._

He had tried his best to forget Nitori’s reproach from the other day, but here it is again, come to bite him in the ass from Nanase himself. He doesn’t bother to hide the twisted scowl on his face.

“I’m not your enemy, Yamazaki.”

Sousuke laughs, short and bitter. “Right.”

“I don’t like you,” Nanase shrugs. “That doesn’t matter. I’ll work with you anyways because this job doesn’t come without sacrifices.” 

It’s almost upsetting that Nanase’s being reasonable, because now Sousuke can’t hold it against him.

“And it’s worth it?” Sousuke asks quietly, looking at Nanase’s scars, blurry under the water. “The sacrifice?”

“Makoto’s alive,” is all Nanase says. _That’s worth it_ , Sousuke can read on his face.

It’s the first time he’s really seen anything in Nanase’s eyes other than emptiness or disdain.

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think, trying to swallow down all his pride. He’ll make that sacrifice, for Rin’s sake. If Nanase can take an entire goddamned Drift on by himself, he can do this much.

“My freestyle stroke is pretty rough,” he finally says. “Got any tips?”

 

* * *

 

 

Nitori is in the middle of  killing a particularly stubborn zombie when the alarm blares.

“ _Christ_!” Rin drops his controller on his lap and claps his hands to his ears, trying to block out the sound. “Is that the kaiju alarm?”

Nitori nods, unable to speak due to the fact that he dropped his own controller on his foot and is now in excruciating pain. “Yes,” he manages to gasp out. “What do we do?”

“Let’s go!” Rin doesn’t miss a beat, shouting to be heard over the sirens “I want to see what’s happening—”

He’s interrupted by Nitori’s phone adding to the cacophony. Nitori makes a beeline for it despite his throbbing foot. “Hello?”

“ _LOCCENT. Now_.” There’s a click as Shigino hangs up. Nitori gapes at his phone.

“Nitori.” Rin’s voice is sharp. “What was that?”

“Shigino-san wants me in LOCCENT,” Nitori says faintly. “Now.”

Rin purses his lips. “You’d better get going.”

He feels a rising panic for some reason. It might have something to do with the fact that the alarms are still going “Are you coming too?”

Rin shakes his head, all previous eagerness gone. “They’d kick me out anyways. Go, you’re being asked for. I can watch the feeds like everyone else.”

Nitori goes.

Shigino accosts him as soon as he gets through the LOCCENT doors. “Sit down, you’re observing.”

“Shigino-san, I—”

“No time, Nitori.” Shigino glances back at his console, which is surrounded by junior officers,speaking at top speed. “I offered you a position, I want you to see what I real attack looks like in here before you decide anything.” He dashes off to his station without another word, leaving Nitori to fall into the nearest chair.  “Category three, codename Yamarashi! Let’s go guys, I want full specs on this thing!”

It’s barely a second later that the marshal strides in, flanked by Ever Blue. Shigino looks up and freezes.

“I thought Omega Fury was going to take it,” he says a little wildly. “Makoto, are you—”

“Fine, Kisumi,” Tachibana tells him. He and Nanase are already suited up, ready to get hooked up to their Conn-pod.  “We’re both cleared, you know that.”

“Prep Omega Fury for backup,” Marshal Mikoshiba says. “Just in case.”

Shigino swallows, then nods. “Ever Blue on point, Omega Fury on standby,” he calls into his headset.

He’s moving a mile a minute, and Nitori can barely keep up. He never realized how urgent and fast paced the real thing is compared to the sims, never took into account that Shigino has a twenty person crew to keep track of while he does his job and not just an assistant to help him press buttons.

Ever Blue is gearing up in their Conn-pod. Nitori wonders if Rin knows they’re going out instead of Omega Fury, if it would worry him. Neither of them look scared, which is astonishing.

Shigino doesn’t look scared either as he walks them through their Drift, keeping up a steady stream of talking. “Twenty miles out, slow moving, boys.”

“ _Sounds good_ ,” comes Tachibana’s voice. “ _We’ll be back before you know it_.”

“Are you sure you can do this?” Shigino says into his headset. “Haru, the sync will still take a toll on your system, you may not be strong enough—”

“ _Kisumi, if you stop freaking out and help us, we can do it_.”

Shigino actually _laughs_ , to Nitori’s astonishment. “Okay. Okay, I’m with you every step of the way. Ready to go?”

The response comes in unision. “ _Ready!”_

Shigino grins. “Let’s kick some ass.”

 

 _I guide them there, I guide them home_ , Shigino had said the other day.

Nitori can’t stop thinking about it as he trudges back to his room hours later, dead on his feet from just _watching_ what goes on in LOCCENT during a real attack situation. It takes his fumbling hands a couple tries to open the door, and he yelps as it swings open to reveal a wild eyed Rin on the other side.

“They’re okay, right?” Rin demands without so much as a hello. Nitori doesn’t understand why he’s still in his room in the first place. “Makoto and Haru, they’re okay, they did fine?”

Nitori nods. “They did _amazing._ Weren’t you watching the feeds?”

“Yeah.” Rin turns away and runs his hands through his hair, finally giving Nitori space to walk into the room. “You never know though, I was freaking out the whole time.” He sinks into Nitori’s desk chair, breathing deep with his clasped hands on his forehead. “Thank god.”

Nitori takes a prim seat at the edge of his bed, waiting for Rin to relax again and ignoring the nervous fluttering in his stomach. “Rin-senpai.”

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something.”

Rin straightens up to look at him, expression unreadable. “Go ahead.”

Nitori wrings his hands together, trying to find a way to say it. “Shigino-san offered me a position in LOCCENT.”

“I thought it was something like that,” Rin says softly.

Nitori’s taken aback—he hadn’t expected the reaction to be so gentle. “You knew?”

Rin shrugs. “I had a feeling, I guess. Kisumi wouldn’t give you all that training just for shits and giggles, he was testing you.”

Nitori takes another deep breath, relieved that he at least doesn’t have to explain how this happened because he doesn’t quite know himself. “I’m going to take the offer.”

“And give up on piloting?”

Nitori swallows his anxiety, thinking that he deserves to be a little bold. “Rin-senpai I think we both know there’s more to this program than piloting.”

“You’re _good,_ though, Nitori,” Rin presses. “We work so well together!”

“Not as well as you and Yamazaki-san, or you and Nanase-san.” Nitori says frankly. “I know that, and I also know I’m good at this LOCCENT job. I want to work somewhere I feel good enough, not like I’m holding anyone back.”

“You’re not—”

“Please don’t lie, Rin-senpai.”

Rin clamps his mouth shut and leans back in his chair, lips twisted into a frown. Nitori’s heart thuds. He’s angry, he’s disappointed, Nitori’s screwed up—

“You know what, Nitori?”

It takes a good deal of effort to look Rin in the eyes. “What?”

“I don’t know who I’m going to be piloting with,” Rin tells him. “Hell, I don’t know _if_ I’m piloting at all, no one’s told me.”

“Of course you’ll be—”

“ _But_ ,” Rin cuts him off, and his grave expression morphs into the softest smile that Nitori’s ever seen from him. “Wherever I end up, whoever I end up with, if you’ve got my back in LOCCENT, I know I’m in good hands.”

Nitori’s mouth drops open.

Three seconds later, he bursts into tears.

 

* * *

 

 

“I have a little surprise,” Makoto tells him.

Haru doesn’t want a surprise if he’s being honest, he wants to sleep because he hasn’t felt this tired after a kaiju attack in years. _Serves you right for piloting so soon_ , the medic who did their post attack check-up told him.

But Makoto looks so eager and he’d do anything for Makoto right now just because Makoto made it through the fight unscathed.  “What is it?”

Makoto holds up a pair of unlit sparklers. “Come to the window.”

Haru can’t remember the last time he lit a sparkler. “Where did you get them?” he asks, crawling out of bed and joining Makoto at the window.

“Confiscated them from Nagisa this morning,” Makoto says with a little laugh.

“I don’t want even know why Nagisa has sparklers.”

Makoto raises an eyebrow. “You _should_ know, when was the last time you checked your messages?”

“Um.” Haruka has to wrack his brains to remember. “Two days ago?”

“ _Haru_.” Makoto reaches into his back pocket and holds his phone out. “Look.”

Makoto has a thread of about sixty messages all entitled with the subject line **#NAGISAPARTY.** Haru is baffled.

“I don’t know what’s happening either,” Makoto admits with a laugh. “But Nagisa is having a party and I can’t him have these in good conscience.” He gives the box of sparklers a shake before taking his unlit and striking it on the little strip on the side of the box.

It sparks  instantly, and Makoto is careful to hold it out the window as it fizzles and sputters.  The sun is setting outside, and the deep, golden glow hits the sparkles and throws beams of light all around Makoto’s face, illuminating his smile.

“Here, Haru.” Makoto touches his sparkler to Haru’s unlit one, and it bursts to life, glittering in the steadily deepening sky.

This is nice, Haruka thinks. Just him and Makoto and fireworks, a stolen moment of peace in the hour between day and night. It reminds him of lighting these on the steps between their houses in Iwatobi, stray cats and Makoto’s siblings running around at their feet.

“You spoke with Yamazaki?” Makoto asks lightly and without preamble.

Well, there goes his peace.

Haru frowns. “Did Rin tell you?”

Makoto shakes his head. “It’s a memory from _yesterday_. Showed up in the drift.”

“Oh.”

“How did that go?”

Now he’s confused. “Don’t you know? If you saw—”

“No, Haru.” Makoto twirls his sparkler a little, making glittering, nonsensical shapes in the air. “All I saw was that  you both were at the pool.”

Haruka rests his chin on the windowsill. “You can’t guess what I’m thinking anymore?”

“I can.” Makoto gently bumps him with a shoulder. “Doesn’t mean I should.”

It’s difficult to separate himself from Makoto, Haru realizes. They shared their minds long before stepping foot in the shatterdome, and so often he forgets they're not the same person. That they deserve to be different people, have lives and identities outside _Haruka &Makoto_, outside _Ever Blue_. The whole world sees them as the same entity.

But if they weren’t so different, they wouldn’t be better together.

“Whatever happened between you and Yamazaki yesterday is your business,” Makoto is saying now. “I won’t know anything unless you want to tell me, I promise not to pry.”

“I want to,” Haruka says. “I want to tell you.”

He talks until night falls, and the sparklers fizzle out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #NAGISAPARTY 2K15
> 
> One more left. Stay tuned, folks xx


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There'a a time and place for happy endings.

Rei will never understand how Nagisa does it.

He’s been yelling about #NAGISAPARTY all week and Rei for the most part is bemused by Nagisa’s habit of saying hashtags _out loud_. One more thing to add to the list of Nagisa’s quirks.

He really doesn’t know how Nagisa’s done it, but he actually has managed to pull off a party in the middle of the shatterdome. Commandeered the mess hall when it’s supposed to be closed, filled the room with his entire training unit and half the lab, put up streamers and everything.

There is also a cake.

“Nagisa…” Makoto is looking at the cake with a good deal of trepidation. “What is that?”

“A kaiju,” Nagisa says promptly. “I made it myself!”

Rei would never have guessed—the cake looks lumpy and misshapen, mottled bright blue and green and he’s certainly never seen a kaiju that looks like _that_ in his entire life.

“Should have asked me,” Haruka says, poking at the cake. “I would have helped.”

Nagisa shrugs. “You were busy.”

“Sorry.” Haruka looks almost ashamed as he spares a quick glance at Makoto. “We’ve been ignoring you.”

“Not to worry, Haru-chan!” Nagisa crows, swinging his legs from the table he’s sitting on. “I’ve been off making _plans_. _Secret_ plans.”

“How is it a secret if you’ve been telling me everything?” Rei points out.

“Rei-chan, you don’t count.” Nagisa flaps his hands at him, leaving Rei mildly offended. “Now where the heck is Momo-chan?”

“Here, I’m here!” Momo dashes in, followed as always by his kaiju-dog, which seems to be wearing—

“Momotarou, is that a _saddle_?”

“Well, yeah.” Momo kneels down to untie the straps on Pyunsuke’s back and heave a tray onto the table. “I couldn’t make Pyunsuke carry this cake without any support, could I?”

Rei’s mouth twitches as he tries to hide his laugh. “Of course not.”

“There’s _more_ cake?” Gou Matsuoka raises her eyebrows from where she’s sitting with some of Nagisa’s training crew.

Nagisa’s frowning at his homemade cake, which is now oozing some kind of sludge. It could be jam, but it also resembles some of the gel that Momo pickles his kaiju organs in, and Rei is getting queasy just looking at it. “Yeah, I don’t think anyone can eat this one.”

The expression on Makoto’s face mirrors Rei’s own relief as Momo unboxes a perfectly respectable sheet cake with a kaiju painted in frosting on top.

“Very artistically done,” Rei nods his approval.

“Anyways.” Nagisa hops up to stand on the table and cups his hands around his mouth. “I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.”

Rei winces. “Not so loud, Nagisa.” They’re all clustered in one corner of the otherwise empty mess hall, and Nagisa’s _normal_ speaking volume is almost too loud, echoing off the walls.

“Rei-chan don’t harsh my vibe.” Rei takes a moment to try and figure out exactly what _vibe harshing_ is, but Nagisa doesn’t give him enough time to process it before he barrels on speaking. “Ooookay, so you guys all know I’ve been working on a _super secret_ project, right?”

“Everybody knows you’re trying to make a Breach exploration team.” Hanamura says, albeit kindly.

“You’re shit at keeping secrets, Hazuki.” Sousuke Yamazaki is far less kind, looking somewhat bored. Rin elbows him with a glare in what Rei understands as an admonishment to _be nice_. 

Nagisa pouts and folds his arms, irked at the lack of appreciation for his news. “Okay but there’s something you guys _don’t_ know.”

“Not even me?” Rei can’t help but ask.

Nagisa’s face goes uncharacteristically somber. “Not even you, Rei-chan.”

Anxiety prickles at the back of Rei’s neck as Nagisa’s grave expression doesn’t slip, and despite the hashtags and the streamers, the look on Nagisa’s face means that his news can’t possibly be _good_ , he’s so serious and—

Nagisa looks at his audience and cracks into a gleeful grin. “I got funding.”

Rei’s mouth drops open, dumbstruck as everyone else cheers.

“YESSSSSSS!” Momo screams while Pyunsuke roars along at practically the same pitch.

“Nice job, Nagisa!” Rin calls out, whooping along with the rest of the cadets.

Makoto and Haruka are beaming, looking for all the world like proud parents.

“Congratulations, Nagisa,” Haruka says warmly, and Rei smiles as Nagisa flashes him a sheepish kind of grin.

“We knew you’d pull it off,” Makoto adds. Nagisa practically _glows_.

“Can we eat the cake now?” Momo asks.

“Not yet,” Nagisa says. Strange, because since when does Hazuki Nagisa ever delay cake consumption? He hops down from standing on the table, going back to sitting on it instead. He puts his chin in his hands and surveys the room. “I want to ask you guys something.”

“Go ahead,” Rei prompts him to continue.

“Okay, so the marshal granted me an amount of money I’m not allowed to say out loud to recruit a team.” Nagisa takes a deep breath, blowing it through his puffed up cheeks. “I thought I’d start with my friends.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“I’m in!” Momo bursts out. “I bet Pyunsuke can help too, he’s probably awesome in deep ocean and he’s got a _great_ nose.”

“Ah—Nagisa—” Makoto looks vaguely guilty. “We do kind of have a jaeger to pilot.”

There’s that sheepish grin again. “I figured,” Nagisa says. He looks at everyone else with hopeful eyes. Rei doesn’t quite know what to say.

Rin shrugs. “I’m too busy trying to get _this_ lug to learn the power of teamwork.” He gives Yamazaki a cheeky smile, and Yamazaki slaps a hand over Rin’s mouth.

“ _Ouch!_ ” The hand springs back a second later, and Yamazaki looks outraged while the rest of their table erupts in laughter. “Don’t _bite_ me, asshole!”

Rin looks smug, flashing his sharp teeth. “You asked for it.”

“Nagisa,” Nariko pipes up, drumming her fingers at the edge of the table and looking at Gou and Hanamura on either side of her. “We might be in. Provisionally.”

Nagisa tilts his head. “Meaning?”

Gou’s frowning. “Except for you and Nitori, no one else in our unit has gotten an assignment here. Decisions are _tomorrow_.”

If Rei had remembered this, he would have advised Nagisa to hold his party after decision day. He really should have remembered, considering the fact that tomorrow was going to  be as big of a day for him as it is for any of the cadets.

But then again, he suspects Nagisa has remembered what Rei himself had forgotten and deliberately held the party now to catch any cadets he could before they were assigned elsewhere.

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa’s turned his bright eyes him. “What about you?”

“I have an engineering fellowship, Nagisa,” Rei says quietly. “I can’t abandon that.”

Nagisa’s lower lip trembles. “I thought so.”

Rei’s seen enough of Nagisa’s tears for a lifetime ever since the Reckoner attack, and he’s not keen on seeing any more of them, much less being the _cause_. “ _But_.” He pushes up his glasses and lifts his chin. “You’re going to need a review board, and I’m obviously a natural choice for a position.”

Nagisa leaps off the table. “ _Really?_ ”

“Well,” Rei says in as lofty of a voice as he can muster. “Someone has to make sure to preserve your scientific ideal of _fun_ , no?”

He finds himself stumbling nearly three feet backwards by the force of Nagisa’s hug. “ _Thank you, Rei-chan!”_

“Nagisa—” he manages to choke out. “My ribs—”

“Sorry!” Nagisa relinquishes his grip, grinning wildly. “Rei-chan, this is going to be _amazing._ ” He spins around to face his smiling guests. “I’m gonna build the best team in the _world_ , don’t worry, guys, I got your back.”

Rei sinks into the nearest chair while Nagisa bounces around, smoothing out his rumpled clothes.

Really, he thinks, looking at the group Nagisa’s brought together in the same room. Cadets, geniuses, champions. The kaijus are never going to know what hit them.

 

* * *

 

 

If he’s being honest, Makoto is grateful that Seijuuro wasn’t marshal during his own decision day, because he’s having a hard time believing that Sei isn’t genuinely _enjoying_ being as terrifying as possible.

He’s elected to stand over his desk, looming over the three girls sitting at attention in front of him. “You three understand how much trouble you’ve given me, yes?”

“Not more than it’s worth, sir.”

Makoto wonders if there’s something in the Matsuoka genes coded for a very distinct lack of self preservation, because Gou’s face doesn’t even ripple as she says it.

Seijuuro’s eyebrows shoot up. “Is that so?”

“Yup.” Nariko is defiant as ever, toeing the line between _sister_ and _cadet_ as carefully as she can without any leverage in the situation.

“Nanase.” The marshal nods his head at Haru to speak. “Tell them.”

Haruka sighs, irritated at being forced to speak when Seijuuro could very easily cut the drama and put the girls out of their misery. “You three have unprecedented talent together, no one can deny that. But—”

He glances at Makoto in a plea for help. _I don’t want to say it_.

“You won’t be piloting together in this shatterdome,” Makoto finishes. He has to word it very carefully. Seijuuro’s not quite done.

It’s still awful watching the three faces in front of him fall in unison. Gou bites her lip in the same way Makoto has sees so often on Rin as she reaches to twine her hands with her friends, never breaking eye contact with the marshal.

“I’d like to request an officer position in management, if possible,” she says.  Her voice hardly wavers.

“Breach exploration,” Hana adds quietly. “I promised, if—if this didn’t work.”

Nariko refuses to say anything, limbs folded tight in her chair and fuming.

“Nariko.” Seijuuro seems to be ignoring the fact that Nariko clearly wants to murder him. “I’m surprised, I’d think at least two of you would want to pilot—”

“All or nothing,” Nariko says through her teeth.

The marshal sits down and leans back in his chair, unconcerned. If anyone else was trying to pull this kind of thing, Makoto would scold them, but he’s certainly not allowed to chide Seijuuro for being mean to his sister. Haru’s looking at him with a quirk in his lips. He knows exactly how badly Makoto want to spill the beans and smooth things over, thinks it’s _funny_.

“Remember Asahi?” Seijuuro asks his sister.

She frowns. “ _Remember_ , he’s here all the time—”

“Asahi?” Gou asks.

“Shiina Asahi,” Haruka fills in. Of course this explains nothing.

“He’s our liaison in the Hong Kong shatterdome,” Seijuuro tells Gou and Hana. “We have a liaison in each shatterdome, an ambassador if you will. He went there at the same time Natsuya and Nao first did, travels back and forth. We’ve been talking quite a bit lately, organizing things.”

“Do you mean to appoint us to liaison positions, sir?” Hana guesses. “Or—one of us, at least, Gou’s the best for that kind of thing—” she’s cut off when Gou pinches her in the side and Makoto has to hide a laugh.

Seijuuro grins. “Nope.”

“Would you just tell us what’s going on?”  Nariko’s reached the end of her rope. “You have other appointments too, don’t you, _marshal_?”

Seijuuro is unruffled. “You’re flying to Hong Kong tomorrow, all three of you. Natsuya and Nao are going with you.”

“But _why—”_

“Is there not something in Hong Kong you three _want_?”

Gou’s the first to get it, eyes widening in realization. “No way,” she breathes. A hand flutters to her mouth to contain herself, and she looks wildly at her friends. “Guys—”

“Oh my god,” Hana says.

“Holy shit, nii-san.” Nariko unabashedly drops all pretense of formal respect. “You _didn’t_.”

Seijuuro grins and folds his arms behind his head, the unchecked glee on his face making him look more like an older version of Momo than anything. “I did.”

“Thank you, marshal.” Gou’s voice finally breaks. “Thank you _so much_ , I—”

“You asked me a while ago to give at least one Matsuoka their best chance,” Seijuuro says. “I’ll do you one better, I’m giving it to you both.”

 “We won’t let you down, either of us.” Her face splits into a huge grin. “ _Any_ of us.”

“You’d very well better,” Seijuuro grins back. Makoto can’t help his own smile, even _Haru_ can’t resist the joy in the room. “It took me and Shiina a hell of a lot of legwork to convince Hong Kong that we had better rangers than they did for that triple pilot jaeger of theirs.”

“Rangers…” Nariko tastes the word in her mouth. “That’s us.”

“That’s you,” Haru says with a soft smile. “Congratulations.”

“You’ve been the most consistent team we’ve trained in a really long time,” Makoto tells them. “You deserve to be able to use that to the best of your ability.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Hana says, squeezing Gou to her side while Nariko slings an arm around Gou’s shoulders.

“Dismissed,” Seijuuro says. “Go bother Natsuya and Nao for details, Nariko’s right, I do have other appointments.” He pushes his door button as the girls get up, and it slides open to reveal Rin and Sousuke on the other side.

“Gou?” Rin’s cautious as he walks in. Understandably so, because Gou let her face slip into a stoic mask as soon as the door opened. “Gou, what happened?”

She walks towards him, stopping a foot away and looking up at his face. “I am a good sibling,” she says carefully.

Rin looks as confused as Makoto feels. “What?”

“I am a _good_ sibling,” she says again. “So when _I_ go somewhere, I will actually get you a _souvenir_.”

“And where are you going?” Sousuke calls from where he’s leaning against the door.

She smiles sweetly up at her brother. “Hong Kong.”

“Holy _shit_.” Rin gets it immediately, picking Gou up and swinging her around in a hug as she laughs. “Holy shit, that’s _incredible!_ ”

“Thanks,” She grins. “Top _that_ , onii-chan.”

Rin catches Makoto’s eye for half a second, and Makoto doesn’t miss the flash of worry. “I’ll sure as hell try.”

Sousuke walks up to give Gou a one armed squeeze. “Nice job, kid.”

“Come on, Gou,” Nariko beckons at her. “We have to go bother Natsuya and Nao.”

“That was an order,” Seijuuro says, straight faced. Haruka snorts audibly into his hand.

“Done.” Gou practically skips over to her friends. “I better be the first person to hear what happens with you two, got it?” she demands, staring at Rin and Sousuke. “No keeping shit from me.”

“Promise,” Rin says.

She smiles. In unison, she, Hana, and Nariko spin on their heels and snap into a salute. “Thank you.”

“For everything,” Hana adds.

“We won’t let you down,” Nariko says.

And then they’re gone, leaving the room silent for a second except for the sound of Rin’s shaky breathing.

Seijuro rolls his neck, stretching his limbs. “Sit.”

They sit. To Makoto’s surprise, Sousuke gives Haru a short nod before turning his attention to the marshal. For half a second it looks as if Haru is going to scoff it away, but he chooses instead to nod back, his eyes absent of the usual distaste. Makoto brushes his fingers across Haruka’s knuckles in appreciation for his effort. He’s changing. Slowly, stubbornly, but Haru’s changing.

Rin’s caught the exchange as well—he’s looking far too smug for someone who’s about to get his fate delivered by one Seijuuro Mikoshiba.

“Can’t say you two aren’t talented,” is how the marshal chooses to begin. “But unstable, from the beginning.”

Rin flushes. Makoto can see the tendons in his neck straining with the effort of not biting back. “We’ve improved,” is all he ends up saying, voice tight.

Seijuuro folds his arms. “How do I know that’s good enough?”

“You don’t.” No sense of self preservation at all, really. “You trust that we will be.”

“Forgive me if I’m reluctant to trust without collateral when I’ve got lives on the line, Matsuoka.”

“We have gaps, sir, I won’t say that we don’t.” Rin looks at Makoto and Haru, eyes blazing. “But we’ve also got the strongest team in the world at our back, and I think that counts for something.”

“Rin—” Makoto chokes on his words, doesn’t know what he was going to say in the first place. There’s a sharp intake of breath next to him—Haru, pupils blown and lips parted in surprise.

How strange that even after all this hell, Rin’s wild faith in them is stronger than it was when he came in.

Seijuuro is having none of their sentimentality. “Yamazaki?”

Sousuke’s unflinching. “Yes, sir?”

“You trust them to have your back?”

“Yes.”

From the triumph on Rin’s face, Makoto knows that Sousuke can’t possibly be lying. The marshal only flicks up an eyebrow, and Makoto sighs.

“Stop torturing them, Sei.” This has been in plan for weeks, he doesn’t understand the joy that Seijuuro gets from making his cadets squirm.

“They don’t get a jaeger with their name on it until they know they have far to go with how much they deserve it.”

Rin practically snaps straight up. “Does that mean we _are_ getting one?”

“Tell me,” Seijuuro asks, tone mild. “How much do you know about Brave Horizon?”

“You’re giving us _Brave Horizon_?” Rin chokes out.

“He isn’t,” Haru smirks when Rin’s face falls. “That’s not it’s name anymore.”

“No way,” Rin breathes, and Makoto has to laugh because that was literally his sister’s reaction ten minutes ago. “No fucking _way_!”

Sousuke, for his part, seems to have gone into shock.

“Christ.” For all his confidence, Makoto doesn’t think Rin actually believed this would happen. “We did it,” Rin tells Sousuke, voice shaking. “We _did it_.”

“Did we?” Sousuke asks. He’s looking at Haruka, not Rin, not the marshal.

Haru is done with Seijuuro’s charade. He reaches over Seijuuro’s arm to press a button on the desk. “There.”

A holographic model of a jaeger blinks to life in front of them, scaled to three feet tall. Rin lets out a strangled sort of cry in his throat.

“Brand new plasma cannons, like the ones you’ve worked with in the simulators,” Seijuuro tells them. “Fully remodeled, fully reinforced with a carbon nanotube exoskeleton. Ryuugazaki hasn’t slept in about three weeks trying to pull this off for you, don’t forget to thank him.”

“We have a jaeger,” Rin says slowly, as if to confirm, as if he _still_ can’t believe it.

“You have a jaeger,” Haru says.

“YES!” Rin leaps up, pumping a fist into the air. He grabs Sousuke out of his chair, pulls him into a hug, and Sousuke’s actually smiling _, laughing_ with no guards up to hide the expression on his face. He’s looking at Rin like they could conquer the world.

If Makoto’s being honest, in that moment, they probably _could_.

 Seijuuro, Makoto, and Haru give them a minute to calm down, get the joy and relief out of their systems. They stand in front of their jaeger model to catch their breath, starry-eyed as Sousuke casually leans an elbow on Rin’s shoulder. Makoto’s never seen him look that relaxed.

“It’s black,” Rin finally says with a grin. “Not my first choice but it’s a good aesthetic. Dark, like Sousuke’s soul.”

“Shut up, Rin.”

“You wish.”

“Rei refused to allow it to be painted without your input,” Makoto smiles, remembering the fuss he had made about it. “You can choose your colors.”

“But the gold stays,” Haruka insists. “That can’t be changed.”

The jaeger is black, yes. but Rei has fastened all of the armor on top with gold, and it shimmers in webs all over the jaeger as the hologram revolves on the spot.

“Any particular reason?”

Haru shrugs. “This jaeger was a wreck when it got here. Restored now, but it’s what binds it together that makes it stronger than it was before. Makoto’s idea.”

Rin looks at him with a smile, and Makoto knows he gets it. The art of taking the shards of something once beautiful and seemingly irreparably broken and putting it together again with seams of gold to give it a different kind beauty altogether. The kind evocative of strength in spite of being broken.

“Makoto,” Rin says. “Thank you.”

Makoto smiles. “It was all you, Rin. I only told you that you could do it.”

“You told me exactly what I needed to hear.” Rin turns to Haru. “Don’t think this means I’m done with you, _Nanase_.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, _Matsuoka_ ,” Haruka deadpans. Makoto swears he can see Sousuke try to hide a laugh.

“ _So_.” Rin takes  a slow walk around Seijuuro’s desk, running his eyes across every inch of the model before finally stopping back in front of it, arms folded and arms shining in pride. “Does this thing have a name?”

 

* * *

 

_Sousuke! Get up!”_

_“Mmpph.” Sousuke tries to block the blaring of the alarm out with a pillow over his head._

_Rin grabs the pillow and chucks it across the room. “Come on, I bet Haru 2000 yen that we’d make it to LOCCENT before Ever Blue did, get your ass out of bed!”_

_“Jesus, fine!”_

_They’ve timed it a million times by this point and they can get out of bed and to LOCCENT ready to fight within 4.56 minutes, but even so Makoto and Haru are there first, leaning over Kisumi’s console when they get there._

_“Crimson Rogue, you’re late!” Kisumi crows as they run in. “Who’s going to bash Taurax’s head in for me if you’re late?”_

_“Category three,” Nitori calls out helpfully from a station over. “It has pincers!”_

_Jesus, Rin hates it when they have pincers. He looks at Haru in a plea for help, but only gets a shrug in response._

_“Don’t look at me, we got the last one. And you owe me 2000 yen.”_

_“They’re not big pincers, relatively.” Makoto assures him. “You two will be fine.”_

_“Damn straight.” Sousuke says with a grin. “Let’s go, Rin.”_

_They’re strapped into their drivesuits within minutes before the crew leaves them to get into their Conn-pod._

_Rin takes a breath, letting the familiar comfort of adrenaline rush through him, send his veins into a buzz_

_“Ready?” he asks, holding out a fist to bump._

_Sousuke bumps it. “You know I am.”_

_Rin grins._

_“Let’s go save the fucking world.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with us--it's been a tumultuous year for us both, and the only constant in our lives has been working on this fic week after week together. We really do appreciate every single one of you reading, whether you've been this story since the day we started or if you found it two days ago. It's been a joy to write the incredible characters that KyoAni made for us, and an honor to share with people who love them just as much as they do. We never imagined how important this would become to us. 
> 
> So thanks for reading, all. 
> 
> Cheers xxx.


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